


The Weeping Wisteria

by penpea



Category: Dangan Ronpa, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Alternate Universe - Medieval, M/M, Time Skips
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-16
Updated: 2014-06-23
Packaged: 2017-12-29 15:17:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 34
Words: 137,383
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1006936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/penpea/pseuds/penpea
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eleven year old Hinata Hajime starts working at the castle not knowing what his true purpose is. He befriends the Crown Prince, Komaeda Nagito and vows to stay by his side. But as time goes on and Hinata realizes the painful truth about his 'job' and his friend's true nature, things start to change.<br/>Amidst growing chaos and despair, the Kingdom is falling to ruin and Hinata struggles with being unable to do anything to make things better and not knowing what to do about the loyalty he had sworn to a boy he no longer knows.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

You are Hinata Hajime, eleven years old, and this is the first time you’re going to enter the royal castle.  
You stand in front of the colossal gates of the castle; your heart beating a hundred miles an hour as the guards lower the drawbridge. It comes down with a slow groan and hits the earth with a loud thud. You swallow in nervousness and jump onto the drawbridge. Your footsteps are slow and deliberate- partly because you are hesitant to go forth and partly because you’ve never walked on a drawbridge and it looks…rickety. It isn’t though and you make it inside the castle premises without making a fool of yourself.

 _So this is it. I’m inside!_ You think to yourself in amazement and gaze at the magnificent work of architecture in front of you.  
The castle is a hulking mass of gray and brown rock chiseled by the world’s best sculptors. Its towers rise above the surrounding walls and are visible even from your own house in the village. The curving spires have stairs spiraling across them and large frost glass windows gleam with depictions of wars and heroes long past. Your breath catches in awe as you stare at the place you had wanted to go to for so long.

_Okay Hinata that’s enough staring. Time to go inside._

You puff out your chest a little and head to the back of the castle where you had been instructed to go.

It takes you nearly ten minutes to walk across the width of the castle and make it to the back, and since the sun is out in all its glory and you’re wearing your fanciest suit- which happens to be made of wool- you end up breaking into a sweat. You hope you don’t look too bad. A good impression is a huge deal when you’re on your first day at a job, your dad had said. And it’s not just _any_ job either, you remind yourself; better not make them think you’re an unkempt village brat…

There are royal guards-clad in bronze armor and sporting heavy spears- standing near the back entrance, which is still pretty huge in comparison to anything you’ve ever seen. _Even the tiniest things here are upper fancy aren’t they?_ You observe.

“Who goes there? State your name and business here,” the armored guard says in a commanding voice.

You press your arms by your sides and stand straight.

“Hinata Hajime. I’ve been asked to work here as his highness, the crown prince’s…err...personal aide,”

You had planned this out for so long, the way you would stand, the tone of voice with which you would say it. Still you had stuttered a little while telling him what your job here was. Not that it was a lie _you_ had come up with.

The guard looks at you up and down, the scrutiny of his glare makes you want to hide somewhere but you maintain a politely unaffected face. The other guard stares, dumbfounded, at the scroll where the visitors’ names are stated. He takes his sweet time looking for your name and you’re left to wonder how the royalty could have hired a person who couldn’t even read properly. Guard # 1, the one who had given you the stare down, huffs and roughly pokes his finger at the scroll.

“It’s right there you ass. See that? Hi-na-ta Ha-ji-me. I swear to god I don’t even know how they hired you in the first place,” he mutters to his partner but you can hear him clearly. You stifle a laugh.

 _First impressions, Hinata._ You berate yourself.

Guard# 2 gives you a sheepish grin and then throws a venomous look at his partner.  
“You can go in since your name’s on the list,” guard # 1 says and you nod in thanks.

They step aside and the gate opens from the inside by a man wearing a fancy suit. He gives you a courteous bow and you smile awkwardly, unsure of what an eleven year old kid is supposed to do in response.

“Please make your way to the hall on the far right of the corridor, sir. Miss Usami will brief you on your work, there,” he informs you and you mutter a short thanks before rushing to the corridor on the right.

Sure enough, you see a fancy glass door that leads into a modest sized hall. It’s not too big, to your surprise, and the setting is elegant and simple which feel at odds with the extravagant interior of the rest of the castle area. The walls are covered in floral, beige wallpaper. Paintings and parchments hang at a few places and give the room a scholarly air. The bookshelves lining a corner of the wall only add to the effect.

A short, middle aged woman is seated on one of the paisley couches and she smiles when she looks at you, her small beady eyes gleaming amicably.

“You must be Hinata-kun!” she exclaims in a cheerfully upbeat voice, “You’re right on time, excellent,”

“Greetings Miss Usami,” you say politely, a little relaxed after seeing her cheerful demeanor.

“Sit down sit down,” she says and pats at the seat next to her. You do as she says.

The couch is way too soft and you feel yourself sinking a little.

“Heehee, the couches are so shoft aren’t they?”

You nod.

“Well, anyway, as you must know Hinata-kun you are going to be…living with His Highness starting today,”  
  
“Yes,” you reply, listening attentively.

“I’m the head caretaker here so I’ve been asked to tell you about what living with the prince entails,” you nod excitedly because you’ll finally get to know just what exactly you are supposed to be doing here.

Your parents, who were distant friends of the king himself, had told you a week ago that you had been given as job at the castle. Their eyes had been gleaming with tears when they had said it and you were unsure if they were tears of joy, or sadness. Maybe both, you had decided. They had told you that you would be living with the crown prince, who happened to be the same age as you, and you had been extremely confused. Why did you have to live with the prince- what kind of job was that? And did that mean that you had to leave your parents?

They had beamed while telling you what a wonderful life you would live at the castle, eating delicious food, learning the best skills in swordsmanship, getting a decent education. It sounded good but it meant leaving your parents didn’t it? They said yes, you would have to live with the prince, but of course you could come over whenever you liked! Truthfully the thought hadn’t appealed to you at all but for the sake of making your parents proud, you had agreed. They sighed in relief and hugged you, saying what a wonderful son you were and how you’d make them proud one day.

 And so here you were, sitting next to Miss Usami as she chattered in her perky voice.

“You see, Hinata-kun, every prince needs a companion to help him and stay by his side in their time of need. Being royalty means that it’s vewy hard for them to make friends like everyone else does. Do you understand what I’m trying t say Hinata-kun?”

You think about her words and nod.

“You mean to say that His Highness, the crown prince, doesn’t have any friends?” you ask, almost horrified.

“It must be hard for you to imagine, huh?” she asks sympathetically.

She’s right to an extent but you know what it feels like to be left out of everything, standing alone watching the kids play among their own groups. Your heart goes out to the prince you’ve never met but will be living with from now on.

“I can understand it, a little,” you tell her begrudgingly.

“That’s wonderful! I’m sure you understand then, why you are here, don’t you?” she smiles expectantly.  
You find yourself nodding. Your voice is full of determination as you say:

“I’ll try my best,”

***  
Little time had passed between your going to the castle, meeting Miss Usami and telling her you would try making friends with the prince. You’re outside now, walking across a plain field while the sun bears down on you.

_His highness might be at the stables right about now. I don’t know why but recently he’s been fascinated by horses!_

Following her words you had left the castle and decided to look for the boy, but sadly this place was entirely new to you and you couldn’t really make out where the stables were supposed to be. There was an empty field on the west and you figured the stables might be there since…horses liked open spaces didn’t they?

Sure enough you think you see something that looks like a stable ahead. It’s a wooden shack- you can’t really be sure from the distance but after a few minutes of walking you’re finally close enough to discern it as a stable. You take a deep breath as you walk towards it, getting a little nervous now that you’ll finally be meeting the prince.

You’re not sure what you’re going to say to the prince, something like: “Hey, your highness! Fancy meeting you here!”   
No, that would be too lame.  
How about: “OH! Horses. I see you like horses?”  
No. that sounds even worse, he’ll start thinking you’re a nut job. Maybe you could just go and greet him and then introduce yourself?

You’re still thinking about what to say, not really looking ahead of you when you hear a loud whinny. It sounds pretty close to where you are so you look ahead thinking you’ve reached the stables without realizing it. The whinny grows louder but the stables are still a little ways ahead of you. Where was the sound coming from then, you think and before you really give much thought to it, you see something white flash before your eyes and before you know it, you’re flying in midair.

 _Aha! So It_ was _a horse!_ You think feebly to yourself just seconds before your head hits the ground, sending you off into a short lived oblivion.

***

“Hey… Can you hear me…?” you hear someone say.

You groan a little and move your head to the side. It hurts terribly and you can’t bring yourself to open your eyes.

“Hey, are you alright? …You sure look exhausted.” The voice says again. It’s a little raspy, like the speaker’s out of breath.  You wonder who it is- you have no idea what happened.

“…Hey, are you listening?” the boy says again and it’s starting to annoy you a little. You pry open your eyes. The sun glares into your eyes with horrible intensity and blinds you for a few seconds.

When you regain your vision, the first thing you see is a small boy leaning over you with a worried expression on his face. His ruffled hair is completely white, save for a light shade of brown at the tips and you wonder if they were naturally that way. The boy gives you a relieved smile as you look at him and his bluish grey eyes narrow good naturedly.

“You’re awake!” he exclaims.

“Where…where am I?” you mumble and cringe right after for sounding like an amnesiac. Of course you’re right where you had been before you fainted.

“You’re at the stable area…do you remember what happened?”

You shake your head; the last thing you remembered was a…horse? A horse, yes.

“Well you see, I was trying to get my horse to let me ride on it but…due to some circumstances…it ran away from me…ahah even animals are scared of me aren’t they?” he gives a dry laugh , “Well, the horse was running away and it…bumped into you on its way, I suppose.”

Hearing his words, you start to remember, bit by bit. The horse came running towards you and you flew a few feet before your head hit the ground. Just thinking about it brings a dull ache to the side of your head. You touch it and feel a small lump.

_Great. Just my luck._

“That looks pretty bad,” the boy says with a little smile on his face.

_Why does he smile while saying that?_

“I was looking for someone and…then that horse hit me,” you say almost to yourself.

“Oh! I haven’t seen you around the castle area before…are you new here?” he asks in curiosity. Your head hurts and you wish he’d stop pestering you.

“I just came here today,” you tell him.

“I see…in that case, I think we should introduce ourselves you know!” he holds out his hand, “You first,”

“…Hinata Hajime,” you say, shaking his hand firmly.

“Hinata…kun…I think I’ve heard your name somewhere,” he says.

“Really?” you raise an eyebrow “I doubt anyone would know about me though,”

“…are you going to be working at the castle, Hinata-kun?” he asks, tapping his chin with a finger.

“Uh yeah,”

“Well in that case, I think we’ll be seeing each other quite a lot,” he smiles.

“What do you mean?”

“That is to say… I’m the prince that lives in the castle,”

_…Huh?_

“Nice to meet you, my name’s Komaeda Nagito. I hope we can get along with each other,” he says excitedly.

_Huh?!_

 

 

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

You stare at the boy in his clean brown tunic and slightly edged green and red cape, he did look well groomed now that you think about it. It occurs to you that he’s royalty and you’re horrified that you haven’t even greeted him properly. You jump to your feet in a hurry and bow your head, hoping he doesn’t get mad at you.

“I’m so sorry your highness! Please excuse my lack of manners!” you say quickly.

“Hey now, Hinata-kun! There’s no need to bow down to trash like me. Really, I should be the one apologizing for letting my horse go wild! I hope you can forgive me,” he says a little embarrassed.

“You don’t need to say that, it wasn’t really your fault anyway,” it feels weird talking so formally to a kid your age but then again, he’s royalty.

_Wait. Isn’t he the one I was looking for anyway?_

“Er...Your Highness I was looking for you when I came to the stables. You see…I’m going to be living with you from now on,”

“Oh no wonder your name sounded familiar!” he exclaims “my father told me about you a while ago,”

“Oh. I hope we can get along your highness,”

“Just call me Komaeda,” he huffs.

“Ah…okay…Komaeda?,”

He smiles.

***

After your meeting with Komaeda, the boy had dragged you by the hand and taken you to his room. All the maids and workers stared at you with dubious eyes as he took you there, wondering, you were sure, about who you actually were.

Komaeda’s room was…huge, to say the least. You were struck by the enormity of the place- you could easily play a game of tennis without much of a problem. The four poster bed was large enough for a whole family to sleep on but nearly half of it was covered by loose sheets of parchment and thick leather-bound books. A huge window opened into a terrace area and provided you with a view of the village sprawling underneath it. You wondered if you could see your house from there.

When Komaeda asked you if you liked the room, you had to agree. He grinned and pointed to a pile of boxes in a corner.

“That’s all your stuff, Hinata-kun. They brought it here a while ago,” he said.

You rushed to the boxes and began to rummage through them, glad to see all your familiar belongings. At least you had _something_ to hold on to in this foreign place. Your parents had packed even your oldest toys- the ones you hardly played with anymore- and for some reason they suddenly seemed very dear to you.

“…I’m so glad,” you sigh in relief.

“Hinata-kun? What is that?” he asks motioning towards a set of knuckle bones. You looked at him dubiously and asked him if he was serious.

By the look on his face though it seems like he was and you laugh a little before telling him how you play with them. You spend the rest of the evening telling him about the games you played back in the village and he seemed thoroughly entranced, his eyes widening whenever you’d tell him something new. It was surprising how little he really knew about things that were so commonplace in your life. There really was a huge difference between commoners and royalty.

Before you knew it, it was night time and your meals were brought to the room. After you had finished devouring the delicious meat steak and vegetables, you yawn uncontrollably and Komaeda smiles.

“I think we should go to sleep now,” Komaeda suggests and you nod not really paying attention as your mind starts to drift.

“Hinata-kun, can you sleep on the left if that’s alright with you?” he asks.

“Huh…anywhere’s fine, Komaeda,” you mumble and collapse onto the bed, not really caring about changing into your night suit.

“Alright then, I’ll be back after I change!” he tells you and leaves.

You lay flat on your stomach, your eyes drifting heavily. You’re so drowzy but somehow you can’t really fall asleep. You stare outside the huge window and see lanterns blazing in the distance. It’s night time and everyone lights their houses with torches and lanterns to keep the darkness at bay just a little longer. You think of your parents. Somewhere among all those torches there might be one that was lit by your parents.

 _I bet they’re asleep already, huh?_ You think to yourself, _They always were early sleepers._

You think of the bed back home which wasn’t nearly as large as Komaeda’s but the three of you still used to sleep together, huddled close to each other even in the summer when it was too hot to cuddle. You used to find it annoying sometimes but it felt so safe sleeping with your dad’s arm around you, your head on your mother’s chest.

You suddenly find the bed a little too huge and you feel an emptiness surround you. You feel so alone in this big, lonely castle and you wonder how you’re going to spend the rest of your days here. You wish you could go back home but then your parents would be disappointed in you wouldn’t they?

You hear the door shut slowly and you wonder if Komaeda’s back. You hear soft footsteps shuffle across the room and you realize it _is_ him. You really hope he doesn’t see you like this so you shut your eyes tight, hoping he doesn’t notice that you’re about to cry.

“Hinata-kun, are you awake?” he calls out to you in a low whisper.

You don’t answer. You hear his feet shuffle a little more before he reaches the bed and gets onto it without making too much noise. You try to keep your sniffling to a minimum; you really hate this.

You will your mind to think of happier things, trying to get yourself to fall asleep but it only ends up making you feel worse and you’ve started to cry silently into your sweet-smelling pillow. Even the way it’s softer than your pillow back home makes you want to weep.

You feel Komaeda shift in bed a little; it feels like he’s facing you now, his eyes boring into your back.

“…Hinata-kun, do you miss your family?” you hear him ask.

You can’t really bring yourself to say anything. Your nose is too chocked up and your throat feels heavy, so you just give a small nod.

He shifts closer to you, you can hear him let out a sigh.

“I’m sorry about that, I wish there was something I could do,”

You shake your head; you don’t need the prince apologizing to you. It only makes you feel sadder. Hasn’t he been sleeping alone on this same bed for much longer than you? Wasn’t that much worse than what you’re feeling right now?

“...it’s okay Komaeda I’ll get used to it,” you tell him and it makes you feel better if only for a few seconds. Maybe you _will_ get used to it.

You hear the soft rustle of fabric behind you and then something warm touches your back. You flinch instinctively but when you realize it’s only Komaeda, you relax a little. The prince reaches out his hand to awkwardly stroke the back of your head and you feel confused.

“I really wish there was a way for me to comfort you…I really am useless most of the time,” he mumbles.

You let out a little laugh.

“…it’s fine just like this, Komaeda…it’s fine,” you’re still sniffling but having the white haired prince try to cheer you up makes you feel a little less miserable.

He withdraws his hand and you suddenly feel cold but then both his arms go around you and his head presses against your back.

“Can I stay like this for a while…Hinata-kun?” he asks, his voice sounds fragile as if he’s about to cry too.

You’re too shocked to say anything except nod. Both of you are crying and his tears soak your shirt but you can’t really bring yourself you move away from him. Your mind calms down a little and suddenly the loneliness in your heart doesn’t seem all the great.

Both of you fall asleep holding onto each other and that night you realize that making friends with the prince might not be so hard after all.

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter turned out to be super long so I broke it into two parts to make it easier to read. enjoy!

Things were fun at the castle, you realized after a few days. The night you had spent with Komaeda formed something like a silent bond between you two and although you never thanked him for comforting you, you know he understands.

You spent most of your time running around the castle’s corners with Komaeda, spying on the people at court sometimes or just pretending you were investigating things. Komaeda was smarter than he let on, you came to know. It was like he could see right through you sometimes and at other times he surprised you with the deep knowledge he had about the weirdest things. He probably learnt them from all those thick books that were piled in his room. He didn’t need to say it for you to know that he used to spend most of his time reading when he was alone. He was pretty smart during your lessons too and you felt a little envious of him for that.

 Another thing you learnt was that Komaeda was the exact definition of what you’d call a neat freak, keeping almost everything in order, even the bed sheets were always unruffled and his books were always organized in a book shelf. Not surprisingly, he had an impeccable sense of hygiene too and it baffled you why he would take almost an hour to bathe every single day. He’d come out smelling faintly like the lavender flowers that used to grow in your garden back home.

Home- it didn’t hurt when you thought about it now and you wondered if one day you’d start calling the castle your home instead.  You brushed that thought away every time it crept into your heart- there’s no way you could forget about your home.

A week after you had started living here, you received a letter from your father telling you everything was fine on their end and that they hoped you were ‘not mad them for the arrangements’. You really didn’t get what that meant. He also wrote pretty enthusiastically about being made a fief to one of the estates up north and that they were shifting there soon. The king was very generous when it came to gifting people and he wrote that it was all because of you. The letter ended with “Please forgive us, son. We only want what’s best for you.” Another confusing statement- Were they sorry for sending you away? Or was it something else?

You’re not sure what to make of it. You’re glad your parents are happy but apparently they’re moving further up town- leaving the home of your childhood and making everything a part of the past.

Another thing you got to learn about Komaeda was that he had weird bouts of good and bad luck. Your second day there you were out walking with Komaeda and he fell into an open pit that was dug to make the compost heap. He came out stinking worse than the rotten fish they’d thrown outside the kitchen. He wasn’t really upset though and grinned, saying it meant that he'd have even better luck later that day. And funnily enough he did. He won every single game of throwing dice and you got tired of losing pretty soon.

You would have thought the good luck and bad luck was just a onetime thing but everyday it was something new. A vase fell on Komaeda’s head but later he got all his guesses right in a history lesson he hadn’t even studied for. He got chased by a wild boar while riding in the forest and barely avoided it by turning around a corner. The same wild boar ended up hitting a huge tree and dying. Komaeda decided to take it back home and got praised for hunting it, to boot. You’d think the ridiculous cycle would stop eventually but you wake up to something new every day. You just hope you don’t get caught up in it too.

Knowing _your_ luck though, that is exactly what happened a few weeks after you had adjusted to life in the castle.

***  
“Hinata-kun, did you know the midsummer festival is about to begin today?” he says looking up from his book. Both you had been doing homework in his room when he asked.

“Hm, really? I didn’t even realize it was time already,”

“Do you enjoy going there?”

“Yeah I used to go with my parents to watch the jousting matches, man they look like fun,”

“…you know I’ve never been to one,” he tells you and sighs.

Your mouth hangs open. “What?!”

“It’s true,” he nods.

“I…oh god. Is it because you’re a prince?” you ask hesitantly.

“Yeah I think my father doesn’t want me to end up embarrassing him in front of his people,”

His voice is matter-of-fact but you can a hint of something more underneath the surface. You’re not sure how you should respond.

“Ah! How about we sneak out this time? No one will catch us if we leave at night,” he suggests, a mischievous spark in his eyes.

“Don’t blame me if we get caught, Komaeda,” you shrug.

“You don’t have to worry about that…we’ll be super careful,”

***  
Both of you waited until it was completely dark outside and it was time for you to sleep. You made a show of going to bed but after that you hurriedly covered up in hooded cloaks- you don’t know where they came from but you don’t really want to know. Komaeda’s is a dull green with frayed edges; you think it’s a fashion preference since most of his capes seemed to be frayed or cut jaggedly. You should ask him about that some time.

“Let’s go Hinata-kun,” he says and climbs onto the window ledge. The room’s on the second floor and pretty high up but the window ledge stretches out quite a distance and ends at a spiraling staircase along the periphery of the castle. It was mainly used by the maids and workers but Komaeda seemed to use it sometimes when he had to sneak out.

You follow him across the ledge, taking careful steps and jump onto the stairs where Komaeda stands waiting for you, his face hidden by a hood.

Both of you walk in silence trying not to get caught, you feel a little nervous but not that much. What’s the worst that could happen?

Just as you think that, Komaeda’s feet stumble over a pot lying on the floor near the caretaker’s window. Both of you freeze, hoping no one heard but you see no movement so you walking again, trying to be even more careful this time.

It doesn’t take you long to get to the festival once you leave the castle grounds. Both of you had broken into a dash as soon as you felt yourself a little further away from the looming building.

It was very dark outside and you hardly came across a single person as you made your way there; it seemed like everyone was either asleep or present at the festival. Even in the dark you could tell you had almost reached the place when you heard the wonderful music playing; a happy tune that made you imagine everyone dancing along to it. Your feet itch in anticipation, you want to dance too and by the looks of it, Komaeda seems just as excited.

“We’re here,” he says in awe as his eyes take in everything one by one.

Thousands of lights glow across the area, lanterns hanging from trees, others suspended midair by wires. You smell the sweet, sugary scent of cotton candy and candied apples; the spicy aroma of cinnamon enters your nose. Hundreds of people crowd the area, smiling and laughing as they went by, seeming just as entranced by the sights and sounds as you were. You see minstrels dressed in colorful clothes, producing the sweetest sounds from their flutes and drums and people dancing along to the rhythm.

“Let’s look around,” you say, a grin creeping up on your face. Komaeda smiles back and both of you break into a run, looking at everything around you and laughing in glee. It’s been a while since you’ve been to a public place and it makes you feel jubilant. Komaeda seems to be looking at everything with curious eyes, staring at the food questioningly and asking you about the games that were being played.

You point out the bobbing apple stalls where people dunk their heads in the water and try to catch apples between their teeth. Komaeda looks perplexed and tells you he doesn’t get the point of the game. You think about it and come to the conclusion that games really didn’t have any point. Komaeda seems to like your answer and nods, impressed. It makes you feel a little proud, being praised by a prince.

You try your hand at hitting moving targets with arrows and fail so badly that you wish you really hadn’t tried. You can feel Komaeda’s laughing eyes from behind you and you challenge him in irritation, saying he couldn’t possibly be any better. You really wish you hadn’t said that. Komaeda ends up hitting every target without fail even though he barely knew how to hold the bow properly. It was like the targets just _moved_ to where his arrow would fly, and knowing his luck that’s probably what happened.

After you get tired from playing around, the two of you find a quiet place to sit by. It’s in a far corner, a little away from the crowd and it’s more peaceful there. You sigh as you plop to the soft earth and Komaeda sits right next to you, holding a candy apple in his hand. You gaze at the place around you- it was on a slightly hilly area and a single tree grows behind you- a wisteria with purple blooms and a lantern hanging from one of the thicker branches, its vines hang down low as if bowing to someone. You find it a little ironic seeing how a prince is sitting underneath it. You smile a little at the thought.

“I would never have thought these festivals would be so much fun. I’ve always heard about them-that they were completely magical- but I truly didn’t believe it until I saw it with my own eyes,” Komaeda says in an excited voice.

“Really…”

“Yes, it was truly a sight to behold! Everyone’s eyes sparkled with hope; that was the feeling I got when I looked at them. I think the purpose of these events is only to bring out the hope in everyone. It makes them think this kingdom is truly a happy one!” he continues.

“You really care about the kingdom don’t you, Komaeda?” you ask, intrigued.

“Of course Hinata-kun, it’s expected of me and I have to say, my father has been ruling the kingdom wonderfully. I would gladly follow his footsteps and become a source of hope for everyone if they think I’m worthy of it…it’s my one and only wish”

Hearing Komaeda talk so passionately about something makes you happy and a little jealous. To have something you truly want to protect, it must be a great feeling.

“I’m sure you’ll do it one day,” you tell him and get to your feet. You raise a hand to him and he grabs hold of it, using it to stand up.

Komaeda nods to you in thanks, a genuine smile on his face, and starts walking.

“I think it’s time to head back,” he says, raising the hood to his face and you follow suit, running after the prince’s small figure.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a heads up: this chapter might not be suitable for people who are uncomfortable with abuse. It's nothing too extreme but a warning is still necessary i suppose. If you want you could just skip the last few paragraphs and i'll try to vaguely summarize it in the next chapter?

You’re walking back to the festival because the gates were on the other end of the place. It’s dark and the crowd has thinned a little but you see that new entertainers have arrived. Jugglers and fire eaters entrance the audience with their skills and you find yourself staring in awe. Komaeda pulls you by the sleeve and says:

“Hinata-kun, we don’t have time for this right now,”

You nod reluctantly and start walking again, trying to get out of the crowd by forcing your way through. Komaeda seems to be having a rough time going ahead and ends up getting pulled into the throng.

“Komaeda!” you yell after him and hurry to catch up. The crowd just keeps pushing Komaeda further and further inside and you feel yourself getting closer to the fire-eater. You can almost smell the gasoline from the blazing rods he’s hurling into the air and the heat grows stronger. You wonder where Komaeda is.

You jump on your feet, trying to get a better view and gasp when you find him. He’s been pushed into the centre of the crowd, only two feet away from the fire-eater.

“Komaedaaaa! Over here!” you yell.

He looks back but another push from a rowdy bunch of spectators throws him forward and he ends up grabbing onto the fire-eater’s clothes for support. The man yelps in surprise and drops the rod he was holding. Komaeda barely avoids getting hit by it and jumps to his feet, his hood falling back to reveal his white hair. The crowd watches in horror as the rod falls on the dry grass underneath and sets it on fire. Everyone screams.

You rush to the boy and grab his arm to drag him away. Luckily, he’s unscathed but he looks shaken. The fire isn’t that big but everyone’s running away in terror.

 _They sure do over react a lot. It’s just a tiny fire…._ You think.

“Hinata-kun…the fire will keep on spreading,” he whispers, worried.

“Huh? Why?” You look at him questioningly.

“The weather’s been very dry lately; if they don’t get water soon the fire will just continue to eat away at everything,”

As if on cue, a trail of fire snakes up onto a tent and sets it alight in an instant- people rush out trying to put out the fire with sand but it doesn’t have any effect.

The two of you watch in horror as the fire continues to devour anything that ends up near it and soon everything’s set ablaze; the stalls, the tents further along the grounds, the candy corn stands. You smell the pungent smoke as it burns while the screams of the villagers echo behind you. You can’t believe this is happening. Komaeda stands trembling beside you, and it’s obvious he’s thinking the same thing.

_All of this is our fault._

“It’s my fault,” you hear him let out in a pained gasp, “It’s all my fault,”

You want to correct him; it was both of your faults but you can’t say it. You want to blame it all on Komaeda’s horrible luck.

“Someone bring water!” you yell instead. You needn’t have said it though; people everywhere are running around fetching pails of water from the nearby lake and ditches. You just hope it’s enough to put out the fire.

A heavy hand lands on your shoulder. You turn round in shock and see a middle aged man glaring down at you.

“Youuuuu! It was you two wasn’t it?” he hisses, his voice venomous enough to make your heart clench in guilt.

You don’t know who this man is and how he knows but Komaeda’s eyes narrow in recognition and he lowers his head.

 “Ooooh! So it _was_ you! I knew the two of you had snuck out. You made that pot fall back at the castle- I just _smelled_ trouble,” he barks, looking at Komaeda. Komaeda doesn’t say anything, his head hanging low in defeat.

“…It was me!” you hear yourself say in his stead.

The man looks at you again and you quail under his accusing glare.

“Don’t you fucking lie to me kid. I know the prince well enough. He’s the one who did this, ain’t that right?”

Komaeda nods. You can’t believe he’d admit it. Doesn’t he know the trouble he’ll get into for admitting it?

 _Wait, he’s a prince isn’t he? He’ll get away with it,_ you say to yourself in consolation. _Surely_ , _he’ll get away with it._

You still hear screaming behind you, you’re not sure what’s worse; the drama unfolding right in front of you or having to see everyone suffer from it. You shake your head, trying to snap out of it.

_I have to stay by Komaeda’s side, as his friend!_

It’s easier said than done though. The intimidating man grabs hold of Komaeda’s wrist and begins dragging him away from the burning scenery, you can hear Komaeda sniffling and muttering something but you can’t hear him. He’s getting further away from you and you jog behind them to catch up.

“Komaeda! It wasn’t your fault!” you yell to him.

“…can’t let them...” You catch a little of what he’s saying to the man in a low, pleading voice.

“This ain’t my job, your highness,” the man speaks, a little softness creeping into his voice.

“You can’t let them hurt him!” he yells loudly, “ _please_ ”

It hurts you to hear Komaeda’s voice so hoarse and you wish you were strong enough to rip Komaeda from that man’s grasp. This isn’t the first time you cursed the fact that you were just a powerless kid in a world run by adults.

You walk behind them all the way to the castle, your teeth gritting so hard it makes your jaw hurt. The man leads you back to your room and closes the door with a bang. You hear a faint click and guess that he locked the door too.

“How come that man was so rough to you? You’re royalty I mean,” you mutter in anger.

“No…that doesn’t make much of a difference,” his voice is calmer now but completely devoid of any emotion. He looks worn out, the paleness of his face even more striking than usual in the dark.

“What do you mean?”

“…They’re permitted to be a little…rough. If I misbehave that is,” he explains shortly.

“Huh? That means they can punish you if they want?” you’re so confused because you’d always thought no one could lay a hand on royalty.

Komaeda shakes his head vigorously.

“That’s not it at all Hinata-kun! Due to my royal status they wouldn’t dare lay a hand on me,” he lets out a bitter laugh.

“I’m sorry,” he says after a while.

“I don’t get why you’re apologizing to me,” you say, frustrated.

Komaeda’s body starts shaking a little in response. Before you can respond to that you hear the door open behind you and you’re both startled by the sound. Two men enter the room; the man from before and another one, leaner and grim faced. He looks like a strict disciplinarian, the kind who’d beat you for the smallest mistake.

_Surely he couldn’t be here to punish Komaeda?_

“I’m sorry,” Komaeda starts saying again, his voice frenzied, “I’m sorry; I’m so sorry Hinata-kun,”

You look in confusion from Komaeda to the other man and back to Komaeda’s face again. The man brings out a hand from behind his back and your eyes widen in horror as you see what he’s holding in it. A long whip hangs from his fingers, its leathery skin glistening even in the darkness of the room.

“What’s going on?!” you ask in a panic.

“This is His Highness’s punishment,” the old man sighs. The other one cracks his whip.

“You can’t possibly hurt the prince! What are you doing?” you yell in anger.

Komaeda’s voice continues to chant apologies and you wish you could make him calm down somehow.

The one holding the whip laughs drily, and speaks in a raspy voice.

“ _You_ ,” he says looking into your eyes, “Don’t you know what your _job_ is?”

His question catches you off guard- what did he mean?

“…what…my job…is…?” you repeat, confused.

The older man sighs again.

“Don’t worry he won’t be too rough on you this time. It’s your first, isn’t it?” his face curves into an unpleasant grimace as he says it.

You have no idea what’s going on but the man holding the whip moves forward; towards Komaeda you think, but instead his feet move in your direction and he’s standing before you now, his tall body looming over yours.

“Show me your hands,” he says.

“Huh?”

“I said show me your hands. Do it!”

You slowly start to realize what’s going on but you can’t believe it; you turn your head in Komaeda’s direction but he has his face buried in his hands, his voice still muttering the same thing over and over again: ‘I’m sorry’.

You can’t help but want to laugh when it dawns on you. You raise your hands and hold them out for the man. You can’t believe everyone kept this a secret from you until the end.

_What a cruel bunch of people…_

The first whip strike catches you off guard and brings a sharp pain to your hands. It burns where the whip touched but it’s not unbearably painful. Yet.

Your heart stutters from the shock and you’re still registering the pain when it strikes it again at the same place. You let out a cry of pain and your hands shake as something warm slides along your fingers. Blood; you observe in a far corner of your mind. It hits you again and after the fourth strike, your ears start ringing and your mind buzzes. You can’t really make out much anymore because of the blinding pain in your hands and the _noise_ that echoes throughout the room.

The noise of the cracking whip and Komaeda’s anguished apologies.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG plot twist!


	5. Chapter 5

You lie on an unfamiliar bed, in an unfamiliar room. Surely the only room in the castle that seemed even remotely familiar was Komaeda’s and yours- no, just Komaeda’s room. Did you really have a right to call it yours? You had thought you were here just to be his friend. You look at your hands, tied up in bandages, still throbbing in pain even five hours later. You close your eyes. It was only you- you were the one who thought you had any semblance of a relationship with him. Was it really one-sided? You think of his anguished apologies and sigh. He had been getting close to you but did you really know him?

You thought you had gotten to know a little about Komaeda today; about his dreams and ideals, but what could you really believe? How come, if he was so close to you, didn’t he ever tell you what your _real_ job was?

The door to the room opens and breaks you from your chain of thinking. The familiar face of Miss Usami enters your field of vision and she gives you a weak smile- her short, brown hair look ragged as if she has just woken up. You turn your face away and try to flip to your side but it’s impossible without the use of both your hands. So instead, you glare at her.

“Are you feeling alright, Hinata-kun?” she asks, sounding a little embarrassed.

“Why did you lie to me?” you ask her, ignoring the question. She should know perfectly well how you’re feeling, seeing your bandaged hands.

“I see they bandaged you up quite nicely…I hope the ointment didn’t hurt?”

 “Why did you lie to me?!” you yell now, getting angry at her concern.

“Hinata-kun-”

“Why didn’t you tell me I was going to be his… _whipping boy_ ,” you spit the words out as if they are poisonous.

She looks at her hands and you almost feel sorry for her.

“We thought you would run away if we told you…please forgive me it was never my intention to deceive you!”

You huff and say nothing. It’s true you would have hesitated to go if they had told you but thinking of your parents, you would have agreed anyway. As the thought enters your mind it dawns on you that even they must have known what would happen to you here. That would explain the apology at the end of the letter they had sent. You can’t help but feel a little disappointed in them.

“No one believed in me,” you mutter to yourself. Miss Usami catches you saying that and speaks up:

“That’s not true!”

It doesn’t really give you any consolation and you close your eyes.

“Just…leave me alone. Please,”

“Hinata-kun,” she begins again but you ignore her.

You’ve already sunk into your thoughts again and you don’t care about anything right now. You’re completely alone and no one had a shred of sympathy to tell you anything.

You had heard of the word whipping boy before; your parents once told you a story about one but you can’t recall what it was. You just remember being extremely horrified for the poor boy whose sole purpose in the castle was to act as a scapegoat for his prince. Apparently, no one could raise a hand on royalty, so to punish them they would hurt the thing most precious to them- or as close to precious as it could get. The whipping boy was basically just that; a symbol of all the wrongs a prince had done and the one who had to suffer in the prince’s stead. It was supposed to be an honor to be a whipping boy but you had always felt sorry for them. And now you’re in the same position as them. You curse your own luck and Komaeda’s as well- despite causing the fire, he was safe. That was just the amazing luck you had when you were born as the crown prince of the kingdom- you never had to suffer any pain.

Somewhere along the trail of thoughts that only made you feel even more miserable, you fall into a fitful sleep. You keep waking up every few hours because your hands hurt and itch at the same time and you don’t know which is worse. You wish there was something to ease the pain but the only thing the nurse lady had given you was a disgusting herbal concoction that made you want to puke. Thankfully the pain eases a little later and you sleep, dreams of running back home making your sadness a little less.

When you wake up, the white curtains have been parted and sunlight floods inside. The pain is back in your hands and you wonder how long you’ll have to rely on others to do your work for you. When you look to your left your heart leaps to your throat. Komaeda is sitting on a chair right next to the bed, his hands folded in his lap.

 “Hinata-kun you’re awake!” he exclaims in relief.

“…Komaeda,” you say, not sure how you feel about seeing him here. If this had been any time before yesterday, you would have been really happy to see him greet you but right now you don’t know how to face him.

“You’ve been sleeping for so long I thought you were running a fever. I’m glad the wounds aren’t festering. You’ll be better within the week, they said,” he chatters on.

You feel a little relieved that you’ll get better soon but it irks you that the same people who inflicted this pain on you in the first place are the ones who are tending to you now. What kind of sick game was this?

“...are you mad at me, Hinata-kun?” Komaeda asks hesitantly, “I wouldn’t blame you if you hated me for it. For you to suffer for trash like me…” he trails off.

“Why do you keep saying that?! Why do you call yourself trash? Do you think it’ll make me feel bad for you- make me want to forgive you?” you snap at him.

You regret the words as soon as they leave your mouth- Komaeda pales even more than normal and his eyes lower instinctively.

“Haha…I suppose it does make sense for you to think that, Hinata-kun. For you to suffer for me…I’m sure you think that it’s all because of my selfishness; after all I _am_ a spoiled prince aren’t I?”

You wonder if he’s mad at you, that he thinks you’re just like everyone else, judging him for his royal status, not treating him like a human being. Truth be told, you honestly don’t know how to deal with him at all. What should you say, what should you do?

“It wasn’t your fault, causing the fire I mean,” you tell him, “it’s all because of your _luck_ isn’t it?”

Komaeda narrows his eyes at the change of topic but nods uncertainly.

“If there is one constant thing in my life, it is my luck. Everything that happens to me is because of my luck. It never fails me. Ever,”

“…explains a lot. It saved you from getting whipped after all,”

You realize you _are_ mad at him- mad at him for not getting the blame but more importantly because he never deigned to tell you about these things when he had the chance.

“Forgive me, Hinata-kun,”

“Why didn’t you tell me I was your whipping boy? Did you think I would have abandoned you if you did?”

“No. I didn’t know they hadn’t told you,” he replied hurriedly, “it was surprising that you, my whipping boy, treated me like a normal person. I felt like you and I were similar in some way…Everyone else before you had always looked at me as if I was a ticking bomb- scared of when I would make a mistake and they would have to suffer for it…” he trails off.

He looks at you with a smile, you can’t tell what’s behind that smile and for the first time you feel a little scared. Your hands are starting to make you feel sick from the pain and this talk with Komaeda is only draining you even more.

It must have shown on your face because Komaeda looks at you, his eyebrows furrowed in worry.

“…you look horrible. I’ll call a nurse so she can tend to you,” he says in a reassuring voice and you nod in thanks.

“Wait, Komaeda. I need to ask you something,” you say just as he’s about to leave.

“Yes?”

“How many other boys have worked here…like me?”

His face sobers up and he looks uncomfortable.

“Three before you,” he says briefly.

“Oh…and did they leave after you had a really bad bout of bad luck?”

“Yes,”

“…I see,”

That’s all you had wanted to know and you tell him so.

He gets up in a hurry “Wait here then, I’ll go and call the nurse,”

You look at him as he runs towards the door. As he leaves you think you hear him say something.

“Huh?” you call out weakly.

“I said you’re free to leave after you get better. I can’t guarantee that you won’t suffer because of my luck again and it’s too much to ask you to stay so I only hope that you feel better,”

The door closes and you sigh, relaxing into the soft pillows. You feel completely and utterly drained and you feel a headache coming.

The nurse comes in a little while after but Komaeda is nowhere to be seen. You know he’s said what he wanted to say and he probably won’t show you his face again. He must think you’re planning on leaving as soon as you’re capable of it.

Maybe he’s right. Maybe you really will leave the castle for good but something keeps nagging at you, making your stomach coil. It’s the same feeling you get whenever you feel guilty about something.

 _Why do I feel guilty?_ You think to yourself as the nurse covers your wounds with a fresh bandage.

Maybe it was the thought that if you did leave they would just hire another boy in your stead. Another boy who would have to suffer for the prince’s bad luck. Would you really be fine with letting that happen? Could you stand to be selfish when you already knew what they would have to face?

You recall the first night at the castle; you remember Komaeda’s sniffling as he tried to comfort you. He had been just as lonely as you, maybe he had thought he’d finally found someone to connect with- hadn’t he said that he felt the two of you were similar?

You think you’re crazy for thinking this but you find yourself imagining your life in the castle as you grow up. Maybe you actually could call it a home one day.

***

When your hands finally get better enough for you to not require constant care, they let you go back to Komaeda’s room. He’s sitting on his bed, a thick book placed on his lap. When he sees you he looks confused, his expression a mixture of expectation and something akin to disappointment?

“Are you here to get your stuff, Hinata-kun?” he asks. He sounds a little tense.

“Nah, I don’t think I can go back just like that,” you tell him, “…I don’t want another kid to suffer just because he had to replace me,”

You expect Komaeda to grin with joy but his shoulders only loosen slightly- that’s the only change you notice. You wonder what he’s thinking. Wasn’t he happy that you had agreed to stay?

When he speaks his voice is unreadable and you feel something churn in your stomach again. Was it a premonition?

“Welcome back, Hinata-kun,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well this was a tiny little chapter to wrap things up. The chapters after this will follow a time skip so these cute little kids will be all grown up.  
> Hope you enjoyed it :')


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wooo time skip

You stand with your parents near the entrance to their house. You’d been staying over at their place for a few days but you were going back now. You couldn’t stay away from the castle for more than three days and to be frank you were glad you were leaving.

“You really should visit more often, Hinata darling,” your mother tells you as you put on your cloak.

“I’ll try but there’s no guarantee that I can, you know. I’m very busy at the castle nowadays,” you tell her.

You father smiles sadly and looks at you, “You really have grown tall over the year- how old are you now? Sixteen?”

“Seventeen actually,” you correct him and it brings a pang to your heart that you haven’t even been with your parents enough for them to remember how old you are. You hope you don’t look upset; it would only make them feel guiltier.

Over the years your parents had moved once more and were now ruling over a small fief located two hours away from the castle which just made it harder and harder for you to visit them. You had noticed that the letters they sent you grew more and more frequent as time passed- they were always asking about your health and what you were doing. You replied just as often and it made you happy that they loved you so much; you had thought they would forget about you. You wish you could come back here but you know that’s impossible now. You had gotten used to your life at the castle.

Your mother grabs your hands and looks at them, her eyes glisten with tears.

“Hinata-”she begins

“I have to leave now mother,” you cut her off. You know what she’s going to say next and you want to get away before that happens.

“Please, can’t you stay here with us?” she says anyway and your stomach drops. You could never bear to hear the pleading in her voice. She had gotten weaker you had noticed, or maybe you had grown bigger?

“Mother, I’ve already told you I can’t do that…” you tell her, trying to keep your voice neutral but it ends up sounding a little whiny.

“Why won’t you forgive us, Hinata? I know we made a mistake- sending you away-”

“Mom no! I’m not mad at you at all. I just can’t come back here anymore and you know why. I have responsibilities now,” you’re going to cry and you know it.

Thankfully the door behind you opens and a haggard looking woman peeks from behind.

“Hinata-kun, we should weave now,” she says in her bubbly voice.

 “Ah! Miss Usa- Monomi!” you exclaim in relief, “Yeah I’m ready let’s go,”

Your parents look despondently at you and you avert your gaze.

“I’ll try to visit before Christmas this time. You’ll be coming to the ball the next week, right? The king invited you after all,”

“We’ll try to come, dear,” your father speaks in your mother’s stead. He puts an arm around her.

 _She’s crying again._ You sigh to yourself.

“Alright then I’ll be waiting for you…” you say and hug both of them briefly, "Goodbye," 

You leave without looking back.

***  
You’ve been sitting in the carriage for three hours now and you still haven’t reached the castle. For some reason it’s taking you a bit too long and your back is starting to hurt. Miss Monomi sits opposite you, looking out of the window, the light falls on her tattered dress and you wonder what happened to her. She’d always dressed prim and proper, her hair set neatly but over the past six months something had happened to her. She’d suddenly started calling herself Monomi and insisted that everyone do the same. Her clothes were always dirty and frayed. Her eyes always darted around as if she was scared of someone watching her. You wish you could get her to a shrink- someone who could check what was wrong with her- but you didn’t have the power to do that. She wouldn’t have agreed anyway.

“Miss Monomi, do you know why it’s taking so long?” you ask her just as the carriage moves over the rocky road- it makes your voice come out weird.

“There’s been rioting in a few of the villages along the way so we had to take another path,” she says.

You nod and go into silence once more. You didn’t talk to her any more than necessary; you didn’t really like her much.

 The ride is torturous but after another fifteen minutes the carriage finally comes to a stop. You jump out, not even waiting for Miss Monomi to step out and you’re running inside the gates- you don’t care if you look crazy.

The polished marble floors and stone pillars, the tapestries and spiraling staircases are so familiar to you that you sigh in relief and smile a little. You head to your room, nodding to all the maids and workers on the way. You open the door and step inside, expecting to see the old bookshelves and scrolls lying on the bed but you see none of those things. The bed has a simple white bed sheet on it and the only other things in the room are your personal belongings.

 _Right… he left, didn’t he?_ You remind yourself.

You still haven’t gotten used to the fact that Komaeda had changed rooms a few months ago and that you have the room all to yourself now. You had been surprised when he’d told you but you were glad that he was. Being with him all the time, even at night was something that drained you- you couldn’t really say you were close to Komaeda even after all these years.

Komaeda had started to get busy around the time he turned fifteen. He had to accompany his father to meetings and parties. Most of the time you came along with them but it was always a drag; having to sit with adults and listening to them discuss problems that the kingdom faced. Even when he was home, Komaeda was usually going through his father’s work; it was like he was trying his best to avoid you and you had left him that way. It wasn’t surprising that he decided to shift to a bigger room, then. He’d said the room was too small for two teenage boys and you had agreed. His reasoning made sense and you were glad for the personal space you got.

You brush thoughts of him aside; he was away from the village at the moment and there was no point in thinking about him. Speaking of which, why wasn’t he back yet? You’d heard he’d be back the day before yesterday.

 _Maybe he got caught up in something._ You wonder

You decide to have a walk in the grounds around the castle. You could go to the stables, have a ride on your horse…

As you’re going down the stairs, you see a girl with silvery pink hair in a light brown dress nodding off in a corner. Marbles lie scattered on the floor and you go to greet her.

“Hey, Nanami,” you say.

She doesn’t respond.

“Nanami!” you call out her name again, a little louder this time.

She opens her eyes in surprise and yawns.

“Oh…Hinata-kun,” she says in her soft voice.

“You’re sleeping near the stairs again,”

“I was just sleepy,” she says simply and you nod. That was always the case with her.

“You were playing all day weren’t you? What game was it this time?”

“Marbles,”

“I see…you should be careful you know,” you tell her, “if they catch you slacking off from your cleaning duties they’ll send you back home,”

She yawns again.

“I don’t think….that will be…a problem,” her voice is drowsy and she’s nodding off again.

“Uh Nanami?” you call her name just to be sure and she doesn’t reply.

 _Typical Nanami,_ you think to yourself and walk away from her, heading towards the gate.

Nanami was a distant relative of Miss Monomi and had started working here a year after you had come. She seemed anti-social at first but it was really that she just didn’t know how to talk to people. And there was also the fact that she was always preoccupied with playing games. Really, you think someone would tell her off for doing something so _unladylike_ but you’re glad no one has. You’re fond of her just as she is.

***  
You spend the rest of the day walking about the grounds and then lying in your room with nothing to do. You go ask Monomi about Komaeda and she tells you that he had been on a tour of the kingdom with the king but because of the rioting they had decided to go there to resolve matters.

“There sure has been a lot of rioting these days huh?” you say to yourself as you look out the window.

The kingdom had always been really peaceful, there was hardly any discontentment- everyone was happy and you loved the kingdom because of it. The king had been ruling wonderfully and you’re sure he’s still doing a great job but for some reason things just weren’t the same anymore.

When you would go for shopping in the markets, you would hear whispers and agitated arguments about how the king wasn’t doing his job right- that they were suffering because of him. You don’t know where the notion came from since poverty was almost minimal and everyone’s rights were respected. You even heard the people talk about the crown prince. ‘ _That_ _weak looking boy, how will he take care of us?_ ’ and ‘ _that boy doesn’t look right in the head_ ’. Although you weren’t too fond of Komaeda after what he’d done to you, the way they spoke about him even though they didn’t know him at all, made you a little angry but you hadn’t said anything to those people.

You hope things go back to normal soon. At times it felt a little like you were living in some other kingdom altogether and that just made you worry needlessly.

***

When you wake up the next morning, it’s only because of the blaring horns and trumpets. You spring out from the bed and peek out of the window and, sure enough, the royal carriage comes trotting in, led by two white horses. You see a familiar head of white hair and you heave a sigh- you hope he doesn’t have another bout of bad luck any time soon; you are not looking forward to being ‘punished’. You keep looking to see when the king will come out but he doesn’t.

_Wasn’t he supposed to come back this time around? Maybe he went off somewhere else…_

You quickly change into a clean set of clothes- the standard white tunic you wore and brown leggings with your favorite knee-high leather boots- and head down to greet him. It would be bad manners to do otherwise.

You meet him on the staircase; he doesn’t see you until he almost walks into you.

“Woah there Komaeda!” you call out as he bumps into you. You had stopped halfway down the stairs but he still didn't see you coming.

“…Oh, Hinata-kun. Sorry for bumping into you,” he says, his voice sounds hoarse.

“Well obviously you weren’t looking ahead of you, that’s why…how was the trip?”

He gives you a weak smile.

“Can we talk about this in my room?” he asks and nods to the side, indicating that some maids were eavesdropping on the two of you.

You nod in agreement and head to his room.

It’s similar to your own but a lot cleaner, the bookshelves are there too and to be honest this looks more like the room you were used to sleeping in. You feel something weird in your chest as you sit on his bed.

Komaeda is still standing and he takes off his white fur cloak, revealing his emerald green tunic and black pants. He’s wearing his double strap ankle boots again and you wonder why he likes them so much. His shoulder length hair is the same as it has always been- wavy and windblown. When he’s done hanging his cloak and taking off his gloves, he looks at you with those grey-blue eyes of his but he doesn’t say anything. You feel uncomfortable, being alone with him. You wonder how long it has been since you were together like this? You don’t think you’ve really _talked_ to him since he changed rooms.

“So…” you begin. You really don’t know what to say.

“It’s been a while since we’ve seen each other, Hinata-kun,” he says.

“Yeah it has…you don’t look too good. Did something happen?” you can’t help but feel like he looks sickly and worn out.

“It’s nothing,” he says and smiles that careless smile of his.

“Komaeda…”you glare at him.

“Really Hinata-kun are you _worried_ about me?” he sits beside you.

You say nothing.

“I’m honored that you think about me so much Hinata-kun! I truly am lucky,” he continues to speak.

_Lucky huh?_

“Komaeda, something happened right?” you ask him, ignoring his meaningless chatter.

The smile vanishes from his face and he looks away. You wait for him to tell you but he doesn’t say anything. And why would he? He obviously didn’t trust you, it was clear enough. And there was no point is asking either. Did you even worry about Komaeda? He was nothing to you anyway.

 _You’re just his whipping boy,_ you remind yourself.

“Well I’m glad you’re back safely…” you say and you’re not sure if you mean it.

You move to get up.

“We were going to the villages one by one as part of the tour, you know," Komaeda starts talking, "But there was a lot of rioting so we tried to stop that. It took quite a while but things were getting better and we decided to come back yesterday,”

You stop and listen to his words.

“But on the way we got involved in an…accident,” Komaeda sighs.

“…Huh...accident?” you repeat the words, trying to make sense of them.

“Father got injured and they had to take him to the other castle because that’s where the best healers are,”

“So that’s why he didn’t come back with you?” you ask, horrified.

He nods.

“I survived with only a few scrapes,” he moves the fringe of his hair to reveal a cut on his forehead; “I got lucky again didn’t I?”

“How bad was it? The king’s injuries I mean,” you ask.

He shrugs, “I think he broke a few ribs…maybe his right hand too. He won’t be moving about for quite a while,”

“What?! If it’s that bad then what are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be by your father’s side?”

You’re shocked at how nonchalant he sounds. Did he not care about his father?

“There isn’t really anything I can do even if I was by his side,” he laughs drily, “I think I’m much more useful staying at a place where he can’t see me,”

“Y-you…”

You’re caught again by your lack of experience in dealing with Komaeda- you have no idea how you should respond.

“Isn’t it great, Hinata-kun? I can finally work in my father’s stead. Maybe, if I’m lucky, he’ll finally let me accede to the throne. The kingdom’s a wreck and he isn’t doing anything to fix it. He’s getting too old after all,” he starts speaking in an eerily cheerful voice.

You feel an uncanny feeling of dread and it roots you to the spot. You can’t believe he’s saying all of this in his carefree voice.

_Is this really the Komaeda I know?_

The truth is: you have no idea. Was this the same boy who used to speak so dearly about his father; about how he was such a great ruler? 

Was this person who passed careless remarks, with an empty smile on his lips, the same Komaeda you grew up with?

No- somewhere along the way you think the boy you used to know just became a hollow shell of the person he is now; a boy with the same appearance but a _different_ person altogether. And even though you’re scared of him more than anyone else; you can’t bring yourself to run away.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Siiigh this took me ages to write i tried to put in as much as i could to show how things changed over a period of six years...i hope i got it across well? :0
> 
> Also...the Real plot starts after this heh  
> I hope you look forward to it! :'>


	7. Chapter 7

Life at the castle was usually very strict and organized. The Lord of the castle, which happened to be the King himself, had set out proper duties and timings for every single person and everyone made sure to follow them properly otherwise they were punished- fortunately his highness was a very lenient man and no one ever got anything worse than a little scolding. You wonder why you were the only one who had to get punished so severely and that too when it wasn’t even your fault ninety percent of the time.

As per schedule you wake up just after the break of dawn and get dressed up to have breakfast in the great hall. All the maids and workers, the stablemen, the mechanics and entertainers eat at the same area and the chatty atmosphere is enough to snap you out of your drowsiness. Random people greet you as you make your way to the far end of the dining table and you smile politely to them. You wave over to Nanami, who’s sitting with Monomi a few seats away from you, and she gives you smile in turn. After the short exchange, you snap your attention to your breakfast, a simple loaf of bread with meat stew, your stomach grumbles and you dig in without further ado.

“You sure are hungry huh?” you hear someone say and you turn your head to see, still chewing the meat.

“Oh…’morning Souda,” you greet your friend and motion for him to sit next to you.

He sets his plate next to yours and sits down on the bench with you. He smells of rust and oil, typical of him since he was usually busy working at different contraptions and fixing broken machinery in the castle.

You had first met him by accident while he was tinkering with the pipes in your bath house. It had scared the life out of you, seeing him hanging from the pipes and hammering away at them and when he had grinned at you with those shark-like teeth of his, you were sure you wouldn’t make it out of there alive. Thankfully, he was a nice enough guy and the two of you got along well even though he did tend to drag you into unnecessary things most of the time.

“Man, there sure is a lot of work today,” he sighs.

“Huh…with the tournaments coming up and all?” you ask.

“Yeah haven’t you seen how busy everyone is? I hardly get to meet any of the maids here, they’re always running here and there cleaning the places and setting up decorations. It gets so boring!”

“That’s true…the jousting tournament begins today,” you groan inwardly, “I bet I’ll have to go too,”

“Count yourself lucky, at least you don’t have to participate in them. All my partners are doing it and they’re forcing me into it too. I can’t wait to get my ass kicked,” he shoves a spoonful of gravy into his mouth in frustration.

“I’d rather do that instead,” Just thinking about sitting there all day makes your appetite die and you look dejectedly at the half eaten loaf of bread.

“Really…are things still weird between you and _His Highness_?” he says the words in a mocking tone. He really didn’t like Komaeda. Due to the boy’s luck Souda usually got caught up too and ended up having to fix all the havoc he wreaked.

“Yeah…it’s really hard to explain,” you scratch your head, “I just don’t know how to deal with him,”

“I wonder why you even bother. Just stay away from him isn’t that good enough, he’s no good anyway,” he says simply and shrugs.

You nod absently because you’re distracted by the appearance of the person you were talking about. Komaeda comes strolling in with a lazy smile plastered on his face and he looks at you and waves.

“Speak of the devil…” Souda mutters, looking uncomfortable and gets up in a hurry just as he sees Komaeda walk over to you, “I’ll be seeing you around then,”

You call out to him to stop but he’s already gone and you sigh as the prince casually walks towards you; everyone else bows to him and stares in confusion- the prince usually didn’t walk into the Great Hall to have breakfast.

“What’re you doing here?” you ask him as he comes within earshot.

“Since my father’s absent I’m currently the Lord, you know. I figured I would tell everyone it’s time to start working,” he tells you and then motions for them to finish eating quickly. You hear the clatter of plates and crockery as everyone gobbles up their food and sets it up in piles for the maids to carry away.

“So…what’s my job for the day?” you ask him since it was always something different.

As you were just a whipping boy, you usually wandered around the castle looking for stuff to help out with. The king had figured it would be better for you to just help Komaeda with his work which was what you usually did nowadays.

“You’re going to accompany me to the jousting tournament, of course,” he grins, “…I hope it goes well,”

You sigh and get up with your plate, “Alright then…I guess I’ll meet you after I get dressed up,”

He nods and leaves, you follow suit.

***  
You decide to change into your best clothes since you’ll be sitting with the prince all day and you don’t want to look too drab. Your clothes consist of a light blue tunic with golden embroidery on the sleeves and leggings to go with them. You put on a cloak with the royal family’s crest emblazoned on it- the one you only wore for formal occasions- and pat your hair so that they look presentable. A stray strand keeps standing on end and no matter how much you try it just doesn’t set properly. You give up and strap a knife to your side. You always had one on your person because there was always the chance of an attack on the royalty and since you were always directly involved with them, it was safe to have something to protect yourself with. Komaeda always had a sword by his side even though you doubt he needed it with a horde of knights guarding him every step of the way on most occasions.

You walk out of your room and find Komaeda coming out from his room at the same time. You nod to him and he smiles, both of you head to the carriage that’s waiting for you. The sun is out in all its glory but it’s not hot outside since it’s autumn. A cold breeze hits your face and you feel your lips getting chapped, you should have rubbed one of those oils that were always lying in the bathhouse.

A man jumps off from the driver’s seat and bows to the two of you, you nod after Komaeda does and then get inside the carriage. It’s a relief to get inside the comfortable warmth of the carriage and you slump into the softness of the seat, you’re glad the royal carriage is well furnished. The others just caused your bottom to hurt excessively.

“Hinata-kun,” Komaeda says.

“Yeah?”

“I hope you don’t mind that I’m taking you along with me,”

“Nah it’s sort of my job anyway…accompanying you to these places and all,” you shrug.

“That’s true,” he nods and leans his head back on the carriage, closing his eyes, “You might as well get some sleep since the fields are a bit far away,”

“…I’m okay,” you tell him and stare out of the window as Komaeda goes to sleep. It’s funny how easily he could take a nap when he wanted to- he was almost always asleep during the carriage rides you had noticed.

 _Just how careless is this guy?_ You wonder in amazement as you look at the sleeping boy.

He looked like such a kid when he sleeps and it reminds you the days when you used to be friends with him. His appearance really hadn’t changed that much after all, but you saw that his skin was paler now and his eyes looked tired sometimes, you could see dark circles when the light hit his face just right. You would ask him what was up with him but you really don’t know if you’re in any position to say so.

The carriage ride is comfortable and you spend the time looking out of the window staring at the countryside scenery; the golden wheat patches, the wild green grass and the wooden shacks and cottages with grey smoke billowing from the chimneys. It’s such a tranquil atmosphere and it relaxes you so much that without noticing it, you fall asleep too.

You’re woken up when the carriage comes to a stop and the driver steps down to open the door for you. Komaeda pats your arm and you jolt awake as if you’ve been doused with cold water.

“We’re here,” he says and you step out onto the firm earth and straighten your clothes.

A crowd of people is standing on either side of the carriage and everyone has their eyes on the two of you. Komaeda raises his hand upwards in a form of greeting and everyone bows to him, the musicians start playing trumpets as he walks forward. Komaeda nods to you and you follow him closely, staying a few steps behind him as was the custom for anyone of lower rank. You can feel the eyes of the crowd staring at you- you’re sure they’re mocking you for walking alongside the prince even though you have nothing, even though you’re just as much of a commoner as the rest of them. Begrudgingly all of them have to bow to you as you make your way to the arena and that only makes you feel worse. You really hate public events.

Pavilions, the colorful red and golden tents around the field, have been erected to house the spectators and surgeons. The one closest to you on the right is the one where the royals and nobility are supposed to be seated. Counts and knights come and meet the prince and he politely greets them with “how are you these days?” and “much obliged,” You do the same when someone asks you and you try to maintain a smile all through it. It’s draining but you don’t want anyone to gossip about you being rude to the nobles later on. You prefer to keep a low profile whenever it’s possible because unneeded attention would just get you in trouble when you get back to the castle.

“I heard the princess from Novoselic is coming today as well,” Komaeda tells you as you seat yourselves at the front rows, the seats for the guests of honor and his partner.

“Is that so? Is she the one who’s going be ascending the throne in a few months?” you ask him.

“Yes, Princess Sonia Nevermind. She’s really famous even around here isn’t she!” he looks at you and you nod uncertainly.

“I’ve heard of her…” you say, which is an understatement.

You had heard everything you knew about her from Souda. You don’t know how where he got to see her but he was always going on about how beautiful she was and how he totally plans on working in Novoselic so he can marry her. You would tell him how improbable that is but you don’t want to crush the poor boy’s dreams.

“Your highness,” a man clad in full armor asks Komaeda, “With your permission may we begin the events for the day?”

“You may begin,” he says firmly.

Around ten minutes later the first set of rounds begins. Men clad in armor ride horses and sport lances that look strong enough to injure if the opponent wasn’t fully armored. They go at each other, riding their horses full speed with the intent of disarming the other as soon as possible.  Round after round you see lances falling from the hands of their riders and the blare of horns as the victor is announced. You even get to see Souda, fully dressed up in battle armor mount the horse and promptly lose almost as soon as the round starts. You feel sorry for the guy embarrassing himself in front of his beloved Sonia-san but what can you do?

 As times passes you start to get caught up in the events and you’re quite enjoying yourself. Komaeda is busy talking to the nobles seated around him and you’re glad that none of them seem to pay you any attention at all.

By the time the winner is announced, it’s already evening and you’re grinning because the knight you had wanted to win did, in fact, end up the victor. You’re whooping in delight and without thinking you raise a hand to Komaeda. He high fives you and grins but everyone starts muttering to themselves. You’re sure they’re talking about how you did something so out of place.

 _Dammit, I shouldn’t have done that._ You curse yourself but Komaeda doesn’t seem to mind. He gets up and claps for the winner and everyone else follows suit, the weird mood dissolving for the moment.

“Congratulations to the winner of the tournament! It was a wonderful match and everyone truly outdid themselves,” he says in a loud voice and everyone listens, “I am glad to be here to witness such displays determination and strength, I wish that every one of you will be a source of hope for the Kingdom- we truly need it in this age,”

Komaeda’s short speech in met with a round of applause and even you are touched by his words. You really hope the words he uttered were what he really meant; that way you could bring yourself to believe in him more. To find yourself clapping along with the rest of the crowd- maybe it’s just the euphoria of the crowd that’s gotten to you.

After the prizes had been awarded to the winners and the participants who displayed great valor, the tournament was closed and the after party was started. Great tables were decked out with a variety of food ranging from roasted meat to the sweetest custards and crepes. Barrels of wine and ale were rolled out and everyone was already getting giddy from the intoxicating liquid. Since you didn’t really like wine or anything of the sort, you settle with a glass of orange juice while Komaeda doesn’t drink anything at all.

You’re finally at peace since no one is around- they’re too busy making merry and drinking- so you allow yourself to sigh a little as you sit down on a bench further away from the rest. Komaeda joins you after having a short chat with a potbellied man having a head of half white hair and half black- his left eye was hidden behind a red eye patch.

“You look tired, Hinata-kun,” he says as he sits next to you, you notice he’s seated himself at the furthest edge of the bench.

“I don’t know…I guess I am,” you take a sip of the juice.

“You looked like you were enjoying the tournament though. You cheered quite a lot- it was fun to watch,” he grins.

Your cheeks flush a little, you bet you looked silly, cheering so loud, “…shut up,” you mutter.

Komaeda chuckles which only makes you feel sillier, “It reminds of when we used to go horse riding in the forest. Remember that one time we pretended to joust?”

A memory resurfaces and you allow yourself a smile, “Both of us ended up smacking each other and we fell off from our horses didn’t we?”

“Yes I remember how our heads bumped when we did, it hurt a lot didn’t it?” he laughs.

“Yeah what the hell, Komaeda…your head’s surprisingly hard,” you end up saying.

“And so is yours Hinata-kun,”

You lapse into a comfortable silence and it’s funny how the two of you are sitting together and no one seems to notice. It’s almost like you’re average boys, friends even, just having fun and remembering the good old days. You’re surprised that you don’t feel uncomfortable at all, it almost feels like you’re back to six years ago, having fun with Komaeda the way you used to before _that_ incident happened.

 _I wish things could go back to how they were…_ You think to yourself and it alarms you.

 _Really? Would I want to go back to that time and be betrayed all over again?_  

“Hinata-kun,” Komaeda’s voice breaks you out of your reverie.

“Hm?”

“Did you see that man earlier? The one with the black and white hair?” he asks and you nod, confused.

“You see, he’s my father’s good friend apparently and according to my father’s wishes he’s going to be the Lord of the castle during the time he’s absent,”

You understand what he’s saying but you’re still not sure what it means. “Wait, weren’t you supposed to be Lord in place of His Highness?”

He gives a rueful smile and shakes his head, his white hair bounce a little as he does, “I supposed my father really doesn’t trust me with matters of the castle yet,”

_Figures…_

“It’s to be expected of course, I’m inexperienced and I’ve hardly any talent that would make me a distinguishable heir to begin with,” he continues as you gulp down your orange juice, thinking about the implications of a new Lord at the castle.

Maybe it would be a good thing. You’re really not sure Komaeda would be good at handling the castle affairs in any case.

“I wonder if the arrangement was a wise move on my father’s part though,”

“What do you mean?” you ask.

He gives you a look and you’re not sure what it means. His head turns and he’s looking ahead now, that shallow smile creeping up on his face again.

“Ah, I was just talking about you!” he says as the potbellied man makes his way towards you two, a glass of blood red wine in his hands.

“Oh my! And I was just about to come introduce myself!” he exclaims and jumps animatedly, you feel sick looking at the man- he looked crazy.

“But let me say it anyway!” he continues to speak in his sickeningly high pitched voice, “I’m Monokuma and I’m going to be the Lord of the castle from now on, you bastards!”

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aw man look who showed up...


	8. Chapter 8

Remember how you’d thought that maybe Monokuma would do a good job of being the lord of the castle? That didn’t turn out quite as you had expected. You want to laugh when you think about it now because the two weeks he’d been here had probably been the worse you’d ever had to go through. And that’s saying something considering the horrible weeks you’d had to go through with injured arms and legs. You can’t believe you’re living in the same castle you’ve been living in for six years now.

The day after the jousting tournament, his carriage- a rickety black monstrosity driven by two of the ugliest horses you had seen- came riding into the castle fields while you were getting a little sun outside. He stepped out with a flourish and ordered the guards to get all his trunks into the castle quarters. Everyone looked at him from afar, no one even bothered greeting him which you thought was a little rude, but apparently everyone knew the truth about Lord Monokuma way before you did.

Miss Monomi had fainted the moment she laid eyes on the man and you had to help Nanami get her to her rooms where you laid her on her bed and wondered in confusion about why she had fainted. You asked Nanami and she shrugged. “I think it wouldn’t be wise of me to tell you without her permission,”

Komaeda didn’t look all that pleased either and only went to greet him once and show him to his rooms, which were fortunately quite far away from your own. You don’t know why, but everyone had instantly quieted down when Monokuma had showed up and you felt like there was something sinister lurking beneath the surface of his wide, gap toothed grin.

It didn’t take that long for you to find out though; Monokuma was a monster in disguise of a human. All the rules and regulations that you had been following were discarded immediately and his own were implemented. He forced everyone to wake up even before dawn and made all the maids work twice as hard; beating them up if they didn’t work properly. Even his standards of what was proper and what was not were just plain ridiculous. A tiny speck of dust on the dining table made him so angry that the maid responsible for cleaning it up was starved for two days.

No one was allowed to dine in the great hall anymore because “I don’t want you guys ogling each other all day! Oho how filthy! How vile!” you don’t know how he reached that conclusion but ever since then you’d been eating in your own room or in the library if you managed to sneak in without being caught. Because of Monokuma’s rules, the castle had become an almost unwelcome place and no one spoke or laughed anymore. You wish you could do something about it. You tried asking Komaeda but he had just huffed and told you “I would if I had the power. That man has made the castle so full of despair; there really isn’t any positivity in you guys anymore,”

He was right though- he was just a prince without any power to his name. He was still a child in everyone’s eyes wasn’t he? And so were you. You almost feel like you understand him a little nowadays, maybe the presence of Monokuma had made you realize the fact that there were worse people out there; people who didn’t even care about those they were ruling over. At least Komaeda was sincere about his love for the kingdom and his people, wasn’t he? Or was that a façade too? What was Komaeda even after anyway? Your mind keeps running around in circles thinking over these questions whenever your mind wanders and you’re always appalled for thinking about it so much, it wasn’t your business anyway (You say that, but you know it is. _Of course_ it is.)

***  
“Hey did you hear they’re not having the after party at the castle?” you hear a maid whisper as you pass the kitchen.

“Are you serious?! But that’s the only time where even commoners like us get to celebrate!” another woman exclaims.

“She’s right about that you know. Monokuma says it’s just a waste of the kingdom’s money, he says nobody needs these events anyway,” a man mumbles and spits to the ground.

 _He shouldn’t be spitting around in the kitchen…if Monokuma catches him I’m sure he’d be flogged._ You shake your head and sigh.

Of course you had heard talk of the cancelling of the Ball too. Every year after all the tournaments were finished there was a grand ball at the castle and everyone in the village was invited. It was a wonderful affair of bright lights, great food and dancing until the night faded away and the first cracks of dawn appeared. You loved the ball because even your parents showed up and all of you got to spend some time together, having fun and forgetting about everything for the night. To think that Monokuma had simply cancelled it on the basis of saving money was complete and utter- you hope no one ever catches you saying it- bullshit. The next thing you know he’ll start rationing food too even though there’s been plenty of rain the past few years and the harvest is plenty. You’re starting to think Monokuma’s sole purpose at the castle in spreading discord.

“Upupu! What are we doing here huh?” Monokuma comes strolling across the hallway and stops, his eyes, or _eye_ to be more accurate, locks on to you, his lips curling into a fiendish smile.

 _So I’m his target for the day, huh?_ You think in a corner of your mind.

“I just came to get my lunch,” you tell him curtly.

“Are you suuuure about that? I saw you eavesdropping,”

“I wasn’t eavesdropping,”

“But I saw you,”

“Okay what if I _was_ eavesdropping?” you’re getting miffed because he’s just doing this to make fun of you.

“I’m afraid I would have to punish you, wouldn’t I?” he smirks, putting his hands on his hips.

_Are you kidding me?_

You want to yell at him but you can’t do that because it’s impossible for you to oppose the ‘Lord’ of the castle. You grit your teeth and stare at him, stone-faced.

“Oh my! Are you getting angry at poor old me?” he asks in mock horrification.

You reluctantly shake your head.

“Oh well since it’s your first time; I’ll be kind. Get your lunch and run away you useless boy!” he says those words with a smile on his face and you have to bite down the urge to yell at him. You had learnt that dealing with nobles was just a test in patience, if nothing else.

You bow to him and flee before he can catch you for something meaningless once again.

“Hinata-kun, how does it feel to have no importance, _no use,_ at all? Oh…apart from getting punished for the prince that is…”He calls out to you just as you leave. His voice is low but you hear him perfectly well.

***  
You grab your lunch tray from the kitchen without really looking at it because you’re not hungry anymore and you just want to go hide somewhere. You head for the library because it was usually left unoccupied and you had recently found a pretty great spot with a good view outside.

Sure enough, nobody seems to be there and you head for the furthest corner, turning left once until you reach a huge French window that resembles the one in your room. You put down your tray and open the window, leaping out to the other side, where there’s a tiny terrace covered mostly behind vines and branches- the best thing about the terrace was that due to the vines, no one could really see you sitting there.

You turn to get your tray but you stop when you see a figure sitting cross legged in a corner.

“Woah!” you exclaim, “What the hell are you doing here, Komaeda?!”

He looks up at you, he has a book in his hand but you can’t see the cover, “I could ask you the same,”

“I came here to eat lunch,” you tell him and get the tray from the floor and close the window.

“What a coincidence,” he motions towards a tray lying by his side, a plate of fish gone cold and an apple, cut into equal sized pieces.

There’s no harm in eating with him so you sit down leaning against the wall; it feels cramped sitting here with Komaeda since the space isn’t all that big to begin with. Your shoulders almost touch but you try not to sit too close to him. You start eating your fish and stare at the scene beyond- the grass is turning golden brown and the crisp copper leaves fall from trees slowly as if tired. A gust of wind blows and carries the wispy clouds away, you enjoy watching them- the windswept gray clouds had always been your favorite for some reason.

“You look angry, Hinata-kun,” Komaeda comments after a while, munching on a piece of the apple.

“I’m not angry,”

“But your face is all pinched!” he persists, “Did something happen?”

You look at him sullenly.

“Monokuma happened that’s what,”

His eyes narrow as you say it, “I should have known...did he do something out of line?”

“I don’t know…he accused me of eavesdropping on the maids but that’s not really that big of a deal since he let me off with a warning. I wasn’t even eavesdropping to begin with,”

“Monokuma enjoys making everyone upset, it’s his hobby,” he offers you a piece of the apple and you take it from him, biting into it in frustration.

“But I didn’t even do anything to him!”

“Neither did anyone else. He’s not out for _revenge_ , that’s for sure,”

“He even cancelled the Grand Ball! Why would he do that?” You don’t know why you’re ranting about that but you just keep pouring out all your anger since Komaeda seems to be listening anyway.

His face looks gloomy when you mention it “Do you like the Grand Ball, Hinata-kun?”

“’Course I do! Everyone has a lot of fun you know,”

“….What if _that’s_ the reason…” he mumbles to himself, his face looks pensive.

“What do you mean?” you look at him.

“Maybe…maybe he wants to undermine everyone’s morale and increase discord among the nobles and commoners at the castle by removing every source of happiness for them?”

You think about his words and they sort of make sense to you- Monokuma seemed to trying to make everyone despair. But why would he want to do that?

“You’re probably right about that…” you say bitterly.

Komaeda leans towards you; his eyes scrutinize your face and you quail a little under their intensity.

“Did he say something to you too?” he asks leaning closer still and your face flushes. You’re shocked at his perception. There’s also the troubling fact that he’s too close to you and you have no idea why you’re starting to blush.

“Uh...yeah,” You say distractedly and try to inch away from him but there’s no place for you to move; the place really _is_ too small for the two of you, you notice.

“What did he say to you, Hinata-kun?” he asks in a low voice, it’s barely a whisper but you think he sounds a little angry.

“Nothing really…just some stuff about me being useless that’s all,” you try to say dismissively but you end up sounding bitter instead.

Something changes in Komaeda’s face as you say it and his expression softens, his eyes lose a little of their sharpness though they’re still focused on you. You wish he would get away, his presence is making you jittery and you curse yourself for it. Are you really that scared of Komaeda? No- you don’t really feel _scared_ at all, surprisingly. It’s something else, something that’s making you very conscious of the distance between you two, the sound of his breath as he speaks and how smells faintly of the apples he’s just had. You hope he doesn’t notice that your heartbeat has just quickened its pace tenfold.

“Hinata-kun, did you really believe him when he said that?” he asks, definitely curious.

You don’t want to give a foolish answer but you end up telling him the truth, “I guess I did…”

Komaeda laughs, his voice is wheezy and his body is shaking but he doesn’t look like he’s mocking you.

“What the hell? Why are you laughing?” you ask in irritation. You suddenly feel like you’ve said something really stupid.

“You really haven’t realized anything, have you, Hinata-kun?” he asks you.

“What the hell are you talking about Komaeda?”

“I’m talking about the fact that you still don’t know just how… _important_ your presence is,” his voice is barely a whisper and you feel like he’s hiding a secret from you.

“What, as your whipping boy?” you say scathingly, “that’s all I’m useful for, aren’t I?”

Komaeda looks stung but it only shows for a while and then his usual smile is back on his face. He looks at your hands and reaches out a finger to touch the faint scars from the first time you’d been punished. You flinch a little but you let him touch you; you can’t decipher the look in his eyes but he almost looks like he’s remorseful. It pleases you to think that he might be upset over it.

“You’re much more important than that…Hinata-kun. Call it intuition but I feel like I can expect great things from you,” he says and for some reason you want to believe him.

 _He’s a liar and he’s crazy, why should I believe him?_ A part of your mind still resists but for now, the boy sitting in front of you absentmindedly tracing lines on your hand is the one you had first met and you want to believe what he says. You truly want to believe you have worth and that there’s some meaning to your existence.

 _If only things were that simple,_ you sigh as you look at Komaeda. You can’t bring yourself to say anything- you don’t even know what to say and your mind isn’t really working properly at the moment. You feel weird and the fact that he’s touching you just makes you feel even more confused.

You jerk your hand away all of a sudden and you’re just as surprised as Komaeda.

“I’m sorry Hinata-kun! I’m sure you must be uncomfortable with me touching you…that was rude of me-I shouldn’t have done it,” he apologizes quickly, looking horrified.

“…It’s okay, I don’t mind,” you tell him and figure it’s time to leave since things are getting awkward between you two fast.

Before you can get up, Komaeda leaps to his feet and smiles, “I should be getting back to my room now, Monokuma will start looking for me and we don’t him to find out about this spot right?”

You nod uncertainly and nibble at the last piece of fish on your plate. Komaeda’s hair fly erratically all over the place but the faint bit of sunlight that shines on him makes him look surprisingly handsome. He’s gone before you know it and now it’s just you in the terrace that’s far too tiny for two people and you feel cold-you had almost forgotten it was fall. You almost miss his absence now that’s he gone.

 _What’s_ up _with you today, Hinata?_ You sigh.                 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pfft i think hinata's waking up to his gay feelings maybe


	9. Chapter 9

You’re in your room, trying to straighten out the mess you’ve made on the tables and shelves when you see it fall. A dried up gladiolus flower, its original purple colour reduced to a pale lavender shade with hints of brown on the sides.

_Huh? How come I still have it?_

You reach down to pick it up; looking at the flower brings back memories of the day you had taught Komaeda how to press flowers and preserve them.

\---

You had just randomly decided to put an orchid you had plucked from the gardens into one of Komaeda’s fat old books and he’d been curious to know what you had been doing. You’d told him how putting the flowers under something heavy for some time would dry them up and preserve their appearance. He had been so pleased with the notion that he had practically begged you to pick some flowers with him from the garden to preserve later.

“Hinata-kun, these would look nice wouldn’t they?” he said as he plucked a rose and a gladiolus from the bushes lining the gardens.

“Yeah they’ll look great,” you nodded and jumped to pull out a purple flower from some tree. You’re not sure which flower you had picked but you remember thinking it was the prettiest.

When you’d finally pressed all the flowers and dried them up, Komaeda had been grinning. He gingerly picked up the dried gladiolus in his fingers and presented it to you.

“Since this one turned out the prettiest, I’ll give it to you, Hinata-kun,”

“Huh…why?” you asked him as you hesitantly took the flower from him.

“I guess it sort of reminds me of you, in a way,”

“I don’t really get what you mean,” you frown.

Komaeda laughed in reply and began arranging the other flowers on a glass frame. He’d decided to put them up in the room since ‘it would make the room look beautiful’. You’d wondered if Komaeda had a fixation for beautiful things.

“Here,” you told him awkwardly and shoved the dry purple flower you’d picked from the tree, “you can have it,”

Komaeda’s hands froze mid-motion when you said it and he looked at you in a confused sort of manner.

“Really, I didn’t want anything from you in return, you know!” he gave a little laugh, “you shouldn’t be compelled to give anything to a person like me,”

“I felt like giving it to you, that’s all,” you shrugged even though you felt a little stung that he wasn’t taking the flower. It must have shown on your face because he suddenly looked very horrified and took the flower from you, pressing it between his thumb and forefinger gently.

“I’ll treasure it…Thank you,” he smiled and you believed him when he said it.

\---

 _I wonder if he still has it_ , you ruminate while holding the shriveled up gladiolus in your finger.

There had been a time when you had been so upset with how unfair life at the castle was, and how Komaeda had been the source of it all, that you had wanted to throw the flower away. You had tried to chuck it into the hearth once when you had been punished because Komaeda had run away from the castle without telling anyone, and you’d been extremely bitter about it. You had stood in front of the fireplace, wanting to be rid of everything that had been given to you by the boy but you just couldn’t bring yourself to do it. You had cried while holding the flower and even though you couldn’t throw it away; you had decided to put it somewhere out of your sight. It helped ease the pain, somewhat.

The fact that it had sprung up after almost five years makes you smile a little. Perhaps it was because things were getting better between the two of you that thinking of the past didn’t make you angry anymore.

***  
You’re still sitting in your room, studying about the laws and rules of the Kingdom- recently you’d been dealing with those kinds of things- when the door opens and you jump in surprise.

“What the hell? Couldn’t you have knocked first?” you say without really looking towards the door. You know it’s Komaeda by the way he just barges into your room.

“Sorry to interrupt you, I hope you weren’t doing anything… _private_?” he says jokingly and you flush.

“I’m _studying_ ,” you tell him pointedly.

“Ah yes, laws and taxation? I’m sure you’ve been made to deal with things like that these days given the workload,” he nods knowingly.

“I didn’t want to make any mistake so I’m trying to get the hang of it,”

He leans over and looks at the stuff you’ve been doing for practice. “I don’t see any mistakes. You’re doing well,”

You nod and take it as a compliment, “What are you doing here anyway?”

 “To the point as always, aren’t you, Hinata-kun?” he smirks.

“I don’t normally see you barging into my room without any reason, after all,” you say matter-of-factly.

Komaeda pulls out a chair standing at the side and sits next to you, “Say, do you know how to dance?” he asks.

“Huh?”

“You know; ballroom dancing and whatnot. I haven’t seen you dance with anyone during the parties,”

“Well that’s because…I don’t like to dance,” you say quickly. It’s kinda of true but there’s also the fact that no one had ever approached you for one anyway. Dancing was kind of a sore topic for you.

“Come now, Hinata-kun! Are you really going to reject all the ladies when you have the opportunity to dance with them? I’m sure they would jump at the chance to dance with you!” he says enthusiastically and you stare at him.

Was he really oblivious to the fact that you weren’t half as popular as he thought?

“You’ve got that wrong,” you mutter indistinctly.

He frowns at you as if he’s thinking, “Are you implying that no one wants to dance with you?”

You sputter and pretend to cough, “What? Of course not!”

He grins, “Well if that _is_ what you think- that nobody wants to dance with you- then I’m going to have to object,”

“Huh?”

“You’re seventeen, Hinata-kun. You can’t just let your youth go to waste!”

“What the hell are you even saying now?”

“The fact remains Hinata-kun; I want you to dance, the others are going to form a bad impression about you otherwise,” he continues. You say nothing because when you think about it, he’s right. Impressions were everything for people of high status and whether you liked it or not, you were one of them now.

“Okay…so you want me to dance…” you repeat his words.

He nods encouragingly.

You don’t want to say it, but since he’s got a point and there’s no escaping what he tells you to do, you figure you ought to tell him your biggest problem.

“I don’t really know how to dance though,” you say begrudgingly.

“Oh yes, I know that,” he smiles knowingly and you feel hopelessly stupid again, “which is why I was here in the first place; I’ve hired a tutor to teach you all about dancing!”

_That’s Komaeda Nagito for you. He really had everything planned out from the start didn’t he?_

You sigh, “So…when do the lessons start?”

“In about half an hour,” he grins and leaves, leaving you behind to take all of it in.

Dancing lessons. After half an hour.

_Really, that guy…_

***  
It’s been ten minutes since you walked into the empty ballroom where you were supposed to be having your dance lessons but there’s no one in sight. You’re sitting on the floor, legs crossed; the glass windows have been painted in a mosaic pattern and cast a colorful shadow on the floor. You’re staring at the ceiling where enormous crystal chandeliers hang every few feet from each other and candles glow on all of them. You think it must be a tough job having to stand on a ladder and light all of them.

You hear the door creak open slightly and you see a familiar pink head pop out.

“Sorry I’m late,” she says slowly and you jolt to your feet.

“Nanami?! What are you doing here?” you ask in confusion.

“The prince asked me to teach you how to dance,” she says and frowns a little.

“Oh…you’re going to teach me?” you say slowly.

You had expected a proper teacher for some reason, but you’re not really complaining. Learning with Nanami would be way more pleasant. You grin at her.

“Okay then…shall we start?” you ask and she nods, walking closer to you.

She motions for you to stand ten steps away from her.

“I’ll bow to you and then you’re going to extend a hand to me,” you mutter an ‘Oh!’, before she ends her sentence with, “I guess,”

You do as she says and then she walks up to you slowly, taking your hand “…I think you’re going to twirl me around after that,”

You try to do that but you just end up twisting your arm awkwardly and she doesn’t even end up twirling the way you’d seen Komaeda do with the noblewomen.

“Are you sure that’s how you’re supposed to do the twirl?” she asks you, tilting her head to the side.

“What do you mean? Shouldn’t I be asking _you_ that?” you say, bewildered.

“Well I don’t know how to twirl so it’s difficult for me to teach you,” she replies honestly.

“ _Huh?!”_ you exclaim, “But didn’t Komaeda ask you to teach me?”

She nods lazily, “He did,”

“How come you can’t even do a simple twirl then?”

“I’ve never really danced before,” she tells you and you’re getting even more confused by the moment.

You put a hand on your forehead in frustration, “Wait, do you mean to say that…Komaeda just up and asked you to teach me even though he had no idea that you couldn’t dance?

“I suppose that would explain why I’m here. Maybe he thought I would be a good dancer considering I’m related to Usami,”

That would make a little sense since miss Monomi/Usami (you’re still unsure about what to call her in your head) used to be one of the best dancers of the court.

“Geez, that Komaeda just drags everyone into his plans without even asking them properly. I bet he just went _‘Ah Nanami! Busy playing as always? You see I’ve decided on dance lessons for Hinata-kun, you’ll teach him won’t you? I’ll be counting on you then!’_ ” you imitate him, trying to pull off his raspy voice.

Nanami blinks in surprise when you do that, “You know him quite well don’t you? That was spot on,” she says, her tone almost reverent.

You’re surprised you’d been right but it pleases you somewhat, “Not really…I don’t know what goes on in his head,”

“I think that the fact that you try to understand him despite not knowing is what really matters,” she smiles warmly and you’re surprised that she’s actually talking to you about him so seriously.

“But…sometimes he just feels like such a different person. I have no idea what he’ll do if I leave him alone,” you sigh.

“Well, if it’s you I think you’ll be able to help him when the time comes,” she yawns and motions towards the door.

“I have some work I left unfinished. Would it be alright if I left?” she asks even though she’s already opened the door. You laugh and tell her she can leave.

“Oh, and Nanami?” she looks at you, “…Thanks,”

She gives you a small wave and leaves.

You’re about to leave too when the door opens again and Komaeda comes strolling in, he’s wearing a white fur cape again and his green silk tunic is embroidered with golden thread. He looks sharper than usual today which means he must have been in the village.

“Yo, Hinata-kun,” he greets you.

“Were you out somewhere?” you ask and motion towards the cape.

“Yes, I was visiting the older market areas…there’s been a lot of discord because of the cancellation of the Ball you see,”

“Oh…I don’t get why you’re even holding dancing lessons for me in that case, I mean there won’t be a Ball any time soon,”

“Speaking of which, how was the class?” he says enthusiastically, completely ignoring your question.

You sigh, “Did you even know that Nanami doesn’t know squat about dancing?”

He looks mildly surprised, “Really? I thought she knew how to dance quite well,” he laughs a little, “I guess that was a little presumptuous of me,”

_So even Komaeda has his dumb moments…_

“The lessons are off then, right?” you ask and begin walking towards the door. You really need to get back to studying.

“Hold on, Hinata-kun,” he calls out, “who said anything about calling them off?”

“Well since I don’t even have a teacher, what else are we going to do?”

He looks thoughtful and folds his arms. After a while, he says “Well that _is_ a problem since most of the tutors I had have retired and Monokuma won’t really allow people from outside to enter the castle unless it’s extremely important,”

“See? Just forget about it- who needs dance lessons anyway?” you say trying to escape before he thinks up of a plan that might actually work.

His eyes suddenly light up as if he’s thought of something.

 _Too late_ , you cringe inwardly.

“Since I’m here and there’s nothing for me to do…why don’t I teach you a little of the basics?”

 _God damn it!_ You want to swear but you keep it all in and sigh.

“You’re not going to go until I actually do some dancing are you?” you say weakly.

“Of course not!” he smiles.

“I give up...go ahead,”

He sets himself straight and motions for you to stand a little away from him just as Nanami had. Once you’re in position, he begins speaking again.

“I think we should start directly with the quadrille since that’s the most popular one and all the nobles are supposed to dance in it. They’ll dance in groups of four, and you get to dance with each person one by one, switching after every turn,”

You nod, you knew about quadrilles well enough since you’d observed them from afar. You couldn’t fathom how everyone was so well coordinated even though they never practiced together. You feel a little nervous just thinking about having to dance in one.

“Since it’s just the two of us right now, I’ll demonstrate the steps- we can practice the order of switching later on,” he sounds so professional when he talks, it doesn’t feel like the usual carefree Komaeda at all and you find yourself nodding diligently just like you did during your other classes.

“You’re fine with being the lady right? I want you to observe how I move so that it’s easier for you to understand,”

“Uh sure,” you tell him even though it _is_ embarrassing to act like the woman.

Komaeda puts his right arm behind his back and bows a little to you. He extends his other arm for you to hold, his head is still down but he’s looking at you. You gulp and put your hand on his, touching it lightly as you had seen the other ladies do.

“Alright. After this you’re going to step back again and then we’ll walk towards each other,”

You do as he says and he holds your hand again, twisting it so that you have to turn your back to his.

“What-"you mumble as he does it and turn your face to see him move closer to you.

“You’re supposed to hold the woman’s hand like this-” he motions to your right hand which he’s holding gently in his, “and the other hand is supposed to be on her waist like so,”

He has a hand on your waist and you can’t see his face but you sure as hell can feel him. His hair touches the nape of your neck slightly and it’s itchy but not unpleasantly so. His voice is low since his mouth is right next to your left ear.

“Try not to move too much, Hinata-kun. I’m going to twirl you now, we’ll do it twice alright?” he says slowly and you nod, a little embarrassed because he’s treating you just like a woman.

_Dammit, why did he have to be taller than me?_

The first time he spins you, his hand is still on your back and he’s started humming a familiar tune- it’s a very faint sound but you can hear him clearly. It looks like he’s enjoying himself a lot. He raises your hand above his head and turns it ever so slightly and you naturally find yourself turning, following his lead. It’s incredibly mortifying but you’re impressed by Komaeda’s light-footedness.

“Alright, I got it, can I stop being the woman now?” you tell him as soon he stops spinning you, “ _Please?”_

Komaeda chuckles, “If that’s what you want then I’m willing to be the lady this time,”

 You sigh in relief and the two of you switch positions. You start with the customary bow and extending of hands and then, with his hand in yours, you try to copy Komaeda and get him to turn so that his back is turned towards you. It’s harder than it looked when he did it and you almost end up tripping on his cape when you do.

“Take it slowly. There’s no need to rush,” he says patiently.

You nod and try it again, succeeding in getting him in the right position. You hesitantly put a hand on his waist and you’re surprised to find that he’s thinner than he looks, you can almost feel the pelvic bone jutting out a little. You snap your attention back to what you’re doing. You were supposed to hold him like this and then do a spin right?

“I hope it’s not too difficult to do since I’m a little taller,” he says, voicing out your exact thoughts. You feel a sting to your pride when he says it.

“Shut up! I’ll do it,” you tell him and raise the hand you’re holding.

“Ah…watch your step,” he adds in when you start to turn him.

He moves so gracefully that you feel like you’re lagging behind as you try to match your step with his. His cape turns along with him as he moves and you don’t notice that it’s right on the spot where you’re supposed to put your foot. You try to avoid it but when Komaeda stops, you end up stepping on it anyway, your foot slipping and propelling you forward.

“Watch out!” you yell just as you start to fall. Komaeda doesn’t see it coming but you end up grabbing onto the front of his shirt for support, barely stopping yourself from making him fall too.

“Are you alright, Hinata-kun?!” he asks urgently and your heart starts beating really fast from the simultaneous shock and relief.

“I’m fine,” you manage to gasp, holding onto Komaeda for dear life.

“That’s a relief. You tripped on my cape didn’t you?” he asks, his voice containing just the tiniest hint of laughter.

You look up to his face and you almost choke on thin air when you see his face is only a few centimeters away from yours. He’s looking at you, his eyes look amused. Your heart’s still beating really fast and you’re scared Komaeda is going to misunderstand _something,_ soon. You’re just flustered from stumbling right? You want to let go of his shirt already but he’s holding your arms to keep you steady so that seems a little impossible.

 _Ugh, this looks so stupid…_ You curse to yourself _. What if someone comes in- they’re going to misunderstand  and take it the wrong way, I bet…_

_And why the hell am I getting flustered? He’s a guy isn’t he?_

_Wait; did I just remind myself that he’s a guy? Of course he’s a guy why would I feel conscious of a_ guy _?_

Your mind keeps going in tangents and you feel a little dizzy.

_But his face is really pretty now that I think about it,_

You jump at the realization that you’re staring at his face. You let out an embarrassed cough and look away- you’re sure your face is burning.

“Well I think this is enough for today, don’t you think?” Komaeda breaks the silence, his voice back to its professional tone.

You sigh a little in relief but you almost feel disappointed that he didn’t even react, didn’t he _ever_ get embarrassed?

“Oh- sure,” you say clumsily and move away from him. You heart’s still stammering and you’re starting to think you had something bad for lunch. Surely that must be it.

“Well then, see you, Hinata-kun. I’ll try looking for an instructor if it’s possible,” he says lightly.

_Wait, didn’t he say it was hard to get one into the castle?_

“Hold on, Komae-"you call out after him but he’s already gone.

 _What the hell is up with him?_ You huff and leave the room after him, feeling all kinds of ticked off.

***  
As you’re heading back to your room, you decide to take a small detour to the outer quarters to meet Souda. Maybe listening to him drone on about his problems would make you feel better, you don’t know why but you’re incredibly irked at Komaeda right now. He never explained anything properly and half the time his words and actions completely contradicted each other.

You’re mad at yourself too. Mad for thinking about Komaeda so much and mad for always making a fool of yourself in front of him. Not that it made a difference to you. You don’t care about what he thinks of you, of course.

The grey stone walls are lit with stone torches every few feet and they cast a rather gloomy air to the already dilapidated place. The inner quarters were a less well kept place in obvious comparison to the main quarters which were for the nobles. You’re glad you don’t have to live here though you had been forced to live here once, as punishment.

You see a couple of shadows cast on the wall as you turn into a corner; you’re starting to hear muffled voices too and something akin to sobbing?

“Don’t do this! It wasn’t my fault! I didn’t do anything wrong!” you’d recognize that voice anywhere: Miss Monomi/Usami.

Your gut clenches as you hear her sob faintly. You stop in your tracks and peer into the corner to see what’s happening. Your face pales when you see who she’s talking to. Monokuma’s standing in front of her, he’s holding her arms roughly and she looks like she’s in pain.

“Upupupu! My dear Monomi, did you think you could disobey your own brother?” he says condescendingly, a singsong lilt ever present in his voice.

“Stop calling me by that name! and you’re not my brother!” she yells and tries to free herself from his grasp but only ends up getting slapped in the face, the voice rings in your ears and you grit your teeth.

_What the hell is going on?_

You’re outraged at Monokuma’s behavior. You’re not too fond of Monomi but seeing that bastard mistreat her makes so you feel even angrier than you already are.

“It hurts that you’d reject your own brother, my dear Monomi, how you hurt me so,” he continues to tease her, “However! As the Lord I can’t just let you get away with trying to run away from the castle just like that, now can I?”

“I can’t stay here any longer! I’ve had enough!” she yells, her voice growing faint as she continues to resist.

Seeing her feeble attempts to run away causes something to snap and you jump out from where you’re hiding and yell at Monokuma.

“Let her go!”

Both of them turn to look at you and Monokuma raises a hand to his mouth, his eyes narrowing dramatically as if scandalized.

“Oho! Look who’s here, Monomi?” he exclaims pleasantly as if he’s greeting a surprise visitor.

You glare at him steadily- you don’t feel even slightly scared of him. You’re far too angry to care.

“I said: Let. Her. Go,” you mutter through clenched teeth.

“Hinata-kun, please stay out of this,” Monomi cries but you ignore her.

You just needed a chance to call Monokuma out; you’ve had enough of his tyranny. You know you’re powerless to do anything to him but you just want to speak out against how unfair he is and how he’s ruining everything at the castle. You can’t believe you’re upset about a place you shuddered to even call home when you were a kid.

 _But it_ is _my home now._

“Oh Hinata-kun, did you think that just because you’re _close_ to the prince-” he says the word close as if it’s something indecent,“did you really think I would let you get away with disrespecting me?”

“I am _not_ close to Komaeda, if that’s what you’re implying, but I sure as hell don’t expect him to keep me safe from anything,” you tell him, your voice cool and composed.

He grins and utters a laugh, his stomach bobbing up and down in a disgusting manner.

“Well then! You won’t be expecting him to come save you when I punish you for disrespecting your lord…right?”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the horribly gay chapter this time but I felt really happy after a really long time and i didn't feel like writing something too depressing so here we are :O
> 
> I really hope you enjoyed it! 
> 
> If you have any questions or suggestions relating to the story feel free to message me on [my blog! ](http://penpeas.tumblr.com/)


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter might be triggering so i put === signs for anyone who's not comfortable reading them. you can just skip when you see them and start from where they end :>

Monokuma stands in front of you; his short chubby stature is, to be honest, rather intimidating and you’re starting to have second thoughts about standing up to him. You’re almost struck by the irony of the fact that this is the first time you’re going to be punished for your own actions and not Komaeda’s. You’re scared but at the same time you feel a little proud.

_I wonder what he’ll do to me…_

“Are you ready, you bastard?” Monokuma grins and you gulp, tightening your fists to keep them from shaking.

You stare at him resolutely, determined not to show him your fear, you wouldn’t forgive yourself for getting cold feet at a time like this. You look at Miss Monomi, who’s free from Monokuma’s grasp now, coughing a little. Her eyes are fixated on you and she tries to signal for you to run away. You smirk gravely and turn back to Monokuma.

“I won’t run away,” you find yourself saying.

“All the better!” Monokuma replies, walking towards you, “Men!” he calls out.

 _Ah…this is going to hurt isn’t it?_ You think as you see two burly guards step out from the one of the corners, you hadn’t noticed them standing there but then again that was a little foolish of you. Monokuma always had at least two guards with him wherever he went.

As the two men head towards you and you’re bracing yourself for the oncoming pain, you hear footsteps echo behind you. Everyone turns back in surprise and you gasp a little when you see that it’s Nanami.

“Stop right there!” she says almost forcibly and you find yourself gaping at her.

“Oh! oh! Are you perhaps saying that to me, the Lord of the castle?” Monokuma asks in shock

Nanami nods and speaks calmly, “I don’t think you have the right to stop Miss Monomi from leaving the castle,”

“Huh?” you mutter slowly as Monokuma’s face turns red.

“That’s right!” Monomi perks up, “I have the right to leave the castle if I want to!”

“I refuse to let her go. No one leaves the castle!” Monokuma yells in a fit of rage.

“I don’t think the king would be too pleased to hear that, he was always very particular about the freedom of his people,” Nanami counters, you’re too busy getting impressed by her to even bother about running away.

Monokuma doesn’t say anything for a while, he silently stares at Nanami and you’re scared he’ll turn on her too.

“I think you should let Hinata-kun go. He was only trying to remind you that it wasn’t your job to stop Miss Monomi from leaving. Right Hinata-kun?”

“What- Oh! Of course! Let Miss Monomi go,” you say quickly, catching on to her plan.

“Weeeell…if you put it that way. I’ll let you go this time,” Monokuma says in a surprisingly cheerful voice.

_Huh? That was fast._

“Let’s go Hinata-kun,” Nanami says and grabs you arm, pulling you back to the main quarters.

“Right,” you mutter and follow her, getting away as fast as possible.

As soon as you’re out of earshot you stop and look back, regret pooling in your stomach.

“We left Miss Monomi…I’m sure Monokuma’s going to take it out on her,” you whisper to Nanami.

She looks at you, blinking slowly, “I don’t think he’ll do that…he knows I have a point. He’ll let her leave…I guess,”

“You _guess_?”

She nods and you can’t really say anything, you hope your running away doesn’t end up causing her worse trouble than she was already in. You don’t know why you’re even worried about her; she wasn’t anything to you and you should have just minded your own business.

You walk the rest of the way back in silence and when she leaves towards the kitchen, you bid her farewell for the day.

“Thanks again Nanami, you really saved me back there,” you tell her feeling embarrassed.

“Don’t mention it,”

***

After being rescued by Nanami you decide it would be best to stay in your room for a while because you don’t really know how Monokuma will react if he sees your face any time soon. Besides, there’s nothing much for you to do anyway and it’s already pretty late so you decide to go to sleep instead.

You’re lying in your bed, wrapped like a cocoon in your soft blanket, and you’re comfortable enough but you just can’t get to sleep. Your mind keeps wandering back to the events of the day and it just makes you agitated. Learning how to dance, making an idiot out of yourself in front of Komaeda, getting mad at him for leaving. You don’t know why you’re angry; shouldn’t you be glad he won’t be teaching you? He’s no good anyway, being around him just makes you uncomfortable and you really don’t feel like you can trust him. What kind of a prince was he if he couldn’t even settle the matters of the castle? You know he’s perfectly aware of Monokuma’s tyranny but he’s not doing anything and you almost got in trouble for that.

_Geez, that guy is really no good. What am I going to do?_

You still can’t believe you barely got away from getting beaten up by Monokuma’s men and it’s a relief that you’re unscathed but you can’t shake off a feeling of unease; you really should stay out of Monokuma’s sight for now. But that still doesn’t change the fact that you’re really angry about what he’s doing and you’re starting to think it would be a good idea to talk to Komaeda about it. You know you’re in the best position to talk to him since no one else can really advise him due to him being royalty and all.

 _Right! I’ll go talk to him about it tomorrow!_ You think resolutely and with that calming thought you finally find yourself falling asleep.

***  
An impatient knock on the door wakes you up and when you open your eyes, you realize it’s already noon. Nobody even bothered to wake you up and you’re shocked that you’re not in trouble for it. Getting up frantically, you open the door to see who’s knocking with so much urgency and you’re confused when you see a short little girl standing in front of you.

“Ah, good day…did you come to see me?” you ask her, feeling a little confused. She looked about 12 years old with blond pig tails and a short floral patterned dress.

“What were you doing sleeping in so late? You have dance lessons or did you not know that?” she asks grumpily and you’re even more confused.

“Huh…how did you know about the dance lessons?” you’re pretty sure no one but Komaeda and Nanami knew.

“Well I’m your new teacher that’s why,” she pouts.

You stare at her for a few seconds, taking in her words slowly. Dance teacher. This girl was your dance teacher?

“But why did he hire a little girl like you?” you find yourself saying.

“What?! Did you just call me a little girl? I’m almost as old as you are, mister,” she folds her arms.

“Oh!” is all you manage to say to her. Maybe you’re still a little sleepy after all.

“Hurry up and get dressed and meet me in the ballroom in ten minutes,” she says and leaves without looking at you.

You’re still a little confused but you do as she says, changing into the cleaner clothes you have and frantically put on your boots. You end up changing in less than a minute and then you’re running down the stairs towards the ballroom.

When she looks at you entering the hall, she glares at you, “You’re late!”

“I came two minutes early actually, Miss…uh…May I know what your name is?” you ask her politely since she _is_ your teacher no matter how much of a pipsqueak she looks like.

“Saionji Hiyoko,” she says curtly, “Let’s get to business then, shall we?”

You nod and take your position as you had learnt yesterday.

She drilled you about it all, pretty much like Komaeda had, except she wasn’t half as patient as him. Since she was almost two feet shorter than you it just got harder for you to dance and you kept stepping on her feet. You still couldn’t get the hang of the spin and she started yelling at you for messing it up and tripping on your own feet so by the time you’re done with the lessons, two hours later, you’re utterly drained.

You thank her out of courtesy and she harrumphs, skipping out of the room like a kid. You’re sure she’s just lying about her age even though she was a surprisingly impressive dancer.

You decide to head back to your room but then you remember how you had decided to talk to Komaeda about the matters at the castle so you head to his room instead.

You knock on his door, waiting for him to open it and when he doesn’t, you try again. Still not hearing an answer, you leave, heaving a dejected sigh and turning to go back to your own room. Maybe he was out for some important business?

You’re not really looking ahead when you bump into someone and stumble back a few steps.

“Sorry I wasn’t really look-” when you see that the person you bumped into was Souda, you stop, “Oh hey Souda, hey Nanami,” Souda’s with Nanami which is rather weird since you don’t think they ever got along that well.

“What are you doing here?” Souda asks.

“I was heading back to my room,” you answer.

“So…how were the dance lessons with Miss Saionji?” Nanami asks and you huff in reply.

“Terrible,”

They don’t say anything to that, but Souda looks like he’s trying to stifle his laughter.

“Well since you guys are here anyway, want to come to my room?” you ask them.

“Sure, why not?” he answers and you head to your room.

Souda promptly jumps onto your bed while Nanami takes a seat by the window. You sit down next to her.

“So…what were you guys doing together?” you ask curiously.

“Nothing really, we were heading towards the grand hall. She was going to show me the stuff I needed to fix up,”

“But didn’t you just fix up all the stuff a few days ago?”

“He did but with the ball coming up we’ll need to have the place at its best,” Nanami says in his stead.

“Wait, wasn’t the ball cancelled just a few days ago?” you ask.

Souda perks up and grins, his shark teeth gleaming in the light, “Oh but that’s the thing. The ball’s happening, Monokuma actually agreed!”

“Seriously?”

“Yes, I think the prince was just having a meeting about that a while ago,” Nanami says.

_So that’s why he wasn’t in the room._

“When’s the ball going to happen then?”

“The day after tomorrow! D’you see why we’re in such a fix now? Shit there’s so much work to do; couldn’t they have decided this sooner?” Souda whines.

“…Dammit no wonder Komaeda wanted me to learn how to dance…how am I going to learn how to do it in just two days? I don’t even know how to dance without stepping on someone!” you’re starting to get worried you’ll make an idiot out of yourself. You should have paid more attention to Saionji when she was speaking.

“Dude, you’re so lucky you’ll get to dance with all those rich and beautiful ladies. I would kill to be in your place,”

 _Would you now?_ You think grimly but give him a strained smile in response.

Souda carries on with his excited bantering while Nanami stifles a yawn.

“Hey! Did you hear Princess Sonia is invited too? Man that Komaeda sure knows the right people to invite! I’m so glad I’ll get to see her, my angel,”

“Oh she’s coming too? Why?”

“I don’t know man, you should ask the Prince yourself, must have been something important for him to send three messengers just to invite her,”

“Where do you even get all that info anyway?” you ask, surprised.

Souda shrugs, “I got my ways,”

You don’t bother probing further; instead you focus your attention on Nanami.

“Nanami…is Miss Monomi really leaving the castle?” you ask her carefully.

“…Yes. She’ll leave tomorrow,”

“Where will she go from here? Won’t she be jobless?”

“No, she’s heading to the other castle to stay by the King’s side. She’s worried for him, that’s why she was leaving in the first place,”

“Oh…is the king still not well?”

“I’ve heard that his injuries are getting better, I think he’ll be back here in a few weeks,”

You sigh in relief. With the king back, Monokuma would definitely have to leave the castle and head back to Novoselic where he’d been living before he came here. You’re still not sure how the king got to be friends with him if he lived so far away. Maybe he had lived here before moving to Novoselic?

Souda suddenly gets up and jumps off the bed, “Aw man I just remembered we’ve got tons of work to do. Nanami…oi! Nanami! Don’t fall asleep as soon as you stop talking!”

When you look at her, sure enough, her eyes are already closed.

“Nanami! Hey I know you’ve been working a lot but c’mon don’t just fall asleep like that,” Souda shakes her and she opens her eyes. She stares impassively at him before getting up.

“Sorry,” she says and heads towards the door.

“See you then, Hinata! Good luck learning how to dance,” he says and leaves; you wave after him and head out of the room as well.

_Maybe Komaeda’s back now. It’s already been more than an hour._

Sure enough, as you’re going to his place, you catch a glimpse of a white haired person walking downstairs. You run after him, trying to get him to notice you.

“Komaeda!” you yell his name and he looks up questioningly.

“Ah…Hinata-kun,” he says, not sounding very enthusiastic.

You’re about to say something when a heavy hand lands on your shoulder.

“Where do you think you’re going? Do you really think I’d let you get away with making a ruckus in the halls like that?” Of course you know who it is.

“Monokuma…” you mutter as you turn to face him, “I have business with Komaeda,”

“Business you say? You were going to talk to him about me behind my back weren’t you? You were going to say something like _‘Make him leave! I don’t want him at the castle’_ I’m right aren’t I?”

You’re a little caught off guard by his torrent and you’re surprised he’d guessed correctly.

“That’s…that’s not what I wanted to talk about!” you say, denying his claims.

He looks at you, his eye seems to bore into you and you try not to quail under it, “You idiotic boy, what do you take me for? Do you really think you can just ask your precious Prince to save you? You’re not running away this time upupu!”

“But I haven’t done anything!” you protest feebly as he grabs you by the arm. You look down to see Komaeda turning his face away from you and walking away swiftly.

_Ah…he’s leaving. I should have known…_

“Well you’re right about that. It’s not your fault this time!” he replies, you can hear the laughter in his shrill voice.

“What do you mean?” you ask in confusion as he begins to drag you downstairs. Where was he taking you?

“I’m not punishing you for something that _you_ did,” you try to pull away from him and he only strengthens his grip on you, “You’re the whipping boy for a reason right?”

“…Did Komaeda do something?” you ask slowly, realization dawning on you.

“Upupu! Let’s leave what he did for you to discover shall we?”

_So it was his fault…no wonder he left as soon as he saw Monokuma._

You stop struggling when you realize the futility of it. You couldn’t just run away from this could you? You can’t help it but you find yourself cursing Komaeda again. Why couldn’t he just act normally for once? Your mind is full of bitter thoughts as you allow yourself to be dragged into the cellars deep inside the castle. The area is dark and you can’t see that further ahead- this was a new place to you and just that fact itself makes your hands shake a little. You’re scared of what he might do.

Monokuma stops after a while, standing in front of a heavy metal door. It smells horribly of rust and your stomach churns. Even though you should have gotten used to things like this by now, you can’t help but feel scared.

Monokuma brings out a key from his pockets and opens the door; it grinds and makes a horrible screeching sound that makes the hair on your neck rise. You’re pushed inside and are greeted by complete and utter darkness.

“Uh oh. It’s so dark in here!” he says and goes back out, leaving you standing inside. He comes back holding a torch that he’d grabbed from one of the holders on the walls outside.

“There, isn’t that better?” he sets the torch in place and looks at you. His face looks much uglier than usual, his sneer is venomous.

Now that you can see a little, you realize that the room is completely empty save for a straw mattress lying in a corner. It smells rotten and you can’t help but think something must have died in here. Mold grows on the walls and it’s horribly cold. You shudder involuntarily and Monokuma just grins at your reaction.

Heading towards the mattress, Monokuma kneels down and grabs something you’re all too familiar with. It’s a long, black whip and a small part of your mind wonders what it’s doing there in the first place. Holding it in his hand, Monokuma cracks it once; the sound echoes throughout the room and you brace yourself in response.

“Aw come on don’t close your eyes! It’s no fun that way,” Monokuma says in a singsong voice and you glare at him, “Oh and while you’re at it, take off that shirt won’t you? It’s only going to get in the way you know,”

Without saying a word, you do as he says, it would be better to get it over with as fast as possible. Standing bare-chested in front of that slimy bastard you say: “Get on with it already,”

===

Monokuma frowns “Look at you acting so obedient all of a sudden!” his whip flies and hits your forearm, “It’s really no fun at all!”

The first hit is never painful as you had learnt and you stare t him steadily, he moves towards you and strikes you on your back. It stings a little where it hits.

“This is no fun at all!” he sighs in irritation, “Maybe you’ll cry out if I hit you more?” he says in an almost clinical voice. Following suit, you feel the whip come hit after hit on your back, always at a different place. It hurts and you wince a little, biting your lips to keep from crying out. You’re not going to cry out even if it kills you.

“Ah! A reaction!” he exclaims as he sees you biting your lips. “It feels horrible doesn’t it? Having to suffer for something you didn’t even do?”

You glare at him steadily as your head rings, you can hear him perfectly well but your consciousness is starting to flicker.

_It hurts…how long is he going to do this…I wonder._

You’re pretty sure the whip has struck every inch of your back already and you feel warm blood trickle down, some of it pools beneath your feet and you stare at it absentmindedly. It looks black, you observe, as the whip starts hitting areas that are already sore and you bite your lips even harder to stop the screams building in your chest. You can feel the taste of metal but it’s almost pleasant compared to the bitter bile that’s building up in your mouth.

“Do you feel the despair yet, you worthless boy? Does it hurt? Does it hurt having to see everyone suffer and not be able to do a single thing about it? Does it hurt to know you’re powerless-that you don’t even have any purpose being here other than _this_?” Another strike and your legs feel weak.

You fall on your knees and Monokuma laughs. Your body feels warm and numb, you can’t feel anything and you’re sure you’re going to start screaming if he stays here any longer.

===

“How horribly despair inducing! You didn’t even cry out,” Monokuma comments and throws the whip back on the straw mattress, “Well…maybe next time?”

He starts laughing and you wish you could plug your ears to drown out the sound but you really don’t have the energy to do anything but look at him with hateful eyes. He winks at you and jumps around animatedly, finally leaving the room taking the torch with him.

You’re left in darkness and the door closes behind you. It’s completely black and the absence of light suddenly leaves you chilled to the bones. Your back burns from the cuts that you can feel and a bitter laugh escapes your lips.

 _I wonder how long they’ll take to send a healer this time._ You wonder absentmindedly _. An hour…maybe two…?_

You collapse to the floor, your cheek meets the icy cold floor and it calms your mind. You can feel your consciousness slipping and you welcome it- by the time you wake up they’ll be patching you up for sure. The thought calms your mind but only slightly.

 _Does it hurt? Does it hurt having to see everyone suffer and not be able to do a single thing about it? Does it hurt to know you’re powerless- that you don’t even have any purpose being here other than_ this?

His words keep ringing in your head and no matter how much you try to get rid of them you can’t. He was right; you were useless and you couldn’t do anything about it. You had even little purpose than the maids that worked at the castle. At least they had a proper job. You couldn’t even boast about anything as simple as that. You were useless and his words just made it painfully clear that despite living at the castle for six years, you had nothing to be proud of.

“…It hurts,” you mutter as your eyes close and you fall into the embrace of night, the painful reminder of the futility of your existence following you even as you lose consciousness.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm terribly sorry for this chapter uuuu i don't like making my hinate suffer but it was a Dire Necessity 
> 
> On a brighter note i've read 1200+ hits on this fic and i really want to thank you all for reading it! I love you all so much aaaa <3


	11. Chapter 11

When you finally regain consciousness, you’re still lying on the floor, shirtless. You groan and get up, the pain in your back is surprisingly even worse than before and you expect your body to be bandaged but no, the wounds are still undressed and you start to panic a little. How could it be that none of the healers had come to fix you up?

_Did Monokuma stop them from coming?_

You try to get up, your head hurts but you painstakingly drag yourself to your feet and sit by one of the walls, propping yourself up on the side so it doesn’t touch your wounds. You’re in shock that no one’s coming to get you out of here and in the cold darkness you wrap your arms around your legs to keep warm. You would wear your shirt but you don’t want anything to touch your skin, the blood seems to have dried but when you move to check you can feel something slowly trickle down your back.

You’re too tired to think of anything so you just stare at the door, a thin beam of light enters the room from a small crack under the door and you focus your gaze there. It helps you forget about the pain for a while but your mind keeps drifting back to the events of a few hours ago.

 You wish someone would get you out of here sooner.

You suppose it’s lucky that after a while the door finally opens and a woman enters the room holding a torch. The light seems too bright at first and you squint to protect your eyes. The woman walks closer to you and you try to figure out who it is.

“Hinata-kun…I’m so sowwy,” you hear the woman say. You know it’s Miss Monomi and you struggle to stand up when she comes towards you.

“What are you doing here?” you ask her, your voice comes out with difficulty, sounding weak.

“Please don’t speak so loudly Hinata-kun! I sneaked in here. Monokuma isn’t allowing anyone in,”

“…Huh? Then what are you doing here?” you ask, confused.

“I came here to fix up your wounds. I knew he’d bring you here,” she whispers, “Could you turn your back to me so I can apply some salve?”

You quietly do as she says and heave a sigh of relief as the cool salve touches your wounds.

“These are really bad…I’m so sorry,” Monomi says apologetically.

“What… _ow_ …what are you apologizing for?”

“I’m sorry you had to suffer at my… _brother’s_ hands,” she says the word brother with disgust.

“Is that bastard really your brother?”

Her hands stop for a few seconds and you regret asking her but she answers after a while, “Yes. He’s my step brother,”

“Oh…”

She begins working on your wounds again, taking a bandage and wrapping it around your chest carefully, you wince a little when she does and she apologizes.

“Miss Monomi…is Monokuma the one who caused you to change so much?”

She pauses “What do you mean?”

“I mean you even changed your name! And the way you dress up…your clothes were never torn back when I first met you,” you try to explain quickly but you feel like you’re saying something really insensitive.

“Ah…why yes, he forced me to wear these clothes and made me change my name to match his, I don’t know what he wants to do really,” she says in a cheerful voice but you can feel her hands shake. This might be the first time you truly felt sorry for her.

“There, I’m done bandaging you…please take care of yourself,” she says with a flourish and pats your shoulder, “Should I get your shirt for you?”

“Yes,” you tell her and graciously take the shirt from her when she hands it to you. You wear it with great difficulty, the bandages are tight but you can feel the cuts underneath straining as you move.

“I should leave now! Monokuma might catch me if I stay here too long…you’ll have to stay here for the time being, I’m sorry,”

“It’s already late…I wonder when he’ll let me out,” you say and sit down on the straw mattress. It’s unpleasantly wet and you really miss your own bedroom.

“I could ask the prince to try getting you out soon,” she suggests.

“…don’t bother…that guy’s good for nothing,” you mutter.

“Hinata-kun…are things not going well between you and His Highness?” Monomi asks hesitantly, fiddling with her hands.

“They were never all that great to begin with,” you shrug, “I think you should go now, it’s dangerous for you to stay here for too long,”

She looks like she has something more to say but she sighs and bows to you once, heading towards the door.

“Oh! Miss Monomi?” you stop her, “Are you really leaving the castle tomorrow?”

She looks a little surprised at your question, “Yes,”

_This might be the last time I see her, then._

“I hope you’ll be happier by the King’s side,” you don’t know why you’re wishing her well but it just comes out of your mouth instinctively.

“Thank you, Hinata-kun,” when she smiles at you, you could have sworn you see her eyes glisten with tears, “I hope you continue to stay by his highness’s side,”

***

You felt better after Miss Monomi had dressed your wounds and you had gone to sleep without really thinking too much. You felt much better after talking to her and you hoped they would let you out of this room the next day.

You started getting worried when you woke up the next day and no one had come to get you out. You would have thought locking you up for a night was enough punishment, but apparently Monokuma had other ideas. You really wish you could give that man a piece of your mind but of course that would only get you into an even worse situation than this one.

There’s also the fact that you’re sitting in a cold room all by yourself but you’re really starting to feel famished now. You hadn’t really gotten anything to eat yesterday and the way things were going you might as well pass out from hunger. You sit on the stinky mattress praying to any greater force out there, that Monokuma would at least have the decency to send you some food.

When the door doesn’t open even after the torches are lit and it’s night time already, you decide that Monokuma really _doesn’t_ have any decency.

_Shouldn’t have expected otherwise._

You’re hungry and thirsty, you’re shivering from the cold and your back hurts again but no one’s coming to see you. It’s the first time you’ve been made to suffer for so long and you feel like you’ve lost all hope. You’re sure Komaeda would have been upset if he heard you say that.

_Well fuck that guy…he didn’t even bother trying to stop Monokuma_

You’d long since learnt that expecting any reaction from Komaeda when you got punished was of no use. Over the years, he’d stopped visiting you when you were in the nurse’s room, he’d stopped apologizing for getting you involved in his matters and you’re pretty sure he’d stopped caring about what he did, completely. If he had, he wouldn’t have been messing around with Monokuma and getting you in trouble for it. You should have known better than to expect anything from a spoiled prince anyway.

You more or less pass out from hunger that night, the faint hope that they’ll let you out still burning in your heart.

***

  
“Good morning you bastard! It’s 7 in the morning! Time to wake up!”

You groan as you hear that unpleasant voice. Were you having a nightmare again? That guy was almost always in them.

“I said wake up!” you hear the pestering voice again and struggle to open your eyes. Your body feels heavy and you don’t know if you even have the energy to move.

“What… is it?” you groan when you look into the looming face of Monokuma standing before you.

“Come on! Get up get up, don’t you know the ball is today?”

“Ball…just _what_ are you talking about?” you mind is frazzled and everything seems to be drifting in front of you. Even Monokuma’s face looks oddly skewed.

“Oh dear! Looks like you’re still a little sleepy!” Monokuma says acting horrified.

_Well what did he expect? I hardly have any energy left in my body._

“Okay how about an incentive? Get up and go change in your room and I’ll reward you with some food! I’m too kind aren’t I?”

_Food…_

“We can’t just let the whipping boy be absent from the ball now can we?” Monokuma continues to talk completely ignoring the fact that you’re starting to drift away, your eyes feel too heavy to keep open.

“Hey hey! Don’t you dare die on me! That would be a horribly despair inducing death now wouldn’t it?”

_Death…? Ah…that would be fun…_

\---

When you open your eyes again, the blinding light makes you squint. When you finally get adjusted to it, you realize that you’re lying in your own bed, and a plate of food has been placed on the table. Just the scent of the vegetables and freshly bakes bread is enough to get your stomach grumbling and you’re afraid you’re going to start drooling. Not really caring, you grab the bread and start shoving it in your mouth. You want to cry as you eat, it’s just too delicious!

When you’re done, a content sigh escapes your lips and you finally find your mind working properly. So Monokuma let you out because the ball is today?

_What the hell? I’ve been in that cellar for two days?!_

It doesn’t really come as a surprise since it felt like ages since you’d been down there. Now that you were out, you had to get yourself cleaned up into new clothes. You really don’t think you’ll be able to dance since your body’s not in the best of shapes. You curse Monokuma for putting you through this drama- first you’d been punished and now he only got you out to attend a stupid ball?

But on the bright side, you’re sort of looking forward to going because your parents will be there won’t they? That might make you cheer up a little, you hope.

You slowly get up and feel your bandages, they’ll need changing but when you look at them, they’re clean. Someone must have changed them when you’d been out cold. Giving a slight shrug, you take out a silky green tunic from your wardrobe and change into it, trying not to move your arms too much. Changing into clean leggings is harder than wearing the shirt because you really can’t bend down without pulling the cuts in your back. By the time you’re finished changing you’re wheezing and you’re starting to think the wounds are opening again.

Judging by the light outside, you’re guessing it’s already evening which means that the ball might have already begun. You hurry out of your room and are greeted by the hustle and bustle of maids and workers running about carrying supplies, decorations and clothes.

_Shit, the party’s already started._

You run downstairs, wave at a few workers you’re acquainted with, and head to the ballroom. You really hope you don’t stand out too much entering so late. The doors are wide open and you can hear music streaming out, pipes, violins and drums blending together to form a soothing melody. It starts making your heart beat fast in anticipation. It was always like this during the grand ball; you’d get jittery and excited just thinking about getting to meet your parents again, talking to them and enjoying the great food and music. Truly, that was the only reason you even tolerated talking to all the nobles and rich folk though it’s true you’d made good friends with a few of the nobles too.

Once you’re inside, you’re instantly bombarded with loud chattering; the hall is already filled with people. You see women dressed up in their fanciest gowns, men in embellished cloaks, they’re going all out tonight, after all the ball was the grandest event of the year and everyone tried their best to look good. Food is set on tables and your stomach starts grumbling again, the bread wasn’t enough to fully satisfy you and you’re looking forward to grabbing a bite of the meat pie that Hanamura made especially for this occasion. The whole place is lit with huge candles and sculptures of animals and hunters. Dancers entertain the guests with their fluid movements and you can feel the excitement of the audience even from where you stand.

_They really did so much in such a short period of time…amazing._

You’re hoping to avoid Komaeda if you see him, you really don’t want to talk to him after he totally ignored you the last time you saw him. You look around for your parents but you can’t find them anywhere. People look at you curiously- it’s probably because of the stiff way you’re walking- and you try to put on a pleasant face, which is hard when your back hurts and you’re worried your parents haven’t shown up.

You decide to have something to eat first, maybe you’ll find your parents later. At the table to find a man dressed in a black leather cloak, in contrast to the brightly colored clothes everyone else is wearing. He’s wearing a purple woolen scarf and his left arm is covered in bandages.

“Tanaka?” you call out to him.

He turns to look at you; he’s holding a plate of pumpkin pie in his hands. His four hamsters- the Dark Gods of Destruction- are perched on his scarf and one of them is sniffing at the plate.

“Ah…foolish mortal, you approach us without any protection? Do you have a death wish?” he says.

“I was just checking if it was you,”

“Hark, human of course it is I, Gundam Tanaka! Who else could it be?”

_There he goes again._

Tanaka always spoke in a grandiose manner and the first time you’d met him, you’d been a little puzzled by his personality. He looked distant, always carrying hamsters with him; you wouldn’t have guessed that he was just as awkward as everyone else.

“So you came here to dance?” you ask him, trying to make small talk.

“How dare you suggest that a being such as I would do something as… _lowly_ as dancing?!” he sounds offended and you laugh.

“Wait, do you mean you can’t dance?”

“Hurkh!” he chokes on his pie and coughs, “What makes you think I cannot dance? I have been bestowed with the wit and dexterity to move as my body sees fit, dancing is just something completely unbecoming of a person of my stature,”

You don’t understand half of what he says but you’re guessing he’s just making excuses for not dancing. You can sort of sympathize with him.

“It’s okay if you can’t dance…I don’t really know how to either,”

“Well if a mere human deigns it improper to dance…then I can merely stand here and observe,” he nods, looking at you in approval.

You nod to him in turn and grab a plate from the table, ready to dig in. You see Souda eating a turkey leg at the far end of the table and you wave to him, he waves the turkey leg to you in reply. You spot a crowd in one corner of the hall and you wonder what’s going on there- the sound of music is louder there so you guess they’re dancing.

 _I guess I’ll go take a look,_ you think once you’re done filling out your plate.

“Hey Tanaka, want to check out what’s going on over there?” you ask him, pointing to the crowd

“Simple matters of mere _humans_ do not amuse me but if you _insist_ ,”

He follows you as you make your way there, the sound of music growing louder as you near the place.

You can hear people clapping and cheering in joy and sure enough, when you get closer you see couples dancing in the centre of a huge crowd. You’re guessing they’re nobles from Novoselic since their clothing is a little different, the embroidery is heavier and they wear studded brooches on their collars.

“Ah…that is the princess from Novoselic is it not?” Tanaka points to a beautiful blonde haired woman among the dancers.

“Yeah I think that’s her, I can’t believe she actually agreed to come,” you answer.

“Perhaps she is fond of these displays of festivity in your Kingdom?” he suggests.

“…Maybe,” you answer absentmindedly as you observe the princess.  You had seen her once before when she’d attended the jousting tournament but it only been a mere glimpse. Seeing her up close she was much prettier than you had thought and you can understand why Souda had been so enamored by her.

“Aaah, Sonia-san!” you hear someone say longingly.

_Speak of the devil._

“Man, I would give anything to dance with her,” he says and puts an arm on Tanaka’s shoulder.

“Foolish mortal, how dare you touch me so carelessly? Do you want your body to turn into ash?!” Tanaka says in indignation.

“Well excuse me-”

You sigh as the two proceed to pick on each other; you would have thought they’d stop being so childish but no such luck. You’re starting to get curious glances and right on time, the dance ends too and Princess Sonia starts walking towards you. You quickly try to get out of her way and pull Souda by the arm.

“Hey you two, move to the side. The princess is coming this way,” you hiss at them but they don’t notice.

“Oh my! Are these hamsters in your scarf?” you hear a woman say and when you turn, it’s the Princess. Her eyes are fixed on Tanaka and you look at them in surprise.

“These are not mere _hamsters_ …they are the Four Dark Gods of Destruction,” Tanaka answers her while Souda looks at her in awe, you can almost feel his mouth hanging wide open.

“How cute!” she exclaims and reaches out to touch them and Tanaka inches back.

“It would be wise of you to avoid touching them carelessly lest you burn yourself in the process,” he says in a grave voice.

 _Dammit Tanaka what the hell are you doing?_ You think in frustration at his silly remarks, he’s going to end up in trouble if he continues to talk so carelessly.

“I’m sorry, I’ll try to be careful…Can I pat them?” she sounds like she really wants to play with them, and everyone looks like they’re enjoying the scene.

“…If you must,” he relents you lowers his arm where a hamster is sitting, clinging to the bandages wrapped around his skin.

The princess then reaches out slowly, patting the hamster and a wide grin forms on her face. She claps her hands together in joy.

“What a wonderful display, don’t you think, Hinata-kun?” someone says from behind and all of a sudden it feels as if a lead weight had been dropped onto your stomach.

“K-Komaeda!” you exclaim in surprise when you hear his voice.

“I’m so glad I invited the princess of Novoselic to the ball. It truly has made everyone happier and I’m sure we will be able to improve our relations with their kingdom,”

“So that’s why you invited her,”

“But of course! Everything I do is for the sake of the kingdom; I hope we can get back our lost prestige one day,”

You ignore Komaeda and look back to Tanaka and Princess Sonia, they’re talking now and you’re surprised that she hasn’t been scared off by him. You can tell she’s trying to convince him of something and she’s got a hold of his arm. You can see Tanaka trying to hide his blush by pulling his scarf over his face.

“Since your friend is a little busy, why don’t we go have a drink?” Komaeda suggests and as much as you hate doing as he says, you feel like you’re going to fall down from the exhaustion of standing too long. Your back is starting to hurt you and you just want to go sit somewhere.

You don’t really say anything to him in reply; you want him to be certain that you’re not talking to him. You turn around and look at his face for the first time today, he’d just been standing behind you before, and when your eyes meet you shoot a glare at him.

“You may ignore me but I’m happy that you allowed our eyes to meet. You really _are_ a kind person, Hinata-kun,”

You huff in reply and walk towards the drinks table. All you see are wines and ales since it’s a night of rejoicing so you make do with a glass of the weakest stuff you can find. Komaeda, on the other hand takes a glass of claret, its strong spicy smell reaches you even though you’re standing a few steps away from him. Continuing to ignore him, you take a seat by the end of the table, sighing in relief as you sit down. Komaeda comes and sits next to you, looking ahead at the festivities.

You try looking for your parents again, you scan the group of nobles standing in groups and laughing at their own jokes. Your parents were usually among these groups of people but you don’t see them anywhere. You’re starting to feel sick again and you attribute it to the wine- you never could take your alcohol well.

_I can’t believe they didn’t show up._

You still scan the crowd anyway, hoping to find them but your gaze stops at a peculiarly dressed woman. Her hair, which is tied up in two loosely made buns, is a mix of blonde and a light shade of pink. She’s wearing a blood red dress which gives a peek of her full bosom due to the low cut neckline. She’s accessorized in heavy jewelry; a black and red choker, stone bracelets, her hair is adorned with a beaded headdress.

You don’t think you had seen her before, you would have noticed such an eye catching sight earlier if that was the case. When you look towards Komaeda, you find his gaze riveted on her as well, his hand shakes a little as he holds the glass. His mouth is open as if to say something but no words come out, his lips curve into a smile. You don’t think you’ve ever seen Komaeda so allured by a woman. Granted, she was beautiful but so was Princess Sonia. You don’t think he even looked at _her_ for more than ten seconds.

_What the hell? He’s still looking at her._

You feel somewhat irked at his behavior. So this was his type?

“Ah…Hinata-kun, you’ll have to excuse me. There’s a _guest_ I need to entertain,” he doesn’t really look at you when he says it and you feel a slight pang in your chest as he sets down his glass next to you and leaves.

“What the hell?” you mutter to yourself, watching his back as he walks towards the woman in the red dress.

 _Who is she anyway?_ You wonder as Komaeda starts talking to her.

You don’t have to hear him talk to know he’s really happy. There was something in his eyes, as he talked to her that made him seem completely enraptured. The woman looked like she was interested in talking to him too, her lips curve into a smirk as Komaeda says something and she extends a gloved hand to his. He takes it and with a single gesture, everyone around the room turns towards them, forming a huge circle. The music starts playing a little too loudly and you can feel a headache coming on.

The crowd whispers and mumbles to itself you can hear some of them talk, saying how the two of them look perfect next to each other and how they made a good match. You get up to have a look too, you don’t go too far but you can see them clearly now- the two of them dancing together along with three other couples. They’re doing the quadrille and you see Princess Sonia dancing with Tanaka too.

There’s something electric in the air as the two of them dance, easily overshadowing everyone else  who is dancing. You can feel their gazes fixed on each other as they move, as if locked in a silent battle. Komaeda holds the woman in his arms and spins her around. She moves ever so gracefully and the crowd gives an audible gasp as they dance together- even an amateur like you can tell they match each other’s pace perfectly. He turns her once, like he’d taught you that day and she comes in his arms easily.

 _Just like he’d taught me_ , you think bitterly- your stomach feels weird and you don’t want to stand here anymore.

“S-Sonia-san! Why?” Of course it’s Souda who mutters these words standing next to you, “Why couldn’t you choose me?”

He sounds like he’s about to cry when he notices you.

“Oh,” he mumbles, “You look upset, Hinata,”

“Shouldn’t I be saying that to _you_?” you sigh.

“You’ve been staring at that that woman for a while now,” he remarks.

“What’re you talking about?”

“I know it must hurt…the prince gets all the ladies doesn’t he?” he mutters and stares at Sonia and Tanaka dancing.

“Who _is_ that woman anyway?” you ask.

“Wait…shouldn’t you know since you’ve been ogling her all this time?” he looks horrified.

“I haven’t been ogling her! Just tell me who she is!” you’re tired and you feel a little impatient.

“Geez man, don’t get pissed at me for blowing your chance to dance with her!”

_This guy…he really has no clue does he?_

“Souda…” you say, sounding angry.

“Alright man! It’s Junko Enoshima, I swear how can you not know it’s her when you’ve heard talk of her family from every single person in town?”

“Wait, that’s _Junko Enoshima?!_ ” you ask in surprise.

By the look on Souda’s face, it looks like he’s had enough of your questions. Without answering you, he just sighs and leaves.

You stare at Komaeda dancing with her- Junko of all people. _Junko Enoshima_ from Kingdom Novoselic. The one whose family had been trying for decades to overthrow the current royal family and assert their own rule over the kingdom? _Junko Enoshima_ who had been known to throw any man in despair over her deadly beauty?

 _Inviting both the Princess of Novoselic and Junko Enoshima_? _Seriously, that guy…what is he getting himself into?_

The music seems a little too loud and looking at the two of them dance makes you feel unnaturally anxious. You take a swig of the wine you’d been holding and suddenly it doesn’t seem half as strong as you’d like it to be.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope none of you were expecting Komaeda to dance with Hinata ahaha 
> 
> Junko is here, what could this mean?  
> ...I wonder how many people saw this thing coming :O it would make me feel stupid if it was a bit TOO predictable omg


	12. Chapter 12

The party’s supposed to end soon, you think. You don’t know how long it has been since you went back to sit near the drinks table but you sure as hell know that you’ve had a bit too much to drink. Not that you could really hold in your liquor that well… you think you had maybe three glasses? You’re holding what you’re guessing is the fourth and you’re really starting to feel weird. You pass a glare in Komaeda’s direction who’s conversing with some people you don’t know.

_Oh…he finally let go of Enoshima huh?_

She’s busy chatting with Monokuma and you wonder what anyone would talk about to such a stingy bastard. Everyone seems to be enjoying themselves but you’re really not in the mood to be happy about anything, really. You’re too busy getting mad at Komaeda for his idiocy. If the king had been here he would have given him a handful for being so stupid.

_I can’t believe he invited both those women!_

You’re glad princess Sonia seems too busy talking to Tanaka to really pay any attention to Enoshima. You’re sure that if they got to talk to each other, something bad was bound to happen. You haven’t really got any firsthand experience dealing with either of the ladies but from what you’d heard; things really weren’t that good between the two families. And if that was true, then Komaeda might just have made the biggest mistake of his life.

If any trouble started to brew during the party, all the blame would go to the prince since he’d organized the whole thing. Things were bad enough in the kingdom as they were without getting on Novoselic’s bad side.

_And what happened to him talking to Princess Sonia? I don’t think he even said a single word to her after she showed up!_

Your face is getting flushed from drinking too much and you’re scared it’s going to start showing soon. It wouldn’t be too good to do something dumb in front of everyone so you decide to go out to the balconies to get a bit of fresh air.

It’s already night and the moon is out, you’re guessing it’s the full moon but you’re not sure. It looks a bit wonky and you just _know_ you’ve had too much wine. You take in a huge breath, inhaling the cold night air and it sets your mind at ease somewhat. You’ll probably feel better if you stay here for a while; the party’s going to finish soon anyway, right?

Something moves behind you and you hear the sound of rustling fabric, it makes you jump a little and you barely manage to stop yourself from gasping as you see the figure of a person get up from a corner where they had apparently been sitting. You peer at the figure, and you’re pretty sure it’s Nanami, judging by the dress and the short hair.

“Did you drink too much?” she asks.

“…I guess,” You answer, “What’re you doing here anyway?”

She shrugs and comes to stand beside you, leaning forward on the balcony railing, “It was too noisy in the hall…I was trying to sleep,”

You find that oddly funny and you start giggling, “Of course! You reeeally like sleeping don’t you?”

Nanami stares at you, “I guess,”

“You know…Nanami….do you know about that woman?” you ask her abruptly.

“Which woman?” she tilts her head to the side.

“That woman…you know, what was her name again? Junko! Ah Junko Enoshima,” you don’t know why you’re talking about this to Nanami but it suddenly feels like a really great idea.

“Ah…I know a little about her,”

“You know what Komaeda did? That idiot,” you mutter, “He’s gone nuts! He invited both Enoshima and Princess Sonia!”

“Hmmm,” she hums thoughtfully.

“What am I going to do if they end up arguing? They’ll be living at the castle for a few days won’t they? They’re going to end up arguing and it’ll all be Komaeda’s fault!”

You take in another gulp of air and the nausea you felt is getting better. You kind of regret babbling about everything to Nanami.

“I don’t think things will get that bad,” Nanami says in a soothing voice.

“That’s really nice of you to say but I’m so sure I’ll end up getting into trouble again because of Komaeda. I’m so sure,”

You want to cry for some reason, it’s probably because you’re still feeling a little tipsy but you sure as heck aren’t going to be crying in front of Nanami.

“If that’s what you think…why don’t you try talking to him about the problem directly? Maybe he doesn’t realize the fact that he’s brought about a troublesome situation?”

“Nooooooo,” you drawl in frustration, “You don’t get it! Komaeda never listens to me and I don’t even get to talk to him properly nowadays! He’s always going off on his own and when I try to talk to him he always flees before I can really say _anything_! I bet it’ll be the same this time. I don’t know what to do, Nanami,”

You’re ranting like a kid in front of a maid who doesn’t even know all that much about the two of you and you’re sure you’re going to regret it by tomorrow but you can’t bring yourself to care. You’re sniffling and a big fat tear rolls down your cheeks.

_Great…now I look like a real loser. Perfect._

Nanami pats your shoulder awkwardly, she’s so short that she has to reach out her arm quite a bit just to touch you and you smile at that.

“I think you should go talk to him today…believe in yourself more,” she says after a while and you sit down on the ground because you’re getting tired and cold.

“…I’ll try,” you answer and fall into silence. Nanami sits with you and you spend the time with her, not saying anything.

It’s quiet and the only sounds you hear are that of the faint music playing the background and the happy chattering of the crowd.

Nanami eventually falls asleep while sitting and you wonder how she could manage to do that in the cold. You drape your cloak over her and get up. You feel really cold and it’s getting late, you sneeze as a cold blast of wind hits you.

_So much for chivalry…_

When you head back inside, you notice that almost everyone’s left, which is a good thing. It means you can go back into your own room and get some sleep. You’re still a little inebriated but it’s nothing sleep can’t cure.

You wave goodbye to some of the people you see and they wave back politely. The people from Novoselic seem to have left too, which is a good thing. The night really did pass without any drama. You heave a sigh of relief and look around for Enoshima. She’s chatting with some villagers now, they seem completely entranced by her and you wonder what she’s saying. Not that you care, of course.

As you head to your room, you wonder why there weren’t any fireworks this time-as a custom; there was always a fireworks display to mark the end of the ball. You ask a servant about it when it occurs to you and he tells you that they are going to start in a while. The crowd had left to get a better view from the castle grounds.

_Oh…I see. That makes sense._

You head to your room nevertheless. You could always watch the fireworks from the window since it was situated right above the grounds; it was a perfect place to look at them.

You walk slowly up the stairs and enter your room, sighing in relief at the welcome silence. You’d gotten sick of listening to the music and you’re glad it’s quiet in here. You walk towards the window and open it, leaning out to get a glimpse of the grounds outside. A huge crowd is standing there waiting for the fireworks.

Looking towards the right, you wonder if Komaeda went back to his room, his window is the one next to yours, only a few feet away from where you’re standing. You could climb into his room from here if you wanted to, not that you had ever tried. Was he down there with the crowd too? You don’t think he’d ever been too fond of fireworks, for some reason.

As you’re thinking about it, you hear something creak and the window next to yours opens bringing into view a familiar head of white hair.

Komaeda leans out and looks around, he stops when his eyes meet yours.

“Ah! Hinata-kun! Waiting for the fireworks display?” he asks a little too cheerfully, a grin on his face.

“Yeah,” you answer.

“I would have thought you’d be down in the grounds, isn’t it more fun that way?”

“Not really. I didn’t really feel like going. The view’s better here anyway,” you shrug.

“That’s true…I’m not very fond of watching fireworks from there either, too dangerous you know?” he rattles on, sounding excited.

“Dangerous? How are fireworks dangerous?”

Komaeda points to the people setting up the fireworks in the ground, “You see those fireworks? They’re made of explosive material, Hinata-kun. Imagine what could happen if they accidentally blew up in the wrong direction. Or perhaps, by some extraordinary bad luck, you wound up standing right underneath the spot where their shells land. That could end up causing quite a lot of injuries!”

You can’t believe how quickly Komaeda jumps to conclusions. Fireworks weren’t nearly as dangerous as he made out; after all there were hardly any accidents caused by them.

“That would hardly ever happen you know,” you tell him.

“But knowing my luck, it’s quite possible isn’t it?” he smiles.

You don’t say anything because he’s probably right. Insanely weird stuff was bound to happen near Komaeda, you had learnt that lesson quite well over the years.

“Listen, Komaeda…can I talk to you about some things?” you ask him.

“Yes?” he leans forward- a little _too_ forward- and you think he’s going to fall down if he leans any further. Hadn’t he been babbling about his own bad luck just a few seconds ago?

“You might want to lean back a little, you’re going to fall down…can’t I just come to your room.? It’ll be easier to talk like that,” you suggest.

Komaeda moves back a little and nods, “Sure! Come to my room then,”

You close your window and leave the room. He’s already opened the door to his and you enter without knocking. Komaeda’s sitting on his bed and you stand a little away from him, unsure of where to sit.

“If it’s not too uncomfortable for you, you can sit here,” he motions towards a spot on his bed, a little away from where he’s sitting.

You nod and sit next to him. You hear a firework go off almost at the same time.

“It’s starting,” Komaeda observes and you look towards the open window, you can see a flash of gold in the night sky. Another boom and flecks of red mix with the golden, showering down like sparks of fire.

“They’re really pretty,” you say almost to yourself as you look at them.

Komaeda smiles at you and nods. It’s such a childish smile, reminiscent of the same smile he used to give you whenever you told him about something new and fascinating. You wonder when he stopped smiling like that.

Looking at his smile calms you in a way and for once you find yourself relaxing being near him. Maybe it’s just the wine speaking but you’re feeling good right now.

“You had something you wanted to tell me, right Hinata-kun?” Komaeda asks you.

“Right……why did you invite both Princess Sonia and Junko Enoshima to the ball?” you ask him, forcing a serious tone of voice.

Komaeda looks a little surprised at the question but answers you calmly, “I didn’t invite both of them,”

“What?” you stumble at his answer, “Of course you did! why else would they be here?”

“Ah but you see…I only invited Sonia-san,” he answers with a laugh.

“Then how did Junko Enoshima end up here?” you ask, still confused.

“I believe that would the work of Monokuma…he really caught me off guard with that one, to think he knew of the perfect person to invite as revenge against me!” Komaeda exclaims, his eyes shining with excitement.

“…Perfect person? What are you talking about?”

Komaeda leans towards you as he speaks, “I never thought I would be meeting her like this but truly Monokuma knows how to make everyone despair, doesn’t he? He was obviously planning on causing a mess during the ball. He was quite mad that I had forced him to arrange it in the first place,”

“Wait…did Monokuma invite Enoshima just to try and mess up the ball?”

“I think that would be the most reasonable judgement,” he nods.

“Then how come you looked so… _happy_ to meet her?”

“Ahaha you see I’ve wanted to meet with her for a long time now. I’ve heard a great deal about her and it piqued my interest,” he answers cheerfully.

“I bet you’re really happy that she’ll be staying at the castle for a while then,” you mutter.

“Not at all!” Komaeda answers immediately.

“What? Didn’t you just say that you liked her?” you feel like you’re not the only one who’s drunk tonight. Komaeda doesn’t really sound all that coherent, and he’s a little too happy isn’t he?

“When did I ever say I liked her, Hinata-kun? In fact, I’m quite sure she’s the person I hate the most in this world!” he looks crazed as he says it and you conclude that yes, he _is_ drunk.

“…Komaeda did you drink too much today?” you ask him, ignoring his words.

“I may have had a few glasses while talking to her…”

“I see,”

“Ah, you look disappointed in me, Hinata-kun,” Komaeda says with a slight frown, his smile gone.

“Not really…I just didn’t expect you to drink so much, that’s all,” you answer casually.

Komaeda looks downcast all of a sudden and you wonder if you said something wrong, “Haha…I really am no good am I? To think that the prince of such a huge Kingdom would wind up getting drunk just from listening to some troubling words by a woman. And such a… _hateful_ woman no less,”

“What are you talking about, Komaeda?” you’re starting to get even more confused than you are and it’s not the first time that you’re reminded that you really don’t understand him well at all.

“I suppose it’s perfectly natural for you to be disgusted by me. To call myself an advocate of hope, I’m no good if I can so easily find myself ensnared in her trap, right?” he mumbles, not paying attention to the confused looks you’re giving him.

You can’t believe what he’s saying. _Is_ _he implying that he almost fell for Junko’s words?_

You’d heard how she could seduce a person just by coaxing them but to think that even Komaeda admitted that he could have fallen for her devilish whispers- you don’t like to admit it but that was almost…impressive, in a way.

Komaeda looks downcast and you’re unsure of what to do to help.

“Uh…should I get you some water? Maybe that’ll make you feel better…?” you offer and get up to pour some water from the pitcher lying in his table.

Komaeda grabs your hand and stops you, “You know, Hinata-kun…I don’t think I would have been half as troubled by her words if it hadn’t been for the events of two days ago…that’s some consolation isn’t it?” he says, a slight cheerfulness back in his voice.

“Two days ago?” you ask, sitting back on the bed.

Komaeda reaches his hand out and touches you lightly on your side, “You had to suffer again because of trash like me…that I can’t even do anything to help you…I truly am despicable,” his voice is low, almost raspy as he says it and you feel a slight pang in your chest. 

“Komaeda…”

You don’t know what to say to him, it’s true you’re angry at him for ignoring you when Monokuma had decided to punish you- you can’t believe that even after all this time you still managed to feel betrayed by his actions. You thought you’d stopped expecting anything from him.

Komaeda lowers his head, he seems thoroughly depressed and you don’t know how to deal with him, you never were good at consoling people, least of all the prince himself.

“I’m so sorry…things just never go the way they want to when it comes to matters concerning you. I truly am unlucky in that aspect,”

He starts laughing a little but his body shakes heavily as he leans into you. You look into his eyes and your breath catches when you see that they’re glistening with tears.

“Hold on, Komaeda, are you _crying_?”

He lowers his head and bumps his forehead to your chest so that you can’t see his face. You grab him by the sides of his arms to keep him steady.

“Of course not…Hinata-kun,” he mumbles but even as he says it, you can feel the front of your tunic getting wet and your chest starts to hurt.

You pull the boy closer to you and press your face into his shoulder.

“Forget about it,” you tell him.

He doesn’t say anything but you can feel his frail body shake as you hold him, he’s so painfully thin that it hurts you to hold him this way. You feel like he could just fade away and no one would notice.

The thought just makes you press him closer to you, for some reason you feel fiercely protective of him right now even though you hardly trust him under normal circumstances. The wine really _is_ getting to you, too.

“Hinata-kun…Thank you,” he says after a while and raises his head to look at you, his eyes look clearer now.

“Don’t mention it,” you say and flush a little for acting so weirdly. You wouldn’t normally have hugged Komaeda.

He doesn’t move back and you’re feeling a little awkward now- your faces are only a few centimeters apart and you suddenly feel very, very conscious of the white haired boy.

Komaeda leans forward, the shadow of a smile on his face, and you can’t bring yourself to move away. You’re transfixed by his eyes and you don’t think you even thought about stopping him when he brings his lips to yours and kisses you.

His lips are warm and he sighs into you. A jolt of electricity passes through your body and you find yourself leaning into him, grabbing onto the back of his shirt and pulling him closer. You can almost feel him grin as you do it and he begins kissing you with unbidden restraint. It feels so horribly good that you feel ashamed for enjoying it but you’re far too gone to care. You just end up moving your mouth onto his; pressing light kisses on his lips and jaw. Komaeda lowers his hands to your back; his fingers tracing circles over your tunic and you move your hands to his neck, pulling his hair tie off to touch his soft hair lightly.

You don’t really resist when Komaeda pushes you down, and you end up lying on the bed with him on top of you. He’s pinned you with enough force to make the wounds on your back sting in pain but you don’t really give it much thought. The bed is soft and his weight on top of you makes your whole body warm up and your heart hammers painfully against your chest.

Your mind is spinning and you only think about how wonderful it feels to hold him and how familiar it is, the smell of lavender, the softness of his hair. Your heart hurts from the feeling of nostalgia and a sense of loss.

_Things have really changed between us haven’t they?_

You break apart as the thought creeps into your mind. You can’t believe what you were doing. This is the boy you had grown up with, the boy you hardly knew anymore. Was it really normal for you to be doing this?

“We shouldn’t do this,” you tell him as he continues to hold you tenderly. You can’t help but notice how light his touch is, almost hesitant. You brush that thought aside and try to free yourself from him.

“What’s wrong Hinata-kun?” he looks confused.

“You’re drunk, that’s what,”

He moves back, shocked. “Do you really think I’m still drunk?”

“You _are_ drunk and I don’t want to make this anymore complicated...I’m going,” you say and get up from the bed, straightening your clothes.

“I’m…sorry for forcing myself onto you. You’re right, I really must be drunk to be doing something so rash but I really do like you Hinata-kun. I hope you’ll believe that,”

You heart does a three sixty but you know he’s not making any sense right now. You leave him and close the door behind you, wondering if you’ve ever screwed up so badly in your entire life.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it happened


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heads up for animal death, gomen friends :(

You didn’t get sleep that night. Well, truth be told, you _did_ get sleep but you just don’t feel well rested at all. Your head hurts, your eyes hurt, your back hurts and, you’re not sure why, but your heart hurts too. Of course you know why- you’ve been thinking about it the whole night; even sleep hadn’t stopped your mind from wandering back to the events of the night. You keep thinking about the touch of Komaeda’s lips on yours and how good it had felt. More than anything you’re shocked at how easily fallen into his arms, not caring about anything else.

 _What the hell was I thinking?_ You sigh as you turn uncomfortably in your bed.

Surely, it must have been the work of the wine. Your inhibitions had been lowered and you were just feeling sad and frustrated because of everything that had happened to you. You’re pretty sure Komaeda was drunk too since he’d never do anything so bold to anyone let alone you if he was in his right mind at the moment.

_Yeah, he was drunk. I’ll just act like nothing happened…it’s going to be awkward facing him. Dammit what was that guy thinking?_

When the sun the next morning, you have a slight headache and you get dressed to have breakfast. You try to brush the thought of meeting Komaeda on the way aside and decide to go downstairs. On the way, you meet a servant boy who stops you, informing you that you had have been ordered to dine with his highness, and the ladies from Novoselic. You nod to him in thanks and sigh when he leaves. There really was no avoiding Komaeda at all, was there?

You take in a deep breath and decide there’s no point in worrying about it.

_We’ll see what happens when we meet, what else can I do?_

When you reach the great hall you find everyone already seated on a table. Junko seems to be chatting with Komaeda and Princess Sonia is discussing something with Tanaka.

_Wait, what’s he doing here?_

Junko looks away from Komaeda as you enter the room and her eyes lock onto yours.

“Oh! You’re Hinata aren’t you?” she exclaims and points a finger in your direction. Her nails glisten red; a stark contrast to her fair skin.

“Good morning,” you say to everyone in general, nodding to all of them once.

“Pleasure to meet you, Hinata-kun,” Princess Sonia says in her refined voice and you take a seat beside Tanaka, pointedly avoiding looking at Komaeda directly who’s sitting at the head of the table.

You take a loaf of bread and begin cutting it, when Komaeda starts talking again.

“Hinata-kun, Tanaka-san came to visit the castle because Miss Sonia invited him. You see she’s taken an interest in the animals of our kingdom! Isn’t that wonderful?” he says excitedly.

“Ah…is that so?” you answer, feigning interest and staring intently at the piece of bread on your plate.

“Indeed! There are very few animals in Novoselic, you see,” Princess Sonia answers, “Tanaka-san told me all about the wonderful creatures found here and it truly fascinated me. I would love to learn more about them while I stay here,” she smiles a little towards Tanaka as she says it and he looks away, embarrassed.

“Aaah if you’re really that interested in learning about animals why don’t we go on a hunt today? Wouldn’t that be fun?” Enoshima suggests, twirling a lock of hair between her fingers.

“What a wonderful idea!” Sonia claps her hands together, “Don’t you agree, Tanaka-san?”

Tanaka pales a little when she asks him and manages a small cough.

“That is truly foolish! Do you really wish to _hunt_ animals? Do you think it is that easy to defeat such fearsome monsters of the wild?” he sounds outraged when he says it but you get the feeling that he’s more than a little shaken up on the inside.

“Really, Tanaka, are you that scared of hunting animals?” Enoshima laughs, “What’s so hard about killing a few of them with a bow and arrow? Or could it be that you really don’t know how to?”

You can tell she’s trying to get to him, and judging by the way his eyes narrow and his rodents squeak in terror, you’re sure it’s working.

“…It is not the hunting I am scared of-“

“Hey now, can’t we just go out into the forest and have a look there? No hunting…just animal watching?” you speak up before things get too heated. Enoshima seems to be enjoying herself and Sonia looks confused. Of course, Komaeda’s just sitting there watching it all without really doing anything.

“Yes, that seems like a great idea, Hinata-kun. Truly something I’d expect from someone with such a great thinking as yours. Animal watching it is, then,” Komaeda speaks up and smiles at you, you look away instantly and find Enoshima staring at you, an amused smile on her own face.

“Ah how boring, “she mutters and you think you’re the only one who hears her since Sonia grins and nods to Komaeda.

“Thank you for agreeing to my requests, Komaeda-san. With a person like you in line for the throne, I’m sure relations between our kingdoms are going to flourish,” she says.

“Truly, that would bring about the greatest hope for both our kingdoms wouldn’t it?” Komaeda agrees and smiles at her.

With that they begin talking about trivial things again; Komaeda strikes up a discussion with Sonia about some matters relating to the state of the kingdom and Tanaka engrosses himself in feeding his hamsters. You look at Enoshima who seems to be pouting- she was probably irritated at the fact that they weren’t going to be hunting. She notices you looking at her and winks. You stiffen a little when she does and hurriedly begin eating your breakfast.

“Say, Hinata, didn’t you leave the ball a little early?” she says loudly. Komaeda looks in your direction and Sonia seems to be listening too.

“Ah…I had a headache so I left,” you answer.

_Wait, how did she know I left early? Was she watching me?_

“Aw that’s too bad, too bad indeed! You know I wanted to talk to you, it’s really ungentlemanly of you to leave without telling me!”

“I didn’t even know you wanted to talk. How is that ungentlemanly?”

“Now now, Hinata what kind of a man are you if you can’t even understand something as simple as a maiden’s heart? Geez, I’m so disappointed…so disappointed hm,” she rants and you wonder if she’s being serious.

_What the heck is she going on about?_

“Ah I’m sor-“you begin but she cuts you off with her talk.

“You know I even tried to go to your room later. And to find that you weren’t even inside…that’s even worse,” she heaves a dramatic sigh.

“ _What_? You visited my room?” you ask her, horrified.

“Oh but I did see you going to Komaeda’s room…” she says melancholically, completely ignoring what you’re saying, “To leave a lady waiting….and for a man too. How horribly despair inducing…”

“ _What_?” you choke out when she mentions Komaeda. You look at him and he seems to be smiling.

“Ahaha Enoshima-san you truly are sly. To think that you even tried to follow Hinata-kun to his room just to talk to him! I’m so sorry I had some business with him and kept him occupied for a while,” Komaeda speaks up cheerfully.

“ _Sigh_ …even your room was closed, I wonder what you were doing…I really do wonder,” Enoshima says.

Your face flushes when she says that and you make an incoherent choking sound that you hope no one notices. Komaeda frowns a little when she says that you’re surprised he’s not showing any reaction to her words at all.

_What is she trying to do? And how the hell did she find out about us- is she bluffing?_

“Really, Enoshima-san, I wonder what you’re trying to imply?” Komaeda asks her innocently. Was he really clueless?

Enoshima laughs when he says that and folds her hands over her chest, “You don’t have to act dumb with me, you know. It’s pretty common these days after all. Boys who grow up together and think they know each other better than anyone else (well who knows if they really do) but just being together for so long aaah it’s so easy to end up like _that_ isn’t it? But I do wonder; do you really know each other that well? Well who knows and who cares? I sure don’t. Speaking of which, who cares about anything really? Let’s not talk about this anymore okay? I’m done eating breakfast after all,” Enoshima speaks so quickly that you hardly make sense of what she’s said.

_How the hell did she even say that in a single breath? What was she even talking about?_

Komaeda sighs a little and starts eating his food again. Sonia and Tanaka on the other hand seem to be completely oblivious about what Enoshima had just said (which is a relief, you guess) and you hope she doesn’t even broach that topic again. It was obvious enough that having anything to do with Komaeda was going to be difficult and what happened yesterday had just been a huge mistake.

_Right, it was all because we weren’t thinking straight. Komaeda doesn’t even look like he’s worried about that at all. Of course, that guy doesn’t care about anything does he?_

***  
After breakfast, it was decided that you would all meet up in half an hour right outside the castle to go to the forest. You didn’t really feel like going but it would have been rude not to show up after suggesting it in the first place. You’re standing near the gate with Komaeda, the ladies haven’t show up yet, and you feel more than a little awkward being with him alone.

Komaeda seems to be acting normal and makes some small talk to which you reply absentmindedly.

 _Where is everyone else anyway?_ You wonder irritably.

Luckily you don’t have to wait too long after that, the three of them show up together and Sonia apologizes for being late.

“Let’s mount our horses then, shall we?” Komaeda says when you’ve all gathered.

You nod and get on your horse, Tanaka helps Sonia get onto hers and gets onto his after that. Komaeda mounted his right after you had and Enoshima jumps onto hers swiftly, not having any trouble despite wearing a dress that reaches her toes. You can’t help but find that impressive.

The five of you take off after a silent exchange of nods and gallop your way to the forest. It isn’t very far from the castle area though you have to pass by some parts of the village on the way though and you find villagers coming out of their houses and peeking at you from their windows.

It had been a while since you had visited this part of the village and you’re surprised at how shabby it looks. You could have sworn the place used to be _brighter_. It’s not as if it’s filthy or anything but the air seems heavier, the atmosphere heavy. I might just be your thinking; you had gotten used to staying at richer places that was probably it.

There’s a small mob gathered at the village center, chattering amongst itself in hushed tones as you pass by and you don’t really stay long enough to gather what they’re talking about so you pay it no heed. You drive your horse faster as Komaeda speeds up, and leave the village, seeing the forest soon after.

“We have arrived,” Tanaka says aloud, probably for the women to hear since they were the only ones who were new to the place.

“It looks like we have,” Sonia beams, “I can’t wait to see all kinds of new animals! It’s going to be a lovely experience to tell everyone when I get back home,”

“I certainly hope it will be,” Komaeda agrees as you guys slow down your pace to a steady trot and head into the forest.

It’s a dark mess of closely lined trees near the front so you move in a single line but it clears up further up. The sun is out since it’s still noon and that helps brighten the area enough for you to move in without any trouble. Tanaka points out some squirrels and raccoons as you move further. It’s surprising that he sees them from so far away- it was dark and the animals blended in well with the surroundings.

 _Must be because he’s so used to being with animals,_ You think.

“That is a blue jay,” he points when he sees a flash of blue close to a tree branch. Sonia stares at the bird in fascination.

“It certainly is a beautiful bird,” Komaeda comments. You hear Enoshima huff behind you, she’d been doing that for a while now- she looks bored out of her mind.

You move on, looking around absentmindedly, you’d been here so many times that it was a little boring being here and watching Tanaka point out animals to an excited Sonia.  From the way Tanaka is taking, you’re guessing you’ll end up by the clearing in the middle next to the stream.

True enough, after a few minutes you turn your horse left heading into a less dense area, the trees have thinned out and the sunlight pours in brightly, making you wince a little. Enoshima huffs as the light strikes her face and mumbles something to herself. Were you only one noticing the fact that she was really irritated?

A narrow stream flows along the side and you can hear the faint sound of water as it turns slowly eastward. It’s a peaceful place and you sigh as you stop your horse to take in the sight, you had been here before and it always calmed you to be here. You spot a deer drinking water in the corner and you’re surprised it hasn’t run away yet.

Tanaka sees it too and motions with his bandaged hand for everyone to be quiet. He points towards it to alert the others of its presence and you can see Komaeda’s face perk up as he looks at it.

_Maybe he likes deer._

Tanaka jumps off his horse and slowly walks towards the deer- it perks up as it hears him approach it but doesn’t run away. He whispers some words to them and surprisingly enough, the animal slowly walks towards him, its round black eyes glowing with innocent curiosity. You see the boy reach out his hand to stroke its back gently and Sonia lets out an excited squeak. You can’t help but find the interaction between Tanaka and the animal a little endearing. Everyone else seems to think so too judging by the smiles on their faces.

_He looks like he’s having fun. He’s totally forgotten we’re here._

And true enough it didn’t seem like he notices the rest of you here at all. You watch in silent fascination as Sonia gets off from her horse too and slowly walks up to the two of them. Tanaka urges her to touch it and she does, laughing in joy when she strokes its ears.

You get the urge to go down and play with the deer too and just as you’re about to jump off the horse, you feel something slip past you so fast you don’t even have to react, a sharp snip echoes in your ears. Tanaka jumps back in surprise and Sonia utters a short scream as the deer suddenly falls on its side, blood trickling out of it stomach. You see the hilt of a small knife lodged into its stomach.

“What the hell?” you exclaim as you see it happen.

You turn to look at Komaeda to see if he knows what’s going on but he’s staring at Enoshima, his face pale. Her lips are upturned in a sickeningly gleeful smile, the smile of a child who’d gotten an early Christmas present.

“What in the world is the meaning of this?!” Tanaka growls at Enoshima, he seems to have figured out that it was her.

“Oh it seems like my hand slipped,” she answers him.

“Y-you! Why did you do this?” you yell at her, “We agreed that no one was going to hunt!”

“But it was so peaceful here. That’s too boring you know, it was driving me crazy, completely crazy! Just look at how much fun this is!” she points to the dying deer and starts laughing, her eyes are devoid of any light and it makes you shiver just looking at her.

_What is this feeling? I can’t stop shaking._

Sonia’s crying as she tries to take the knife out of the animal’s body and Tanaka whispers slowly into the deer’s ear. You don’t have to be an animal expert to know that it’s dying and its eyes turn around in its head in panic, its small body shakes and Tanaka’s voice trembles as he tries to calm it.

“Isn’t it a wonderful feeling; watching it die? To watch as its life slowly leaves its wretched body, and to know you can’t do anything to help it? Imagine what the poor animal is thinking! Ah, how pitiful it is to be so weak that you can’t even protect yourself from anything. Isn’t that true _despair_?” Enoshima says in a slow voice, as if talking to a child.

The animal shudders under Sonia’s touch and gives a faint cry before slumping into the ground, its eyes closed.

“Ah…it died…that was way too fast! I didn’t even get to watch it suffer all that much,” Enoshima rants and folds her arms, “That was lame,”

“You vixen-” Tanaka starts in anger but stops, his voice catching. Sonia rests a hand on his shoulder.

“Tanaka-san, please calm down,” Komaeda offers, “It truly is upsetting that the deer was killed but there’s nothing we can do about it now, it’s _hopeless_ ,”

_What? Is that all he’s going to say?_

Tanaka seems like he has more to say but his face is pale and he clenches his hands into fists, you’ve never seen him so mad over anything. Of course he really loves animals; this was bound to upset him.

“We should head back now, I’m sure you have seen enough animals for the day Sonia-san?” Komaeda speaks again.

Sonia nods gravely and urges Tanaka to mount his horse but he just shakes his head.

“I need to perform the parting rites for the deceased. You may leave Fair One,” he says gently, never taking his eyes away from the deer’s body.

Sonia hugs Tanaka briefly and leaves him. When she mounts the horse you set off back to the castle.

“Hey, wasn’t that fun?” Enoshima declares perkily, loud enough for Tanaka to hear as you leave.

***  
You arrive at the castle with a heavy heart- no one had spoken a word on the way except Enoshima who seemed to have gotten a lot of happiness out of killing an animal and, with her talking about it all the way to the castle, you had ended up in a horribly bad mood and an aching back. You had thought your wounds were getting better but riding the horse for so long over rocky areas had just made it worse.

As soon as you get off your horse, you start walking towards your room before anyone decides to talk to you. You feel irritable and you don’t want to talk to anyone.

“Hey wait, Hinata!” Enoshima calls out.

“What is it?” you ask her curtly without turning to look at her as she runs to catch up to you, her heels clacking on the marble floor.

“Ah what’s with the rude tone? Are you angry at me?”

“I’m just tired,” you lie to her, you would have agreed with her but you feel like it would have been out of line to say that to nobility of another kingdom.

“You know what will cheer you up?” she asks.

“…what?”

“Talking to me of course!” she strikes a pose and grins, “that always makes everyone happy,”

 _I doubt it,_ you think to yourself _._

“‘ _I doubt it’_ that’s what you’re probably thinking aren’t you? But I’m not letting you run away this time,” she whispers conspiratorially, “It would be a stupid move to do that you know?”

“And why is that?” you ask her, irritated.

“Well you know I could tell everyone what you were doing in _His Highness’s_ room last night. That would be too bad wouldn’t it?”

“Y-you!” you choke out, “How did-”

“I have my ways,” she says dismissively, waving a hand to emphasize, “Now are you coming with me or not? Let’s have a small chat, shall we?” she says, her tone shifting into something sinister and you feel goose-bumps creep onto your skin. It wasn’t even a premonition this time- you just _know_ things aren’t going to end well for you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was a very late update in comparison i'm sorry for the delay but i've been very busy with school  
> also another heads up: i might not update next week since i'll be having exams and i Really need to start studying
> 
> forgive the lack of komahina in this chapter have some junkohina (???) instead. pfft


	14. Chapter 14

Out of all the things you had in mind for the day, sitting with Enoshima and playing chess in the guest room was definitely not one of them. You’re staring at the white pieces on your side, trying to make sense of the mess that’s laid about. You have no idea what move to make since chess never really was your thing. Enoshima is smiling as she watches you attempt feebly to make a move that isn’t completely idiotic; you end up moving one of your pawns ahead in the end.

_Dammit, what’s she trying to do anyway? Is she really that interested in spending time with me?_

You doubt it, but there’s definitely something she’s after. For now she’s just making small talk, and is mainly focusing on playing the game too, to your surprise. She’s good but you’re guessing Nanami would have been better, not that you’re really a person to judge, seeing as how you barely know much about the game apart from what each piece was called.

“Come oooon is that really the best you can do?” she laughs when you make your move and moves a knight forward, capturing your rook. You wince when she does that because you didn’t think about defending your pieces at all. You’re really careless.

It’s your turn again and your mind is really not into it, you end up moving your own knight to capture a black pawn, Enoshima counters by using a single pawn to take your knight. You sigh, giving up.

“Giving up already? That’s no fun, you know,” she comments as she makes a move. You’re not even looking at the board anymore so you just stare at her.

“Why did you bring me here?” you ask her.

She looks at you, an innocent expression on her face, “Whatever do you mean, Hinata-kun?”

“You called me here on purpose didn’t you? Saying stuff about…about Komaeda and me- you knew I’d come if you said that right?”

She motions with her hands for you to make a move since you still haven’t. You ignore her.

“Keep playing with me and I’ll tell you~” she says in a singsong voice.

You comply and move a pawn another step forward, not really caring about winning at all at this point.

“…I’m playing,” you tell her.

She puffs her cheeks at that, “Ah well looks like we’ll be talking then. Say, would you believe me if I said I just wanted to talk?”

You shrug, “No, I don’t think so,”

She mimics your shrug and smiles, “Figures. If you _reeeally_ want to know it’s because you piqued my interest! There, is that explanation enough for you?”

“That doesn’t explain anything!” you argue.

Enoshima moves another pawn forward and grins, “Oh…do you want to know _why_ you intrigued me so much then?”

You frown at her, “ _Why_ …? Of course I want to know why,”

She leans forward over the table, her chin resting on one hand and reaches out with the other to poke your cheek with her index finger. Her sharp nails dig into your skin painfully and you inch back in surprise.

 _Just_ what _is she doing?_

“You know Hinata; I was so bored at the party…everyone was so happy, so full of hope that it sickened me. Of course I just came because Monokuma invited me. I was so pissed that I had to play nice in front of everyone (at least for the time being!) I was waiting; I just knew there was going to be something special, you know how it is…you can’t just waste your efforts on just _anyone,_ can you?”

“What…what do you mean?” you ask, baffled by her words more than anything.

“I was waiting for the right person to come by, someone with just the right stuff and then that bastard came along!” Enoshima utters a short sardonic laugh.

_…That bastard?_

“You know how he came in strolling and started talking to people? I could hear him talk and it was so ridiculous how he kept on blabbing about the kingdom! Talk about hopelessly optimistic! Ironic if you ask me,”

“Wait…Are you talking about Komaeda?” you ask her, trying to make sense of her words.

She stares at you as if you’ve said something stupid, “Who else could I be talking about? Of course it’s that white haired prince you seem to have a thing for. Well I really don’t know what you see in him. He’s all talk, nothing else,”

“How is he all talk?” you ask, feeling slightly defensive on his part.

“Don’t even get me started on that! All that talk about hope and love for the kingdom…” she rolls her eyes as you start listening to her intently, “Anyway we’re getting off topic!”

“I don’t even know what you’re trying to tell me here,” you point out plainly.

“I was getting to that!” she yells, slamming her fist lightly on the table “this is about you!”

“I see,”

“Anyway…as I was saying; even talking to your precious prince wasn’t all that fun to be honest. And that’s where you came in! With that tired expression on your face and those beautiful eyes so full of misery! Do you know what I saw in them?”

Her question catches you off guard and you’re stumped trying to think of the answer.

“What?” you ask her instead.

Her lips curl upwards into an ecstatic smile, her eyes have an awful darkness in them and you can’t tell what she’s thinking at all. All you can think of is that you have never seen eyes as wretched as hers.

“Despair,” she says, uttering it in an almost whisper, her tone reverent.

“D…despair…?” you gasp.

“Ah you must be thinking you’re not really despairing at all! Well that bit is true mind you. What I saw were just the _seeds_ of that despair taking root in your heart,” she reaches out a finger and places it on your chest, hovering just over your heart.

You don’t move back because you’re too stunned to muster any reaction.

_The seeds of despair? Is that what she thinks?_

_….._

_…..Is that really happening to me?_

“Well I bet you doubt my words right now don’t you?” she pouts.

“Of course I do! There’s no way I would despair! What makes you think so anyway?” you protest.

_Who does she think she is….acting like she understands me…?_

Enoshima’s eyes look at you disdainfully, you can almost feel the air grow cold as she stares at you stonily, “Ah…to think you’d doubt my intuition. Do doubt me when I know despair so well…?”

She moves her bishop forward, taking your knight and your attention snaps back to the game. You continue the act of moving your pawn another step ahead, already sure that she’s going to use her own pawn to take yours but she doesn’t.

_Huh?_

“Well I’m sure you’ll believe me soon enough, Hinata,” she moves her queen a step forward so that it’s with striking range of your own pawn, “Hasn’t the feeling of absolute helplessness crept up on you lately? Feeling there’s nothing you can do help your circumstances, suffering from things that are beyond your control…it must be lonely huh?”

_Wait…? How does she know all this?_

“What are you talking about? How do you-”

“Your turn,” she motions, ignoring your words.

You groan in frustration and make a move. Your pawn is only a single move away from reaching the end of the enemy’s side. You’re surprised she hasn’t made a move to stop you yet.

 She makes yet another bogus move, moving her knight back to its original position.

_What is she doing?_

“…And to top it all with the fact that you never felt like you belonged! It’s starting to get to you, I can see it written all over your face, clear as day!” she continues her monologue and every word hits you like a stab in the chest.

Her words come surprisingly close to home and you’re feeling short of breath. You’re stuck by the urge to run away from her but something holds you down, and you inevitably stay seated, listening to her poisonous words and making hopeless moves, trying to lose as soon as possible.

Your pawn reaches the end of the board and you vaguely think that you should get a trophy for being able to do it.

“Oh! Look, it actually made it to my side of the board!” Enoshima exclaims.

“Hm…I don’t really see what’s so great about that,” you mutter.

She makes an expression half amused and half horrified, her mouth open in a wide ‘O’.

“You really don’t know what it means when your pawn reaches the other side?” she asks.

Your eyebrows furrow as you think about it, “No?”

Enoshima laughs and stops abruptly, “I might as well explain…you really don’t know chess at all do you? Well you see when a pawn manages to make it to the other side (an amazing feat really) you can promote it to any other piece you want!”

_Any piece I want?_

“Wait…does that mean I could make it a queen if I wanted to?” you ask, unsure.

She nods. “Of course!”

“Amazing…” you say to yourself, “I didn’t even know that,”

“Isn’t it cool? Even the lowest pawn can have some worth if it goes to the other side huh?” she grins.

“That’s horribly optimistic coming from you,” you remark.

Enoshima utters a short laugh and loses her smile, an expressionless mask taking its place, “Think of it this way, mister. What if _you_ were that pawn? You think that you have no worth standing where you are…and then to be declared something as great as a queen! Wouldn’t that be completely and utterly despair inducing?”

“What…what the hell are you talking about?” you say in confusion, “How is it despair inducing?”

Enoshima groans, “You really do disappoint me…to think I had such high hopes from you. Well it’s my own fault for getting my expectations up anyway. It’s like nature’s trying to tell me something!” she puts up her hands in the air in exasperation and heaves a melodramatic sigh.

_What the hell is she even going on about?_

You don’t give her words any further thought; of course Enoshima was just being cryptic again.

“Go…you’re no fun at all,” she mutters and starts flicking the chess pieces off the table with her fingers.

“Are you kidding me?” you grumble and get up, “There’s something wrong with you Enoshima,”

She looks up from the table and gives you a small smile, “That’s what they all say,”

You turn to leave, opening the door and stepping out without another word.

“And yet they all come to me in the end, that’s just how despair is. When that happens…I’ll be waiting,”

***  
Enoshima’s words shook you up more than you’d like to admit and you’re having a hard time getting them out of your head. What was she trying to do? Why did she pick you out of everyone, to mess with? And what could she possibly hope to achieve by that?

 _All that talk about despair…how did she even know so much about me?_ You wonder as you walk back to your room, your gait slow and exhausted.

When you open your room, you’re too tired to even manage a proper reaction to the sight in front of you.

“ _What_ ,” you mutter in irritation as you glare at Komaeda lounging on your couch.

“Perfect timing Hinata-kun!” he says and stands up, “I’ve been meaning to talk to you for a while now. I see you’re done talking with Enoshima-san?”

You sigh and give him a slight nod, “She talks a lot,” you mumble.

_I can see why he drank so much after talking to her. She really grates on a person’s nerves._

His jaw tightens as you mention her and his eyes brows furrow slightly, “I hope she didn’t say anything unnecessary?”

You raise an eyebrow, “Such as?”

“Talk about despair and hopelessness…anything like that?”

“How did you guess?” you ask.

Komaeda gives you a tired smile, “I’ve come to know from experience,” he says vaguely, “I hope you won’t let it get to you, Hinata-kun,”

You shrug, “I’ve heard worse stuff,” you tell him, suddenly remembering Monokuma’s words as he had punished you that day.

Komaeda doesn’t press the topic further and looks at you. He opens his mouth to say something but stop midway, feeling uncomfortable.

 _This is awkward,_ you think as you recall the events of last night again. Your face flushes when you’re reminded of that and you hope he’s not thinking of the same thing.

“Listen Koma-” you begin to say but Komaeda starts talking at the same time.

“Uh, Hinata-kun?”

“What is it?”

“Ah never mind, you wanted to say something didn’t you?”

“Nah, go ahead and say what you wanted to,” you tell him.

He looks like he wants to protest but you give him a firm look and he relents.

“Well you see…it’s about what happened last night,” he starts and your heart drops to your stomach.

_Shit, he’s talking about that._

“I’m so sorry about doing something to unpleasant to you. To think that I was so drunk that I couldn’t even judge anything properly…it really isn’t in me to do something like that to a person such as you, Hinata-kun. Would it be too much of me to ask you to just forget it ever happened?” he asks hesitantly, looking embarrassed.

You open your mouth to speak but for some reason only a short sound of protest escapes your mouth. It’s really convenient that Komaeda himself is asking you to forget about it and this is what you had wanted but hearing him say that still comes as a shock somehow.

_Of course he wouldn’t want to do something like that with a person like me anyway._

“Oh…of course, Komaeda. I’ve already forgotten all about it, don’t worry,” you tell him when your mouth starts agreeing with you again. You feel sick saying it and you’re mad at yourself for feeling disappointed.

_Of course this is what I wanted…right?_

Komaeda looks relieved and sighs a little, “I’m glad,”

You’re about to say something along the lines of ‘Me too, Komaeda,’ when you hear a knock on the door.

You look at Komaeda, “Mind if I open that?”

“No, not at all! Go ahead,”  

You open the door to see a short, young man standing at the doorway, a scroll in his hands.

“May I have a moment of your time, sir?” he says and bows his head to you.

You nod, “Do you have something for me?” you ask him, expecting a letter since the man standing in front of you was wearing the garb of a royal messenger; a maroon tunic with green embroidery on the hem.

“It’s a letter from the castle sir! It’s urgent and Miss Monomi explicitly urged me to read it out to only his highness and you, sir!” he says quickly, getting out of breath.

“Miss Monomi…?” you mutter in confusion and turn to look at Komaeda questioningly, hoping he’d know something about it.

“Please come inside then,” Komaeda orders the man and he bows down once more before walking quickly to him and getting on one knee.

You close the door and walk back to the two of them. Komaeda nods to the messenger and checks to see if the door is closed properly.

“Go ahead,” Komaeda urges the boy, “You may read the letter out loud,”

_I wonder what it’s about…_

“Ahem!   
‘Help it’s an emergency!’” the messenger begins, making his voice unnaturally high pitched, “The entire castle is in an uproar! I reached the castle yesterday and everything was completely fine but we have been careless and out carelessness had led to this horrible event!” the messenger pauses.

Your stomach turns in fear of what he’s going to say next, Komaeda looks just as uneasy, or so you think.

“You see, the King, he’s been poisoned! Everything is chaotic and we’re trying our best to help him recover but we might be losing him. Prince Komaeda it is in this time of need that I write to you to not let this affect you too greatly. The kingdom needs a ruler and I hope that you will be willing to take the position of the King if, per chance, His Highness passes away.  
Do not lose hope! We need to stay calm in this situation. I shall keep on informing you about the king’s condition as much as possible. Until then, please take care. Monomi.’”

“ _What_ …the king’s been poisoned…?” you gasp.

Komaeda looks stricken but he thanks the messenger and asks him to leave, his tone steady. You’re surprised he’s holding his own even after hearing such horrifying news. If things were just as Monomi had described, you’re scared to think of the consequences and what they could mean.

“Komaeda…are you okay?” you ask him, just to be sure.

He looks surprised when he looks at you, as if driven out of a trance, “Hm? Oh yes I’m fine,” he says dismissively but you can see his feet swaying a little as he says it.

“You might want to sit down…” you suggest and pull him to a couch to sit but he refuses to budge.

“Komaeda?” you call out when he doesn’t answer.

“…this is going perfectly,” he mutters to himself, looking pleasantly surprised.

“Huh?”

 “I couldn’t have imagined to be graced with such _magnificent_ luck!” he says louder this time, his tone almost hysterical, “This is just the kind of despair that everyone needs!”

“Despair..? Did you just say the Kingdom needs…despair?” you say in horrification, shaking him by the shoulders to snap out of whatever trance he was in.

 “Of course, Hinata-kun. What we need right now is the greatest kind of despair so that it gives rise to the ultimate Hope! After all something as trivial as despair can never overcome hope,” Komaeda shakes with excitement and you move away from him a little, feeling anxious.

“Do you mean you actually _want_ despair?”

Komaeda laughs when you ask him, a raspy maniacal laugh and it makes you shudder, “If that’s what it takes for real hope for arise then of course, even _I_ wouldn’t hesitate to delve in despair,”

_What…? It couldn’t possibly be true…_

“Y-you! Were you the one…behind the king’s poisoning?” you ask him, feeling numb as dread fills your entire body.

_Please say no, please say no…_

Komaeda looks surprised at the question and gives it some thought, “That’s rather perceptive of you, Hinata-kun, and of course I wouldn’t have expected any less!”

Your blood runs cold as he says it so nonchalantly, as if it didn’t affect him at all, “Yes or no? Answer me, Komaeda!” you yell at him in frustration.

Komaeda frowns when you yell at him, “No need to get angry Hinata-kun…isn’t it obvious enough who the culprit is, by now?”

_That’s it…I knew it._

That’s all the confirmation you needed but you’re still horrified that Komaeda would be capable of doing such a thing, and to his own father no less?

 _And all for that sick notion of ‘hope’ that he thought so highly of_.

You’re horrified and, at the same time, scared of the boy sitting in front of you. Your knees feel weak as the gravity of the situation hits you and you collapse onto your bed, holding your head between your hands.

“Hinata-kun? What’s the matter?” Komaeda asks; his voice curiously innocent.

“…Get out. Just…get out,” you say in a low voice.

Komaeda stays silent for a while but you hear him get up from the couch and stand.

“In that case…goodnight, Hinata-kun,” he says and leaves.

You feel sick thinking about what’s going to happen now that you know Komaeda’s the one behind the poisoning. If someone found out, you’d be held just as responsible for it, wouldn’t you? You shudder to think of what kind of punishment awaits you for that. The unfairness of it all makes your head hurt; to be dragged into these things without having a say in it at all and having to suffer for it. For the first time, you feel like nothing’s going to ever change for the better.

 _Despair_.

“Hah...” you laugh bleakly, “Was this what Enoshima had been talking about?”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> things took a turn for the worse didn't they?   
> any thoughts on what's going to happen now? :'0


	15. Chapter 15

_Dear parents how are things on your end? It has been a while since you have written to me and I am anxious to know if everything is alright. Things are fine at the castle as usual and princess Sonia and miss Enoshima are staying for a week so they will be departing tomorrow most likely. It has been much livelier here because of the two ladies and I’m delighted they’re here. Even his highness seems to enjoying himself. I am very glad-_

You can’t bring yourself to write any more than that. It’s only the start of the letter and it’s so full of lies that you feel sick.

‘Glad’? That was far from what you were. Things were just horrible and you don’t even know what you’re doing here anymore.

_The king’s dying…Komaeda’s probably the one behind it though I find that hard to believe and I’m not sure I’ll be able to handle Monokuma’s behavior for much longer._

_And then there’s Enoshima._

You’re counting the hours before Enoshima and Sonia leave. You’re hoping things will get better but you doubt it.

You sigh dejectedly and put the quill down where it’s been hovering over the parchment, threatening to drip some ink in an ugly black blob. Your handwriting’s already a mess as it is.

_Really that talk about writing reflecting your state of mind is pretty accurate._

Over the past two days you feel like nothing has been going right for you, or anyone else for that matter. Enoshima’s off talking to anyone she finds and you’re sure she’s feeding them the same nonsense as she has to you. Komaeda talks to her frequently and you sometimes find yourself wanting to listen in on their conversations. You wonder what she could be saying that holds Komaeda so glued to the spot, so fixated on each and every word of hers. You doubt it’s anything good considering everything that left her mouth was a bunch of sweet lies.

You say sweet lies but her words still echo in your mind when you’re sitting on your own and at night when you’re trying to sleep. She had been right about everything- it was as if she knew you better than you did yourself- and that’s something that scares you more than you’d like to admit.

You decide to leave the letter for now and get changed to go outside. Komaeda had asked you to come down into the gardens around noon since the weather looked nice and it would be a good place to chat with Sonia and Enoshima. They were leaving tomorrow anyway so you figure you can tolerate a bit more of that.

When you get changed and leave for the gardens, you realize that despite the sun being particularly bright, it’s really cold outside and a chilly gust is blowing, making you shiver a little.

You see the three of them sitting around a table, and you join them. Komaeda waves to you and Enoshima grins. You just nod to them and sit down, while the three of them continue where they had left off. You can’t believe Komaeda’s acting so normally around everyone. Didn’t he feel any guilt over poisoning the king? Or was he just apathetic about it?

Everyone else had seemed normal too for that matter. There had been no panicking, no hushed talks about the king. Had the news really been kept a secret? Would that mean that only you and Komaeda know about the king’s condition right now?

You realize you’re staring fixedly at the table as you think about it and you hope no one else noticed that you’re spacing out. Almost at the same time, Sonia looks in your direction and shakes you out of your reverie. You force a smile on your face and she gives you a smile in turn, her face looks strained and you wonder if something’s the matter.

“Come walk with me, Hinata-kun?” she asks.

“Ah…of course, Your Highness,” you say eagerly, ready to escape before Enoshima starts talking to you.

She gets up from her place and you offer her a hand, she takes it willingly and the two of you stroll away from Komaeda and Enoshima who don’t really seem to notice you.

“They seem busy talking,” Sonia observes.

“Looks like they’re arguing really,” you comment.

Sonia laughs a little, “Indeed, I don’t think their ideals match and it’s an interesting thing to watch….”

“Hmmm,” you offer, not really agreeing with her. It drained on your nerves having to watch the two of them go at it every time, talk about the two kingdoms and hope. It wasn’t something you had any opinion about and you sure as hell weren’t going to take sides.

“You don’t seem to enjoy it very much when you’re with us, Hinata-kun,” Sonia says after a while.

You start at her observation, “Really…it’s not that I don’t enjoy it,”

“You don’t have to deny it you know. I’m the same way,” she sighs.

“What do you mean?” you ask.

Sonia looks at you with her bright green eyes and frowns a little, “Of course I meant being in Miss Enoshima’s company. It has nothing to do with the fact that our families have never been on good terms either. It’s just…”

“She says some really disturbing things right?” you suggest.

Sonia nods fervently, “Yes, that. And to think she did such a horrible thing to Tanaka-san too!”

“You mean killing that deer right?” you say as you turn right, following the boundaries of the garden.

“Indeed. It shook him terribly! I met with him a few times after that- he’s such good company usually- but I could see that he was very upset still. He truly loves animals doesn’t he?”

“He does. What Enoshima did was cruel and I can understand why he’d be so upset,”

Sonia stares at you again, “Has she said something to you as well, Hinata-san?”

“No, nothing,” you lie.

“Well if she has, I can say I understand how you feel as well. Say Hinata-kun, could you do a favor for me?”

“Hm? A favor?” you ask, confused.

“Ah yes. I hope you can be a good friend to Tanaka-san. He’s truly a nice person and I believe he’s just not good at communicating with people. I am unable to do much for him since we hardly know each other but I do…care for him,” she say and you’re caught at the emotion in her voice.

_She truly likes Tanaka, doesn’t she?_

You smile at her, “He’s already a good friend, Sonia-san,”

Sonia looks a little relieved but she’s still frowning, “I feel so bad about being the cause of it all. It was my wish to go animal watching and that’s how it all happened. I haven’t even been able to meet Tanaka-san after that, to apologize properly,”

“Whoa Sonia-san I don’t think he’d get mad at you over a thing like that. He knows it’s not your fault,” you reassure her.

“But I do want to say it to him at least once. I’m leaving tomorrow and I have so many things to do I feel like it might be impossible after all,” she sighs dejectedly.

You don’t know how to reassure her and she looks downcast at the whole thing. You wish there was something you could do except just listening to her worries. She was a nice girl, you had learnt that much.

“I hope you get to meet him,” you say instead.

She smiles at you weakly, “I hope so too,”

\---

After the two of you walk back to where Enoshima and Komaeda are sitting, you notice Komaeda sweating a lot more than you would have thought possible with such a strong wind blowing. Did he have something bad to eat? He didn’t look too good judging from the pale complexion of his face. His lips are drawn in a thin line and for once Enoshima isn’t talking to him.

“Oh you’re back! How was the walk hm? You guys sure do talk a lot when you’re together, right Komaeda?” Enoshima says excitedly.

Komaeda starts as she jabs his chest with her elbow, “Ah yes, I hope you enjoyed it?”

You stare at Komaeda, not saying anything while Sonia answers for you, “Yes, it was a lovely walk. Your gardens are beautiful. I’m surprised you didn’t hold the grand ball over here, it’s such a good site,”

“I’ll be sure to hold them here next year,” Komaeda nods.

“…If there _is_ a ball next year,” Enoshima mutters as she rolls a lock of hair on her finger.

“Did you say something Enoshima-san?” Komaeda asks.

“Oh nothing, carry on with your chat,” she waves dismissively.

And so they do; Komaeda and Sonia seem busy talking about matters that don’t really interest you a lot and the cold breeze is making you feel chilled to the bone.

“Uh, can I head back to my room? I have some stuff I need to do,” you say after a while of sitting idly.

“Of course Hinata-kun,” Komaeda answers.

You nod to him and get up, waving to Sonia and ignoring Enoshima completely.

When you reach your room you decide to finish up the letter since you want to get it done before the message boy leaves. You’d have to wait a whole day for the next boy if you can’t finish it in time.

You grab the quill from the ink pot and heave a sigh. Writing this isn’t any fun but you feel obligated to write to your parents at least once a month. Besides, you’re curious to know why they hadn’t shown up at the ball when you had invited them so eagerly.

_They must have had a reason._

You start off from where you had left:

_I am very glad his highness is doing well these days._

_You know, Princess Sonia wanted go animal watching the other day so highness and I, along with Miss Enoshima of course, went to the forest just off the corner of the village. It was a fun trip and I really enjoyed myself. I wish you could have been here; I really wanted to go animal watching with you two when I was a kid. Nostalgic talk aside, I’m a little worried that you didn’t come to the grand ball. It was a wonderful event and it would have been thoroughly enjoyable had you also come. The reason I wrote this letter, in fact, was to ask why you didn’t. I’m sure you must have had your reasons but it truly was upsetting to not see you when I had been waiting so anxiously for many months. It’s been three months already, hasn’t it?_

_I would love to hear from you as soon as possible. I miss you a lot and I hope you do as well._

You put the quill down.

_I hope they miss me? Do I really?_

You don’t even know what the truth is and what isn’t anymore, far from judging anyone else’s words you’re having a hard time understanding what you think of it all yourself. The word ‘hope’ that Komaeda used so frequently had just as easily been written down by your hands but the truth was you didn’t really hope for anything at all. You’d been away from your family for so long you doubt they even thought of you as their own son anymore. Hadn’t they just made that clear by not showing up?

A part of you still hopes that they were just too busy to attend. Maybe something urgent had come up?

Of course they’re just shallow thoughts to keep you from feeling down and they do help somewhat but at other times it just feels ridiculous to even think up such childish excuses on your own.

_We’ll just have to wait and see,_ you decide.

You hear a knock on the door as you begin to seal the letter. You get up to open the door but you don’t get too far when a familiar and hateful face pops out from behind the door.

“Oh I wonder what you’re holding there!” Monokuma exclaims and barges into your room without a further thought.

“I wonder why you even knocked if you were just going to enter anyway?” you mutter.

Monokuma makes a horrified face, putting a hand to his mouth, “Oh dear! I did knock to warn you I was coming, didn’t I? No one appreciates good manners these days…”

You put the parchment on the table and turn to him, “Do you need me for something?” you ask him.

“Aw come now! I just came to meet you, can’t a man even do that?” he says acting sad even though his voice is the same sickeningly happy tone it usually is.

“I doubt that’s the only reason you’re here,”

“Never mind that, you! I asked you a question, didn’t I?” he says, deftly changing the topic.

You sigh, “Did you?”

“I asked you what that letter was?” he huffs.

“It’s just a letter to my parents,” you tell him curtly.

Monokuma steps towards you and you move away from him, your hand going out defensively towards the letter on the table. You’re a second too late and Monokuma’s fat hand- or paw more like it- reaches out and snatches the piece of parchment.

“Hey you! You can’t just take my stuff like that!” you yell in protest.

“Aw don’t be so boring, I’m just reading an innocent letter! Or could it be that it’s not _innocent_ at all! Oh my, Hinata-kun you sure are a dirty young man,” Monokuma laughs.

“I told you it’s just a letter,” you mumble.

“Then there’s no harm in my reading it, is there?” he says with finality and starts going through the letter.

You stare at him in horrification and wish you could just snatch it back from him but you have no idea what kind of punishment he’d give you if he decided to get angry.

“If you wrote to ask them why they didn’t come…you could have just asked me, you know!” Monokuma exclaims after he’s gone through it all.

“Huh?”

“I know why your parents didn’t come, didn’t I tell you that?” he tilts his head to side innocently.

“No…you didn’t,” you say in confusion.

“Ah well then I suppose I should tell you,” he says and pauses. You wait but he says nothing.

“Okay…tell me already,” you say, feeling sick.

“It’s because your parents left the kingdom!” he announces and jumps around, “Isn’t that a shock?”

“What? How could they have left the kingdom?” you say incredulously.

Monokuma taps his chin with a finger, “Well who knows? Maybe they got sick and tired of living here?”

“You’ve got to be lying…it’s a joke right?” you say, your heart caught in your throat.

_How could they have possibly left without telling me?_

“Hey! I don’t joke around!” Monokuma snaps.

“But how do you even know this if they haven’t even told me?” you’re trying to make sense of it all but you’re too shocked to think straight. It had to be a joke; a cruel, sick joke.

“Poor Hinata-kun, do you really think they wanted to tell you? What if they left _because_ of you?”

You reel at his words, could he really be telling the truth? What if they had left the kingdom? It couldn’t possibly be because of you could it? What had you done to make it so hard for them to live here?

_Nothing…I did nothing._

_Is that why?_

_...Was it because I left them to stay at the castle?_

“Hinata-kun? You don’t look too good. Oh, oh could it be that what I said upset you?” Monokuma sneers.

You take in a deep breath, “Of course not. It’s just…I would have thought they would have told me before leaving,” you say and your own voice sounds ridiculous to you. Hollow and strained.

“Who knows right? Maybe they didn’t want to tell you after all?”

You nod, “I guess,”

“Well then, I think I’ll be going now! Being lord isn’t an easy thing you know!” Monokuma announces and turns to leave, “Too bad you had to know of the horrible truth from someone else, right?”

With that he heads off skipping out of the room, not bothering to even close the door behind you. You clench your hands in a fist to keep them from shaking. Your breath feels like it won’t come, you struggle to breathe. The walls look like they’re creeping up on you, trapping you inside.

_I’ve had it; I’ve really had it with everything._

You run aimlessly out of your room, just wanting to get away from it all. You ignore anyone you see and just keep on running; you’re not even sure where you’re going. You find yourself sprinting out of the castle premises; your face is greeted by the cold wind outside and it feels good. It feels good to finally breathe again but it doesn’t get rid of the heavy feeling in your heart. You don’t even notice as the scenery changes from the castle walls to the outskirts of the village, the small wooden huts, the cattle moving about in herds, you don’t notice anything except for the sound of your own heart hammering painfully against your chest and your legs aching as you continue to run.

When you finally stop, it’s only because your legs have started throbbing in exhaustion, you haven’t run this much in ages. You glance at the place around you and you notice that it’s a familiar place-a much more familiar place than most- the grounds where they used to hold the Midsummer festivals. You decide to sit down, when your eyes fall on the wisteria tree far at the far corner atop a small hill. You feel nostalgic looking at it and head in that direction. The hill had seemed so much larger when you had first climbed it but now it barely takes five steps to get all the way to the top. You end up sitting at the exact same spot you sat with Komaeda so many years ago.

The tree’s gotten older, you notice, the bark is jagged and dry at some places and it seems like it’s drooping down even more than usual. The purple flowers hang low and you grab one of them, staring at it. You feel like you’ve held one of these before. Did you give it to someone?

Sitting at the hill that barely resembles one, you stare at the grounds ahead of you. The grass used to be so much greener, you recall. All that’s left now are just the scorched remains of grass that never gets enough water, just the heat of the sun. It’s a little painful looking at it, it’s not like you were particularly attached to the place but it does serve as a reminder that everything’s changed so much from back then.

You used to come here with your parents every year and they used to be the most vibrant and vivid days of your childhood…And then when you met Komaeda, you had brought him here too. There’s no way you could ever forget that; the way his eyes had gleamed seeing the sight of the festival and hearing the festive music, you had been just as amused each year. And then after you had gotten tired, you sat here. You still remember how happy Komaeda had been, how he’d talked about his father with so much admiration. You had decided you wanted to stay by this boy’s side, to see if he’d be an even greater ruler than his father had been. You wished to be there when that happened.

_That was also the day my life changed forever, didn’t it?_

You do remember that day in great detail though you wish you could just erase it from your mind. You feel a sharp sting in your chest when you think about it; it had been so long that you had almost gotten over the betrayal you had felt at Komaeda and Miss Monomi, and how you had almost decided to run away from it all. Sometimes you think it would have been better if you had. But then your parents would have been disappointed in you and nothing would have changed at all.

_But did staying here make things any better?_

You’re reminded of how your parents left the kingdom without even telling you and you want to laugh at yourself. If you had known things would turn out like this, you really would have escaped when you had the chance. In the end everything you ever did was futile and completely useless.

_That seems to be the very core of my being. Entirely useless…_

You sigh and lay down on the grass, you don’t want to look at the grounds anymore but you don’t want to leave either. The tree looms over you, its bent and crooked branches with their flowers hang above you almost like a guardian. It feels safe here and you wish you could just stay forever but of course that’s mere fantasy. You will have to go back to that wretched castle and stay there with people you hardly know, people you don’t trust anymore. It was the place you had started to call home and now it seems just as alien as everything else in this kingdom.

_Is there any place where I can truly belong anymore?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm so sorry for the late updates i'm trying my best to write as much as i can but things keep happening and i end up not writing :(  
> plus this was supposed to be a little depressing and i'm way too happy to do that these days so there was that problem too. i hope i got hinata's feelings across well?


	16. Chapter 16

You don’t know how long you stay at the grounds, but at some point you find yourself drifting off to sleep. Maybe it’s a good thing you did, there was a small hope in your heart that perhaps when you wake up things would be normal again, that you’d know what was going on and that you had a place you truly belonged to.

When you open your eyes, the sun is setting and the sky is stained red, almost as if blood had been smeared onto a plain yellow canvas. You groan as you get up, your neck hurts from resting on the ground for so long and the cold has crept into your bones. You really should have worn something to keep warm.

“Looks like you’re finally awake,” you hear someone say and a cold shiver runs through your body. Of course you know who it is.

“Enoshima…what are you doing here?” you ask in confusion.

“I was waiting for you wake up! Honestly, the way you kept on sleeping with your mouth hanging open like an idiot while a lady waits for you is just plain rude!” she exclaims, pointing a finger at you accusingly, “Do you know how cold it is? I’m not even wearing my cloak because I ran right after you. Of course running in these heels is no easy task. See? Even my feet are sore!” she rants and shoves a foot next in front of you to see.

She’s wearing black boots that completely cover her feet, “How am I supposed to see your foot when you’re wearing boots?”

“Details details! Never mind that, get up now!” she motions and reaches out her hand.

“Why are you here anyway?” you ask, ignoring her hand and getting up on your own. Your clothes have gotten a little dirty so you wipe them.

“Because I saw you running away didn’t I _just_ tell you?” she pokes your forehead painfully, “I’m sure it’s because you found about your parents huh?”

“How do you know about that?” you glare at her.

Enoshima folds her hands over her chest, “I have my ways, maybe I’ll tell you some day… _maybe_. Wanna talk about it with me?”

“What?”

“Want to talk about the whole your-parents-leaving-the-kingdom thing with me? I’m a really good listener!”

You stare at her _. Is she serious? I’d rather talk about it with Monokuma than her._

“Hey hey! Don’t give me that look; you’re probably thinking you’d rather not talk about it. Well you should know people love talking to me about their problems. You animals died? Talk to me! You’re having insecurities about your work? Talk to me! Having some despair inducing problems? Talk. To. Me!”

“I doubt that’s going to make me want to,” you say simply.

Enoshima smiles, “I know it must be tough on you right now. You probably feel like it’s all worthless, you feel like you don’t belong here do you?  The people you loved and trusted so much think nothing of you and you’re here…completely alone,” she says in a singsong voice.

“Wait…how do you know that stuff?” you’re in shock at how she always seems to hit right on target, every word ringing true.

“Hinata…I’ve been looking at you for a while now. I know how you feel, I _understand_ you,” her voice is so sweet you find yourself nodding to her words. She smiles at you so tenderly that you can’t help but believe it, even though you know you shouldn’t.

“You’ve been…watching me?” you repeat her words.

“Of course. The moment I laid eyes on you, I knew! I knew you and I would mix well together. I could feel that loneliness in every word you spoke, in every step you took. I know everything you’ve done until now has only been so that they’ll notice you. So that someone with acknowledge you,”

“Hah…so much for that,” you say bitterly.

“Hinata…you don’t have to do this anymore, just give up,” she coaxes you, reaching out a hand to lay it on your shoulder.

“Give up. What are you talking about?” you ask confused.

“I know what you’ve been doing was all for the sake of being recognized…and I can see that. You don’t have to try so hard anymore; no one here cares about you that way,”

“They don’t care about me…I know that already,” you say, your voice getting weak.

Enoshima’s hand moves up, caresses your cheek and you don’t move it away, “But _I_ do. _I_ care about you,”

“You… _care_ about me?” you don’t know what to make of that.

“That’s why I’m telling you, you don’t have to try so hard anymore,” there’s a smile on her lips again and it’s so understanding, so gentle that it makes you want to cry, but you hold yourself back.  
 _Not here, not in front of her._

“But there’s nothing for me anymore…what am I here for? What am I supposed to _do_?” you yell in frustration.

“Just forget about it. Forget all about it Hinata. Remember what I said about the pawns?”

“Yeah?”

“Well it’s just like that!” she grins, “You’ll understand, don’t worry,”

“If you say so…,”

The two of you remain silent after that, you feel weird staying here with Enoshima of all people but it doesn’t feel that bad. You’re a little glad someone’s here with you, it makes you feel less alone.

 “Hey, Hinata?”

“Hm?” You’re not sure what she’s going to say next.

“Come here,” she says and you’re still questioning what she means when she reaches out both her arms and pulls you towards her.

“ _What_?” you choke out as she hugs you, her body presses against yours gently.

“Just stay like that!” she exclaims as you try to pull away, “It’ll make you feel better,”

You’re shocked that she’s hugging and it’s a little uncomfortable because both your arms are pinned to your sides but you listen to her. You close your eyes and let her touch you; it’s surprising how warm she is.

How long had it been since someone had touched you like this? You never realized you had been craving this for so long. Just the feeling of another person’s warmth, the feeling of acceptance. You don’t know what’s come over you but when she hugs you, you feel better, less empty, as if you really don’t need to try so hard anymore. A tear rolls down your cheek and Enoshima snickers.

“Cry all you want. Yes, open up to that feeling…I’m sure you finally understand what despair is, hm?”

 _Maybe I really should just give up_ , you think, and just the thought of giving in to that despair brings a feeling of hope into your heart.

***  
Reluctantly you head back to the castle with Enoshima who then leaves you to get ready for the journey back to Novoselic. You’re glad she’s going back yet there’s also a nagging sensation at the back of your mind which forces you to keep on thinking about it.

You end up falling asleep earlier than usual and wake up to the sound of blaring horns the next day.

_Horns…that must mean their carriages have arrived._

When you look out of the window to see the black and green carriages waiting outside, your suspicions are confirmed and you quickly get dressed to go down. When you get there, you see officials dressed in the Novoselic uniform carrying trunks of luggage towards the carriages.

You see Komaeda ordering the men and giving them directions and you call out to him, “Are they leaving right now?”

“Good morning Hinata-kun! Yes, they’ll be leaving in a few minutes, I was just overseeing the moving of their luggage,” Komaeda answers, beaming.

 _He sure looks glad they’re leaving_. You observe.

“It’s so unfair they’re leaving so early!” Monokuma comes springing down from the stairs and says, his voice full of sorrow.

“Indeed, I had hoped they would stay longer, but of course they have their own kingdom to attend to,” Komaeda agrees.

_Oh well, things might go back to normal after they leave at least,_

“Are they still at the castle or did they go outside?” you ask.

“They were about to sit inside their carriages, do you want to go meet them?” Komaeda asks.

You nod, “I think I’ll go say my farewell to Princess Sonia,” Komaeda doesn’t bother to remind you that Enoshima will be there as well.

“I’ll join you,” he says and the both of you head outside in silence.

You hadn’t noticed when you woke up, but the sky is a murky gray with dark clouds hovering a little ways away from the castle. You’re sure it’s going to rain soon and you don’t really look forward to the extreme cold that awaits you. You see Sonia wearing a dark hooded cloak that covers her face and she waves over to you, “Hinata-kun!”

“Sonia-san, are you about to leave?”

“Of course, the luggage has been loaded, we’re leaving soon,” she nods.

“I’m sure you’re glad to be going home, huh?”

“Yes, it will be good to go home again; I have so much to do. Being a princess isn’t an easy task you know,”

“I bet,” you agree.

“It was fun getting to know you, Hinata-kun. I hope we’ll meet again,” she smiles and extends a hand. You reach forward to shake it.

“I hope we do,”

“Take care,” she tells you gently, and you smile to her.

“I will,”

With that, Sonia lifts the hood to cover her face and climbs into the carriage. You suddenly remember about Tanaka and how she had wanted to meet him.

“Sonia-san!” you call out to her just as she’s about to close the door to the carriage.

“Yes?” she asks.

“Did you get to meet Tanaka?”

Sonia doesn’t say anything but when you look at her face, half hidden beneath the hood, you see a sad little smile on her face.

_Oh…she didn’t get to meet him did she?_

“Hey Hinata! You came to say goodbye to the princess but not me?” you hear Enoshima’s obnoxious voice right behind you. You listen to the door of the carriage close as you turn to look at her. She’s wearing a similar hood, her blond hair peek out from the sides and she grins at you.

 “Yeah I didn’t really see you so-” you begin but Enoshima cuts you off.

“Hey hey! That’s no excuse! I bet you’re avoiding me after our special little moment huh?” she says with a wink.

“Special moment?” Komaeda comes in at the exact moment and you groan.

“Oh didn’t he tell you? We sure had a fun little time at those grounds with that big purple tree! It was great, wasn’t it Hinata?”

“…Yeah sure,” you mumble, a little embarrassed when you remember how you had cried as she hugged you.

“Oh you mean those grounds where they have the midsummer festivals?” Komaeda asks.

“Yup!”

“Hey hey Hinata! I trust you remember what I said there right?” she says loud enough for everyone to hear.

“What’s this Enoshima-san? Have you and Hinata-kun been talking recently? I didn’t think he’d be your type,” Komaeda frowns.

“Oh Hinata and I get along just fine! You could say he’s started taking a liking to me, haven’t you?”

“ _Huh?_ What’re you talking about?” you exclaim, horrified.

“Ah well, better get going! I’ll be waiting for your letters you two!” Enoshima says and turns around dramatically, heading towards her carriage. A guard helps her in and shuts the door after her.

“There they go,” you say in relief as you watch the drivers mount the horses and take off, the sound of clopping hooves echoing in our ears.

Komaeda sighs, “It might be a little peaceful now, don’t you think?”

You nod wordlessly and head back inside the castle, where you hear someone sniffling. Of course you have an inkling about who it is and you try not to snicker when you see Souda hiding behind a pillar, looking forlornly at the carriages as they move further and further away from the castle.

“Souda…stop crying, she’s already gone,” you call out to him.

He looks at you with teary eyes, “How could she leave without even saying goodbye?”

“It’s not like you ever talked to her in the first place,”

“…You’re supposed to be making me feel better you know,” he complains.

“You’ll get over it, don’t worry,” you say.

“That’s never going to happen! My love for Sonia-san is undying,”

“I’m sure it is,” you say in exasperation, you’re sure he’ll forget all about Sonia in a few days. You hope you’ll be able to do the same regarding Enoshima.

***  
The days pass slowly as the weather turns worse each passing day. Two weeks have passed since the visitors from Novoselic left and you’ve been stuck inside the castle ever since. It’s been raining without stop for two days and it’s left everyone in a sour mood. It’s cold enough as it is and on top of that Monokuma’s started keeping an eye on the usage of firewood since he says it’s running out. You doubt it, since you’d been in charge of keeping records for the supplies last week and there was enough firewood to last three weeks easily.

_I’m sure it’s another one of Monokuma’s plans to make everyone depressed._

Only yesterday, he’d fired two maids from the castle because they’d been gossiping about the Novoselic Princess. And a few days before that he’d called Nanami in for a huge scolding because he’d found a marble lying on the stairs. It wasn’t even hers you’re sure, since she was always careful to keep her stuff with her, but when you’d asked her about it she just shrugged, saying he wouldn’t have believed her words even if she did tell him.

You’ve been keeping Souda company these days since there’s nothing better for you to do and just as he’d said that day, he really hadn’t gotten over Sonia. It’s a little frustrating having to listen to him talk about her every day without fail but it’s better than staying alone in your room with nothing to keep you away from your pessimistic thoughts. That didn’t mean that it made you feel particularly better but it was better than nothing and at least Souda was a good guy at heart.

“You know what Monokuma’s been going about?” Souda grumbles, “He told the ladies not to add so much wood in those furnaces!”

“Keep it down Souda,” you warn him as you sit huddled in a corner of the library.

“And you know how important those furnaces are Hinata! They bake all our food in those and it works the engines down in the basement too. No one must have told you but those engines keep the whole water system running, I mean I set it up and all,”

“I didn’t know about that…you really are a genius aren’t you?”

“Hey! You sound like you don’t believe me,” Souda laughs.

“It’s not like-”

“Well anyway, I told those ladies not to give a damn about what Monokuma says, those engines need to keep running,” Souda continues and you groan inwardly because his voice was suddenly a bit too loud.

You hear heavy footsteps behind you and when you look up you’re greeted with Monokuma’s hideous face.

“Upupu! Did you just confess to breaking my rules Souda-kun?”

_Shit, I told him to be quiet!_

Souda turns pale when he looks at Monokuma looming down at him. He stands up hurriedly and bows to him.

“I’m sorry I didn’t mean that! I was joking, it was a joke!” he says hurriedly.

“Yeah, he just loves making up stuff like that,” you speak up, trying to cover for him.

Monokuma tilts his head to the side, “Are you suuure about that? I just went to the furnaces and those fire are burning pretty hot, you see,”

“I…I really don’t know how that happened,” Souda stammers.

You sigh. _So much for that._

“Maybe the maids needed to bake something so they turned it up for a while?” you add.

“Hinata-kun, it really isn’t that time for lunch is it?” Monokuma says.

You don’t know what to say in return since he’s right; it’s only around noon right now.

“Well then, Souda-kun. How about you pack up your stuff and I’ll call for a carriage to take you somewhere far, far away?” Monokuma says brightly.

Souda’s mouth drops open and you feel like you might get sick, “But I really didn’t meant to…please don’t do this! I have nowhere to go,”

“Oh I’m sure your parents will be happy to see your face. It’s been a while since you ran away from home hasn’t it?”

_He ran away from home? I thought he was an orphan…!_

“Please don’t do this,” Souda says weakly.

“Let him stay…he’ll never do it again!” you plead to Monokuma who gives a short bark of a laugh.

“Time’s running out Souda, the carriage will be waiting…or do you want to walk out in that horrible downpour?”

Souda lowers his head and turns to leave, you grab his arm, “Wait, Souda!” you call out to him but he doesn’t look at you.

You follow him as he head out of the library, shooting a glare to Monokuma for being such an unforgiving bastard.

_I hope he pays for this._

“Souda…Oi! Souda listen to me,” you say as you follow him, heading towards his room.

“…What?” he says, his voice devoid of emotion.

“Where will you go?” you ask him.

“Who knows?” he shrugs, “Maybe I’ll really go back home,”

“Why’d you run away from there in the first place?”

When he turns to look at you, his eyes are bleak, “Not everyone’s as comfortable in their home as you are, Hinata,”

His words sting but you end up getting mad at the accusation, “What makes you think I have it any better?”

“Who _wouldn’t_ like living in the castle and getting whatever they want?” Souda says and turns his back to you, “Go back, Hinata. Thanks for trying to help me but I guess this is the last time we’ll get to talk, huh?”

What he says makes sense; chances are you really won’t meet him again and that makes an uncomfortable feeling rise in your chest.

“I’m sorry, Souda,” you tell him.

“It’s not your fault, I’m the one who blabbed like an idiot,” he gives a small laugh, “You really should get going before Monokuma finds something else to pick at,”

You nod despondently, “…Goodbye Souda,” you tell him and leave.

\---

You’re standing by the window in your room- it’s dark outside and the rain is still pouring incessantly as you see a carriage halt by the entranceway. Souda comes out of the gate holding a small trunk with his possessions in it. He’s bombarded by the rain but he doesn’t seem to care, at all. You’re looking at him for what you think is the final time and the last thing you get to see is his hunched back as he gets into the carriage and leaves for somewhere far-off.

Heaving a sigh you sit down on your bed when something catches you attention. A roll of white parchment tied up with a black ribbon sits on your side table and you’re confused- you don’t think it was there before. You reach out to grab it, holding it uncertainly between your fingers.

_Who put this here?_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eugh enoshima hugged my child...
> 
> in other news: I've sort of planned out the story in three parts and the second part's probably going to end next chapter so watch out for something Big to happen ahaha  
> and also: thank you for liking my story up till now and putting up with me i'm so glad you guys are reading it <3


	17. Chapter 17

Ever since you got that letter a week ago, you started looking at things differently. Every second that passes makes you feel more fed up of staying at the castle and nothing you think of makes it feel any better. You don’t have anyone you’re particularly close with anymore since Souda left. You would have talked to Nanami but she’s been missing, you’d heard something about her visiting the other castle to report on matters here to the king. After the poisoning incident, there hadn’t been any orders to govern the castle so Monokuma had a free reign to do as he chose, not like he hadn’t already been doing that.

You’d heard from Komaeda that the king was getting better although his life was still on the line. News had somehow gotten out about the incident throughout the kingdom despite everyone’s hushed words and secretive manners. That’s the way things are usually, so it didn’t come as much of a surprise but ever since then there’s been nothing but protests and angry mobs outside the castle premises.

Monokuma decided to appoint a council of guards right after that since the protest seemed to be getting out of hand. Komaeda visited many areas trying to cool their anger but you don’t think it’s having much of an effect. Besides, what could a guy like Komaeda say to them anyway when there were already rumors that he was the one behind it? No one was going to believe him of course.

Another after effect of the king’s poisoning was the way people started treating you. You’d already known people looked at you differently because of your position as the whipping boy but ever since the rumors got out you couldn’t help but feel as if they were being needlessly cold to you. Stiff postures, clipped remarks and snide compliments were things that you weren’t used to. It was probably because of the fact that they thought you were ‘close’ to Komaeda and that you had a part in the king’s poisoning too. It would have worried you under normal circumstances but you don’t find yourself caring much about it. In fact, it just makes you feel even more fed up with everything in general.

That’s why you’ve been counting the days will you’re free from all this, you know there’s got to be a way out of this place, out of all this misery and that’s the only thing that keeps you sane. And when you think about the letter, you feel like there really isn’t anything else left to do except what she had said.

***

 You’re sitting on your bed, a small rucksack lies in front of you and you’re trying your best to fill it with only the barest of necessities, a few changes of clothes, the little money you had and some of your personal treasures that you always kept with yourself; letters from your parents and a book. You only keep the book because it has the pressed gladiolus in it, not that you have any certain attachment to it but because you just can’t bear to leave it behind.

You look at the worn out letter lying open in front of you. How many times had you read it now? You have it memorized by heart now but you still didn’t dispose of it. The words are etched in your mind and they bring a swell to your heart, a feeling of something akin to hope. But was it hope, really, when you had decided to completely abandon everything?

 _A chance to start things over….a new life_ , you think to yourself for the tenth time that day. It’s like a mantra to keep you going and not have cold feet when it’s finally time.

You’d been spending the days in anxiousness, thinking about Enoshima’s letter. She had talked about a lot of things, most importantly how good things were in Novoselic at the moment. She didn’t say much about anything specifically, just mentioned how much she wanted you to be there too because you would like it much better than here at the castle.

You thought about her words a lot and one day it finally hit you.

_I’m the pawn she was talking about…_

With that realization came many ideas and you had hurriedly replied to her even though you had sworn you would just throw her letters into the fire if she ever sent you any. But now, her words kept you anchored, and made you feel sane when things got unbearable.

You shove the crumpled up letter into the sack and tie it up at the top- it’s stuffed but nothing too heavy for you to carry. You pull the straps onto your shoulders and begin tying your boots; you make sure they’re the soft-soled ones since they made the least noise. With that done, you get up and take a quick look around your room. Everything’s the same as always; white bed sheets on a four poster bed, a table with some writing material on it and the huge window that let you see the entire village at night.

 _This is the last time I’ll sleep in this room huh_? You think with a little wistfulness and it brings an unpleasant feeling in your chest which you quickly brush aside.

You look away and head out of the room through the main door. It’s well past midnight so you’re hoping no one’s around. You used to sneak out sometimes so you’re fairly confident you won’t be spotted. You take slow steps and close the door behind you.

_Alright…let’s do this!_

***

It’s cold outside as you slowly descend the staircase on the outer side of the castle. Your breath comes out in puffs and your hands are shaking from the cold, you’re wearing woolen clothes but they don’t really give you much warmth since your face is completely exposed to the frosty air. You would have thought the weather would have gotten better since it stopped raining yesterday but it hasn’t really changed much and you get the feeling it’s going to rain again soon enough- you can hear thunderheads rolling at a distance and you just hope you can leave the castle premises as fast as possible.

You’re looking for someone in a black and brown robe, Enoshima had said they would help you escape without getting caught and you’re praying you find that person soon.

 _What if they don’t show up? What if this was all a joke?_ You can’t help but think but you shake your head at the thought. You’ve got to believe it, there’s no other option.

As you reach the bottom of the steps and quickly dart to the side to avoid being seen from the windows above, you take a peek to the side and your heart drops to your stomach. You see more than ten armed men standing near the castle gates and the outskirts of the place. Judging by what you can see, you’re guessing they’re the council of knights that Monokuma had said he’d appoint. You weren’t counting on them to show up today of all days.

You crouch down and peer from the side, hoping they don’t see you, you’ll just have to wait for the person to show up here since there’s no way you’re going to risk sneaking out with so many council members standing right  in front of you.

_I can’t believe Monokuma’s timing…of all the days to pick._

You’d been hoping you would leave before Monokuma appointed them but no such luck apparently.

You’ve been waiting for more than half an hour when you hear some footsteps a little ways away from you. You jump a little in your place and you really hope you didn’t yelp out loud because of the surprise- your body is freezing and you don’t think you’ll be able to run away if it’s a guard. When you take a look to the side you see the figure of someone standing a few feet away from you, they’re facing you and your stomach churns in nervousness.

 _Could it be the person I’m waiting for_? You strain to look at the clothes, any hint to guess who it is. You’re relieved to see the person’s cloak looks black and brown under the light of the lanterns hanging overhead.

You cautiously raise a hand to call them towards you and the person moves stealthily in your direction, their footsteps don’t make a single sound.

“You are Hinata Hajime, correct?” the person says and you’re surprised to hear a woman’s voice.

You nod because you don’t want to make any noise. She motions for you to stand up and you do, your knees make a popping sound because they’re stiff from the cold and you’ve been crouching for too long. You pull your sack back on your shoulders and wait for the woman to say something.

“You will follow me. Try not to make any noise,” she says in an expressionless voice.

“Okay,” you say and begin walking after her as she makes her way to the other side of the castle.

You know there are always guards stationed there too so you’re confused as to why she’d take you from there. You decide not to question her for now and follow her wordlessly, your feet making the only sounds to be heard in the quiet.

When you reach the other side you take a quick peek to check for guards and you’re surprised to see that the few men that used to stand there are all lying face first on the ground.

“What…what happened to them?” you ask in confusion.

“I knocked them out to clear the way for you. It was the best option,” she answers you so matter-of-factly that it leaves you horrified.

“But won’t the others find out?”

She shrugs, “We’ll be gone by then,”

You decide not to question her further but you feel a little guilty that she knocked out the guards to let you escape. You hadn’t wanted anyone to get hurt because of you.

“Come,” she says and breaks into a swift run, her cloak flying behind her. You follow suit but more slowly because your feet are making a lot of noise and you can’t help but feel nervous.

It was completely dark the further you moved away from the castle but as you’re running the woman suddenly stops and stares ahead. You stop too, looking at her uncertainly as she holds out her arm to stop you.

“Run away, just run straight out of here when I signal you to,” she says hurriedly, “There will be a carriage waiting for you right outside the village gates, you’ll know which one it is,”

“What do you mean? Aren’t you going to come with me?” you ask her nervously, you feel colder than before.

“There’s someone here, I’ll have to take care of them first,” she says and just as she says that a small blob of light comes into view.

You see the silhouette of a short and stout person and you feel goose bumps creep on your skin when you realize who it is. He’s holding a lantern and the entire image looks more ominous than you would have liked.

“Upupu! I can’t believe I was right about this! Hinata-kun I never would have thought you would want to run away so badly,” Monokuma says, his voice sinister.

You say nothing in reply, you’re waiting for the woman’s signal so you can run away because you’re sure you’re going to chicken out if you think about it too much.

“Well it’s a good thing I had the council of knights in duty today, huh?” he continues, “…Eh? Who are you?” he says motioning towards the hooded person.

“That is none of your concern,” she says.

“Oh isn’t it? I’m sure you’re here to help Hinata-kun run away! I’m not going to let you do that,”

“You can’t force a person to stay at the castle; if he wants to leave you must let him,”

You’re wondering why she’s talking to him, shouldn’t the two of you be running away when you had the chance?

“Nope nope everyone stays here until I say so! And I say Hinata-kun’s not supposed to leave,” he says, his voice sinisterly low, “Oh council members! Someone’s trying to escape! He’s trying to escape! Stop him!” he starts yelling.

You’re caught off guard by his actions and your heart starts beating in nervousness. You look at the woman and she changes her posture to crouch a little, her hands curling into fists.

“Run,” she says; her voice barely audible and you don’t take a second more to do so.

You take off immediately, not wanting to get caught when you hear the rush of heavy footsteps behind you.

 _They’re coming!_ You think in a corner of your mind and burst into an even faster sprint, the scenery blurs around you and your eyes tear up from the cold air. You can hear angry yelps and cries from behind you and you’re wondering what’s going on. You take a look back to see the cloaked person fighting with three other guards; she swiftly dodges them as they slash their swords at her. She disarms one of them and takes his sword, waving it at the others expertly. You don’t look any further because you’re sure it’s not something you would want to see or remember.

You move further and further away from the castle and every step makes you feel lighter even though your heart is still beating wildly from fear and anxiety, but you feel good. You feel like you’re finally heading towards freedom for once and it’s a wonderful sensation.

Clouds roll in as you run through the village outskirts; you can hear thunder and a few drops of water fall on your face, jolting you. You’re close to the gates now and you can almost imagine the carriage as you get on it and head towards Novoselic to live a new, more peaceful life than the one you had led until now.

As you’re running through the soft earth, you look at the gates further ahead. It’s dark and you can’t see very clearly but you’ve been through this place enough to move from memory. It’s late at night and you don’t spot a single person around the place so it surprises you when you see someone standing ahead, near the gate. The escort Enoshima had sent is still way behind and you don’t know what to do. You slow down and continue moving forward at a calm pace, trying to keep on guard in case the person tries to alert the guards.

You stare at the figure standing motionless near the gates and you’re fairly certain you’re familiar with them by the way their hair stands out from the sides even with a hood on.

_Komaeda?_

“So Monokuma was telling the truth…He said you were trying to run away, Hinata-kun,” the person says aloud and your suspicions are confirmed. He lowers his hood and shakes his head.

You stop in your tracks, “Komaeda…He told you? How did he know?” you end up asking despite yourself.

“Apparently he read the letter Enoshima sent, it’s great that he told me about it, otherwise I would have been completely clueless for once!” he says and starts walking towards you.

 _Dammit…I need to get away._ You start sidestepping him, hoping to get away before he stops you.

 “Hinata-kun, wait,” he beckons.

You don’t answer him as he strides in your direction. You see the gates right in front of you and you could make a run for it any moment you wanted to. You’ve prepared for this moment, nothing’s going to stop you now but somehow when you look at him it causes you to hesitate.

_What am I doing? Why do I want to listen to what he’s going to say after everything he’s done?_

“You can’t stop me, Komaeda,” you say stonily.

You see lightning strike above you and the rain starts pouring faster making Komaeda’s hair fall wet on his face. He looks miserable standing there but you brush the thought away.

“Nothing I say will stop you now, will it,” he says and it’s not a question.

“No,” you shake your head getting just as wet in the rain, you can’t see clearly anymore, “There’s nothing for me here. I’m not going to live with people I can’t even trust. This kingdom isn’t my home anymore…it never was,”

“Her words have really wormed their way into your heart, Hinata-kun. I wouldn’t have expected you to fall for them too. Not you,”

You laugh, “You’re one to talk. I never would have thought you’d end up trying to kill your own father,”

“He has grown old, people are protesting against him; surely you must have seen that. The kingdom is despairing and it needs _hope_ more than anything,” he walks closer; the two of you stand only a few feet apart.

You look behind you; you can hear the sound of metal ringing against metal. A fight has started and you’re sure the guards are on their way. Why Komaeda hasn’t given you out yet is a mystery.

“You’re still going on about hope but you don’t even believe your own words do you?” you say and step to the side, ready to leave.

Komaeda reaches out his hand and grabs your wrist, he’s barely touching it but it roots you to the spot.

“Let go of me,” you say pathetically.

“You’re truly despicable, Hinata-kun,” he says, his voice trembling, “I had so much hope in you,”

“No, Komaeda you never held hope in anything,” you say.

He doesn’t say anything and the silence is completely unnerving for once- Komaeda didn’t speak much most of the time but you had never really minded it until now.

You stare at him, his eyes are unfathomable; a swirling mass of darkness and it scares you so much that you can’t move. Even though it’s raining you seem to forget about it entirely as you look at him, his face inches from yours. You don’t think about the guards coming behind you and you don’t hear the woman shout as she tells you to run. Lightning strikes overhead and Komaeda pulls you towards him. His lips touch yours so lightly you barely register the touch, all you feel is coldness and a keen sense of loss. His hand shakes as he touches your face with a cold finger, it makes you shiver and he retracts it immediately. You would have thought the gesture was affectionate but you feel nothing. You can’t help but feel as if he’s casting you aside. Weren’t you the one who was abandoning everything? Then why did it feel like he was the one leaving everything behind? You feel sick and you can’t bear to look at him anymore.

Another burst of lightning flashes in the sky and it jolts you from your trance.

“ _Leave_ ,” he yells and you take a staggering step away from him, “I won’t give you away if that’s what you’re wondering by the way,”

It’s the first time you’ve heard him talk in such a commanding tone that it catches you off guard. He’s trembling and you turn and run away, the image of his shaking body burns in your mind.

“Farewell, Hinata-kun,” you barely catch the words but you’re sure you heard them right.

You’re tempted to look back but you don’t. You keep running and darkness envelops you as you make your way out of the gates- a carriage awaits you just as she had said and you get in without another thought. The hooded woman comes running just moments after and hops onto the driver’s seat. You stare out of the window but see no one following. Heaving a sigh, you lean back against the seat, you’re completely wet and you can’t stop shivering.

“We’re leaving now,” you hear the person say from a slit in the carriage side. You can’t shake off the feeling that her sounds extremely familiar. Something in the manner of speaking, was it?

“Yeah…let’s go,” you say and stare out of the window side, looking at the castle as if grows smaller and smaller, left behind forever.

Your heart races in excitement at the thought of finally leaving the castle but when you think of Komaeda’s forlorn figure as you had run away, you can’t help but feel as if you’ve done something irredeemably wrong.

\---

“Ah ah! Hinata-kun left! What a scandalous affair! And to think he actually killed off the entire order of knights! If the kingdom finds out it’s going to drive everyone crazy. To think that the prince’s closest friend betrayed us, they’ll surely demand revenge huh? Wouldn’t it be best if the kingdom never found out about this incident?”

And as one would expect of Monokuma, just the next day rumors of Hinata Hajime’s escape are made known to the entire kingdom and, indeed, it becomes the root to bringing about a horrible kind of hopelessness; the starts of a horrible, all consuming despair.

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> siiigh thank god i'm done with this. it was really hard to write tbh and i'm a little upset about how it came out...  
> sorry friends i hope it didn't suck too much :(


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'tis a shorter chapter this time my friends...  
> references to #sdr2 spoilers up ahead hehehe

This is the first time you’ve ever been so far away from the castle, nothing you see is familiar to you and it makes you feel lost but free at the same time. A new place, a new start.

Your carriage rolls through a forest just as the first rays of light crack the stark darkness of the night. The sky is dyed a shade of pink and the trees glow in the light- the trees are taller than any you have ever seen and they loom over you as you make your way to Enoshima’s castle.

The carriage turns swiftly to the right and you find yourself being hurled to the side, surprised by the sudden movement. You peer out of the window to see what’s going on and you gasp when you see the forest thinning a little, revealing a monstrously tall castle further ahead.

You can’t help but stare, impressed and horrified at the same time. The castle is a teetering mass of black and grey, its spires curling upwards at irregular intervals. Huge windows with frosted glass dot the upper half of the building and you wonder if any light even gets through them not that there would be much light to begin with, considering it was in the middle of the forest. Huge wrought iron gates open as the carriage drives inside, bouncing a little over the rocky pathway to the front gate. Your heart beats in anticipation.

The door opens and you see the hooded woman standing in front of you, her head lowered.

“We have arrived,” she says and turns around, walking swiftly towards the doors without sparing you another glance.

You hurriedly grab your rucksack and jump off running after her to keep up with her long strides.

No one is standing at the doorway which is a stark difference to what you’re used to seeing- guards flanking the gates every hour of the day. The door is made of ebony and a fiendish wolf is carved into the center, its teeth bared. The woman pushes the door open and heads inside; you follow her and the first thing you notice is the grandiose interior in comparison to the sinister appearance on the outside.

The place smells strongly of roses and you take in a whiff, your head hurts from the smell and the cold air that rushes to your head. You look around- a dark red carpet runs across the centre of the room and tapestries hang along the stone-bricked walls. Huge lanterns are suspended over the ceiling and cast light into the windowless hallway. There isn’t any furniture here except for a few chairs lining the walls and a table with a vase set on top of it.

You feel like something is off about the place and it dawns on you that you don’t see a single person in sight. It makes you feel uncomfortable because it’s so eerily quiet and chilly.

“Where are all the maids and workers?” you ask the woman hesitantly as you follow her.

“We don’t have any,” she says simply and you frown in confusion.

_What the hell?_

“Then who takes care of the castle?”

“Junko and I do it when there’s a need,” she says and turns into a corridor, you follow her and see the room open up into a larger hall, a huge staircase runs up in two directions.

“…That must be hard. Do you live here alone?” you try making small talk.

“Yes,” her voice is monotonous as usual and you wonder if she’s really alright living here without anyone else to talk to except Enoshima.

“Oh,”

She stops and points to the staircase, “The rooms are over there, yours is the first one to the right,”

“Okay…thanks,” you tell her and head up the stairs, the red carpet looks dusty and you wonder if anyone ever comes up here.

The woman doesn’t climb the stairs and instead starts walking towards a narrow corridor to the right.

“Um…is Enoshima here too?” you ask her.

“She’ll meet you in the morning. Get some sleep,” she says shortly and leaves.

You sigh and head up the stairs, there are a few paintings hanging along the walls, pictures of haggard looking men and then a portrait of two women at the end of the staircase. One of them is, undeniably, Enoshima with a huge grin on her face and an arm around a girl. The other girl’s hair is short and black; her face is dotted with light freckles. She’s not smiling as she looks straight at you and you wonder who she is, her face is very similar to Enoshima’s but you find her prettier for some reason.

You look ahead to the hallway at the right and see doors lining the walls. You walk towards the first door which is the one the hooded woman talked about and grab the doorknob. It’s cold and dusty and you twist it open. The door opens with a loud creak and it’s completely dark inside.

Normally, the rooms were always well lit with candles but you’re sure no one would have done that here since there weren’t any maids at this place to begin with. You head inside and fumble around in the dark, looking for something to light the room with. Your hand brushes across a table and you wave your hand around it blindly, trying to see if anything is there. Luckily, you find a lantern there and grab hold of it.

You head back outside and use one of the torches to light the lantern and go back into the room. With the light provided by the lantern you’re finally able to have a proper look at the place. It’s not very big and there’s a simple wooden bed with a table by the side. The window is abnormally high up and you don’t think you’ll be able to see anything from there anyway since the glass is dull and frosted.

 _Geez, this place really needs to be looked after better,_ you think in horrification.

“Well there’s no point in complaining, it’s better than nothing,” you say to yourself and close the door. Your rucksack is cold and wet and you empty it out to check if your things are alright. Luckily, they’re unscathed since the leather skin of the bag provided protection.

You take out a step of clothes and change into them quickly, stifling a yawn as your lack of sleep catches up on you.

Of course once you actually lie down, you keep turning restlessly in bed and you’re angry at yourself for not being able to sleep. Thoughts that you want to brush aside keep surfacing and you can’t help but dwell on them- thoughts about how much better the old castle looked, how there had been so many people there all the time, the happy chatter and laughter of the maids that used to echo in the halls when you had been small, the happy times before Monokuma had shown up. Things used to be so good and now all that is alien to you, as is this place, with its unfamiliar walls and surroundings.

 _Maybe it’s because I’m not used to this place yet…I’ll get accustomed to it_ , you try to convince yourself but even as your eyes grow heavy, you can’t shake off the feeling that you’ll never be able to call this place your home, even if you live here for the rest of your life.

***

You wake up a few hours later, the sun is up and you’re guessing it’s already soon by the faint light that enters your room through the window. You’re not well rested at all but you can’t seem to calm down anyway- you kept having nightmares that made you wake up teary eyed- so you get changed and decide to see if you can meet Enoshima.

You don’t even know why you want to see her but you just can’t help wanting to talk to her, maybe she’d be able to cheer you up. Or maybe you just want to know what you’re going to be doing here from now on. What is your purpose here anyway? Surely you wouldn’t be staying here doing nothing?

You open the door and look out, it’s completely quiet and you step outside, heaving a sigh. You have no idea where to go so you decide to have a look downstairs first since the hooded lady seemed to be going to her the last time you saw her.

You run down the stairs, skipping every two steps and turn around a corridor to the right. It’s cold and dark and you’re not sure where you’re going but you keep going anyway. Your footsteps echo as you walk and you feel awkwardly as if you’re making too much noise.

You see light coming out from a corner and you follow it, entering a small room that looks like a games room. 

“Hinata! You’re up early,” Enoshima exclaims and you turn your head to see her lounging on a sofa, a bowl of grapes in her hands and her feet resting on a table in front of her. You don’t think that’s very ladylike of her but then again, did Enoshima do anything that was ladylike?

 “It’s already noon,” you answer her.

“Well I doubt you got any sleep last night,” She grins and pops a grape into her mouth.

“I didn’t get to sleep much,” you agree.

“Don’t worry I’m sure you’ll sleep perfectly fine tonight! Do you like my place?” she asks.

You frown as you recall the dusty interior, “It could use a little cleaning up,”

Enoshima pouts, “Hey! I’m trying my best to keep the place up and running!”

“Why are there only two people at the castle anyway? And who is that woman you sent?” you ask.

“’That woman’? Oh! You mean Mukuro?” she exclaims, “Hey Mukuro! Don’t tell me you didn’t even introduce yourself to him?!” she turns her head and yells. You follow her line of sight and gasp a little when you see the hooded woman (now without her hood) crouching in a corner of the room, her presence hidden until Enoshima pointed it out.

When you look at her closely you realize she’s the same girl who was standing with Enoshima in that portrait. Her face is an unreadable mask just as it had been in the picture.

“Anyway! That’s my useless older sister, Mukuro. We’re twins you see but really I don’t think we look alike at all! I’m much prettier and smarter,”

“Oh so she’s your sister,”

_No wonder their voices sounded similar…_

“Yeah well it’s just Mukuro and me here. Two girls, on their own…living in such an _unsafe_ place!”

“It wouldn’t be unsafe if you actually hired someone to work here. I’m sure you’re rich enough to have some…” you comment.

“Oh they left. They weren’t very useful to begin with,” she sighs dramatically, “Well that’s no problem! We’re moving to a better place soon enough and then we’ll never be short of workers you know!”

“Moving…you’re _moving_?” you ask, confused.

“Yup! Soon enough we’ll be living at a much better place. But _never mind_ that, for now,” she says and snickers, her eyes glittering as if she’s amused at her own words.

You sigh. It’s best not to try understanding what she says.

“Say Hinata, are you happy now?” she asks you.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean running away. Must have been fun, huh?”

“Not really,” you shrug.

“Aw c’mon! Tell me all about it! It must feel so good to run away from that wretched place. Giving up on everything and stop hoping- I’m sure you understand how liberating it is now,” she says.

“I guess it does feel better to not expect anything from anyone now,” you nod, “But I can’t shake off the feeling that I did something really _wrong_ ,” you heave a sigh.

Enoshima looks at you, her eyes bear into you, “Well it could be the fact that you sort of caused the deaths of the entire council of knights…who knows?”

“…What?” you choke out.

“Oh didn’t I tell you? There are rumors that you killed all of those knights while you were running away! It’s the hottest news in the Kingdom!” Enoshima laughs.

“But…I didn’t even fight any of them,” you say.

“Of course you didn’t you idiot! Mukuro did!”

“Mukuro…she _killed_ the knights? I thought she was just fighting them off to slow them down…”

“Do you really think it was going to end that easily? They would have come after you two anyway,” she says.

“There was no choice,” Mukuro speaks up as well and you shudder at the fact that both of them talk about it so casually.

“So…everyone thinks… _I_ did it?” you ask, your body growing cold.

“Basically,” Enoshima nods.

“But I didn’t even do it! Why did I get blamed for it?” you yell in anger.

“Well you’re the one who ran away after all, it’s only natural,” Enoshima says matter-of-factly, her chin resting lazily on her hand.

“…I can’t believe this,” you say almost to yourself.

“What’s there to be so upset about?” she speaks up, “It’s not like you’re going back there anyway. Well if you were I would tell you there’s a huge price on your head now since everyone in the kingdom is out to get you…You don’t have to worry about that though; you’re a new person now!”

“A new person?”

“Well obviously we can’t have you running around here and there telling everyone you’re Hinata Hajime right?”

You nod, “Then what am I supposed to do?”

“Oh that one’s easy!” she says and claps her hands together, “You just have to forgo your identity as you. And I’d say that’s a pretty easy thing to do considering you sort of left your old life behind anyway!”

“Forgo…my identity?” you repeat her words dumbly.

Enoshima laughs in glees.

“Yup! From now on we’ll call you…Kamukura Izuru,” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhahaha i bet you guys are glad the kamukura thing happened huh?  
> also kudos to blazingstar93 for always making spot on predictions holy shit how do you do that? keep on making them, they really make my day :')
> 
> ALSO THANK YOU FOR LIKING MY FIC SO FAR I'M SO SO SOOO HAPPY IT'S GOT 200 KUDOS I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS???  
> THANK YOU SO MUCH AAAA I LOVE YOU ALL VERY MUCH....very...very much


	19. Chapter 19

You’re sitting with Hinata-kun at a familiar place. You can’t pinpoint what exactly makes the place so well-known to you but you can feel it in your heart and that’s enough to make you sigh in contentment. You’re not speaking to him and he’s just as quiet, looking ahead at the scenery with a wistful expression on his face. He had that expression on his face more often these days, you think, and it makes you feel a pang of loneliness even though you don’t deserve to miss him. Even though you know you’re probably the reason he’s so lonely to begin with.

“I wish there was some way to make you feel better, Hinata-kun,” you say, not looking at him. He doesn’t show any response and you smile weakly. Of course, he never responds.

“I know I’m the last person you would want to hear this from but…thank you. I think I can say at least this much can’t I?” you continue and it’s still the same cold silence but you try to ignore it. It doesn’t matter that he’s not saying anything. He’s still listening after all.

“You probably blame me for everything that happened but I just want to tell you that it was only for the sake of hope. Wouldn’t _you_ have wanted to see the greatest hope come about? Isn’t that why you had stayed here in the first place?” you ask him. He keeps looking ahead and you try to follow his line of sight.

 _What are you looking at, Hinata-kun?_ You think, but don’t say. You see nothing in front of you; the place is white, so completely white that you think there’s nothing here at all. What was Hinata-kun looking at then? Why did he look so alone?

“Of course it was the fact that you had _stayed_ that made me have so much hope in you in the first place. I knew I could trust-” something nags you in the corner of your mind and you stop. Your stomach feels heavy and your mind swirls with a completely alien feeling. It makes your head hurt and you wonder what it is, that swirling darkness that keeps on trying to surface.

 _Anger?_ You think to yourself in shock.

“Ahaha but you left! You decided to run away! Was that really the extent of your hope, Hinata-kun?” You remember now and the swirling darkness takes root of you, makes you want to curse him for what he had done and you let it take control over you, why keep it at bay?

“You disappoint me so much, Hinata-kun…I had so much hope in you,” you mutter and utter a half laugh. You’re sure he’s not going to say anything as usual but when you turn to face him, he’s looking right at you.

The blood drains from your face and you feel completely cold when you look into his eyes- blood red eyes, empty and without emotion.

When he speaks, it’s a woman’s voice, a wretched voice brimming with laughter, “Isn’t it a little too late to be talking about hope?”

You feel a cold hand grab hold of your arm and you choke back a scream as sharp nails dig into your skin, making it bleed. You try to run but your entire body is paralyzed and you feel helpless. Completely trapped.

Your eyes open with a snap and you wake up shivering in your bed. Your heart is hammering madly in your chest and your breath comes in short gasps- you feel sick and you realize you’re sweating. Clumsily, you pour yourself a glass of water from the pitcher lying next to you on the side table and gulp it down, trying to ease the gnawing anxiety that threatens to overcome you.

You feel a little better after you’re done drinking the water but you still feel shaky. Of all the dreams to have at night, it had to be this one.

 _It’s the fourth time this week, huh?_ You think to yourself mechanically. You’d been having this dream more and more often lately and you wonder why you never grew accustomed to it. It’s disappointing that it terrifies you just as much each time.

_If only I could stay stuck at the start of the dream, it was so much more peaceful…not remembering anything is truly a blissful state._

You reluctantly get out of bed and walk over to the window to your room. When you look out all you can see is the dull pink sky as dawn breaks over and brings another dreadful day. You’re still tired because you never seemed to get enough sleep and the exhaustion grows on you like mould does on a wet wall. It’s going to lead to all kinds of problems, you know, and you can’t seem to do anything about it. You just can’t sleep anymore, not with all the noise that you have to hear every single day without fail.

 _Of course,_ those people _are going to be waking up soon…_ you think to yourself in resignation.

 You leave the window side and get dressed in a loose white tunic and black trousers. You wear your favorite green cloak too even though it’s not very cold outside. You’ll probably have to leave the castle anyway. You give a cursory glance in the mirror to see your white hair popping up in odd angles and you pat them down hurriedly, trying to get them to stay as neat as possible. Since your hair doesn’t seem particularly keen about being set, you just tie them in a short ponytail, glad that they look better that way.

When you head out of the room you see a few maids cleaning up the halls and wiping the stairways. They bow down to you and you give them a smile and a nod in turn. They look upset for some reason but you guess it’s because of the fact that no one had been allowed to leave the castle for two weeks now. It was all Monokuma’s idea and you’re wondering why he’s still the Lord of the castle even though your father is perfectly well now.

He had recovered from the poisoning a few weeks ago and had started issuing orders as soon as he got out of bed but he had sent you a letter saying he wouldn’t be returning to this castle any time soon.

  _‘There are much more important matters to attend to here. I leave the castle to Lord Monokuma in the meanwhile. Be a good prince and help him in running the castle, alright? I don’t want you interfering with the matters of the kingdom yet. Things can still be made better’_ he had said in the letter and you had laughed. Your father had no idea how bad things were here- for some reason the information never got through to him. You’re wondering if you should obey him and do nothing or ignore his orders and try to talk the people out of it all.

It all started the night Hinata-kun had run away. You’re sure it’s all part of Enoshima’s plan and you’re in awe at how far she plans everything. To think that she would be able to convince Hinata-kun to escape was so devious yet so befitting of her that you can’t help but want to curse her for it.  You want to curse her but you’re glad she’s doing all of this. Wanting to spread despair in the kingdom- something as _trivial_ as despair- was what would lead to the greatest hope in the end wasn’t it?

Wasn’t that exactly why you were reveling in the overwhelming despair that was spreading throughout the kingdom? What else could it mean?

You walk over to the balconies of the great hall and listen to the noise that you’ve become completely used to hearing. The noise of the parade that marches every single day across the castle grounds with the intent of inciting you to hunt down the root of all this chaos. Hinata Hajime.

And true enough he really was the root of everything wasn’t he? The day he ran away, he had somehow succeeded in getting the entire council of knights killed off. You’re sure Hinata-kun didn’t have it in him to do it himself but there had been someone who was willing to do it for him. Not that any of it mattered in retrospect. The blame of their deaths had been laid down so blatantly on your whipping boy ( _ex_ -whipping boy?) by Monokuma and of course the news had spread like wildfire.

It had been three months since he left already and you would have thought their protests would have died down. Of course you understand their anger since the best knights in the kingdom, the true symbols of the kingdom’s hope, had been killed off and the ‘murderer’ had been free to run away. Truthfully, you could have stopped Hinata-kun if you had wanted to but you had felt so utterly betrayed by him that you couldn’t stand having him in your kingdom anymore. 

And you’re glad he did leave because the despair that it’s causing everyone is almost refreshing to see. There was news everyday about the chaos being wreaked throughout the kingdom, people burning down houses, entire fields being charred to ash, people killing each other, and for what exactly?

There was no reason; it was all out of pure despair. There really wasn’t any other reason for them to do it and you’re enjoying every second it.

 _Why?_ You think to yourself as you see the people getting out of their small tents and hurling stones at the castle walls. _Why am I looking forward to all this…despair?_

Some of the people spot you looking at them and cry out in anger, one of them even tries hurling rocks at you and you’re surprised some of them actually land a few feet away from you. You smile at the anger of all the people.

 _Their despair is growing stronger every day_. You think to yourself in satisfaction but the thought makes you stumble.

 _Am I…_ happy _about this?_

You take in a deep breath and gaze at the people who are yelling in your direction now, barely concealed obscenities and death threats.

_Of course it’s all for the sake of hope…isn’t it?_

You push the thought aside and focus your attention on the people standing below.

“My people….,” you say out loud and they snap their attention to you, “You must not give in under these circumstances,”

They all stare at you in anticipation and uncertainty. A man says some rather rude words but you ignore them- you can’t let them bother you.

“I know the Kingdom is facing a terrible time and there are many problems we will have to overcome to cross this bridge of despair. All I can say is: do not give up hope. I believe everyone can overcome this in their own way,”

“What in the world are you talking about?” a woman yells in anger and you look at her, startled.

“Yeah!” another person speaks up, “You’re nothing but talk! Aren’t you going to do anything about Hinata Hajime?”

“We demand that you catch that bastard! He needs to be executed for what he did!”   
The entire crowd is getting riled up and you are bombarded with so many questions and angry cries that you can’t understand what they’re saying anymore.

You take a step forward, leaning over the railing to speak louder, “We don’t need to worry about that-” you begin to say but you feel something shaking and turn around to look.

The railing you had been leaning on seems to be wobbling and you take a step back when you see pieces of cement coming off from the bottom. The people don’t seem to notice it and you hope it’s nothing too serious.  You’re not sure if you should run away before something happens or keep standing here. Your feet can’t seem to move and your hands tremble a little as a thought strikes you.

_If I stay the others might be in danger…_

“What’s wrong with you?” a man yells looking at your stricken expression and you’re about to open your mouth to say something when you hear something crack. It’s a loud sound and you jump back in surprise expecting something bad. As soon as you turn, you see a large portion of the wall to the side of the balconies falling apart. It takes only a second but you’re not fast enough to avoid it as the mixture of rocks and cement comes crashing down on you.

You try to avoid it but you can already feel the numbing pain spread in your legs as it falls on top of you, making your vision dim. You faintly hear screams from below and you’re a little surprised that they sound worried. They couldn’t possibly be worried about you, could they? You chuckle weakly as your vision dims; of course they weren’t worried about you.

_…Does that mean I got someone else involved in this…again?_

***  
When you open your eyes again, you’re lying in your bed with a thick blanket resting on your legs. It’s much too warm for a blanket but you don’t really mind given the horrible pain that runs through your entire body. You slowly try to get up and lean your back against the headboard, a sigh escaping your lips.

“It happened again,” you say to yourself with a frown.

You think about the people who were probably injured because of the crumbling wall and you close your eyes to keep images from forming in your head. It’s a futile effort but you still hoped. You had  long since gotten used to the fact that you were bound to have bouts of good and bad luck but it was the fact that other people got involved that made terrified you.

You had been careful about wandering around  without any reason for a long time now and you had gotten so used to that but there was always a nagging fear at the back of your mind. It was situations like these that made you think about the futility of it all. More than anything, you believed in your luck and you knew that no matter what happened you couldn’t escape it.

 _It’s tiring._ You think and run a hand across your face; _I just hope the people didn’t get hurt too bad._

You try moving out of the bed but it doesn’t work. You’re sure your bones are intact but it still hurts a lot at the moment- for now you’re stuck in the room.

You sit and wait for someone to come visit you so that you can ask them about how bad the whole thing was but nobody shows up. You’re used to being alone so it doesn’t bother you but it’s still a little annoying having to wait too long.

“Is anyone there?” you call out, “I need to talk to someone,”

No response. You figured as much.

Sighing, you lean your head back against the bed and close your eyes, your head hurts because the pain in your body but you try to ignore it. You wonder if the other people are feeling the same kind of pain.

 _Maybe they had it worse…for them so suffer because of my bad luck_ …

There were times when you wished you hadn’t been born with this cycle of luck and you think it would have been such a peaceful life.

_…But such a boring life too._

And it’s true, had it not been for your luck, you’re sure you would have been born into an ordinary family, played with the village kids, grown up and led a simple life. A life without any significant events and it would have been over just like that.  You wonder if you would have been happy living that kind of life.

The door to your room opens and you turn your head in its direction. It’s Monokuma- his lips are curved upwards in a smile and you wonder if he’s happy seeing you like this.

“Komaeda-kun! You got yourself into a big mess again!” he exclaims and bounces inside the room, his stomach jiggling a little along with him.

“It seems I did. Was anyone else injured?” you ask him hesitantly.

He cocks his head to the side, “Injured?”

“Yes, from the falling debris?” you elaborate.

“Oh!” he claps his hands together, “Didn’t you know? It fell on two guys. It’s a surprise they managed to survive given the balcony was crumbling too!”

“The balcony broke down too?” you ask.

“Uh-huh. It was a pretty nasty sight you know. Those men never saw it coming,” he says excitedly.

“How bad were they…their injuries?”

“A few broken ribs, one of them broke his leg, nothing a little rest won’t fix!”

_A little rest huh?_

You sigh and look at the man standing in front you, “What are you doing here anyway?” you ask him, “You’ve been out of sight for quite a while now,”

“Oh you noticed?” he says with a grin, “I was just relaxing in my rooms, that’s all,”

“Really,” you find it hard to believe.

Recently Monokuma hadn’t been doing much at the castle and things were a lot more lax without him eyeing you every step of the way but you felt it odd that he would do that. There was no way Monokuma would do that without a reason for it.

“You look like you don’t believe me, Komaeda-kun!” he says, horrified.

“Oh not at all! I was just worried that’s all,”

“Is that so?” he pries, “I’m sure you think I’m up to something huh?”

You smile at his words, “It seems like you’re waiting for something…I just wonder what it is,”

“Oh? Me? Waiting for something?” he asks.

“Yes,” you nod, “Something big is going to happen, perhaps? I’m sure Enoshima-san is plotting something…wherever she is,”

“Oh my! Why bring up Enoshima-san all of a sudden?”

You want to laugh at his continued façade- you’ve known for a while now that Monokuma was working with Enoshima.

“What’s the point of keeping up this pretense? I know it all well enough,” you say.

“Ah! It was worth a shot anyway,” Monokuma sighs dramatically, reminding you of that wretched woman, “It’s true, I’m waiting for something _big_ to happen!”

“Ah…something big,” you think it over in your head. _What could it possibly be?_

“Well you don’t have to worry too much! I’m sure it’ll be happening soon enough. I’m sure you’re going to be pretty happy about it too huh? I bet your good luck will kick in soon enough,”

“My good luck?” you ask, confused.

_Does he mean something good is going to happen?_

You hear a knock on the door and Monokuma laughs, “Well talk about _lucky_ ,” he says and strolls over to open the door.

“Oh look Komaeda-kun! A messenger’s here!” he exclaims and looks at you questioningly.

“Let him in,” you say and straighten yourself in bed.

“Your Highness,” the man says as he comes in and bows to you. You nod in reply.

“It is the most urgent news and I wished to deliver it to you immediately since it could potentially affect our relations with the other kingdom,” he begins.

 _Relations with the other kingdom?_ Your heart starts beating fast in anticipation.

“You see, Princess Sonia has openly renounced the throne and bequeathed it upon…er _… Queen_ Junko Enoshima to lead the people in her place, you see,”

“Queen Junko Enoshima?” you repeat the words.

“Yes, it happened last night. Miss Junko Enoshima is now the queen on Novoselic,” he says with a frown.

Monokuma’s laughter rings in your ears, “Upupu! It’s finally happening! Aren’t you excited, Prince?”

Her words ring in your ear, _Isn’t it a little too late to be talking about hope?_

You can feel it now. Her words stab you in the gut and you can’t help but laugh. Indeed, her despair had already started to take root and you would be the witness to it all.

_This is exceptionally good luck isn’t it?_

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wahahah i hope you guys liked the change in pov :'D
> 
> congrats queen junko you have finally made your dreams come true :>


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heads up for mentions of suicide, friends...
> 
> also please check out this [lovely fanmix and fanart woo yeah! ](http://xmaochan.tumblr.com/post/74461739068/the-weeping-wisteria-x-oh-you-can-crush-me)

The crowd is loud- you’re surprised such a large horde came despite the opposition to the entire affair- and you’re sure your ears are going to turn numb by the end of the ceremony. You’re sitting in a corner far towards the back of the halls, your face covered by a hood. You try not to attract any attention though it could be argued that no one would have paid much attention to you anyway.

It’s a little boring sitting on your own but you don’t particularly mind since you don’t want to talk to anyone anyway. You just hope no one comes and sits next to you because then you’re sure your ears are going to go numb from the noise.

People are dressed in formal clothes, men wearing red and green tunics and the women wearing their finest silk gowns. From what you’ve seen of Novoselic so far you’ve decided that the people here are much better off than those back in your own kingdom.

Of all the kingdoms to have the heir relinquishing the throne, why did it have to be Novoselic? You’re sure there hadn’t been any unrest here from what you’d learnt while Sonia had visited the castle after the grand ball. You were sure she had a great love for the kingdom and would have ruled it perfectly but why give it up before even acceding to the throne?

You wonder if it’s because of Enoshima’s influence. You don’t know how she does it, but you’ve realized that she had a talent- a talent to make even the strongest person despair. And that’s something that made you fear for the future of Novoselic. If she was going to be queen, wouldn’t that mean a despairingly horrible future in store for this kingdom as well?

_It’s none of my business though_ , you remind yourself and stare impassively at your surroundings. Most of the crowd is beginning to settle down on the wooden benches that line the width of the halls and they’re filling up at an incredibly fast speed. You’re sure some of the people will have to keep standing by the looks of it. The walls are a clean shade of off-white with fine flowery threads carved in between and painted a light shade of gold. Chandeliers hang off the roof and glitter with the candles illuminating them and reflecting bright lights from the crystal droplets dangling below them. There’s a raised dais at the front of the room and you wonder when Enoshima will show up so that the ceremony can begin.

A small group of people walks over towards your bench and begins sitting next to you. You feel a little uncomfortable sitting with them so you get up to have a look around since your legs are getting tired from sitting anyway. One of the ladies glares at you for getting up- she probably thinks you’re really rude but you can’t bring yourself to care much about it.

You pass by the crowd, trying not to bump into anyone or attract anyone’s attention. You go and stand by a wall since no one’s standing there. You hear trumpets blare and everyone quiets down, their heads turning left towards the back end of the room. The huge ebony doors slam open and a host of strong men clad in the green, white and red uniforms of the Novoselic royal guard comes marching in. The people start murmuring to themselves and you hear quite a few of them utter disgruntled protests and talks of slander for the queen-to-be. You figured that had to be the general reaction considering the horrible reputation Enoshima already had.

“Stand and bow! Princess Sonia and…Lady Enoshima have arrived,” the guard at the front of the band says as he marches through the room with an aura of self importance.

The crowd hushes up and everyone stands stiff in anticipation as the two ladies emerge from behind the doors, Sonia following Enoshima as she walks in wearing a thick velvet mantle, blood red and studded with black stones. You’ve never seen her wear it before but of course, considering it was the coronation mantle you shouldn’t have expected otherwise. You’re surprised at how heavy it looks and the amount of stones studded on it makes you wonder how much work had gone into making this.

_To think that Enoshima of all people would be wearing this…_ You think as you look at Sonia walking behind her.

It’s the first time you’re seeing Sonia after coming to Novoselic and you’re surprised at the change in her appearance. Her face seems slimmer and you wonder if she’s lost weight, her eyes don’t seem to sparkle as much as they used to when she had talked to you once- you wonder if it’s just the lighting that makes you think so. As the two of them walk through the halls, the people bow down to them and Enoshima grins, Sonia nods to them all once before turning her head to look straight ahead.

Enoshima walks with long strides, heading towards the dais and stands centre stage, facing the crowd that looks at her. Sonia follows and stands behind her, motioning for the people to sit down.

“Today is the coronation ceremony for our new queen, Junko Enoshima-san,” Sonia speaks up in a loud voice and you hear some old men groan when she says the word queen.

Enoshima turns towards Sonia so that her back is towards the crowd and folds her arms in front of her. She seems unusually docile, you observe. Sonia motions for a man standing next to her and he holds out the royal crown resting on a small cushion.

“With this, I crown Junko Enoshima the queen of Novoselic!” Sonia exclaims, holding the crown in her hands and placing it gently on Enoshima’s lowered head.

It was a simple enough ceremony and you already knew it was the inevitable outcome since you’d been hearing Enoshima talk about it for weeks but somehow, looking at her turn triumphantly towards the crowd, the jeweled crown resting atop her head, you feel a nagging sense of worry.

The crowd cheers unexpectedly, women clapping and men whooping as Enoshima grins at them. The minstrels that had been quiet up till now start playing their flutes and drums, making the crowd cheer even louder. The entire atmosphere seems to have changed and you lower the hood of your cloak even further down as if it will make you disappear from this place.

“Ahem!” Enoshima says loudly, the crowd quiets down once again, the music dying out in an instant, “Since I’m the queen now I figured I should say something to you guys right?”

You wonder what she’s going to say, you don’t have a very good feeling about this. Sonia looks expectantly at Enoshima, her eyes practically glowing.

“Well! As queen, I say that this kingdom’s name is just too plain and boring! I mean seriously who even came up with it in the first place? I don’t think I’ll be ruling over any place called Novoselic that’s for sure!”

The crowd stares at Enoshima in stunned silence. What did she mean by those words?

Enoshima strikes a pose, legs spread apart, her fingers going up in the shape of a V. “See I’ve thought of the perfect name for this place. Let’s call it Jabberwock! Has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it?”

\---

Enoshima’s announcement was met with skepticism and a faint sense of curiosity by most people- the majority remained stunned even after she jumped down from the dais and sauntered off to talk to some nobles standing further back. You felt surprised that you didn’t really find it that shocking at all. You had already expected Enoshima to do something ridiculous when she would become queen.

_And this is just the start…_

You’re walking out of the doorway, the ceremony had finished and everyone was going back so you stroll outside aimlessly and are greeted by the warm sun striking your face. Summer had started a month ago and you’re already feeling hot in the cloak you’re wearing. You wish you could take it off- you’re looking for your carriage so you can get inside and remove it when a hand lands on your shoulder.

“Hinata-san!” Sonia says from behind you.

“Shhh, I go by the name Kamukura now,” you say urgently, “…Sorry,”

Sonia’s eyebrows rise up in surprise, “Oh! I’m sorry I forgot! Enoshima-san told me about it a while ago,”

You shrug, “It’s not like I like the name but I suppose it’s necessary to be cautious…”

“That’s true,” she agrees, nodding a little her eyes meeting yours. You feel a little awkward having her stare at you while the crowd starts paying attention to the two of you talking.

“Can we take this somewhere else?” you say in a hushed voice, “People are staring,”

“Let’s head to the carriage then, we can talk on the way,” she suggests, “I suppose you’ve already got all your luggage packed in the carriages, correct?”

You nod, “Yeah, Enoshima said we’d be moving to the royal castle today after the coronation,”

“Then I’ll come along with you,” she says and you shrug.

“Sure,”

You start walking ahead, the people make way when they see Sonia coming along with you, and you head towards the fountains further back. The carriage stands behind a dolphin shaped fountain and it splashes drops of water on you as you skirt around it, going towards the ugly black carriage.

You open the door for Sonia and she gets in quickly, you follow in after her and knock on the carriage wall to signal the driver to move. You hear the slap of a whip, a short whinny from the horses and the carriage starts moving with a lurch. You settle down and heave a sigh, taking off the cloak you had been wearing.

Sonia sits across from you, staring silently ahead, her eyes don’t meet yours but you feel like she’s waiting for you to say something.

“What’s the castle like?” you ask half heartedly. You’re not sure what to talk about and this is the first thought that had crept to your mind. Sonia snaps her attention to you.

“The castle? It’s a beautiful place…you’ll see,” she answers slowly.

“I see,” you say and fall into silence again.

_What does she want to talk about?_ You wonder.

“Hinata-san,” Sonia begins after a few minutes of uncomfortable silence.

“Hm?”

“Were things at the castle really that bad?” she asks. You frown.

“What do you mean?”

“That you went so far as to run away…was it that bad?” she elaborates.

You lean back against the hard foam seat, “I guess. I just didn’t want to stay there anymore,” you say simply.

“Did you feel despair when you lived there?” she pries further and you feel slightly irritated. You really hadn’t been in the mood for discussing those things at all.

“What about you?” you say instead, “What made _you_ give up the throne to Enoshima of all people?”

Sonia looks stricken when you say the words, her face goes a little pale but she doesn’t seem angry, “I suppose there’s no harm in telling you, Hinata-san,” she says.

You quirk an eyebrow, willing her to go on.

“It was after talking to Enoshima-san, really,” she begins, “It’s always been a hard life being a Princess. I’ve sacrificed so much for the sake of the kingdom; my very existence has only ever been as a Princess first and foremost. What was I hoping to accomplish by putting my life on the line and accepting that everything that happened to me was part of my destiny as the Princess? I’m glad Enoshima-san talked to me. I feel so…free now. In the end it’s just that I didn’t want to let my fate decide all of this for me- I wanted to be free of all these responsibilities,”

“So you gave up the kingdom to Enoshima?” you ask.

“There was nothing else I could do. Enoshima-san would have spread despair within the kingdom either way…it’s just not in my abilities to overcome that!” she argues, her hands start shaking where they’re set on her lap.

_And so she despaired too, huh?_

Sonia gives you a rueful smile, “Hinata-san, do you remember the favor I asked of you that day?” she asks suddenly.

“Favor…?” you repeat the word, unsure of what she meant.

“Tanaka-san…did you talk to him…or try to make him feel better?” she asks hesitantly and you suddenly realize that this is what she’d wanted to ask you all this time.

You shake your head, “I never got the chance to meet him after that, I’m sorry,”

It’s true that you had planned on giving him some company when Sonia had mentioned him but somehow you were never able to do it. And with matters growing worse at the castle each day, it was hardly possible anyway.

Sonia looks downcast at your words and looks out of the window, her hands still shaking slightly.

\---  
The two of you didn’t talk much after that, Sonia seemed too downcast to even manage a small chat and you were more than willing to let her stay that way. Talking with her just reminded you unnecessarily of what you had left behind.

_It’s all in the past now._

The carriage halts after an hour and you wonder if you’ve reached the Palace. Sonia peers out of the window and turns to you.

“We’ve arrived,” she says simply as the driver jumps off from his seat and comes to open the door. She steps out and you follow after her.

You gasp a little at the sight of the palace- you’re mildly surprised at the stark difference between Enoshima’s place and here. Where Enoshima’s castle had been relatively small and gloomy, this place is huge and radiates splendor, its exterior made of pale yellow stone and large, brown windows. The architecture is a little different from the regular castles you’d been used to seeing, it’s not as tall as the average castle but it spreads over a far larger area than normal. There’s a huge garden in the middle, the grass is so vividly colored that it almost looks like it’s not real.

As you start walking behind Sonia, you glance at the gardens around you- fountains adorn the place and you can hear birds chirping in glee as you walk across the green area, your feet making light sounds as you walk on the marbled pathway. You’re pretty sure you haven’t seen half the plants and flowers that grow here and you’re a little fascinated by it all. It’s ridiculously beautiful and you have a hard time believing the place is real.

It takes almost five minutes for you to walk from the gates to the doorway- it’s already wide open and the two of you walk in while the guards bow down.

The interior is just as grand and you’re surprised that you managed to be amazed by it. You should have expected it to be like this after all. The floors are shiny white, red carpets line the central areas and paintings hang on the walls depicting sceneries and forests. The corridor stretches for such a long time that you’re sure your feet will start aching by the time you reach wherever you’re going.

“Is Enoshima already here?” you ask Sonia.

“The guards told me she is. We’ll meet her in the throne room, I suppose,” she answers, turning right.

You stand before a large door, two guards holding spears stand in front of you and Sonia motions for them to step aside. They move back with a bow and one of them opens the door for her. Cold air rushes in and the two of you step inside into what you assume is the throne room.

You see Enoshima lounging on the huge golden throne as if she’s already used to being here. Her dress falls over the arms of the throne’s seat, its fine carvings hidden behind it.

“You’re finally here! Took you long enough,” Enoshima grumbles.

“We got caught in the crowd after you left,” Sonia answers.

“Ah whatever…I want to talk to you Kamukura,” she says and looks at Sonia.

“Oh! I’ll leave then!” Sonia exclaims and leaves the room after bowing to her.

You stare at Enoshima, “What do you want to talk about?” you ask, confused.

“Aw c’mon Kamukura! Have a seat first at least,” she pouts and motions to a chair in the corner. You drag the chair towards the centre of the room and sit down.

“I’m sitting,” you say.

“That’s better,” she says “It’s a cool place isn’t it?”

You nod, “Much better than your castle, at least,”

“Hey now! Don’t make fun of my castle! I was preparing to move here so of course it was a little…dirty,” she admits.

“You’ve been planning this for a while now, haven’t you?” you ask her.

Enoshima grins, “Of course! It wouldn’t just happen overnight, now would it?”

“Why’d you name the kingdom Jabberwock? Novoselic is a decent enough name,” you frown.

Your questions makes Enoshima laugh, “That’s a smart question! You’re not that unobservant, I’m a little surprised,”

“…Thanks,” you mutter.

“As for the matter of my renaming it…it’s a lot like naming people. You have a man named Matsuda and then you have a man named Madarai. You don’t really know who’s who when I talk about them but it just doesn’t make a difference! For all you know the Madarai I’m talking about actually calls himself Matsuda! It’s a lot like that,” she says.

“…What the hell is that supposed to mean?” you ask, shaking your head.

“In simpler words: _I felt like it_ , that’s all there is to it!”

_She could have said so in the first place…_

“Anyway! Stop talking so much!” she yells at you all of a sudden.

“…But I wasn’t even talking that much,”

“You’re distracting me from the real matters Kamukura! Stop it and let me talk,” she complains.

You sigh, “What is it you wanted to talk about?”

“Don’t rush me I was going to say it anyway. You’re not going to leave the Palace unless I give you permission to,” she says, wagging a finger in your direction.

“Why not?”

“Oh right…of course you don’t know about _that_ , huh?” she says, almost to herself.

“ _That_?” you ask.

Enoshima straightens herself in her seat, looking at you straight in the eye, “It’s for your own safety that I’m doing this, Kamukura. If you go outside, they’re going to find out who you are and that’s just bound to get you in trouble after all that happened,”

“But…what exactly happened? I know they’re after me but I’m sure they would have gotten over it by now…” you say feebly.

“Oh Kamukura,” Enoshima begins laughing so hard you can see tears in her eyes. She laughs for almost an entire minute while you look at her, horrified. When she’s finally done, she looks at you, her eyes swirling darkly and you feel goose bumps creep up on your skin. No matter how many times you saw her like this- reveling in some kind of perverse joy- you couldn’t help but feel scared.

“ _Gotten over it?_ Of course they haven’t gotten over it! In fact after what happened yesterday even the _King’s_ announced a price on your head. The entire Kingdom is out to get you Kamukura…or should I say, _Hinata Hajime_ ,” Enoshima’s voice rings in your ears but you don’t understand anything.

“What happened yesterday? Why is the king after me as well?” you say numbly.

“After you ran away, they started to protest against the royal family for letting you escape even though you were the one behind the murder of the council of knights,” she says and you nod. You knew that much.

“Well since the royal family wasn’t doing anything against it, they were driven to so much despair that all the members of the royal castle and half of the villagers killed themselves!” Enoshima exclaims, her voice eerily cheerful.

“Killed….themselves…?” you say the words in barely a whisper because you can hardly believe it.

“Yup! They all killed themselves because there really is no hope left in the kingdom at all! And it all happened because of you!”

 


	21. Chapter 21

Things are getting out of hand. You can’t fathom what’s going on and whether it pleases you or not. Your father is trying to resolve the bleak situation that has spread throughout the kingdom, and it seems like he’s found out that you aren’t really of much help as a prince.

You’ve been sitting in your room for two days now; you don’t feel like eating or talking and you can’t understand what’s going on with you. All you know is that there’s a disgusting feeling of hatred flowing through your veins, and you’re fully delving in it. You don’t want to get the thoughts out of your head- all you want to do is sit in this dark, ugly room and let the hatred consume you whole.

It’s hatred for yourself, but also hatred for her. Hatred for starting all this madness. You had welcomed it when it started- you were so glad there was despair to fuel hope now. Surely it would take a while but they would find that this is what they needed, right? Then why was it that every time you thought about the spreading despair, all you felt was a deep, deep sense of guilt?

Was it guilt, really, that caused your stomach to coil up every time you laid eyes on the accursed parade running through the village? Was it guilt that made you want to spew your guts whenever you thought about wanting to spread even more despair? Was it guilt that made you realize that all this time you had been nothing but talk?

You know you’ve been nothing but talk- you were trying to spread hope within the kingdom. That really was something you wished for from the bottom of your heart, but it didn’t change the fact that what Enoshima had said to you the first time you met with her was taking root within you as well. _Freedom through despair_ , she had said.

You had brushed aside her words but every time you pondered upon them, you realized that you were growing closer and closer to becoming what she wanted you to be. You give a slow laugh- for all your talk, you were no better than the rest -- falling to despair. Pure and utter despair. Every time you think of her, you can feel the semblance of hope that ties you together falling apart and it’s as if something dark and horrible is coming out from every inch of your heart.

Isn’t this what despair felt like? Isn’t this what you had been aiming for? You were certain that this much despair was necessary to wake up to a brighter future, but you don’t see any of that. All you can see ahead of you are wretched and horrible times.

And that just makes you want to give up on everything even more.

***

After the castle workers all committed the group suicide, the corridors have been empty; everywhere you go there is nothing but silence. There are no chefs, no maids, none of the engineers. It’s a surprise that the only people left in the castle now are Monokuma, Nanami and you.

Of course with all the people gone, Monokuma seemed to be relaxing quite a lot. You figure it was a part of his scheme to begin with; he had succeeded in pushing them all to their limits after all. And now with his work done, you hardly see him anymore, which is a relief albeit a minor one.

Your footsteps echo as you walk; you don’t really know where you’re heading but you just couldn’t bear sitting in the room anymore. Seeing the quiet halls only makes you feel sicker, and you consider going back to the room because you don’t think going out is helping you at all.

You pass by the library on the way and decide you want to go inside- it was one place that seemed to calm you down when nothing else could. You enter the room and are greeted by the smell of old parchments and leather-bound books. It eases your nerves somewhat, and you stroll towards the window further to the right.

The French window is huge enough for you to climb through and sit on the balcony. You used to spend a lot of your time here; reading and eating your lunch. It’s been a while since you’ve been here, so you climb over to the other side.

The sky is a bright blue today and only a few wispy clouds float above. The sun is out in all its summertime glory and you can feel its heat focus directly on your head. You don’t particularly mind though since there’s a slight breeze going around, and that helps cool you down. You look on to the gardens ahead, and you’re a little surprised to see that they’re completely empty. Under normal circumstances there were people milling about, going on with their daily chores and jobs, but now there’s none of that.

You hear a creak resound above you and raise your head to look at familiar pink head pop into view.

“…Nanami-san,” you say when you spot her.

“Hello, Komaeda-kun,” she says in her gentle voice, a little smile on her face.

“Were you planning on sitting here as well?” you ask her.

Nanami shakes her head, “Not really. I was just looking for you.”

“Oh? Did you need me for something?”

“I thought you hadn’t been leaving your room very much, so I wanted to see where you were,” she says.

“Don’t mind me, really!” you say quickly, “I was just…catching up on a few things you see.”

“Would you like to go for a walk?”

“That’s rare. That Nanami-san would invite me for a walk is something rather unusual! Nevertheless, if you want to walk with me then I’m willing to oblige…” you tell her.

Nanami smiles.  
“Let’s go to the fields outside the village,” she suggests and you nod, getting to your feet.

“I haven’t been there in a while. I would like that,” you say thoughtfully.

Nanami moves back a little as you climb over the window and back into the library. You see that Nanami is wearing a teal dress with delicate pink lace instead of the usual working clothes. It must be because there isn’t any working force left at the castle, but you’re surprised she’s still alive- and working at the castle too on top of that.

_I wonder why that is._

Nanami nods once you get to your feet and leaves the library quietly, her dress swishing a little with each step. You follow after her as she descends the staircase and exits the castle gates.

“Will we walk all the way there?” you ask her out of curiosity since the place was quite far away.

“I guess…it seemed like a good idea,” she answers.

You manage a smile, “It is. The weather is nice today; it will be fun to walk.”

It’s hot outside but bearable as you start walking on the rocky roads outside the castle; your feet make soft crunching sounds on the gravel and pebbles. Nanami walks a few steps ahead of you, and you’re fine that way, watching her back and looking around at the quiet place.

It’s the first time you’ve ever walked to the village by foot and it feels different. The gray stoned huts are lined up regularly, forming rows and rows of similar looking houses. The roads are surprisingly dirty, and the windows of many of the houses are broken. You can feel the eyes of the people boring into you as you walk- you can’t see their faces but you know they’re inside.

It’s completely quiet as the two of you walk. You’re not sure if it’s a good feeling or a bad one, but when you notice the fact that not a single villager is out on the streets, your stomach churns.

 _Is this what the village was always like?_ You think to yourself, and it makes you sick just having the thought in your head. You remember happier times when the village was bustling with people chattering and laughing as they went about their daily routines. They really were peaceful days weren’t they?

You used to sneak out of the castle sometimes and with your face covered behind a hood, you would observe them for hours on end, noticing the small details in everyone’s expressions, the faint look of joy in their eyes. It used to make your heart swell thinking that you were the prince of this kingdom and one day you would rule over them.

Now the empty streets you pass by almost seem like an accusing finger pointing at you. You wish you could close your eyes and have everything go back to how it was before.

_Leaving the room was a bad idea…_

“Komaeda-kun…you’re not looking ahead are you?” you hear Nanami say after a while, and it breaks you from your reverie.

“Oh…I’m sorry I think I spaced out for a while,” you answer quickly, your voice coming out carefree.

“Hm…we’ve almost reached the fields,” she says and points further ahead towards the edge of the rows of huts where you begin to see greenery.

“Ah, the fields look healthy this year as well,” you muse as you begin walking faster following Nanami’s quick footsteps towards the field.

Nanami doesn’t answer and you reach the place with her leading the way. The fields are much bigger than you had last seen them, and you’re surprised to see the wheat growing so tall and healthy; the green and golden crop swaying ever so gently in the wind.

“The harvest was plenty this year…” Nanami comments when she looks at you staring at the fields.

“Indeed, no one could go hungry with so much,” you nod.

Nanami starts walking ahead into the fields, and you figure you might as well follow her since there was nothing else for you to do here. The wheat brushes against your clothes as you begin walking through it. It reaches your waist, and you feel a mild tickling as you walk.

“Nanami-san! Where are you going?” you call after her, watching her head bob up and down as she walks.

She turns around and looks at you, “Didn’t you want to look at the fields…? There is a much better view from up ahead…I guess,” she says.

“I see,” you say and follow her again.

The view is entirely the same, and you wonder how it could possibly get any better. You stop when you see the fields clearing up in the middle, a small wooden shack situated in the centre. Nanami sits down on the ground and you frown.

“Is this where we were going Nanami-san?” you ask, feeling a little disappointed.

She nods, “It would be nice if you sat down too.”

Confused, you do as she says and sit down. The grass has been cut but it prickles your bottom as you sit, which is uncomfortable but not unbearably so.

You look at Nanami and see that she’s looking at the fields, a gentle smile on her face. You look to where her eyes are, and gasp a little at the view.

The sun strikes the crop from where you sit and it casts a lovely golden colour to the entire field. The wind makes them sway and glisten, and it only makes you feel even more enraptured.

_To think that there was such a view from here…and I didn’t even know._

“This is beautiful,” you begin. “As expected of you Nanami-san! You truly have good judgment.”

_Why did she bring me here though?_

It’s not like the two of you ever talked much before, only the occasional conversation once every few weeks. It was true that she seemed like a nice girl, and you felt like she possessed a strong and gentle spirit. Maybe that would explain how she was one of the only survivors at the castle.

“Nanami-san was there a reaso-” you begin but she speaks at the same time.

“Would you like to play a game?” she says, and you stop talking.

“A game…?” you ask, confused.

She nods, “Any kind of game…to pass the time.”

“Ah! If you want to play a game that’s fine by me,” you answer her, “I just hope I’m not too much of a bore since I don’t know many games to begin with.”

“I’m sure you know some, Komaeda-kun,” she says, giving you a reassuring smile.

“Only a few,” you say honestly.

“How about knucklebones?” she suggests.

“Knucklebones…I know that one.”

“Oh…did you learn it by yourself?” she asks.

“Hmm I remember Hinata-” you begin but catch yourself.

_I remember Hinata-kun teaching me…_

“I learnt it when I was a kid,” you say instead. Nanami looks at you questioningly but doesn’t pursue it further and you’re relieved.

“Say, Nanami-san we don’t even have any knucklebones…how are we going to play?” you ask her.

“Uhm…maybe we could improvise…” she says.

_Improvise…I doubt we could do that with knucklebones._

“Why don’t we play something else instead?” you suggest reluctantly.

Nanami gets to her feet and looks at you for a few seconds, her eyes steady, before running away into the field.

“Nanami-san?” you call out after her.

“Hey… come and catch me,” she says loud enough for you to hear.

_Catch her…?_

“What do you mean, Nanami-san?” you ask.

“This kind of thing…It would be considered a game too, wouldn’t it?” she answers.

“Oh I see…alright then,” you say and get to your feet. “I guess I’ll try to catch you Nanami-san!”

You start running after her. The warm air rushes through your hair, and your face feels hot because you’ve never run that much in your life; it’s a good feeling. You sense your body growing lighter as you follow the pink haired girl, attempting to catch her but not really trying your hardest. You don’t particularly feel like catching her but it’s fun to run nonetheless.

 _She’s fast…!_ You notice as you pass through the wheat stocks. They hit your body like soft whiplashes, and it stings just a little in your thin tunic. It suddenly crosses your mind that being whipped must be a similar feeling; only magnified many, many times.

 _Is this what Hinata-kun had to go through all those years?_ The thought makes you feel as if a lead weight has been dropped onto your stomach, and it hurts.

You stop running. Your legs ache, and you feel unexpectedly short of breath. Nanami turns around and looks at you questioningly.

“…You didn’t catch me,” she comments slowly, as if just realizing it.

“Ah…I’m sorry Nanami-san can we play something else?” you say, your voice sounding nonchalant even though you wish you could cease talking altogether, “I’m not very good at running it seems.”

“Okay…we can play pick-up sticks instead,” she offers and walks back to you. You nod quietly, losing all interest and head back to the clearing.

Nanami looks for small sticks which she collects from a few haystacks near the shack and sits down in the ground. You do the same and heave a sigh.

“You know how to play it…right?

You shake your head. “I’m sorry,”

“It’s an easy game…I’ll throw the sticks in a pile and you just have to pick them up one by one without disturbing the others in the group…If you mess them up your turn ends and the one with the most sticks wins,” she explains excitedly, her eyes shining all of a sudden. It was a unique trait of Nanami’s.  She would get so happy while talking about games.

_It’s a surprise she’s still so optimistic._

“I understand,” you tell her, and she smiles gently.

“Let’s start then,” she says and lets the sticks fall from her hand into a tall pile. “Your turn,”

The sticks are on top of each other, and it looks like it will be hard to take one out without disturbing the rest. You pick one that fell a little close to the bottom.

“Do I continue to pick them up?” you ask. She nods.

You gingerly move your fingers, trying not to make the others move, and it works, the others remain unmoved. Two sticks.

 _One, two, buckle my shoe…_ you remember the nursery rhyme they used to make you learn when you were little. _Maybe they were talking about this game?_

“…You’re doing well,” she says encouragingly, and you smile a little at her attempts to praise you.

“Say, Nanami-san, why did you call me out here?” you ask her as you take another stick from the pile.

She blinks at you for a second before answering, “I just felt like playing with you…you seemed upset.”

Another stick. _Three, four, shut the door._

“Upset…?” you repeat the word. “Really, Nanami-san I didn’t want to trouble you with my own worries! You shouldn’t have bothered about me, you know.”

“It’s true that you’re worried then?” she asks.

You sigh a little and grab a stick from the pile, holding it between your fingers, “I’ve just been a little worried about the state of the kingdom, that’s all.”

“What happened with the workers and the villagers…does it upset you?” she questions.

_Of course. It would upset anyone, wouldn’t it?_

“More than anything, I think I’m surprised at how easily they all succumbed to despair. I hadn’t expected them to fall to the point that they’d want to end it all in one go,”

_Five, six, pick up sticks._

“I think…hope only lasts for so long before you give up on it entirely,” Nanami says.

The words don’t really make you feel as shocked as you would have thought they would. You used to wonder what it would be like to live a life without it, but now the idea doesn’t seem very farfetched.

“It’s funny how it doesn’t really appall me at all, you know,” you start speaking, “I would have thought it would be the end of the world before I gave up on _hope_ of all things, but for some reason the thought just won’t leave my head anymore…I don’t know what to do.”

You don’t know why you’re saying this but the words just come tumbling out of your mouth. You feel a little relieved, but at the same time, it’s as if a small part of you is falling apart with every word you utter. It makes you feel sick.

Nanami seems to be listening attentively, a serious look on her face. You take that as encouragement and continue speaking; you don’t really care enough to stop anymore.

“Ever since that hateful woman came to the kingdom she’s been whispering into everyone’s hearts and making them fall for her words- that’s all she does. I thought it would truly help in molding everyone’s hearts in preparation for a greater outcome, but I never expected this to happen. It makes me feel like the idea I was clinging to had been a joke all along. What had I been wishing for?”

“Did Enoshima-san talk to you as well?” Nanami asks.

You laugh a little, “Of course she did. I’m sure it was all part of her scheme, to drag me down to that horrible darkness where she stands. It’s funny because I was confident I would be unaffected.”

“But something happened?”

“I don’t know when it started, but little by little I could feel her words making me waver. Even right now I can feel it and it’s disgusting. I suppose it was because what she said really did make sense. It’s true that I’m a useless prince. I have nothing that makes me worthy of being a ruler in the future, and the only thing I’ve done is cause people I know to suffer in my stead.”

You think of Hinata-kun -- you still remember the first time he had been punished because of you; his hands had been bandaged, and you could see the look of hurt in his eyes when you had come to meet him. You were sure he would have left, but he hadn’t, and maybe that was the start of your downfall.

“I didn’t want anyone to have to suffer for me, but no matter how much I tried; in the end it was inevitable. My luck is just another testament to that,” You don’t want to say it, but now that you’re talking it just seems like you can’t stop. Some of the words that you say surprise you too, and you find yourself shaking a little.

You’ve picked up two more sticks- you hadn’t really noticed.

 _Seven, eight, lay them straight…Seven, eight, lay them straight_. You repeat the words in your head like a mantra, trying to calm yourself.

Nanami seems to notice and looks at you with concern, “Did Hinata-kun’s running away hurt you that much?” she asks.

Your hands jerk out in surprise, and you end up making the entire pile collapse. You don’t really bother fixing it, and Nanami doesn’t seem too concerned either.

“Hurt me...?” you ask, confused.

Nanami nods shortly; her eyes staring at you meaningfully.

“Did it hurt me? I don’t really know to be honest,” you tell her, looking away from her eyes to stare at the sky instead, “I placed my faith in him; I thought that of all people, _he_ wouldn’t give in to despair. And to think that he fell for her words and ran away...I don’t know who to be angry at. Hinata-kun, Enoshima…or myself,”

“Are you angry at yourself?” she asks, putting her hand on top of yours to calm the shaking. It comforts you a little to know that she’s listening.

“…I am. In the end it was partly my fault he was driven so far…I feel like I can understand what he was talking about when he said I never had any hope to begin with…I’m no good am I?” your voice ends up cracking a little at the end, and you pray Nanami didn’t notice.

She pouts a little, her cheeks puffing out. “I don’t think you need to believe in hope so much, Komaeda-kun,” she says, almost as if she’s scolding you.

“Huh? What do you mean?”

Her hand on top of yours presses slightly, and she smiles. “I think you’re free to do what you want. You shouldn’t have to worry about hope or despair, you know,”

“I…I don’t have to think about that?” you ask, perplexed.

“It would be good if you did what you felt like…I guess,” she says carefully, “You have the future ahead of you, and you can make it the way you want it to be,”

_The way I want it to be? Can I really do that?_

“You don’t have to feel so lost, Komaeda-kun,” Nanami smiles and punches your arm gently, “I’m sure Hinata-kun doesn’t hold you accountable for the things that happened to him…at least you have the ability to make your own future from now on. Don’t be so scared.”

Somehow listening to her words makes you feel a little better. You’re not entirely sure what she meant but, if nothing else, they were at least a promise that things would get better some day. Wasn’t that what you had lost sight of all this time?

“Nanami-san,”

“Hm?” she looks at you, her head tilting to the side.

“Thank you,” you tell her, a faint smile rising to your lips, “I think I finally understand what I need to do,” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you guys enjoyed the platonic komanami! :'>  
> i'll make up for the lack of komahina some day...


	22. Chapter 22

You stare at the wall in front of you- it’s grey and dirty, almost worn with age- and you wonder how long it would take for it to burn from the intensity of your glare. You know it’s a useless effort and even childish when you think about it, but since there’s nothing better for you to do here, you continue to bore holes into the wall with your eyes.

It’s been two weeks since Enoshima came back from her random trips through the kingdoms and now that she’s here, you’re back in your room. It’s ridiculous that she’s so strict about keeping you inside the palace at all times and, when she was around, you left your room even less than usual.

You’ve been staring at the empty wall for a while now, when you hear a knock on the door. You slowly turn your head to the side, your hair brushing your neck as you do.

“…Who is it?” you ask and you’re surprised to hear your own voice. How long had it been since you had spoken at all?

A pause and then some shuffling sounds.

“It’s me,” comes a woman’s voice, “Sonia,”

You’re almost tempted to get up and open the door, hearing it’s her. You remain sitting cross legged on the floor.

“What do you want?” you ask instead, turning a little so that you’re facing the door.

“Won’t you let me in at least?” she asks, her voice is faint.

You take a few seconds to answer, unsure if you let her in or not.

“Alright,”

You get up and head towards the door, opening it just the slightest to peer out from the gap. Your eyes hurt when you look outside, it’s bright and you squint a little until you get adjusted to it.

_So it’s daytime huh?_

“Hina-” Sonia begins but stops. You stare at her and realize that she’s standing in front of the door while two guards stand on either side of her, their backs turned towards you. You instantly feel on edge and inch back a little, closing the door even further.

“Kamukura-san,” she says urgently, correcting herself in front of the men, “Let me in?”

You glare at the guards and nod, opening the door just enough so that she squeezes herself into the room. You close it immediately, producing a loud click.

Sonia stands in front of you, her arms folded in front of her, looking around the room curiously.

“Oh my, this room is incredibly dark,” Sonia says, her eyes turning wide.

You shrug, “Enoshima seems to think I’ll get caught if I look out of the windows,” you gesture a little upwards- the windows have been blackened out with something similar to tar.

“I don’t see how that would have made much of a difference,” she comments, looking at the windows. You don’t say anything.

You look at her and wonder why she’s here, and making small talk- she hadn’t bothered visiting or talking to you before. From what you’d seen when you were walking around the palace, Sonia seemed to lock herself in her room just as often as you.

She looks perfectly healthy though, and you can’t see any signs of distress on her face. She’s wearing a pink dress and her blonde hair is tied up in a bun.

“Why are you here?” you ask her.

Sonia looks at you, her eyes shifting uncomfortably, “I thought I would let you know that Enoshima-san is out of the palace for a few days,”

“You could have asked the guards to leave if that was the case,”

“Ah! I was going to tell them after I departed,” she clarifies, folding her hands in front of her.

“…You’re going as well?” you ask, slightly curious.

Sonia shakes her head, “Not with Enoshima-san,”

“I see,” you say, not really wanting to pry further.

Sonia looks at you expectantly from the corner of her eyes.

 _She wants to say something more_ , you observe.

“What is it?” you ask after a while, seeing as how she isn’t leaving.

“Pardon?” she asks, startled.

“You’re looking at me from the corner of your eyes and I can see that you are aching to say something…or _ask_ me something, for that matter,” you comment.

Sonia sighs a little in resignation.

“I wanted to tell you that I am going to your kingdom in pursuits of some… _personal_ endeavors,” she says hesitantly.

“You’re going to meet Tanaka, aren’t you?” you guess, pushing back your hair from falling in your eyes since they’ve gotten a bit too long to manage.

“Yes,” she nods, her jaw set firmly.

“Why did you come to tell me? Is it because I was his friend…or is it that you want something from me?”

“I just thought it would be appropriate to ask if you wanted to convey a message to him,” she explains.

You think about Tanaka playing with his four hamsters and the way he spoke so magnanimously. You remember the pain in his voice when you had last seen him and how you had been unable to do anything to help. A familiar yet almost forgotten feeling resurfaces in your body and you breathe in sharply.

“No, there’s nothing to say,” You tell her coldly, “Thank you for asking,”

Sonia looks almost disappointed at your reply, her eyebrows turning downwards into a frown.

“If that’s so, I think I should be taking my leave,” she says slowly.

You nod and look at her as she heads for the door.

“Oh, and one more thing,” she adds while leaving, “I hope you take a walk through the poison gardens after you leave the room. It’s a lovely place, I’m sure you would enjoy it,”

Light floods in your room for a few seconds as she leaves and then you’re in darkness again. You hear her footsteps grow fainter and the clopping of heavy boots soon after.

 _The guards must have left;_ you muse and take a look outside.

You don’t see anyone standing by the door anymore so you decide to take a walk outside. You grab a book lying on the bed and leave the room, closing the door behind you.

You think you would have gotten used to being at the palace and its lavish interior but despite living here for a year already, you don’t think you’ll ever get used to it. You hardly got the chance to leave the room unless Enoshima was out. It wasn’t that she kept you in- you were allowed to go anywhere inside the palace area, but not further out. You figure it’s the idea of meeting Enoshima on the way that throws you off.

Somehow, just the thought of running into the spiteful woman sends tides of unpleasant feelings coursing through you and makes you remember a lot of things you wish you could keep aside forever. Her eyes always seem to bore into you and it makes you feel weak and powerless- it was a fact you were well aware of either way but having her remind you of it makes you despise her more than you already do.

Your footsteps echo in the huge halls and you vaguely remember turning left to get to the back gardens. Since you hadn’t been there since the renovation, you thought you might as well have a look.

Light floods in from the corridor you turn left into; the huge doorway is made of glass panels framed in wood and you can see the greenery that lies beyond. It looks quite different from the last time you saw it and you find your lips quivering upwards at the sight.

 You walk faster and head out of the door, taking in the fresh air in a huge breath. It’s really hot outside and you can feel the sweat forming behind your neck, trickling slowly as you walk. There’s a black wrought iron gate in front of you with small creepers curling in between the bars. You push it open and it moves aside with a slow groan.

It’s moister inside, making you feel a little uncomfortable and when you look around, it’s easy to understand why. There are rows and rows of plants; green, gray and purple, flowers both big and small that grow on the grass and it’s all so vivid that it almost makes your eyes burn.

You walk further in and take a look at the wired fences erected every few feet with plants growing inside. They must have been incredibly dangerous if they were growing inside cages.

_Enoshima really got carried away with this._

It’s peaceful here; the palace gardens that used to be public until a year ago have now been closed off and redesigned to Enoshima’s tastes. Of course she’s the only person in the world who would have taken a liking to poisonous plants, of all things. In one of her compulsive moods, she decided she wanted a whole garden full of the most exotic, poisonous plants in the kingdom and everyone was more than willing to oblige. The happiness of their wretched queen was top priority after all.

You had watched from a tiny scratch in the window as men came and set up bars, wires and fences as if to trap a ferocious animal behind it but, really, they were only there to house those plants Enoshima was so fond of. You walk now, in that same poison garden and stare at some black ivy running through the metal girders around you. You’re sure it would be dangerous to touch it so you don’t, but the thought amuses you somewhat. It would be interesting to know which plant kills and which one simply paralyzes or nauseates.

When you walk further back, there are entire tunnels made of wire fencing with ivy and vines growing on them, some bearing berries that look surprisingly edible. Were it not for the fact that you could easily lose your life if you bit something out of curiosity, you would have done so without much thought.

It’s quiet save for the occasional chirp of sparrows that sit on the tunnel wiring and peck at the berries- you wonder if they’ll live through the day. You walk further into a tunnel and sit down at an empty patch on the ground where the creepers are thinning and light enters inside. It’s bright enough for you to read so you open up the book and give the text a cursory glance. You’ve read it twice already and there isn’t anything particularly interesting about it anymore. Still, you try to read as you hear indistinct murmuring a little ways away from you.

It’s not particularly easy to guess what’s being said and you aren’t very curious either way but from what you hear, you’ve come to the conclusion that it’s two people, a male and a female. You can’t understand what they’re saying so you go back to reading your book, your hair falling in your eyes every few minute and you trying to swat them back without getting irritated. Their voices play in the back of your head like some unwelcome background music and you catch a few snippets of what they’re saying but it’s nothing more than simple greetings and formalities. It’s nothing personal, which is a relief. You wouldn’t want to be an accidental witness to something too intimate or secret.

The male seems to be the one who speaks more, going on in a slightly excited but polite voice, while the woman only seems to speak in at a few occasions. You can’t seem to concentrate on the book so you give up and slap it shut. You lean your head back against the wall of the tunnel and wonder if the people can see you, it doesn’t seem like they do as they continue to talk.

You turn your head to the side and push aside a few vines to get a view outside. It’s hard to see but you can make out the shapes of two people, a particularly short boy, almost looking like a child and a taller woman. You instantly know who the woman is by her short black hair and that stiff, disciplined way of holding herself.

 _Ikusaba_ …

It’s a slight surprise seeing her here, of all places and with a guy too for that matter. She just didn’t seem like the type who would talk to people very often- seeing her conversing with that brown haired boy for more than two minutes and speaking words that measure more than one syllable just seems funny to you. Your curiosity is definitely piqued, if only for a few seconds.

You move a bit to peer out, see the two of them talk and look at Ikusaba. She’s looking straight at the boy; her eyes have a softness to them that you haven’t noticed before. They were the same eyes your mother had when your father came home from a particularly long day at work, his gap toothed grin wide and happy. The small curve of her lips doesn’t escape you either; it’s only there for a few seconds before she goes back to being impassive but it’s there long enough for you to wonder who exactly the boy is.

_To see Ikusaba with that expression on her face…_

You’re about to turn your attention to the boy when they both start walking forward, moving away from your line of sight. You shrug and turn your attention to the book again. It suddenly seems a little too dark in here and you’re not particularly fond of the book so you get to your feet, figuring a walk would be better than just sitting here. There were some palaces you hadn’t checked out yet.

It was much colder inside the tunnel but the fading sun is still warm enough to make you feel hot. You walk under the shadow of trees and look around, observing small details in plants and flowers, counting the stone steps in between the grass and memorizing the patterns on the white ceramic pots.

It’s a weird habit you had developed recently and you wonder where it came from but it helps distract you when you’re bored. You pay attention to detail more, probably because you hardly get to see new things now, and it makes you feel alive.

You think of Ikusaba as you walk through the garden, staring at the bamboo stalks that form a barrier against something- you turn left in its direction. Who was that guy? Was he close to her? For her to look so gentle for once. You might have been over thinking it since you don’t really know Ikusaba that well, after all.

You hear something rustle in front of you as you turn right. When you cross the wall-like group of bamboo trees, you see a plain ground with nothing but clover leaves making it seem as if you’re walking on a bright green carpet.

You see someone crouching on the ground, carefully picking at the clovers on the ground that seem to grow from every inch of the field. The person’s hair is covered behind a hood and they seem to be meticulously looking for something. You take a step forward, almost hesitant, something in your stomach churns and you feel dizzy. All thoughts of Ikusaba and the boy leave your head in a millisecond.

The person turns a little, their shoulders stiffening slightly. The hood shifts ever so slightly and the blood drains from your face in an instant. White hair.

 _No_ , you shake your head, taking a step back, _It can’t be…_

Looking at the person, you know you should run away. You know you shouldn’t stay here but something holds you back and you continue to look at the person’s back.

The person seems to notice you’re standing there and their shoulders rise just the slightest, as if shrugging.  You’re aware that there’s nothing for you to worry about but somehow just the few seconds it takes for them to turn their head towards you are enough to make you feel like it’s never going to end. You feel sweat pouring behind your neck, so painfully slow and the soft rustle of the person’s cloak rings in your ears. You feel jittery just standing here and it’s a wonder that you still haven’t run away.

The anxiety seems to vanish in an instant as you see the hood fall back with the sharp turn of his head and _of course_ it’s him.

You had known the second you laid eyes on the slim, almost weak, figure but it was still worth something, trying to pretend you didn’t know. How wouldn’t you have been able to recognize him when his was the figure you used to see every single day for six years? You don’t think you could have forgotten even if you had tried.

And it’s almost laughable when his eyes meet yours, that you feel like you’ve released a breath you hadn’t known you’d been holding. A breath that you’d held in for so, so long. You only look into his eyes for a second but it’s seems like an eternity and you can’t seem to look away. Murky blue and so painfully torn; a mixture of surprise, relief and something entirely alien and unrecognizable. It’s the first time you’ve seen him make a face like that and although it passes away in an instant, you know there’s something different about him.

He gets up slowly, taking his time and wiping his cloak- it’s plain gray  and you wonder what happened to his old one, in the back of your mind. He looks at you, his eyes locking onto yours and you feel something flood through you, your body grows cold but your face burns and it feels horrible. You’re suddenly reminded of the fact that your hair is extremely long and unkempt, and that you look disgusting.

_We shouldn’t be meeting…how did this happen…?_

He lowers his eyes for a fraction of a second, his face perking up. He stoops low once again and picks up something from the grass. It’s green and so small you barely recognize what it is until it hits you.

_A…four-leaf clover?_

Komaeda laughs a little and it’s hollow, his smile doesn’t reach his eyes but there’s something lying just underneath the surface that makes him seem so painfully broken standing amidst the field of clovers, waiting for something that's not there.

“Ahaha!…I finally found it. This is certainly good luck isn’t it?” he speaks up, and just hearing his voice after so long is enough to make you feel like you’re falling  into an abyss you’ll never get out of.

“It’s nice to meet you again, Hinata-kun,”

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys liked this chapter! think of it as a Valentine's gift from me to you all :'>  
> The boyfriends finally meet! wooo 
> 
>  
> 
> _Hinata and Komaeda are finally reunited, upupu! It's a Valentine's day miracle. Stay tuned to the weeping wisteria for more, you bastards!_


	23. Chapter 23

Your mouth hangs open, and you struggle to form words. A voice in the back of your head urges you to run away while you still can, but he’s looking at you expectantly and somehow the thought of leaving just like that seems ridiculous.

“What are you doing here?” you find yourself asking.

Komaeda gives you a hesitant smile, “You don’t seem too happy to see me, Hinata-kun.”

You don’t say anything, but glare at him impassively, waiting for him to answer properly.

Komaeda sighs lightly and spins the clover between his thumb and forefinger, “I have personal reasons for coming here,” he says, not looking at you.

“Personal reasons?” you repeat. “You’re here to meet Enoshima, aren’t you?”

He nods, “Something like that.”

_Something like that, huh?_

“She’s away for the time being,” you tell him.

“I found out,” he says, nodding. “Doesn’t that explain why I’m here in the first place?”

“What do you mean?” you ask, looking to the sides to see if anyone is coming. No one seems to be around, thankfully.

“I wouldn’t be able to enter the palace if Enoshima-san was here, you know. I’ve heard no one gets in very easily when she’s around…Maybe I got lucky and arrived right when she left,” he says with a rueful smile.

“That’s not very lucky considering you came here to meet her, then,” you comment.

“True. But I did get to meet you- I suppose that’s good luck in itself, right?” he says lightly, but it sounds cautious, as if he’s testing what to say.

You look at him in confusion and try to think of what to say. Why was he here and talking to you so casually?

_After the last time I saw him, I thought he would have come to hate me…_

Komaeda seems to notice your worry and tilts his head to the side. “Ah, could it be that you’re confused about what I’m saying?”

You shake your head, “No, it doesn’t matter to me. I don’t care why you’re here; I’m not involved in any of this,”

Komaeda’s eyebrows rise in surprise before settling into his usual calm expression once more. “I suppose that’s true, but it’s a little cold coming from you, Hinata-kun,”

You try to deny it, but you’re sure you hear something akin to hurt in his voice. You turn your back to him.

“Don’t call me _Hinata-kun_ in front of anyone,” you say curtly and leave before he can say anything further.

“Hinata-” Komaeda calls out before thinking better of it and quieting down. You heave a sigh of relief when you realize he’s not following you.

You know you’re holding yourself back from asking him so many things. You can’t help but think that if you talked to him more than you had, it could lead to all kinds of trouble. You were sick of getting caught up in matters that didn’t involve you in the slightest.

_That’s right…what Komaeda does is none of my business. I have no relationship with him anymore, and he made it clear enough last time that he wanted nothing to do with me._

Yet, when you think about that rainy night when you had left, and the way he had let you go away, not even bothering to stop you, you feel a pang in your chest. It makes you feel queasy, and you get the strongest urge to turn your head back to see him. You wish you could talk to him; maybe speaking to him would change something. Maybe it could clear your conscience of all the guilt that had been eating away at you since you’d come here.

 _No,_ you shake your head, _that’s not possible._

You take in a deep breath and try to count the steps it’ll take for you to get back inside the palace -- back to the safety of your own room.

_Five. Six. Seven. Eight._

Something rustles behind you and you try to ignore it.

_Nine. Ten. Eleven._

Another rustle and the sound of footsteps getting louder by the second.

_Twelve. Thirteen._

As much as you try, you can’t seem to get it out of your head so you turn back around.

“Stop following m-” you begin to say but your words catch in your throat when you see Komaeda running after you, his hair bouncing and his face strained.

“What in the world?” you mutter, standing rooted to the spot.

Komaeda notices you looking and motions with his hands. You don’t seem to understand what he’s saying so you tilt your head to the side, wondering what he wants. He looks panicked by the way he moves his hands.

“Hinata-kun!” he yells with effort, his voice breathless, “Run away!”

_Run away?_

“…Why?” you mutter mostly to yourself but you hear another rustle from behind and you understand why he wanted you to run.

People always say a big enough shock can render anyone speechless. Well, now you know that they’re right. A huge gray beast, its body resembling that of a tiger’s only many, many times larger, comes running after Komaeda, who’s running in your direction. You should’ve been afraid; your mind should’ve been racing, but instead, you just stand there, dumbfounded.

“Hinata-kuuun! Run!” he calls out desperately and in that moment the only thought that crosses your mind is:

_This is insane._

You’re still standing there, looking at the horrible gray beast running after Komaeda and you really know you should run but all you can do is stare. A few seconds pass before you realize that your life might be in danger if the _thing_ gets any closer to you, so you turn and break into a dash.

Komaeda’s right behind you, and you’re surprised he’s running so fast. He used to be pretty slow back when you were kids. Something brushes past your shoulder, and your heart stops in your chest. You think the beast has caught up to you, but when you look to your right you see Komaeda running alongside you, his shoulder only a few inches away from yours.

“I think…we should head for shelter,” he wheezes and you gawk at him.

“Isn’t that what we’re already doing?” you say, exasperated.

Komaeda points to something up ahead, and you look in that direction to see a tunnel. Your eyes meet his and a silent agreement passes between the two of you. You nod and break into a run towards the tunnel.

 _If we can make it there, the beast might not be able to get in,_ you think, a little hope surging into your heart as you see your destination getting closer.

Not a second elapses after the thought crosses your head that you find yourself a victim of Komaeda’s bad luck -- again. Your foot stumbles over a thick root of one of the trees on your right, and you end up headfirst in contact with the ground. Komaeda stops when he sees you falling, and you try to get up before the beast can catch up but it’s too late. Its huge body comes hurtling towards you, and you close your eyes for the inevitable end.

You feel something sharp slide across your face and warm liquid flows down your cheeks. You’re familiar enough with the pain to know that you’ve been cut and you hesitantly open your eyes to see the thing looming over you, its teeth bared and claws hovering an inch away from your face. You stare at it, bewildered and scared, your eyes darting to the side to see Komaeda silently inching away from you. You should have expected nothing else from him.

 _Well, go on then._ You silently glare at the beast _. Come on, eat me._

The beast seems to understand what you’re thinking and it move closer to you, hot air coming out of its nostrils, and its cat-like eyes bore into you with hunger. You shiver a little and try to move away, but you find yourself trapped between its paws. You give a hopeless glance to the back, to see that the white haired boy is already out of sight.

“Thanks a lot…Komaeda,” you mutter and the beast howls, as if laughing. Its voice rings in your ears and you fall back to the ground in defeat.

One of the paws of the animal hangs over your head and swipes down once, brushing just across your forehead and you wince in surprise. The other paw lands on your chest with a flourish and presses over your heart, as if looking for a beat. You’re shivering where you lie but you try not to let it show. It’s teasing you before it attacks and that just makes you want to appear even more unaffected.

You’re almost getting tired by how it’s trying to rile you when you hear something snap behind you. A loud noise startles you, and you struggle to have a look. Komaeda is standing behind the beast with a long branch in his hands. He swings it once over the beast’s head, his lips set in concentration. The beast lets go of you in surprise, and you take the chance to slide back and get to your feet. Komaeda swings once more, hitting the thing in the chest and you break into a dash without looking back.

You hear Komaeda’s footsteps behind you, and you continue to run, heading for the tunnel in the hopes that the beast won’t see you go there. You head inside and run a little further in until you’re a safe distance away from the entrance. It’s dark and you hope the beast doesn’t follow.

You sit down on the floor, trying to catch your breath, sweat pouring down your back when Komaeda comes running in. He stops when he sees you, and you move over to the side to make way for him. He sits down a little away from you, panting heavily. It seems like he’s in dire need of air, and you don’t really know what to do so you pat him on the back, hoping to get him to breathe better.

“…I’m okay. Thank you,” Komaeda says gently, his voice hoarse. You hum in response and lapse into silence again; the only sound you can hear is his tired breathing.

 You look at him cautiously, wondering once again what he’s doing here. Komaeda catches you looking at him and gives a tired smile. You look away and wipe the sweat from your brow.

“…Thanks,” you mutter, “For helping me back there,”

Komaeda’s mouth opens a little in surprise, “You don’t have to thank me. It’s what anyone would have done…given the circumstances,”

“You put yourself in danger though,” you say, and you wonder why you’re trying to make that clear to him.

“I don’t really care about that, you know. I’ve been in similar situations before,” he says seriously. “Only, I’ve never been capable of saving others from getting involved.”

You nod; his bad luck always seemed to affect others, and there was no denying that.

“I’m glad you’re safe,” he says almost as an afterthought.

_I wouldn’t have really cared if I lived or died._

Somehow the thought seems cruel to you, as if you’re trying to deny the fact that he risked his life to save yours, and you’re relieved you don’t say it out loud.

Komaeda looks like he wants to say more, his mouth opens and closes wordlessly, but you don’t pry further. If he doesn’t want to talk you’re not going to force him.

_Besides, our meeting here like this…It wasn’t supposed to happen._

You want to head back to the palace already, but you’re sure the beast might be lurking out somewhere and you’re not sure you can outrun him.

“What was the beast doing here anyway?” you mutter to yourself.

Komaeda hears what you say and chuckles, “Didn’t you know, Hinata-kun? Jabberwock has always been famous for the particularly… _ferocious_ beasts it has.”

You repeat his words in your head, “I wasn’t aware of that.”

“Ah. I would have thought you’d be an expert on their culture by now.”

He’s not looking at you when he speaks. His voice is devoid of any emotion, and you’re sure he’s not interested in hearing your reply, so you remain silent.

 _He seems different_ , you note to yourself.

Some rustling in the background breaks you out of your reverie and you get to your feet, alert for any signs of the beast. Komaeda gets up right after you and peers out from the wire fence behind him to have a look. Something cracks and snaps, and you can hear the sounds of a clash happening right outside.

You join Komaeda and look out to see the beast standing a few feet away from the tunnel; its body crouched like a cat ready to pounce on its prey. Something dark flashes across the garden and you follow the movement to see a familiar figure standing, knees lowered in a fighting stance.

The beast glares at Ikusaba, its tail swishing back and forth in warning before it jumps for her neck. Ikusaba rolls to the ground and kicks the animal under its belly. A growl escapes the animal’s mouth, and it swipes at her in agitation. Ikusaba seems to know where it’s going to strike before it does and dodges every move with simple movements. She pulls out a knife, its blade gleaming silver and moves to strike it. Komaeda exclaims when she cuts in the beast’s leg slightly. She moves for another strike but the animal moves back, yowling.

Ikusaba doesn’t do anything but the beast seems intimidated enough that it turns around in a circle before running away. She watches as it retreats back from where it came and puts the knife back inside the folds of her dress.

When she turns, her eyes move in your direction and you’re startled by the eye contact. You would have thought you wouldn’t be seen behind the wires, but she’s undoubtedly looking at the two of you. Her eyes narrow in suspicion, and she begins walking towards the tunnel’s entrance.

“It looks like she can see us,” Komaeda says, speaking your mind.

“You’re not supposed to be here,” you say. “I think she realizes that,”

Komaeda grins. “This is Enoshima’s sister isn’t it?” he asks nonchalantly.

You stare at him, “You don’t seem too worried despite knowing who she is.”

“Worried?” he laughs. “I couldn’t be happier! This is going just as I had wanted.”

“What are you planning?” you ask, moving away from him distrustfully.

“You don’t have to be so afraid, Hinata-kun. I’ll make sure you stay uninvolved this time,” he says, sounding a little hurt.

You shake your head in confusion. “Whatever you’re planning, you’re not going to succeed this time. Enoshima and her sister aren’t people you should be messing with.”

“I know perfectly well that I’m putting myself in danger but that’s alright…I’ll do it on my own.”

Before you can answer, you hear Ikusaba’s footsteps echo and when you look closely you realize she’s only a few feet away from Komaeda.

“Nice to meet you,” Komaeda says without looking back.

“Who are you?” she asks coldly, moving towards him and pressing the knife close to his throat. “What are you doing at the palace?”

Komaeda doesn’t flinch even though the knife is pressed close enough to draw a little blood. “I’m sure Enoshima-san’s told you about me,” he says lightly. “You can do what you want with me.”

“Whatever you’re here for I can’t simply let you go away,” she says, unmoving.

“Oh? I wouldn’t dream of anything dangerous, you know.”

She loosens her grip on the knife slightly, “You may be the prince of your kingdom, but here you’re just an intruder. Until Junko comes back, I’m taking you to the dungeons.”

Komaeda shrugs. “I suppose there’s no changing your decision huh?” he says, resigned, and raises his hands in defeat.

“Come with me,” she says and swiftly moves the knife from his neck to his back, prodding him with it.

He gives a short, dry laugh and follows her directions, moving away from you.

“See you later, Hinata-kun,” he says as he passes by you and leaves, Ikusaba holding the knife to his back the whole way.

***

After Ikusaba took Komaeda into the dungeons you had gone back to your room. Somehow, sitting there, in the darkness seemed absurd. You couldn’t believe you could stay in there for weeks on end when now, all you wanted to do was somehow leave this place.

You don’t know what’s come over you, but you want to know what Komaeda’s doing. Why had he come here only to get imprisoned so easily? There must have been something he was planning, but the way he’d talked to you in the tunnel made you think there was something extremely _wrong_ about it all. More than the distrust you felt, you were afraid for him.

Three days pass since Komaeda’s imprisonment, and you’re in your room when a maid comes knocking at your door, saying that Enoshima wants to have lunch with you. Normally, you would have declined immediately but something makes you pause. Not thinking about it further, you agree and head for the dining halls.

You find her seated at the table, staring listlessly at the plate in front of her. Ikusaba sits on the seat next to hers and eats a piece of bread. When you walk in, the blond girl perks up visibly and waves over for you to come.

Her eyes sparkle when she looks at you. “Oh Kamukura! It’s been so long since I saw you!” she exclaims, “Look at you…long hair really doesn’t suit you that well, you know! I really wish you’d grow out of it already.”

You ignore her and walk towards your own seat right next to Ikusaba’s, who seems to pay you no attention.

“Hey, hey! No need to ignore me, you know!”  Enoshima pouts, her voice whiny.

You grab a loaf of bread from the basket in front of you and begin eating it, not looking at her. You hear something slam down hard on the table, and you guess it must have been Enoshima’s hand.

“Really now. You have _some_ nerve to be ignoring your queen!” she yells. “Well…I guess I’ll forgive you just this once since you’re special.”

_Special, huh?_

 “Well, as I was saying, Mukuro!” she says, looking away from you and addressing her sister. “What are you thinking?! I mean seriously of all people you had to go choose that kid?”

Ikusaba blanches, her grip tightening around the spoon in her hand. “What do you mean, Junko?”

You’re reminded of the boy she had been talking with that day. Was Enoshima talking about him?

Enoshima laughs, “Did you really think I wouldn’t find out about your liking that Naegi boy? Honestly, who _wouldn’t_ notice it when you’re all doe eyed whenever you come back from a walk in the gardens? Of all the people to like, you just _had_ to fall in love with a gardener didn’t you?”

Ikusaba remains quiet for a while, her face getting paler than you’ve ever seen it, “I…I don’t think I’m in love with him, Junko,” she says in barely a whisper.

“Oh?” she raises an eyebrow, “I would have thought you were head over heels for him…I guess I was wrong, huh.”

Ikusaba sighs, her shoulders relaxing and nods silently. You wonder if anyone would actually believe her.

“Well then, you’re not going to mind if I have him executed right?” Enoshima speaks up, playing with the eggs on her plate.

You perk up at her words, feeling a mixture of dread rise within you.

“What…? You’re having him…executed?” Ikusaba gasps, “ _Why_?”

Putting her fork down, Enoshima heaves a great sigh, “You know, I’ve really had it with people like him! They’re the reason I have to look for new ways to cause even more despair every single day. His hopeless optimism and that stupid, stupid smile on his face make me want to scream.”

Ikusaba seems to have nothing to say for a while, and she stares at the wall in front of her with her jaw clenched.

A few seconds pass before her face reverts back to its expressionless mask and she answers, “Is it because of his hope that you want him executed, Junko?”

Enoshima looks at her as if she’s been asked the dumbest question in the world, “Isn’t that _just_ what I said, Mukuro? Honestly, you’re such a disappointing big sis I’m surprised that you manage to surpass even my lowest hopes…disappointing, disappointing, disappointing…” she mutters, her face downcast all of a sudden.

“I…I’m sorry,” she says, and you’re surprised that she actually means it.

_What kind of a relationship is this…? They don’t even sound like sisters._

“Ugh, Mukuro that doesn’t make me feel even a little bit better, you know…” she says. “Well…If you want to redeem yourself, how about you get your precious Naegi here for me?”

Ikusaba’s face doesn’t change expression but you can feel the atmosphere shift slightly, and it feels cold all of a sudden. “If that’s what you want,”

“Yup!” Enoshima nods enthusiastically. “Won’t it be great, Mukuro? Seeing that obscenely optimistic smile turn to a look of pure and utter despair when he finds out that the girl he’d always smiled for wants him dead! Won’t that be absolutely beautiful? Ohhhh, I’m so excited it’s almost despair inducing!”

Ikusaba pales even further but she manages a smile, “Will that be enough to make you despair?”

She grins, “That along with the other plan we have in store…If everything goes as planned, won’t it bring the greatest despair yet?”

 _Despair? How much more does she want? The kingdoms are already in turmoil as it is…_ you think as you pointedly stare at the plate in front of you.

You give a sidelong glance hoping no one sees but Enoshima turns to you and winks. You feel like she must have noticed the look of disgust on your face, judging by how she’s smiling so knowingly.

“You look like you have something to say, Kamukura,” she notes, resting her chin in both her hands.

“What are you planning?” you ask her.

“Whatever do you mean?” she asks innocently, her eyes going round.

“You called me here for a reason, didn’t you? It can’t be that you would lock me up in my room for months and suddenly decide to have lunch with me without a reason. And the fact that you’re talking about that boy, Naegi, in front of me has some relevance to it, I’m sure.”

Enoshima laughs, hearing your accusations and wipes a tear from her eye “Oh, my dear Kamukura you sure have gotten _perceptive_ haven’t you?” she says, “I still remember a time when you were so foolishly easy to convince. You were quite slow, you know, it used to drive me nuts!”

“You didn’t answer my question,” you say, deadpan.

“You’ve gotten really boring, Kamukura!” she says, exasperated. “I used to have so much fun talking to you.”

“Stop calling me Kamukura,” you tell her.

“Alright, alright! _Hinata_. Happy?”

You nod.

“As for why you’re here…I just figured I should have one last meal with you, you see. It really is a shame we won’t get to have any more fun conversations after this,” she mumbles, her voice gloomy.

You don’t understand what she means, “Last…meal?”

She nods, “After all, I can’t just let anyone who consorts with the enemy go just like that.”

“W..what the hell?!” you exclaim, “Enemy…what enemy?”

“Oh, come on Kamukura, that’s slow even for you…Of course, I mean your beloved prince,” she says, wagging a finger in your direction.

“You mean that fact that I talked to Komaeda?” you ask in disbelief.

“It couldn’t just be mere talking…He came here for a reason and knowing his obsession with hope, I’m sure he was up to no good.”

You shake your head, “What does that have to do with me? I didn’t even want to talk to him about any of that.”

“Maybe he told you his plan? He’s not saying anything down there…and we’ve tried _all kinds of things_ to get him to speak,” she sighs.

“Are you serious? What are you doing to Komaeda?” you yell, surprisingly angry at her words.

“Hey, hey don’t get mad at me! It was a joke, a joke!” she giggles, “You sure got defensive all of a sudden.”

You glare at her, but you feel a bit relieved that Komaeda’s probably safe. You get up from your seat since your appetite’s gone, and you don’t want to listen to another word she has to say.

“Oh, Hinata, leaving so soon?” Enoshima coos.

You ignore her and head for the door. It opens before you even touch the handle, and you move back in surprise. Two guards, clad in golden armor walk towards you, their gaits deliberate and firm. One of them grabs you by the arms and pushes them behind your back. You yell out in surprise and crane your neck to look at Enoshima. She’s too busy twirling her hair between her fingers to give you any attention.

“What the hell is this, Enoshima?” you yell at her. “ _Hey!_ Let go of me!”

Enoshima waves at you with her fingers. You get the strongest urge to scream, but you don’t. You hold it in and let the guards drag you out of the room. You don’t even have the will to resist; the energy seems to have left your body and all you can feel is resentment for everything that’s happened to you so far.

_It’s ridiculous…I expected things to get better._

It all comes rushing to you in a tide, and it knocks the breath away from your lungs. You try to get the memories of your past out of your head, but you can’t shake them off.

_…Why me?_

The guards keep you restrained, but it’s a wasted effort since you’re not even resisting. They unceremoniously push you out of the doors and lead you down the corridors, walking until you can’t tell where you’re going anymore -- narrow pathways and dark halls. You’ve never been to these parts of the palace before, and it makes you shudder in dread.

_Is this really how it’s going to end?_

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uugh i'm sorry for the late update I've had such a bad writer's block lately, I hope the quality doesn't suffer because of it sigh.  
> Nevertheless, I hope you guys enjoyed it. 
> 
> Soooo what do you guys think is going to happen next?


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no excuse for the length of this chapter, I guess I got a little carried away...I'm really excited wow

You were unsure about where the guards would take you- considering the way Enoshima had been talking, you have the notion that the least severe punishment would be to keep you imprisoned. You pray silently that any executioners they have in Jabberwock are away for the moment.

When they drag you down a flight of stairs; your heart seems to plummet right with it, into the dark, dark depths. You don’t say anything and the guards remain silent as you head into a musty, stinking rat hole. You’re probably in the dungeons from what you can see; dark wrought iron gates with metal bars standing so close together it would be hard to even move your hand out. Cells line both your sides as you walk through the narrow corridor, scrunching your nose at the smell of waste and decay. You try not to think of what kind of horrors await you inside the cell they’re certainly going to throw you in soon enough.

You suddenly stop in front of a cell to the right, it’s the same as the rest of them and you can’t really see inside but you feel the pressure behind your arms ease slightly and you breathe in relief now that you can finally move your arms. The guard standing opposite you searches his pockets for something and removes a large set of keys that jingles as he takes them out. You hear something rustle inside and you hope they’re not rats. You never liked rats.

You watch as the guard opens the small metal door with a loud clang and pushes it in for you. With a rough shove in the back, you’re forced inside and the door slams shut again before you can really register where you are.

It’s dark and you can’t make out anything at first but your eyes soon adjust to your surroundings. From what little you can see, you’re in a large, empty room with nothing but a small window with bars way at the top and two straw mattress beds- one placed on the wall to the left and the other one near the wall in front you, right below the window. You see a dark mass on the bed to your right and it shifts when you huff in irritation, looking at the bars you’ve been trapped behind.

You kick the metal gate in frustration and stub your toe, hard. Pain shoots through your feet and you groan, muttering expletives in an embarrassingly high pitched voice. You’re glad no one’s here to see you make a fool out of yourself.

Something rustles and you forget about the pain in your foot in an instant. You hear a dry cough and take a step back in shock.

“Hinata-kun…?” you hear a weak voice say and you’re much too familiar with it to mistake it for anyone else’s.

_What…?_

“Hah, it really has gotten to this point…I’m starting to imagine things huh,” he mutters, confused, and you stare at the bed to your right where you see him lying down, face towards the wall.

“What are you doing here?” you ask him and immediately want you slap yourself on the face, “Wait, never mind that,”

Komaeda turns, and sits so that he’s facing you, “Ah. It really is you! For this kind of thing would happen…did you _do_ something, Hinata-kun?”

You huff in response, “It’s because of you,”

Your words seem to render him speechless for a while; he looks at you, eyes locking onto yours.

“Did you mean...they’re suspicious of you as well?” he asks hesitantly.

“Apparently,” you shrug and make way to the other bed, sitting with a huge sigh.

“This really is the worst,” he mutters, looking down, “But…it might be selfish of me to think of this as good luck,”

You raise an eyebrow “What do you mean?”

He laughs dryly and it sounds so uncharacteristically empty that you feel a little sick, “Ah…it’s weird really, that even a person like me would get lonely staying here,”

“ _Lonely_ …?” you ask, turning to look at the other side of the room and avoiding his eyes, “It’s rather odd coming from you when you’re the one who cut himself off from everyone in the first place,”

“Ahaha, you make a good point!” he says almost excited, “I wasn’t particularly serious when I said it, you know. I was just hoping to gain a little sympathy from you, that’s all,”

_This guy…there really is no telling when he’s lying and when he’s telling the truth…_

“If it’s sympathy you’re looking for, I’m not the one you should be turning to,” you tell him and lie down on the bed, face towards the wall.

It smells of mould but you try to ignore it and close your eyes. Komaeda doesn’t speak further and the two of you lapse into silence.

_Why him?_ You wonder. _Why did they imprison me with_ him _, of all people?!_

You turn irritably and lie flat on your back, staring up the window. The sky’s turning pink and you groan; it’s going to be dark soon. How long are they going to keep you here?

_Right…they’ll probably let me out when it’s time for my execution._

A few minutes pass before Komaeda speaks again.

“Say, Hinata-kun, why did you choose to stay at the palace with that hateful woman?” he asks voice mildly curious.

You don’t answer him and continue to look up at the ceiling, trying to count the cracks up there. You hear some rustling of fabric and you imagine Komaeda moving to face you.

“Hinata-kun, are you asleep?” he asks and you sigh.

“No I’m _not sleeping_ ,” you mumble irritably, “Stop talking to me,”

“You’re angry at me, aren’t you,” he states and you can hear him sigh lightly.

You turn to face him and roll your eyes even though you know he can’t see you, “That’s _really_ smart of you, Komaeda,”

“I suppose it was a rather dumb thing to ask. I shouldn’t have expected otherwise, considering you warned me not to talk to you,” he says seriously.

_At least he knows he was being an idiot…_

“But really, I would have thought Enoshima would show _some_ consideration to you…after all you’re sort of special to her,”

“I’m not special to anyone,” you say to yourself.

“Hm?” he asks, unsure, “I didn’t quiet catch what you said, Hinata-kun,”

There he goes again, calling you Hinata-kun and it makes something stir within your chest, making you feel sick. It still feels impossibly strange that Komaeda’s here in Jabberwock even though you’d made sure you didn’t have to be involved with him anymore- and now you’re trapped here, sharing the same room with him _again_.

“It’s nothing,” you say, not wanting to talk further.

“I see,” he says quieting down.

You think about what he’d asked you, about why you chose to stay here and the truth was that you really didn’t want to live at the palace with Enoshima of all people. When you’d left the kingdom, you’d been under the notion that Enoshima would let you meet your parents.

_That’s what she told me in the letter…I shouldn’t have believed her._

And it’s true, when you’d come here you were sure that she’d let you meet them. According to her, they were living in Jabberwock now but when you asked for their whereabouts she just laughed at you

_‘Oh Hinata, did you really think I was telling the truth? Even I don’t know where your precious family is!’_

That was enough to make you despise her more than you already had. It was clear that she’d been using you all along and with the entire kingdom after you; there wasn’t anywhere you could go even if you wanted to.

_She used me to cause despair in both the kingdoms. What was I_ supposed _to do?_

You’re almost embarrassed by how easily you played into her hands and now that Komaeda’s here with you, you just can’t face him.

_Why should I be ashamed though?_ You think to yourself _. He’s no better than me after all. And he doesn’t even feel bad about letting Enoshima ruin his kingdom._

You keep thinking about these things for hours on end and it only makes your head hurt. You fall asleep unexpectedly early and it’s a surprise that you don’t mind sleeping on the cold, hard bed at all.

You wake up early the next morning, or so you guess, since the sunlight pours into the room through the window and falls directly on your face. You groan and get up, rubbing your eyes to open them fully.

“Awake already?” Komaeda asks cheerfully when you start running fingers through your hair, trying to open up the tangles.

“You’re one to talk,” you say in between a yawn, “It must be even earlier than dawn,”

He nods when you look at him, “I think so! It only just got bright,”

“Hm? Didn’t you sleep?” you ask him, getting to your feet to stretch your legs.

“You don’t need to worry about that. I’m just a light sleeper you know,” he says, waving his hands dismissively.

You raise an eyebrow, “I never knew you were a light sleeper,” you comment.

“You don’t seem to believe me,” he says, pouting slightly.

You hum in response and walk towards the barred gate; it’s still dark from what you can see in the corridors.

“It doesn’t look like anyone’s coming,” you say to yourself mostly.

“Oh they do come by around this time. The guards have to bring lunch after all,” Komaeda explains.

_Lunch_ …you seemed to have completely forgotten about it until now and Komaeda’s words make your stomach grumble unexpectedly.

Komaeda chuckles “Don’t worry. They’ll be here in a while,”

You nod, embarrassed and sit down on the floor, staring ahead at the empty corridors, letting your mind wander until the guards show up a few minutes later.

A heavily built man clad in official clothes shoves two trays of food from under the bars, spilling some of the broth and leaves without a single word. You try to stop him but he doesn’t turn back.

“It doesn’t help, you know. I tried and they never listen,” he sighs.

You grab a tray from the ground and push it towards Komaeda, “Take it,” you say.

Komaeda smiles sheepishly and shakes his head, “I’m not hungry but I’m glad about the concern, Hinata-kun. You should just eat yours,” he says lightly and you glare at him.

“We didn’t have any dinner either,” you say.

Komaeda tilts his head, confused, “That’s true. You must be hungry,”

You shake your head in frustration, “I’m saying you should eat too,”

Komaeda looks at you like you’ve just said something completely unexpected and he doesn’t say anything, but takes the tray hesitantly. You nod, satisfied and grab your own tray. A thought suddenly passes through your mind and you wonder why you wanted him to eat his lunch. You should have just left it there for him to take when he got hungry.

_Why am I concerned about him…he can take care of himself_. You think as you grab a spoon and start drinking the broth, soaking dry pieces of bread in it.

You cast a sidelong glance at Komaeda and find him staring at the tray, not eating anything. You turn your attention back to your own food, ignoring him.

_It doesn’t matter to me,_ you tell yourself. _He can starve for all I care._

The food isn’t nearly enough to fill your stomach but you shrug; at least you’re not famished anymore. Meanwhile, Komaeda still hasn’t had a _single_ bite of the food and it’s starting to get on your nerves. You remember him always having a really small appetite, and half the time he used to give you his food when he got full but somehow this is just excessive.

“Are you going to eat or not?” you ask irritably and you wonder why you feel so irked.

Komaeda seems to snap out of whatever trance he’s in and looks at you, surprised, “Oh! I completely forgot…I’m sorry,” he says quickly and grabs a piece of the bread.

You stare at him until he dips in the broth and puts it in his mouth before you’re relieved. Komaeda smiles through his full mouth and you frown.

_This guy…can anyone forget about eating when they’re_ starving?

“It might just be because I haven’t eaten in a while but...this really tastes horrible,” he comments after a while.

“It does taste bad,” you agree, “But who’s to complain? At least they gave us _something_ ,”

“That’s true…but it just seems a little twisted to me. They’re going to execute me anyway, what’s the point?” he shrugs.

“Who knows? Maybe _she_ has something in store for you,”

“I don’t think she has any further use for either of us now that we’ve been exploited so much. She’s spread the despair she wanted and I don’t see anything coming in the way of that,” he says, toying with his bread once again.

His words are a little too honest and you feel like he’s seen right through you when he says it. It brings a sick feeling to your stomach and you can’t bring yourself to answer him. You take slow sips of the water they gave you in a bowl and look away from him.

You don’t talk much after you finish lunch. Komaeda seems deflated and you can’t really find yourself wanting to talk to him either. The day passes without you doing anything at all and the silence just makes your mind wander excessively.  You find a small, rusted nail lying on the floor behind a foot of the bed and grab it. Since it’s not strong enough to be of much use, you take it and scratch two lines onto the wall behind you. Two days in the dungeon. You absentmindedly wonder how long it’ll take before the executioners finally come to end this monotonous routine.

The next day, you wake up to see Komaeda already sitting up, swishing his feet in the air and humming an unfamiliar song. You don’t think he looks very energetic though, seeing his face cast down towards the floor. He doesn’t even react until you cough a little after which he greets you with a smile. You wonder if being imprisoned here is taking its toll on him.

The guard comes at the usual time and hands out the disgusting mixture of meat and _god knows what,_ which you try to eat, but much less enthusiastically than last time. Komaeda doesn’t bother eating even a little and you worry about that, but don’t say anything. The time passes by so achingly slow that you want to pull your hair in frustration. You look out the window instead, staring at the small portion of the sky you can see. That’s the only variety you get to see in this rotten place. 

When night comes, you find yourself unable to sleep even though your mind is tired and you want to sleep, if only to escape the eerie quietude that you’ve been subjected to. Komaeda’s still awake too and you wonder what he’s thinking.

“Hey,” you call out to him in a moment of sheer frustration, “Say something, will you?”

Komaeda turns his head towards you lazily, “Say something?” he repeats and you nod.

“I was under the impression that you didn’t want to talk to me, Hinata-kun,” he says, his voice blank.

“I’m just bored…and your silence just makes it creepier,” you say, turning to face him.

“That makes sense, in a way,” he says and smiles weakly, “What do I talk about?”

You shrug, “Anything. You never seemed to run out of topics before,”

“That’s because I always picked the topics beforehand,” he says, “I’ve never been particularly good at talking, you know,”

“Talk about the Kingdom then,” you suggest since Komaeda had always been rather enthusiastic about matters relating to that.

“The kingdom?” he muses, tapping his chin with a finger, “Things have been pretty much the same as they are at Jabberwock, really,”

“I don’t really know how things are _here_ either,” you mumble, “I didn’t really get to go out much,”

Komaeda looks at you, disbelieving but doesn’t say anything about it, “It’s a good thing you didn’t. The air is poisonous, the people are always on the streets fighting each other- they destroy anything in their way…it’s horrifying. A war’s started between the two kingdoms,”

“A _war_?” you ask, straightening up, “I never heard about that,”

“Hmm I guess that woman never told you since you _are_ kind of the cause of it,” he says, frowning.

“I’m the cause?”

“After you ran away from the castle and got the council of knights killed in the process, the people were rioting for us to capture you,” he tells you.

“I know that much,”

“Well news came out that you were in Jabberwock so of course the people got angry that they were housing a- pardon my language- _wanted criminal_. Since _she_ did nothing to reveal your whereabouts, they only got even more suspicious and that’s how the war started,” Komaeda explains further, his voice neutral through it all you wonder how the prince of the kingdom could be so unaffected.

“Didn’t you…try to _do_ something about it?” you ask, your voice strained.

Komaeda gives a dry laugh at the question, “What could I do, Hinata-kun? My father doesn’t want me involved in matters relating to the kingdom anymore. I’ve done a lot of things that made him lose his trust in me,”

“Like welcoming Enoshima into the kingdom and letting her spread that horrid despair of hers? Not to mention the fact that you tried to _poison_ your own father,” you say almost accusingly.

You can’t really see well in the darkness but you think you see him flinch slightly, “…I’m a little disappointed you believed the fact that I tried to poison him. I wasn’t the one behind it,” he says in a low voice.

You sit up now, your mouth wide opens in surprise, “What? You really _didn’t_ poison him?”

Komaeda huffs, “I don’t like the way he’s handling things but that doesn’t mean he isn’t my father,” he says sullenly.

“Wait…so then who _did_ poison him?” you ask, trying to figure things out.

“Really, Hinata-kun, I think this one’s easy enough. How about _you_ tell me who did it?” he says, turning over in bed to look at you clearly.

You mull it over in your head. _It if wasn’t Komaeda then that only leaves one person._

“Enoshima,” you answer.

Komaeda nods, “It could only have been her,”

Somehow the fact doesn’t shock you very much and you find yourself heaving a sigh of relief. You’re almost glad Komaeda wasn’t behind it and looking at him now, you wonder what he’s here for.

_Why did he come here? It couldn’t have been to join Enoshima, that’s for sure._

You don’t know whether it’s the revelation that Komaeda was innocent all along, or just the fact that talking to him has calmed your nerves somewhat that you find yourself yawning- Komaeda notices and smiles.

“Goodnight, Hinata-kun,” he says gently and you nod off, listening to his voice humming a song that seems vaguely nostalgic.

\---

After the conversation you had with Komaeda, things become somewhat calmer between the two of you and you find yourself talking to him about the most trivial things; telling him about your life at Jabberwock palace and Enoshima’s behavior. Sometimes the words that left your mouth made no sense to you either, but Komaeda nodded attentively anyway, a smile ever present on his face. It was more for comfort than anything- talking to him, and listening to him talk made you feel less alone and you felt safe knowing that he was there with you.

Komaeda talks too, about the most random things- telling you about observations you would never have caught if he hadn’t mentioned them. But you notice one thing; he never talks about himself and that makes you feel more anxious than you would have liked.

You’re starting to notice that he isn’t behaving like he used to and you wish you could ask him about it but you’re scared. When you look at his face, you see circles underneath his eyes that seem to be getting darker with each passing day-you’re sure he isn’t getting any sleep at night. His face seems smaller, his cheekbones seem sharper and you’re sure his shoulder blades would be jutting out underneath that cloak he’s always wearing. When he speaks, his voice is always so far away, even though he’s laughing most of the time you can tell he’s nowhere near as happy as he shows himself as. Even though you’re still wary of him, the nagging worry you have for him keeps getting stronger and you wonder if there’s something you can do to help.

Two days after, you’re sitting on the bed, knees pulled up to your chest, staring at the gate in front of you when you hear a loud chirping sound come from above you. Komaeda snaps his head up in the direction of the window and frowns. You look up too and see a grey pigeon perched on the sill, looking inside, its head turned in your direction.

“Strange,” Komaeda mutters, looking at the bird, “I’ve never seen birds sit on this window before,”

“I guess it’s looking for food,” you suggest.

“There’s some bread in my tray,” he offers and gets up to take it from the tray lying on the floor, next to his bed. He begins breaking it into small crumbs.

“You didn’t finish your lunch again,” you huff and Komaeda laughs.

“I don’t have much of an appetite,”

“It’s not doing you much good, just look at your face,” you say, looking at him crossly.

“Hey, Hinata-kun,” he says, ignoring your complaints, “Remember that time we found a pigeon on our windowsill back home?”

You think about it, “I don’t really remember,”

“I think it was the summer we turned twelve,” he offers, walking towards your bed to get closer to the bird, “I woke up in the morning and found a white pigeon, sitting on the balcony near the window. It was so beautiful, with those red eyes and gleaning white feathers,”

It’s the first time you’ve heard Komaeda talk about past memories and you listen eagerly, wanting to remember, “Go on,” you tell him.

“Well, you liked the bird so much you decided to play with it! I remember you laughing in glee when you saw it. You told me it was the first time you’d seen a white one up close,” he says, a smile creeping on his lips.

“Really? How come I don’t remember?” you ask, scratching your head in confusion.

“Maybe it just formed a greater impression on me,” he suggests, “After all, when we started playing with the bird, an eagle came out of nowhere and attacked the poor bird!”

“Huh? An eagle? Wait…I think I’m starting to remember,” you frown, “We saved it but the eagle tore one its wings, right?”

Komaeda nods grimly, “Yeah. It was bleeding quite a lot too. It really shocked me,”

“Hm…I think you started crying when you saw it…you kept muttering something- it was pretty upsetting,” you sigh.

“I guess it was. After all if it hadn’t been for my luck, you would have gotten to play with the pigeon without any problem,” he says and hands you the bread crumbs, “You give them,” he tells you.

You get up and stand on the bed, reaching out your hand for the bird to see. “What happened after that?” you ask.

Komaeda shakes his head, “I…I don’t remember,” he says, looking away.

You shrug, letting the bird eat out of your hand and watching it coo happily as the bread enters its mouth. You spend the rest of the day listening to sounds of the pigeon, which seems to have developed an odd kind of attachment to you.

It’s still there the next day, cooing at random intervals, while you try to pass the time somehow. Komaeda’s looking at it with a smile on his face and it makes you happy to know that he’s somewhat relaxed today. It only lasts for a little while though, before the pigeon flies away and Komaeda looks unusually tense all of a sudden, his back stiffening and his hands twitching every few seconds.

You wonder what’s wrong when you hear the sound of thunderheads rolling; a deep rumbling sound that shakes you out of your reverie.

“Looks like it’s going to rain,” you observe and Komaeda nods, pulling his cloak to his body to cover himself.

“You should get some sleep before its starts raining too hard. I’m sure it’s going to be a thunderstorm so it’ll be hard to sleep with all that noise,” he says, voice low.

You raise an eyebrow, “You’re right…you should get some sleep too in that case,” you tell him and lie down.

“Wait, Hinata-kun!” he exclaims all of a sudden and you get up, startled.

“What…?” you ask, confused.

Komaeda looks a little torn, staring at the window and then at your bed, “Uh…I think we should switch beds…just for today, if that’s alright with you,” he says quickly.

_Switch beds?_

“Why?”

Komaeda shrugs, “I just think it would be safer for you there. Also the sky looks really beautiful…I wanted to have a look from your place,”

Something feels weird about the way he says it, his voice is almost shaking but you try not to give it too much thought.

“Okay,” you say and get up to go to his side. Komaeda stands up and walks over to your bed, taking painfully slow steps as if he really doesn’t want to.

“Have a good sleep,” Komaeda says and you close your eyes.

Sleep doesn’t come easily but you do manage to nod off for a while. Your mind swirls with weird patterns and shapes and you try making out what they are. Your mind drifts like that for a while, random voices droning on and on and you focus on who’s talking. Komaeda’s voice rings the loudest but then that disgusting laughter echoes in your ears reminding you of that _wretched_ woman. Your eyes snap open when a loud blast resounds through the room, shaking you to the bone.

You wake up with a start and look around frantically for the source of it. You instinctively look up to see out the window before you realize it’s not there.

_Right, I’m on Komaeda’s bed…_

You stare to your right instead, and see that it’s raining outside, the sky is dyed a milky shade of white and you can see lightning flash in the distance. You get up, shivering from the sudden draft of air that rushes in. Your bed is getting wet and you vaguely note that Komaeda’s not there.

 You look around and find him in a corner of the room, his body curled up, covering his ears with his hands. Your heart starts hammering in your chest when you see him cowering on the floor like that and you get up, walking towards him.

“Komaeda?” you call out hesitantly and he doesn’t respond.

You crouch down beside him unsure about what to do. You can’t see his face, covered behind his unruly hair and that only makes your heart stammer even more in anxiousness. Your body feels cold and you reach out your hand to touch him on the shoulder.

“Hey,” you say gently, “Komaeda,”

He snaps his head up at your words and looks at you, eyes darting in confusion. He opens his mouth but no words come out.

“Why are you lying on the floor?” you ask him.

His body shakes slightly when he looks at you, “It’s nothing!” he says quickly, “I was just…trying to sleep,”

You don’t believe him because of the way he looks away from you when he speaks, and considering the way he was curled up, you’re sure he’s terrified out of his mind.

“Look, just get up from here. It’s cold,” you say, letting go of his shoulder.

Komaeda sits up but doesn’t leave the spot, “No, no I’m fine here. Really, Hinata-kun, don’t worry about me and just go back to sleep!” he says, shaking his head vigorously. His voice breaks a little when he speaks and you can’t help but think he’s been crying.

You’re about to protest when a bolt of lightning flashes through the sky and scares the living daylights out of you. Komaeda seems to be shaken even worse and starts trembling so badly that you have to hold onto both his shoulders for him to calm down.

“Komaeda…you’re scared of lightning?” you ask, which seems like an understatement.

 Komaeda nods absentmindedly, his eyes still looking down and you get the sudden desire to help him somehow.

“Here,” you say getting up, “Come with me,”

He looks at you, confused, but follows your orders and gets up. Taking his hand, you walk with him back to Komaeda’s bed and sit down. You pat the space next to you and tell him to sit down.

“I shouldn’t be sitting here with you,” he says, voice shaking. He doesn’t sound like he entirely means it.

“What’re you talking about? This is _your_ bed, sit down,” you say, trying your best to placate him.

He shakes his head, “No,”

“What the hell, Komaeda?” you mutter, “I’m just asking you to sit here with me,”

Komaeda looks at the window and shudders, “I’m telling you, you shouldn’t be sitting here with me, Hinata-kun,” his voice cracks when he says your name and it makes your chest hurt, “It’s dangerous for you to be anywhere near me right now,”

“Is it because you’re scared I’ll get struck by lightning or something?” you ask, jokingly.

Komaeda pales when you say the words and nods briefly.

_Is that why he made me switch beds with him? Because he didn’t want me hurt?_

“Komaeda…” you say, your words pausing in your throat.

What could you say to him that would provide him with even the smallest bit of comfort? How could you tell him everything would be okay when you knew so well that his bad luck was something he couldn’t escape, even if he wanted to?

You see him standing in front of you, shoulders quivering and you get the strongest urge to hold him. You grab his arm by the wrist and pull him down. He’s caught off guard and ends up tumbling down towards the bed, sitting right next to you.

“What…what are you _doing_?” he asks, almost angry.

You don’t say anything but pull him closer, your arm going around his waist and caressing his hair with the other hand. Komaeda’s body stiffens just the slightest and you can feel him take in a sharp breath.

“Relax. Nothing’s going to happen to us,” you tell him, “Everything’s going to be fine,”

Maybe it’s because your words reach him, or because of the way you’re holding him that he calms down. You feel him relax in your arms, his head burying into your shoulder.

“I don’t deserve this,” he says in such a low voice that you almost don’t catch it.

You can still feel his heart hammering in his chest like a terrified bird’s and you stroke the back of his head, hoping it makes him feel better.

You sit like that for a while, Komaeda clutching your shirt from the front and you holding him close to your chest. Whenever lightning strikes, his grip on you tightens and you whisper soothing words into his ear, telling him it’s going to be alright.

He moves his face from your chest after a while, taking in a shuddering breath, “You consoled me the same way that time, Hinata-kun…when I saw the bird dying, you hugged me just like this,” he says in a weak voice.

And now you remember.

“I couldn’t bear to see you crying…I don’t know what happened but it hurt just looking at you like that,” you tell him, looking into his gray-blue eyes.

“I’ve never understood why you would bother to care about someone like me,” he shakes his head, sounding distraught.

You frown at him, “Will you ever stop saying that, Komaeda?” you ask, exasperated.

“How can I?” he exclaims, his voice rising unusually high, “ _I’m_ the one who’s made your life a mess. It’s because of my bad luck and the fact that I’m a worthless prince that you’ve been suffering all your life. How can you be so _kind_ to me?” he stops abruptly, his chest heaving from the sudden outburst.

You’re unable to say anything to him and your throat dries up completely.

“I’ve been trying so hard to let you stay uninvolved but everything I do, every action I take, leads to you being hurt. I was almost _happy_ when you left, you know,” his voice quivers when he speaks, “I was happy that you’d be able to live a better life without being involved with me. Yet at the same time I felt so…so _angry_ that you fell into _her_ influence,”

He takes a shuddering breath and looks away, staring at some point far away, his hands are still shaking while he’s holding onto your shirt, “I’m so disgusted at myself…being angry at you, when _I_ was the reason you were such easy prey for her? You must be sickened by me,” he laughs dryly, ending in a hacking cough that shakes his entire body.

“…Komaeda,” you call out his name, unsure of what to say, “It’s true…I did curse the fact that I ever got to know you. And it’s made my entire life a mess but somehow, I can’t push the entire blame on you,”

Komaeda looks at you when you speak; his eyes bear an unusual glint and you feel his breathing become faster.

“I’m still bitter about a lot of things, like the fact that I’m imprisoned here, but I’m sort of thankful that I finally got to know how you feel…I think I can understand you a little better now,” you tell him, trying to phrase everything carefully.

He doesn’t say anything to your words but you can feel him heave a sigh of, what you hope is, relief. He looks at you, almost questioningly as if thinking about something. You frown in confusion and he shakes his head, almost laughingly.

“I truly am despicable for being so glad to have you here with me…right now,” he whispers so quietly that you feel the words like puffs of air on your cheek.

Something coils within you and you pull him closer so that his chest is touching yours and his face is only a few centimeters away from yours. Komaeda goes rigid, staring at you- his eyebrows are knotted in confusion, and you move your thumb over his cheek. Something in the air freezes and you look at him questioningly trying to convey it to him; asking him for permission. His eyes gleam slightly and the crease of his eyebrows vanishes. He nods hesitantly and you can feel his heartbeat quicken as you close the distance between the two of you.

You cup his face in your hand and brush your lips over his. He shivers just the slightest before leaning into you and pressing his lips to yours. His face is oddly cold on yours but with every second, you can feel him grow warm against you and it makes your heart thrum in an odd kind of joy. It’s not so much a kiss as an affirmation of each other’s presence- when his lips touch yours hesitantly; it’s almost as if he’s asking if you’re there. You kiss him back, lacing your arm around his neck to tell him you are. You press soft kisses to his lips and after some reluctance; he raises his hand to touch your hair. You move back in surprise and Komaeda looks at you, confused.

“You don’t like this?” he asks, motioning towards his outstretched hand.

You shake your head and press your forehead to his, “It’s alright…I was just a bit surprised,” you tell him, “I don’t mind,”

You try to tell him that it’s okay by placing a feather light kiss on his lips. Komaeda seems to hesitate a few seconds longer before running a finger through your hair. Your heart starts hammering once again and you close your eyes, enjoying the touch.

You stay like that for the rest of the night, pressing brief kisses to each other’s lips while he runs his fingers through your hair. The rain still pours incessantly but the thundering seems to go unheard as you lie down on the bed and drift off to sleep, still holding onto each other.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope that makes up for the lack of komahina up till now!   
> thanks for reading! I wuv you guys verwwy much!


	25. Chapter 25

The first thing you’re aware of when you open your eyes is the feeling of something soft yet really _itchy_ touching your face and neck. You’re startled and jerk back a little in the bed and realize that it’s really cramped. Your arm feels heavy and you can’t move it when you try, so you slump back and open your eyes with some effort.

_What the hell…?_ You wonder as you look at the sleeping boy beside you. It takes you a few seconds to understand what you’re doing in his bed and when you remember what happened last night your breath catches in your throat and you feel uncomfortably hot all of a sudden. You’re sure your face is bright red and being so close to Komaeda with his head resting on your arm and his hands holding you in a tight embrace, you feel something ring in your ears.

You take a deep breath and try not to move so that Komaeda can continue to sleep. When you glance out the window you find that it’s already bright out and you’ve probably slept late so it’s a little surprising that Komaeda’s still asleep.

_That guy was always awake by the time I’d wake up._

It’s almost a novelty seeing him asleep now; his face seems so calm, his hair ruffled and falling over his eyes. You realize that his eyelashes are really long; curling just the slightest at the ends and his breath is shallow and regular. It makes a smile creep up on your lips when you see him like this, so peaceful and beautiful that you can almost forget everything that happened in the past.

You stay like that with your arm pressed painfully against the bed and look at him until he wakes up a few minutes later, his eyes fluttering open. He looks right at you, his face blank, for a few seconds and blinks. You smile sheepishly at him, trying to pry your arm out from under him. He takes a few more seconds to register that you’re in really close proximity to him and gasps, sitting up so quickly that he smacks his head into your chin. Sharp pain runs through your jaw and you groan, rubbing your chin to ease the pain.

Komaeda looks more embarrassed than you’ve ever seen him and his cheeks have the slightest dusting of pink, “I’m so sorry, Hinata-kun! I didn’t mean to hurt you!” he says quickly, “I was just surprised.”

You nod reassuringly, “It’s okay…I would have been surprised too,” you mutter, trying to hide your embarrassment.

He seems to grow even more ashamed at that and scoots over to the other side of the bed, sitting with his knees pulled tightly to his chest, “It’s really disgusting that I had the nerve to fall asleep…” he mutters.

“What do you mean?” you ask, despite your embarrassment. You’re still sitting on the bed but on the opposite end so he doesn’t feel uncomfortable.

“I’m sorry…about last night,” he says slowly, raising his head to look at you. His eyebrows are furrowed in confusion.

“I told you it’s okay,” you say, trying to keep your voice light but you suddenly remember how you’d kissed him and you look away before he notices, “I’m sorry too…about… _you know_.”

He seems to understand what you mean, you can tell, by the way his eyes go round and his face flushes even more, “Ah…that really wasn’t my intention to begin with, you know,” he says hurriedly, voice shaking a little, “I’m not particularly good at things like these,”

You’re embarrassed by how _embarrassing_ Komaeda can be sometimes and your cheeks burn just thinking about it, “Let’s not talk about this…please?” you wheeze because your voice seems to have left you.

Komaeda nods fervently and gives you a tiny smile, “Thanks for being there for me,” he says instead.

You shake your head, “It’s okay…don’t mention it,” you say, “I’m glad you’re okay now,”

He smiles at you but doesn’t say anything and you sit with him on the bed and find that the silence isn’t uncomfortable at all. After a few minutes, you push your hand just the slightest to his side, hoping it doesn’t come off as an obvious attempt to hold his hand but when your fingers brush against his, he sets his own on top of yours. Just that light, warm touch is enough to set you at ease and you wonder if things between the two of you really have gotten better. At least he doesn’t hold what happened last night against you and you’re almost relieved about that.

In the silence your mind begins to wander and it strikes you that you’ve never really thought about what your relationship with Komaeda meant. Were you friends with him? Was it something more? Or was it just the semblance of a relationship held together by the fact that you used to be his whipping boy?

_We wouldn’t even have known each other if it hadn’t been for that_ , you realize and it feels almost lonely when you think about it. Your fingers curl around his hand tightly and Komaeda turns his head towards yours in surprise, pressing his hand in yours. He’s probably trying to reassure you and that makes your chest feel tight.

“Is something wrong?” he asks in concern and you shake your head.

“It’s nothing…I was just thinking about home,” you tell him and just saying the word home makes you feel nostalgic and sad.

Komaeda smiles, “Of course you must miss being in your room. This prison really is a dull and altogether boring place,” he comments, “The palace does look like a nice place to live in,”

You look at Komaeda to see if he’s being sarcastic but the way he said it makes you feel like there’s no malice in those words, “I didn’t mean the palace…” you mutter, unable to say more.

He narrows his eyes in confusion before perking up in realization, “Did you mean back at the castle…then?” he asks, almost unsure.

You manage a small nod, your face turning warm with a sense of guilt, “I just can’t forget that place. No matter where I go, it’s the same. I might be living here but I’ve never felt like I belong,”

“I think I can understand,” he says with a self depreciating smile and you realize he’s probably right. If anyone could understand what it felt like to be so _alone_ , it would be the prince who sat before him.

“…Do you get used to it after a while?” you ask him, seeking reassurance.

“Hm?” he looks at you and leans forward, still hugging his knees, “I’ve always been a little different from most people, you know. Considering the fact that I’m the prince of the kingdom, people have always distanced themselves from me…I think it might be because of my self-righteous personality mostly, but it all leads to the same thing really,”

You believe him when he says it but it makes you feel a little sorry for him to know that he’s just accepted that feeling as an inevitable part of his life. That he didn’t even try to blame his circumstances on anyone strikes you as being surprisingly strong-willed of him. You’re sure you wouldn’t be able to do the same if you were in his place.

“But now that I’m here,” he speaks after a while, “It’s a little disturbing,”

“What do you mean?” you ask.

“Dying just like that, in a kingdom I’m not even a part of,” he says with a disbelieving laugh, “And without having done anything worthwhile as the prince on top of that…it really does seem like a lonely ending even for a person like me.”

“Komaeda…” you say, unsure of what to tell him when you hear something clang outside the metal bars, out in the hallway and you rise to your feet in surprise. It couldn’t be the guards who brought lunch since it was really early for that. Komaeda perks up too and the two of you exchange looks before getting up and walking towards the gate together.

You’re silent as you peer through the bars, hoping to see something from in between the thin spacing and find that you really can’t discern anything. Komaeda leans forward and stares outside and you look at him expectantly, hoping he sees something.

“Any idea what it was?” you ask him uncertainly and he shakes his head briefly. You slump and crouch down on the floor, looking listlessly ahead.

“Maybe it was just the rats?” Komaeda suggests and you smirk.

“I doubt they’d be this loud,” you reply.

Komaeda looks pensive as he grabs one of the bars and looks outside, his face settling into an almost wistful expression.

“Will we ever get out of here?” you ask dryly and slump back, lying on the ground and taking a momentary pleasure in the way the cold earth touches your skin.

Komaeda shrugs and continues to stare ahead, “I’m sure it won’t be much longer.” He says and when you make a sound of confusion, he doesn’t elaborate.

You stare at the ceiling and it suddenly feels as if you’re sitting in the smallest, most confined room you’ve ever seen and there’s no space for you to breathe in. The sky outside looks so inviting and you can do nothing but sit in this tiny room with no hope of ever getting to see the light of day again. You’re suddenly aware of the fact that you’re going to be executed soon and it feels as if a vine is curling around your neck, choking you.

“Komaeda?” you call out desperately, your voice coming out weak.

“What is it, Hinata-kun?” he asks, his voice laced with concern as he sits down beside you.

“This really is the end for us, isn’t it? There’s no way we can get out of this…considering it’s her.” You slide your hand across the floor until it meets his. He curls his fingers around yours but it’s only a slight comfort and you both know it.

Komaeda looks at you and his eyes are frenzied, wavering as they meet yours and you realize he’s probably thinking the same thing.

“Hinata-kun…If you had the choice to live in this despair…or try to change it somehow knowing you’d die trying…what would you do?” he asks, voice uncertain and even though he faces you, he’s looking somewhere far away.

“That’s not really a choice at all- aren’t both options hope and des-”

“Hinata-kun?” he interrupts you.

“Huh?” you ask, confused.

“I’m  glad I met you,” he smiles and your heart breaks seeing the look of bliss on his face, “I’m sorry for everything until now, if there’s one thing I’m truly grateful for, it would be meeting you,”

“You’re saying it like it’s the last time we’ll meet. Isn’t this where you’re supposed to lecture me about hope?” you say, your voice rising in panic but he just smiles at you.

“Don’t say things like that! We’ll make it out somehow,” you yell in frustration and decide you mean it- you’re not going to die here, not when there’s so much you never got to do, never got to say.

“You’ll survive- I’ll make sure of it,” he whispers and gets up, walking towards the gate when the sound of footsteps echoing in the halls.

“Ah. Looks like she’s here,” he says, giddily and grabs the bars, smiling.

You get up to your feet too and look out once again, feeling your heart in your throat at the thought that this might the last day you get to live.

“Are the executioners here?” you ask, your voice coming out in a squeak and Komaeda shakes his head, a grin spreading across his face. You’re surprised to see him look so happy and that calms you somewhat. Maybe it’s someone else?

_Or maybe he’s just losing it because we’ve been here for so long._

The footsteps draw closer and your heart beat gets faster by the second, the sound ringing in your ears and making you want to curl up in a corner. You grab hold of Komaeda’s sleeve instead and stay where you are, trying to put on a brave face.

When the person draws closer, an excited yelp escapes from Komaeda’s mouth and you raise an eyebrow, looking at him.

“I knew you’d come!” he says gently, his lips turning upwards in a genuine smile.

“Shhh,” you hear from the other side of the gate and it’s an achingly familiar voice, so soft and gentle that it sends goose-bumps up through your skin, “You’ll alert the others. They’re still sleeping.”

“Nanami?” you ask, suddenly feeling very lightheaded, “Is that you?”

Komaeda answers in her stead with a knowing smile and your heart leaps in your chest. You crane your neck as far as you can and in the faint light of the halls, you finally see her. Her light pink hair is the same lovely shade you remember it being and she wears a nondescript black dress that’s different from the usual clothes she wore, but it’s still the same Nanami you know- the gentle girl who so often dozed off in the castle stairways. She looks at you blankly for a second before you see a flash of recognition in her eyes. Raising a finger to her lips, she motions for you to stay quiet.

You step back quickly and Komaeda follows as she walks towards the bars and grabs hold of the huge metal lock that holds the gates closed. She looks at it pensively, turning it in her hands as if thinking of something. You can practically hear her mind whirring with ideas and you wonder how she got here. Komaeda looks at her in anticipation and you realize you’re the only one who seems to find her being here an anomaly.

“Think you can open it, Nanami-san?” he asks and she nods.

“It looks sturdy but I can open it…I think.” She says and you feel so happy just to see her standing right there behind those few bars that you don’t say anything and wait.

You watch as she takes out something long and wiry from within the folds of her dress and begins to fold it, turning it into something resembling a miniature crowbar. She puts in the keyholes of the round lock and twists it tightly, her face tight in concentration. You hear a faint click and the lock drops to the floor with the loud crack.

“Uh…you might want to keep it down a little,” you say urgently, “Someone might hear,”

She hums in response and begins working on the next lock, hanging right below the first one and when it clicks open, she puts it down on the floor herself. She sighs, a satisfied smirk on her face and pushes the gate open.

It only takes a few seconds for her to open it and find yourself staring at the halls right in front of you and Nanami standing there, her hands folded in front of her, and you feel such an immense rush of affection for the short girl who loved to play games that you find yourself grinning as you run towards her. Without thinking, you put your arms around her waist and feel something push against you as you do. Komaeda’s right next to you and the two of you are hugging Nanami who’s smiling as she raises her head to look at you both. Your eyes feel itchy and you vaguely note that you’re about to cry so you hug her even tighter and feel her arms go around you. You stay like that for a few seconds feeling happy being so close to her and you’re surprised Komaeda’s with you too. You hadn’t thought he’d be particularly close to Nanami.

You draw back and look at her, feeling confused, “What’re you doing here?” you ask.

“I came to get you out of here. It’s nice to see you again, Hinata-kun,” she says and turns to look at Komaeda, “I’m sorry I took so long,” she says to him.

Komaeda laughs, “I almost thought you forgot about us, Nanami-san! But I knew I could count on you,” he says.

“Wait. You _knew_ she was here?” you don’t understand what’s going on and the way the two of them talk so familiarly seems weird.

“Of course. Nanami-san and I came here together, you know,” Komaeda says and your frown deepens. This is the first time he’s said anything of the sort.

“What the hell?” you mutter, “What’s going on here?”

Nanami shakes her head and grabs your wrist, “We better get going before anyone shows up. It was hard sneaking down here and I’m sure it’ll be harder leaving with the two of you with me. We can talk about this later, I promise.” she says, her voice low and urgent.

You suddenly remember you’re still standing in the prison and anyone could hear you. You close your mouth shut and nod hurriedly.

“Let’s go then,” you say, feeling your body tingle in anticipation as you follow Nanami out of the prison cell.

Every footstep seems lighter than the next and you can already feel the sun on your face as you get out of this wretched castle. You look at Komaeda and grin and he smiles back, albeit a little hesitantly. It strikes you as odd but you dismiss it as him being nervous. Of course he’d be worried about getting out of here considering you could get caught at any second if you weren’t careful. The thought makes you feel a little less giddy and you try to walk without making a sound.

You pass by the cells you’ve only seen once before and when you look closely inside, you realize all the rooms are empty.

“Were we the only people in the prison?” you say to yourself in shock.

“Seems so,” Komaeda observes, casting a sidelong glance at the cell to his right, “They’re all empty.”

“Enoshima-san freed all of them,” Nanami says as she presses herself against a wall, peering to the side to see if it’s clear. She motions for you to follow and you do, turning left to see the stairway going up, back towards the palace.

“Why would she do that?” you ask, surprised you hadn’t heard anything about this until now.

“A lot of stuff happened over the week…I think she’s trying to use new tactics to make people despair,” she comments and Komaeda huffs.

“That woman never ceases to amaze me,” he mutters as you begin walking up the stairs. You see a flash of light above and you shiver in joy.

“Oh? that’s good to hear! It’s always wonderful when you praise me, Komaeda!” you hear a woman say and a shudder courses through you. You glance upwards and see Enoshima standing at the top, looking down at the three of you, a sly smirk playing on her lips.

“You’re just in time! Good thing I don’t have to go all the way down to get you guys!” she says and folds her hands across her chest.

“What do you want?” you ask, feeling dread pool in your stomach. You know very well what she’s here for and it makes you chilled to the bone. Ikusaba stands behind Enoshima, holding a knife in her hand, looking impassive.

Enoshima tilts her head to the side in mock innocence, “Oh? Did you forget already? You’re going to get executed of course!” her voice is gleeful as if she’s just been given the best present in the world and it makes you clench your fist in anger. Komaeda’s hands are shaking and his mouth opens and closes but no words come out.

“….She’s lying,” you hear Nanami say and both of you turn your head in her direction.

“What?” Komaeda asks.

“Eh? Who’re you?” Enoshima mutters, looking at Nanami, “I could have sworn you weren’t here last time I looked.”

Nanami ignores her and says, “She isn’t going to have you executed just like that. It’s a set up for something much worse.”

“ _Worse_? What the hell could be worse than getting _executed_?” you yell in frustration.

Enoshima laughs and walks down the stairs, stopping a stair above you so that she continues to look down on you. You raise your head high, meeting her gaze and she grins.

“That girl is right though. It was a joke; you’re not getting executed just yet. Oh by the way Mukuro? Go get that gardener boy of yours from his cell too. He must be _dying_ to meet you.”

_Gardener boy?_

Ikusaba looks stricken but nods and passes by you, her shoulder nudging yours the slightest before she heads down, her boots clacking in the silence that follows.

“What are you planning?” Komaeda asks, his face paling in the dim lighting.

“It’s going to be terribly fun if you ask me! No ordeals, no boring ways of accusing you guys. It’s something so much better. And much more despair inducing,” she exclaims, her eyes sparkling.

“She’s invited people from both kingdoms to see it,” Nanami says, looking angry, “They’re all going to witness it…the trial.”

“ _Trial_? What the hell’s a trial?” you shake your head.

Komaeda grips his arm, his lips set in a thin line, “She wants to showcase our execution in front of everyone. That’s what she’s after.”

You blanch at his words. _A public execution in front of people from both kingdoms? What does she want to achieve by that?_

“Bing! That’s a little off but you get points for trying!” Enoshima says gleefully, “It’s not going to be _just_ a public execution you know. Girl with the pink hair, you tell them what I’m doing since you seem to know an awful lot already.”

Nanami looks at her, her face showing no expression but you can tell she isn’t happy. “You’re going to accuse them of treason and have a tr-” Nanami begins but Enoshima cuts her off.

“On second thought, just leave it. We’re running late as it is. _Mukuro_! Where the hell are you?”

It takes a few seconds before Ikusaba answers; emerging from the halls, her hand resting on a boy’s arm. It was the same short, brown haired boy you had seen in the gardens that day, the one Ikusaba had been talking to so fondly.

“His cell was the furthest down so it took a while. I’m sorry, Junko.”

He seems haggard, his hair standing up on end and his face is dirty but there’s a fierceness in his eyes that doesn’t go unnoticed by anyone. Enoshima frowns when she looks at him and the boy meets her gaze steadily- you can see no hesitation as he walks up the steps.

_Who_ is _he?_ You wonder as you look at the boy. _How can he look so…hopeful? Doesn’t he know he’s going to be executed?_

“Hey, Naegi-kun! You look dirty but that’s okay. Who cares about dirt, right? No one’s going to care about that once you’re there in the courtroom. All they want to see is that beautiful despair as it emerges from within you. I know it’s there, sleeping like a butterfly in a cocoon. Yup! It’s going to be amazing.” Enoshima says, addressing the boy.

“It won’t work, Enoshima-san. You’re never going to spread despair the way you want to. There will always be people who will have hope. We won’t give in to your despair,” the boy says boldly and Ikusaba’s hand around his arm tightens. He flinches a little but doesn’t say anything.

“Eh? _Hope_? Where’s this hope you’re talking about? Even the prince who’s standing next to you has given up on that precious hope he spoke of! Isn’t that right, Komaeda-kun?” she says and looks at Komaeda who flinches at her words.

“Given up?” Komaeda laughs, “There’s no way I’d give up on it when it’s so close…your despair is just another footstep towards hope.”

Enoshima quirks an eyebrow. “Oh really? Do you think you can do anything when you don’t have any power to do so? When even your own father all but disinherited you?”

Her words catch him off guard and he narrows his eyes. “Really, I wouldn’t have thought you would stoop so low as to make careless comments like that. That’s exactly what I would expect from you.”

Enoshima smiles sweetly at him, “I really love talking to you- did you know that? It’s so much fun looking at that calm façade of yours falling apart bit by bit. I don’t blame you…it must have been hard staying alone in that prison for so long,” she leans forward and pats his shoulder and Komaeda swats it away as if he’s been touched by something hot.

She claps her hands before Komaeda can say anything, “Okay enough dilly dallying. Let’s get this show on the road! Guards!” she exclaims and looks back expectantly.

Four guards step down from the stairway where they had been standing unnoticed. They’re in front of you before you can do anything and grab hold of you, pulling them behind your back and fastening shackles to your arms. You hear Nanami and Komaeda struggling too and see the guards are doing the same to them.

“Enoshima-san! Don’t do this,” Naegi says feebly as Ikusaba prods him on the back and makes him climb the stairs.

She ignores him and motions for the guards to follow her as she heads back, out of the dungeons, and you feel yourself being pushed up. You try to resist but they’re far too strong for you and you end up being forced up the stairs.

The brightness comes as a welcome change and the palace interior looks so beautifully new but you can’t help but curse the fact that you’re back here. You’d imagined walking out of the gates to go back home with Komaeda and Nanami, but the thought suddenly seems foolish.

_Who was I kidding? There’s no way we were going to escape when Enoshima’s got everything under her control…_

You look towards your friends but Nanami’s looking ahead, her face set in a determined expression and Komaeda has his head lowered as if he’s thinking.

You’re led across halls that look the same to you and you count every step to your destination. Every step leads you closer to the end and your stomach lurches at the thought. You stop in front of another set of stairs that you don’t recall ever seeing before. It goes a few steps up and, judging from the light that pools around you, leads to a courtyard.

“Here we are! Just a few more steps!” Enoshima coaxes and skips up the stairs, her blood-red dress swishing around her.

You gulp and look at the others. Nanami meets your gaze and nods, “We can do this, Hinata-kun. This game will be hard…but we can make it.” She says and you find yourself holding onto her words, wanting to believe them.

Komaeda manages a weak smile and you realize you’re not the only one anxious about what’s happening. You look at him and try to convey your own feelings to him.

“Let’s do this, Hinata-kun, Nanami-san,” he says and you nod.

You step forward, your legs shaking with fear and nervousness, and climb the stairs. You can’t think anymore of anything else now.

_…If I tried to think…I’d probably end up running away…_

You just fix your eyes upward, and let the stairs take you up.

“What…what the _hell_?” you exclaim when you look around you.

You stand in a round, open courtyard paved with light brown stones and encircled by tiered steps that serve as the seating area for hundreds, no thousands, of people that look down at you from where they sit. They all start jeering and hooting as soon as Enoshima steps onto the raised dais in the middle. She raises an arm and waves at all the people and the sickening cries of the people grow louder.

Your teeth start chattering at the sight and you clamp your mouth shut, hoping no one sees. Komaeda frowns at the crowd and looks back to see Naegi looking confused and disconcerted.

“So this is what she had in mind,” Nanami says, gazing at the crowd impassively, “This is going to be the final boss, isn’t it? The last level…”

“This is going a bit too far,” Komaeda comments with a sigh and steps forward, standing next to you. You find his presence comforting and take in a deep breath to calm yourself.

You look at Enoshima, who’s reveling in the crowd’s attention and coughs dramatically, gathering everyone’s attention.

“Listen up now! We’re getting started” she begins and everyone quiets down in a second, listening to her attentively,

“Welcome to the first ever trial between two Kingdoms! Let’s work together to pinpoint the culprit once and for all! Isn’t it time we got to know who was behind the murders?”

“What’re you talking about?” you ask in confusion before she can continue, “What murders? We’ve got nothing to do with them.”

Enoshima looks at you innocently, her eyes round, “Eh? Kamukura, I think _you_ of all people should be well aware of how you’re involved in the massacre of the council of knights? Isn’t that why we’re here in the first place?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the huge delay i've been busy with exams ugh and i'll be even busier from here on so you can expect more delays unless i can somehow murder myself and write a Lot of chapters real fast...  
> anyway hope you guys enjoyed it? we're finally heading towards the climax woo!  
> next chapter will probably from Sonia's pov so you'll get to know what happens on her end too


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ladies and Gentlemen, the Sonia chapter!

Leaving the palace had seemed like a good idea when it first came to you but since then you’ve had your doubts. Surely, you had gotten used to the environment outside and going the long way to Tanaka-san’s Kingdom wouldn’t be much worse right? Your estimates didn’t turn out to be quite as accurate as you would have liked them to be and, on the way there you struggle to maintain your composure.

You’re lucky you’re sitting in an empty carriage- the sole company being the coachman who rides the horses, protecting his face from the noxious gases with a makeshift leather mask. You keep your own windows closed but you can’t help keeping the curtains aside to cast a look outside every now and then.

It’s truly horrible and the sight of the broken roads, burnt houses and smoke and ashes painting the air a dull grey color make you want to draw the curtains close, but you don’t. You look at the view in front of you to make sure you stay firm on your path- so that you don’t fall into the temptation of Enoshima-san’s lies ever again.

You don’t know how you managed to snap out of the despair inducing haze that had been riddling your mind since the last year, when all she had said made so much sense.

You did not want to be the princess. Why did you have to be the sole heiress to the throne when all you had ever wanted was to live freely, enjoying life as it went by? Why did you have to be set as the figurehead representing the pride of Novoselic when all it did was put your own life in danger?

You had accepted it all as a part of your destiny and you had complied with whatever your parents wanted but it did not help the budding resentment that sometimes grew within you. Its presence was so latent and uncommon that you had hardly noticed its existence until that woman had come up to you, talking about your responsibilities as if they were nothing but a burden.

You sigh and look at the darkening night sky, the smoky haze covers the stars and the moon and you wish you hadn’t looked but it only fills you with disgust. This isn’t what the sky had looked like the last you had seen it. It was as if the entire world had succumbed to despair, leaving no chance of recovery.  There was no hope for the world.

You think of Tanaka-san and not for the first time, your heart aches with an unfamiliar longing for the man clothed in those dark clothes as if they would hide the any light that shone from within him. Somehow your mind wanders to the first meeting you had with him at the Ball, when he had been arguing with a funny looking man. You had been drawn to his hamsters initially, the four dark gods of destruction, but when you had talked to the owner of the adorable rodents and listened to his odd way of speaking- so brusque yet childish- you had taken an immediate liking to him.

You lean back against the uncomfortably hard seat of the carriage and lament the fact that you were only able to take the worker coach since Enoshima-san had taken the other one. You could not complain either way since you were the one who had given up the throne. It was not like you were entitled to any perks of royalty anymore.

The carriage bumps for the hundredth time and you are starting to get a little angry that it’s taking so long when it comes to a sudden halt. You perk up and crane your neck to get a look outside, not wanting to open the window but curious nonetheless.

The scenery seems not to have changed much but, upon further inspection, you come to the conclusion that you have reached the Kingdom. Your heartbeat picks up at the prospect of getting to see Tanaka-san again but at the same time you cannot help but feel anxiety mix in with that feeling of lightheadedness. You hope he is alright and doing fine. You are afraid he might not have made it alive what with the kingdom falling to ruin and the majority of the villagers-

_No_ , you slap your cheeks at the thought; _Tanaka-san is stronger than that!_

Your composure restored but your stomach still aching, you knock at the door for the driver to come to you. He does, jumping off the front and standing near the window, waiting for you to open it. You push the door open instead and raise an eyebrow, asking him where you are.

“We’ve made it to the furthest gates. It’s as far as I can bring you without alerting the gangs out by the village entrances…”he says, his voice possessing a certain rasping quality that reminded you of Komaeda-san. You wonder how he’s doing. Surely Hinata-san’s escape would have affected him greatly?

“Does that mean we go by foot from here on?” you ask him, already feeling the raw air burning its way through your throat.

He nods, “’fraid so Madame. Either I accompany you or you go out there on your own. It’s a treacherous way to the man’s mansion but not a long one.”

You perk up at the very notion of being so close to his housing that you could walk there and you jump out of the carriage without another thought.

“Alright then!” you order him, “Take me to Tanaka-san’s mansion!”

He raises the leather mask back over his face with a sigh of relief and motions for you to follow him. You take in a deep breath in anticipation and immediately regret it. Your throat feels like it’s on fire and a sudden pressure builds up in your chest making you fear for your life. You utter a single cry and close your mouth, trying not to breathe in any more of the horrid air.

“You alright, Princess?” he asks frantically, “Fuck. I should have warned you not to breathe in too deep…”

You scowl at him, “It would be wise to inform me of life threatening matters faster next time,” you point at the mask he’s wearing, “Any spares?”

He shakes his head, “Nope. I didn’t have any idea you wanted me to take you inside the village…shit’s crazy out there if you take a carriage,”

You put your hands on your hips, trying not to inhale too fast, “Then by all means, give me the mask and drive away from here,”

He looks panicked by the way his eyes widen but he hides it fast enough, “That’s a no go, missy. You don’t want me dying on you before we get back, you see.”

You feel like standing here and talking to this man is doing you no good so you shake your head and sigh.

“Fine then. Give me the directions to the mansion. I’ll go there myself and you can be on your way. I do not intend to return just yet,” you tell him, putting every ounce of steel you can so that he doesn’t doubt your resolve. You had not been trained as a princess for nothing.

He looks at you as if you’ve lost your mind and frankly, you think you have, but you meet his look with determination, “Are you sure about this…?” he asks.

You nod, “I am.”

He scratches the back of his head, “It’s straight from here. Way at the furthest end, it’s all black and creepy. I’ve been here once…king’s orders,”

 “How far exactly?”

“Around half an hour’s walk,” he grimaces.

You set your lips in a thin line, uncomfortable at the thought, “Alright. I’ll be on my way then,”

He nods reluctantly and climbs back to the driver’s seat, “You sure you don’t want me to accompany you?”

“I’m sure. You have already done enough, thank you,” you tell him and set off without looking back.

You hear a crack of the whip and the wheels of the carriage crunching on the gravel, the man calls out just once before he leaves, “Be careful out there, Princess! Don’t talk to any of those bastards!”

\---

You have been walking for well over an hour now and still you are sure you have not come across the mansion. You would have noticed it if you had, given the fact that the description of it being ‘black and creepy’ was something that one would not miss entirely. Your breath comes in short gasps and your entire body is on fire. You had heard of people being poisoned from various chemicals and foods and the notion had always intrigued you because of the truly horrifying symptoms that the sufferer faced. From what you have learnt, you can safely assume that you are going to pass out any second as the oxygen doesn’t enter your lungs and you feel a burning hot sensation within your body like lava ready to ooze out from your ears, your eyes, and your mouth.

A shout echoes in the harrowing silence of your surroundings and you turn your in its direction. You are sure you’re hearing things but the voice is far too familiar to mistake and you almost feel like you’ve come to the end of an oasis- a mirage in the heat of the desert- and you can’t help but hope.

“Tanaka…san?” you murmur though numbing lips.

“Eh? Did you say Tanaka?” someone sneers and you turn your head to the right, slow and mechanical.

A man leans against the wall of a hut that’s barely standing and eyes you with interest, “Oi, fancy meeting a beauty like you around here,”

You know the leering tone with which he speaks, as if he is the grandest specimen mankind has to offer, and your lip curls instantly at the sight. You ignore him and continue walking, feeling a sudden sense of urgency. You’re sure the mansion isn’t far anymore…just a few more steps-

“Hey! You ignoring me?” he asks, following after you, still a little distance away, “Think you’re too good for me, eh?”

You get the urge to run but you don’t think you’ll be able to, with your labored breathing and lack of stamina. You wish you hadn’t let the coachman go so easily.

“Yo guys!” he yells, “Found a pretty one,”

You hear a couple of footsteps from behind you and you don’t need to look back to know that more people are coming. You feel your knees tremble but you keep your back straight, not wanting to look weak. If worst came to worst you still had a few tricks up your sleeve. You slowly move your hand to your sleeve, hoping they don’t notice.

“Huh? She looks sick,” one of the new guys mutters, “Oi Tachibana you bastard! Don’t go picking on every other woman you see. Can’t ya just keep it in your pants for more than a-.”

“You’re one to talk…always crying about that bitchy princess….what’s her name again?” he jeers.

“Oi! You cut that out! At least I don’t go lusting after every living thing that passes by here!”

You take the small argument as an opportunity to flee, stepping quietly into the darker shadows around the buildings still standing.

“What is going on here?” a deeper voice interrupts and your heart leaps in your chest, “I believe we had come to the decision that none of the passerby’s would be harassed and yet, I can almost smell the lechery come off from you… _filthy_.”

You turn around so fast your head spins even after you’ve stopped, “Tanaka-san?” you ask before you can help yourself.

You’re not sure it’s him since his figure is concealed partly by the darkness and a large cloak is wrapped around his body, covering most of his face.

“Who is this?” he asks, startled, “I demand to know how this mortal knows about my existence!”

You don’t need to look at his face anymore. You are sure it’s him and you can’t help the sudden urge to laugh. Your voice comes out weak and raspy and it hurts your throat severely taking in the toxic air in every breath, but you don’t stop. The two men standing next to him look almost afraid- the shorter person next to Tachibana yelps in surprise, an embarrassingly high-pitched noise, but Tanaka-san does not seem affected. He walks towards you and your heart leaps to your throat. After all this time, maybe he’d finally-

“The poison…it is eating away at your soul,” he speaks gravely, and peers at you. You wonder why he hasn’t realized who you are yet- had he forgotten about you already? Somehow the thought makes your hysterical laughter die down but you still feel a high from standing within such close vicinity of your Prince.

He steps closer and, when reaches out his hand, you wonder if he’s going to touch you but he only pulls back the hood of your cloak. You realize, in a daze, that the hood was probably the reason he had not recognized you. From the way he makes an odd noise of surprise and his breath catches, you are sure he has finally seen your face clearly.

“Maiden of Darkness!” he exclaims, his voice shaking, “H-how…?”

You giggle at his surprise, “Tanaka-san…I came for you…I wanted to see you,” you say, barely able to keep your eyes open anymore. Somehow the relief of seeing him has drained you of your strength and you stagger a little on your feet.

_I don’t want to….die._ The thought passes your mind _, Not when I’ve finally found him…when I can finally touch him…_

“Sonia-san!?” the other guy yells and you think you have heard his voice somewhere before…some time long ago.

Your chest burns and it hurts to breathe. You close your eyes and welcome the darkness, finally breathing easy.

\---  


You open your eyes to a grey-stoned ceiling, low beams travelling parallel at even gaps. You try to get up but a sudden stab of pain in your chest makes you collapse back in the bed. A _bed_ , you realize you are sleeping on a bed.

_Where exactly am I?_ You wonder, craning your neck to see around the sides. You observe a heavy-set ebony chair to your right and a few bowls of odd liquids lying next to it. Something scurries across the floor and you almost yell in surprise until you realize it’s a hamster.

_Tanaka-san_! You remember and get up even though it still hurts and your hands shake violently as if they are out of your control. You grit your teeth and push aside the sheets covering you.

“Halt, my lady,” Tanaka-san’s voice comes from the door’s direction, “You are in no condition to be moving about.”

He comes strolling in and sits on the seat next to the bed. You slump back and look at him, glad for the well lit room. Now that you are finally looking at him, you see that he looks healthy enough but much leaner and his face has an air of wariness to it that you can’t quite place. It takes you a moment to realize it’s the same look you see on your own face every day.

It was the tired and wary look of someone who had seen enough horrors to harden their heart. However, when he looks at you, his eyes soften just the slightest and it makes you feel ready to pass out again from the heady feeling of joy.

 “Tanaka-san…it’s such a relief to see you again,” you say, smiling at him. It feels strange to smile and you remember that it has been a while since you’ve truly felt any form of happiness.

His cheeks flush a little and he lowers his face into his scarf, “It is a pleasure to be in your presence again, Princess,” he says, “How did you bring yourself here? Surely, the outer circles are much more treacherous…”

You shake your head, “It was not any trouble!” you tell him, “I needed to see you so I came here.”

His eyes widen and he opens his mouth to say something but only manages to utter a confused sound.

You lean forward, wanting to look at his face behind the scarf, “Tanaka-san…it has been so long since I’ve seen you…all this time I have been thinking about you, wanting to see you…wanting to hear you talk again. I spent the longest time wondering if you were-” Somehow you don’t want to finish the sentence.

“If I was _alive_?” he asks, a rueful smile playing on his lips.

You nod and reach out your hand in his direction hoping he’ll finally accept your touch. He inches back, a look of pure surprise on his face.

“Is something the matter?” he asks in worry and you get the strongest urge to pull him close to you.

“Won’t you even touch my hand?” you say in a whisper and saying the words hurts you because you remember all the times you had wanted to close the distance between the two of you but he had shied away, “Is it really that bad…to touch a human’s skin?”

He seems at an honest loss for words and he seems to shrink into his scarf even further, his hamsters squeaking in agitation, “I-It’s wrong…for someone like you…to be touching a devil’s man. My entire being is…it is poisonous.” he stutters.

You raise your own hands in front of you and show them to him, “In that case… Having breathed in that air, am I not poisonous as well? I could survive a little more of it,” you say, feeling bold.

He looks at your hands as if he’s going through an internal struggle with his inner demons and you suppose that could very well be it. You wait for him and smile when he finally reaches a conclusion.

He reaches out his own hand and touches the tips of your fingers so lightly that you wonder if the truly believes he’s poisonous. You feel warmth spread within you at that feather light touch and when he loops his fingers within yours, you feel fireworks explode within you. You could die at this very moment with Tanaka-san touching you, and you would not regret it.  You look at his face and it has turned such a deep shade of red that you can’t help but giggle.

“Tanaka-san you’re so nervous,” you say at his confused stare and his blush deepens even more, reaching his neck and ears.

“Th-this situation…I did not particularly imagine myself doing such a thing today,” he says, looking away in embarrassment, “I was not expecting your arrival, she-cat.”

You grin at the endearment and look at him, wanting to be closer to him but not daring to estrange him. He seems to notice your hesitation and forces an awkward smile, his lips quivering from the effort and you laugh.

You hear something shift near the door and when you snap your head in the direction of the offending noise, Tanaka-san grimaces and lets go of your hand. You feel the loss of his warmth and curse the fact that you have been interrupted.

“Pink-haired one,” he huffs without looking back, “It would be wise to say your prayers now lest the demons come and drag your soul to hell! Have you not learnt the mortal custom of not eavesdropping?”

You find the person standing by the edge of the door, finally in plain view and you feel like you have seen him before. Surely the black hair, with startlingly pink highlights at the bottom, and those shark-like teeth would leave a more permanent impression.

He meets your eyes and flushes, shaking the back of his head, “I’m sorry…I couldn’t help it.” He mutters and you remember his voice as well.

You think about it and realize that you had seen him and Komaeda-san’s castle often times; skirting the sides of the gardens when you took a walk; leaning by the pillars near the staircases and trying to look inconspicuous as you went back to your rooms. You understand that you have seen him, although his hair had been completely pink back then. You used to wonder why you kept seeing him everywhere- perhaps it was coincidence?

“Ah…I seem to remember you,” you tell him politely, “Back at the castle…you were the gardener correct?”

He seems pleased that you have addressed him but by the end of your sentence he looks almost crestfallen, “…Mechanic actually,” he mumbles.

“Ah! Pardon my ignorance!” you hurry to correct your mistake and give him an apologetic smile.

“N-no! Forgive _me_ Sonia-san! You don’t have to apologize to me!” he says and bows down dramatically, almost managing a half correct curtsey. You stifle a laugh at the attempt and wave a hand in his direction.

“You don’t have to bow to me,” you shrug, “I am not a princess anymore.”

He frowns at that and begins to say something but decides against it before he settles on a simpler sentence. “You’re still the princess to me.”

It feels odd hearing this from someone who isn’t even a part of your kingdom to begin with but it makes you feel a lighthearted happiness. You did not think you would ever feel joy in being called a princess.

“I agree,” Tanaka-san nods approvingly.

You want to answer them but you don’t know what to say so you choose to change the topic instead, “Um…might I ask what your name is?” you ask the pink-haired man.

His mouth gapes open before he regains his composure and grins, baring his sharp teeth, “Souda Kazuichi at your service, my lady!”

Souda. The name sounded odd- almost like the name of a trite beverage from lands further off.

“I see. You were Kamukura-san’s friend, were you not?”

“Kamukura?” he inclines his head in confusion.

“Ah! I meant Hinata-san!” you correct yourself, “You see we got used to calling him Kamukura at the palace.”

Both Tanaka-san and his friend seem to perk up at that and look at you with barely concealed curiosity, “Hinata?” Souda asks, his face turning scary.

“Yes,” you nod, “I am sure you do not know this but…Hinata-san sought refuge with Enoshima-san after he escaped from the castle.”

“You mean he’s alive?” Tanaka-san asks and Souda comes closer to the bed, wanting to listen.

“Indeed. He goes by the name of Kamukura now since doing otherwise would have put his life in danger,” you explain and Souda heaves a sigh, pushing his hair back.

“That fucking bastard…” Souda mutters, “I’m kinda relieved he’s alive but it doesn’t change the fact that he ran away. That was weak, man.”

You feel oddly offended at the words and frown at Souda, “It was not entirely his fault! He was made to believe that his parents would be there so he left to go back to them,” you tell him, folding your arms across your chest.

Souda’s anger vanishes at the words and he bites his lips, “That sucks…so they weren’t there?”

“No. We do not know where they are but after running away from the Kingdom there was nowhere else for him to go. Not with your people out for his blood,” you sigh, feeling pity for the boy.

“I am relieved to know he is alive, still,” Tanaka-san says, “But it is truly vile of that woman to mislead him like this…!”

“I agree,” you say, “At first I believed Enoshima-san would hold her end of the promise and get him to meet with his parents but I realized that she did not seem particularly keen on doing so. It made sense, knowing her, but I still felt betrayed all the same.”

“I feel sorry for him. It was his desire to make him parents proud, he told me that once upon a time. It was his reason for living as the Prince’s whipping boy in the first place,” Tanaka-san says, shaking his head.

“He’s still pretty lucky,” Souda sighs and Tanaka-san looks at him and nods, a knowing look on his face.

“Pardon me but what do you mean by that?” you ask out of curiosity.

“It’s just that Enoshima bitch messed with my family too…but she wasn’t half as kind with me as she was with Hinata.” Souda says but doesn’t elaborate.

“Ah! Did she do something…to make your life harder?”

Tanaka-san nods, casting Souda a worried look. He’s scowling, as if he’s recalling something bitter.

“Monokuma expelled him from the castle and ordered him to go back home…he didn’t want to at first but when he did go back-”

“They fucking killed my family.” Souda says, cutting him short and rakes a hand through his hair.

You gasp at the words and feel a horrible sense of guilt for prying into his matters. You had obviously opened a very fresh wound.

“I am so sorry Souda-san,” you tell him, straightening on the bed and wincing from the effort, “It was not my intention to hurt you my mentioning all of this.”

He nods although he is still clenching his fists, “It’s alright. You didn’t mean it. And it’s not like I was particularly close to my parents either way.”

“Do not say that, Foolish One!” Tanaka-san admonishes, “Had you not loved them you would not be feeling so upset right now. You would not have fallen to despair.”

“I know I know,” he huffs, “It still makes it a little better if I believe it didn’t hurt me that much. It doesn’t give much of an excuse for what I did either way.”

You want to ask further but you are afraid it will only come off as rude. Souda seems to notice this and shrugs.

“I don’t mind if you ask me, Sonia-san,” he says, his tone getting warmer.

“I would like to know what happened after that, in that case,” you tell him, still feeling a little guilty.

“Pretty much what everyone else did,” he says, his eyes growing distant, “Killing people, destroying houses…setting fire to the bodies. Laughing as it all happened…It was like I couldn’t think for myself anymore, just wishing for destruction…”

“Souda-san…” you feel the need to say something to make him feel better but you realize you are not the right person for that- not when you were not any better than the rest of them.

“Indeed. When I was on the verge of falling to that desire for destruction as well, I met him,” Tanaka-san speaks in his place, “I was overcome with the desire to end this grueling life, to end it all. But when I saw him, it suddenly felt like a ridiculous notion.”

“Tanaka-san…you too?” you ask, horrified, “Did you wish to end your life?”

“I did. But as I stated before I did not follow through on that,” he says, holding one his hamsters on his hand, “The Dark Gods informed me that the pink-haired one was near me. And when I found him, trying to end the life of a pathetic mortal, I could not just stand back and watch.”

“So you stopped him?” you ask, feeling hopeful.

“Yeah he did,” Souda smiles, “He slapped the fuck out of me and said I was an idiot for even thinking of doing that. It pissed me off so much I was ready to strangle him to death for doing that to me but…he looked so scary.”

“Did you truly think for even a single second that you could have ended the life of an immortal being with those dirty hands of yours?” Tanaka-san asks, sounding offended but by the way his lips turn upwards, you can tell he’s joking.

You feel a little envious of Souda for being so close to Tanaka-san now. The last time you had seen them, they had been arguing over something. Time really did change people. And relationships.

“Oi! You stop that!” Souda yells, “You were so ready to die back there! Don’t act all cool now.”

“Is that true?” you ask, still finding the notion hard to believe.

“It may have been,” Tanaka-san shrugs, “I cannot truly tell because a thick haze had been enveloping my mind at that time.”

“You felt that way as well?” you ask in surprise.

“Everyone did,” he says, leaning back in his chair, “It is a relief that I am clearer of mind now. Souda as well.”

“You don’t seem to be in her influence anymore,” you note.

“Neither do you, Sonia-san,” Souda answers, “I was sure you would have been feeling despair too…considering you gave up the throne. N-not that I’m judging you or anything!”

You smile at him because you understand his reasons for asking, “I do not mind at all,” you tell him, “And it is true that I fell for her tricks as well. She truly is a person skilled at making others bend to her will of their own accord,”

“She is truly despicable…I cannot even blame the people for falling into her influence.” Tanaka-san says, his voice brimming with hatred.

“It does not change the fact that we have still done horrible things ourselves!” you protest.

“True,” Souda nods with a shrug, “But it’s not like we can do anything about it now.”

“Pink-haired one has a point.”

Hearing them talk about it all in such a resigned manner makes you feel worse about everything. How could they accept it just like that?

“How can you talk so _normally_ about this?” you ask, getting up from the bed even though your body is screaming, “The kingdom is in unrest, does that not make you want to do something?”

Tanaka-san rises from his seat, a worried look on his face, “Be careful. You are still weak.”

You ignore his concerns and pace the room, “Why have you not asked me why is relinquished the throne? Aren’t you disappointed in me for letting her have her way when I could have potentially saved all of them? So many people died…” your voice trembles a little but you doubt they could have heard it.

Neither of them says a word as they lower their heads and look at the floor. You wait for them to speak, your body aching both from the poison and a sudden sense of guilt.

“We know Enoshima’s despair isn’t something you can just get out of,” Souda speaks up, looking at his hands, “You were probably her main target being the princess and all…I can bet it was hard for you.”

“It does not help that you had to face it all alone,” Tanaka-san adds, warmth creeping into his voice, “Neither of us blames you for what you did, she-cat,”

You shake your head, frustrated that they seemed to see no fault in what you had done. You are almost hoping they would blame you for something so that you could feel a little better about yourself. Suffering from a guilt that went ignored was almost worse than killing someone with your own hands and having to live with the blood on your hands for the rest of your life.

“Do you not understand?” you ask, your voice rising unnaturally high, “I am responsible for the deaths of hundreds of my men. They had all looked up to me as their princess and I let them down! I did not even bother to think of the consequences when I abandoned them. I was only wishing for my own freedom. And I got it- at the cost of their lives…I do not feel liberated at all!”

Your chest haves from the outburst and even though the air over here is not poisonous, you feel like your insides are burning. You take a shuddering breath to compose yourself as Tanaka-san walks towards you, Souda following after him.

“We all suffer from that shame, My Lady,” he speaks, putting a hand on your shoulder, “It does not get better no matter how much you try to distract yourself from it…but I suppose having someone by your side helps.”

 “He’s right,” Souda says patting Tanaka-san’s back, “It makes you have a little more faith in yourself…so please, Sonia-san. Don’t hurt yourself over this.”

You look at the two of them speaking to you so kindly that it makes your eyes mist up and you stare at the torches lighting up the room, hoping that looking at the brightness prevents you from crying.

You had come here in the hopes that you would get to meet Tanaka-san but you hadn’t planned on anything more than that. You truly did not have any plans on what you were going to do with your life and when you had left the palace with the knowledge that you might not make it back, you had not hesitated. What was there to lose?

_That was what I had thought…_

But when you see him with Souda, talking so hopefully, you cannot help but want to go back to that old life of yours. It was suffocating sometimes but it was the life you had been born into- your rightful destiny as the princess of Novoselic.  

You feel everything come into focus with the realization and your heart flutters in your chest. All the doubts you had been having, the moments of pure resentment towards that woman and resentment at yourself, they all make sense now. You finally _understand_ and it brings a smile to your face.

 “Tanaka-san…Souda-san. I know this is too much to ask but-” you say, addressing the men by your side, “Will you help me…I plan on redeeming myself and I would like the two of you to aid me with that. If it iss the two of you, I believe we can do it.”

They look at you with surprise, and you don’t blame them, but when they simultaneously break into relieved smiles, all your doubts lift from your chest.

“Of course, Your Highness,” they say together and you feel a surge of pride at the sound of the words.

How could you have doubted it when you had been given this life for a purpose? It was not mere coincidence that you were born as the princess and you are even surer of that than you had ever been before. Your resolve strengthens even more at the thought and you can’t bring yourself to be scared of the consequences of what you plan to do.

It could be risky and you could potentially lose your life because of this but you don’t care at the moment because the desire to regain your footing is much stronger than any fear you have ever felt before.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sigh this took so long to update and i've been busy studying for my exams so yeah  
> i'll be busy for the entirety of the next month but lucky for you guys i hate myself so i've managed to fuck up my sleeping schedule and pre-write all the chapters till chapter 30 :0  
> i'll be updating every week if that's possible so be on the look out for the them! :>   
> trial starts next chapter hehe


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sweats nervously....the trial....

Enoshima grins at the crowd, her voice echoing loud and clear in the courtyard while everyone gazes at her enraptured.

“Now I know how we all have ordeals to decide the fate of the culprits but that’s just fucking boring!”

Someone in the crowd yells in agreement.

“Who cares about drowning them to see if they’re innocent or not? Or dueling with them for that matter? I have a much better solution in mind.” She pauses to let the idea sink in.

 _What the hell is a trial anyway?_ You wonder.

“Now I bet you’re all wondering what this _trial_ is, huh?” she says with a sly grin in your direction, “Well I’ll let Monokuma do the honors for that,”

You reel at her words. _Monokuma?!_  

The audience seems just as confused, looking at each other with questioning frowns until you hear a faint whistle from within the crowd.

“Upupu! It’s finally my time to speak!” you hear his voice before you see him and you glance in confusion to the crowd, looking for him.

You spot him standing in the front row, wearing a hideous black and white tunic that only accentuates his pot belly. Looking at him makes your insides knot in disgust and you clench your teeth.

“What the hell is he doing here?” you ask Komaeda who seems just as confused.

“I thought he’d follow us here soon enough,” he whispers.

Monokuma laughs and steps down from the seating area. He walks towards the dais, slow and deliberate, biding his time.

“Before we begin, let me explain the rules for this trial,” he begins, “You see we’ve got our suspects right here,” he point towards the two of you, “Now all we need to do is reason out who really did it! It’s simple. You bastards will discuss it amongst yourselves and come to the conclusion yourself!”

“Conclusion? How are we supposed to pinpoint the murderer when we’re not even responsible for them?” you ask.

“Ah that’s for you to decide I’m just telling you the rules,” he says with a wink, “If you can prove your innocence you’re free to go back home. Isn’t that totally fair?”

_Go back? Would he really let us to do that?_

“Ah? You don’t look too happy about this, Komaeda-kun, Nanami-san?” Monokuma notes with a frown.

“You know there’s no way we can go back,” Nanami states and you gawk at her.

“What do you mean? Why can’t we go back?” you ask in confusion and Enoshima giggles.

“Of course our dear Kamukura here doesn’t even know what’s happening out there, does he?” she says, a hint of pity in her voice, “Very well! Why don’t we start off this trial with that? Let’s discuss what’s going on out there…just for explanation’s sake,”

Monokuma walks towards the guards standing behind you and motions with his thumb towards your handcuffs. “Take them off, they don’t need these now,” he says and they oblige.

You feel the blood flow into your hands and it feels warm and tingly. You sigh in relief and run your wrists to get the circulation back to normal.

“Okay you guys! Go to the dais and stand on your spots. All of you,” he says, pointing towards the platform where Enoshima’s now sitting on a throne-like chair. There are individual wooden stands for all of you and you wonder when they brought those over.

Hesitantly you begin walking towards the dais and see Ikusaba pause a little before Naegi heads to his stand. She frowns but follows him and takes her place next to Enoshima. You step up too and see the name ‘Kamukura’ scrawled on the floor right next to ‘Komaeda Nagito’ and ‘That Girl’. You’re sure you spot the words ‘Naegi Makoto’ scratched on the area next to Ikusaba. He stands there and gulps, looking at the crowd with a mixture of fear and determination. You feel sorry for the boy being dragged into this trial when he clearly didn’t have anything to do with it.

“Hm, now that you’re all in place I think we can begin!” Monokuma announces and points towards Naegi.

“Naegi-kun would you do us the favor of briefing Kamukura-kun about what’s going on out in the kingdom? We should all get that cleared up just in case he _does_ prove himself innocent.”

Naegi looks questioningly at the man before sighing, “Jabberwock and Komaeda-kun’s kingdom are at war…” he says as if unsure, “It all started because there were rumors that Jabberwock still housed the culprit behind the massacre of the order of the knights. The King demanded that the culprit should be handed over to them but Sonia-san and Enoshima-san refused so a war was the natural outcome…I think that’s all I there is to it,” he stops and looks questioningly at Enoshima.

“Kamukura was that enough?” Enoshima asks and looking at your stricken expression, she nods, “I guess it is! By the way Kamukura…you’re sure you know who they blame for the murders right?”

You flinch at the question but quickly mask your face into an unconcerned expression.

_She’s only doing this to get a rise out of me. No one here knows I’m Hinata…I’m safe._

“Hinata Hajime,” you answer as confidently as you can.

Komaeda recoils as you speak and looks at you with a worried expression, “She’s going to frame you for this. Don’t say anything careless,” he whispers so only you can hear. Nanami nods when he speaks and looks at Enoshima.

“I don’t understand why we’re discussing this? Wasn’t it true that it was possible that Hinata Hajime wasn’t the actual culprit?” Nanami speaks up and the crowd murmurs in shock, “If you knew what Hinata-kun was like, you would know that he was a person who would never do a thing like that,”

Enoshima leans forwards on her chair and looks at Nanami, “Oh? And how can you be so sure he wasn’t like that?” she retaliates, “If you had been paying attention you would have noticed that he was falling in despair just living at the castle! It’s not all that out of the question for him to be the one who killed them. After all, being caught by them when you’re so close to escaping really does push a man to desperation, right?”

Nanami falls silent at her words and clenches her fist, “You’ve got that wrong.” She mutters but Enoshima clearly doesn’t listen to her. Her eyes are already focused on Ikusaba.

“Mukuro,” she says addressing her sister, “You must be wondering why you’re here, right? And what this gardener has to do with all of this?”

Ikusaba nods imperceptibly and speaks, “You need me for something, Junko. Tell me what it is and I’ll help you no matter what.”

Enoshima smiles gently, a satisfied expression on her face, “That’s just what I expected from my useless twin sister!” Naegi narrows his eyes at her words, “I want you to prove to all of us-” she gestures at the crowd “-that the murderer, Hinata Hajime, is right here with us!”

The crowd roils at the words and you hear anxious whispers and excited yelling. The words get a rise out of them and it makes you want to draw a circle around yourself to prevent the noise from getting to you and to keep you safe from those people.

Komaeda narrows his eyes but doesn’t say anything and you look questioningly at them, silently asking them to help you. Nanami nods and Komaeda puts his hands on your shoulder to placate you.

“Aaaaand! I’ll even be generous with you, Mukuro!” she continues and Ikusaba looks confused, as if she has no idea what she means, “If you can do it right, I’ll even let your Naegi go just like that! No execution-- nothing. Isn’t that really kind of me?”

Naegi starts and opens his mouth to speak but Ikusaba holds out her arm, motioning for him to stop. She takes in a huge breath and speaks, “Of course Junko.”

You can tell Naegi’s not pleased about this and it strikes you as odd that he’d be upset when he could be set free so easily. After all, Ikusaba knew you were Hinata and that made things even easier to prove. Your legs start shaking again but you fold your arms and try to appear unconcerned. You wonder how you could so easily pretend to be unaffected by the things around you until a few days ago.

You attention is drawn back to Ikusaba when she clears her throat and speaks, “Hinata Hajime, the culprit behind the massacre of the knights has been living in Jabberwock all this time…It’s true.”

Enoshima quirks an eyebrow and motions for her to go on and your heartbeat stutters at the words.

“When he escaped for Jabberwock almost a year ago he sought refuge in out castle and we helped him stay there. He came with us to the Novoselic palace too and he’s been living with us ever since.”

Komaeda leans forward, eyes brimming with curiosity, “Really…if that’s the case then shouldn’t you be blamed for housing him when you could have given him up when my father, the King, asked you to? It would have saved both kingdoms a lot of grief.”

Ikusaba looks towards Enoshima, seeking help but she doesn’t respond and instead focuses on observing her nails. She frowns and answers him, “Junko’s the queen of Jabberwock and if she wants to house someone who escaped his own kingdom because it wasn’t a good place for him, then I don’t think there’s a problem with that.”

Komaeda folds his arms, “You mean to say it was much better to have a war than turn over an alleged traitor to the kingdom?”

 _Traitor_ … You flinch at the words particularly because they come from Komaeda’s mouth but you don’t say anything. It was true in a sense, but Komaeda knew you hadn’t killed them so what was he trying to do by arguing with Ikusaba?

“It doesn’t matter now does it? I let him live here and he was safe. That’s all there is to it!” Enoshima answers, “But now I’ve decided that it would be way more fun to have him executed. Isn’t that what your King wanted too, Komaeda?” she smirks.

“We would have him tried in our own courts by our own methods. You don’t have the right to execute him on a baseless assumption,” he retorts.

“It sounds as if you’re trying to defend Hinata Hajime,” Ikusaba observes, tapping her chin with a finger.

“I don-” he begins to say but you hear a loud clap and everyone turns to see Monokuma glaring at him

“This isn’t going anywhere! Continue with your account, Ikusaba-san!” he says and Ikusaba nods.

Komaeda looks like he has a mind to say something more but he stays silent.

Ikusaba begins to speak but Naegi steps forward, grabbing hold of her hand.

“Ikusaba-san. Please don’t do this,” he pleads and you can see how torn she is by the way her eyes dart helplessly to him and Enoshima and then back to him.

She shudders a little before she pulls her hand away from him and puts on that expressionless mask again.

“Don’t interfere, Naegi-kun. I have to do this…for Junko’s sake,” she says and it’s as if the slight hesitation you’d just seen had all been your imagination.

“Upupupu! Young love really is as impulsive and fragile as they say! Too bad, Naegi-kun, it seems like she just chose her sister over you!” Monokuma says in his high-pitched voice and laughs, his stomach jumping up and down.

Naegi reddens at his words, looking shocked and embarrassed but Ikusaba ignores him.

“It’s true that we kept him here but no one knew who he was because we didn’t let him leave the palace. He usually chose to keep inside his room anyway,” she starts again, “He let his appearance change so it’s a little hard to realize it’s him but he’s here right now, in this courtroom,” she says and the crowd falls silent, taking in her words.

You feel the sweat drip down your back and you wish you could run away before she says the words that you dread.

“Kamukura Izuru is actually Hinata Hajime,” she says and you’re surprised that you don’t feel anything when she says those words.

“There. It wasn’t that hard was it, Mukuro?” Enoshima says with a delighted smile, “Yes, everyone. That hairy boy you see is actually Hinata Hajime!”

You wish you could argue but you can’t say anything. You stand in the silence and feel the weight of those accusing glares over you, judging and unforgiving.

“There’s no way you can prove that he’s Hinata just by his looks alone,” Nanami speaks up, “I think we should have conclusive evidence that he’s Hinata before you can put any blame on him,”

You’re heartened by Nanami trying to defend you but you can tell it’s a useless effort. You look at her and when her eyes meet yours, you mouth a single ‘thanks’ to her. You shake your head and tell her that she doesn’t have to help you like this when it’s all true.

She puffs up her cheeks and looks away, appearing miffed.

“Oh Nanami, why did you have to go and say that?” Monokuma asks, looking depressed, “There’s no way we can prove something like that…”

Naegi looks relieved at his words but his smile falters when the man speaks again.

“Juuust kidding! Did you really think we’d step back because of that?” he sneers, “Of course we have a way to prove it’s him…” he says and puts his fingers into his mouth to blow a whistle.

“Oh, Hinata’s parents! I know you’re there; won’t you stand up for a while? We’ve got some stuff to ask you,” Enoshima adds and looks at the crowd expectantly, “You see, Hinata, I took special care to invite your parents. After all you’ve been dying to see them right?”

You pale at the words and take a staggering step back. Komaeda cringes as he looks at the crowd and you wish you could dig a hole and hide in it until it was all over.

“My parents…?” you say the words weakly and immediately realize that you’ve just made a huge mistake.

_Shit...I messed up…_

Enoshima grins and points at you “See? He even admits it himself, isn’t that proof enough for you?” she asks, looking at Nanami who plays with her sleeve as if she’s sulking.

“But!” she stands up and speaks, hands on her hips, “Let’s hear it from his parents too, just for the sake of it, hm?”

“Is that really necessary?” Naegi asks with a shrug, “You’ve already proven it’s him.”

“Sticking up for the poor boy, as usual huh?” Monokuma snickers, “But you’re not the one calling the shots here…Oh Hinata’s parents! Stand up already we’re getting tired!”

You hear the crowd shift with growing curiosity and everyone looks to the sides, searching for your parents and you glare steadily at the ground, not wanting to see. After they had left you alone without even telling you, you don’t know what to think about them being here.

It takes a few seconds but the crowd starts jeering when a couple stands up, and even though you can’t look at them clearly, you know it’s them.

“Ah! Is that them? Are you Hinata-kun’s parents?” Monokuma asks, grinning slyly.

Your father lowers his head and doesn’t speak and your mother puts her arm around his, not looking at Monokuma.

“I think I asked something? Oh could it be that you’re in the mood for some punishment too?” he asks, tilting his head to the side, “Don’t worry, we have lots of things to torture people with!”

You clench your teeth and Monokuma’s threats and you wish you could say something but you’re scared it’ll only put you in a tighter spot. You know your identity is going to be revealed either way but you don’t know what to do when your parents are being put to the stake in your stead.

You wonder if they’ll give you out but you brush the thought aside. They’re your parents and no matter what, they’d stay by your side.

“We are his parents,” your father agrees in defeat and slumps his shoulders as if he wanted to make himself scarce, “It’s him…Kamukura is Hinata.”

The crowd rises in surprise once again and a few people yell death threats in your direction. Your face heats up and you glare at your parents even though they probably can’t see it.

Enoshima grins at the words while you feel your floor sway underneath you. How could they have confessed so easily?

“Well there you have it folks!” Enoshima exclaims, “I doubt anyone needs more proof about this, right?”

“Let’s get back to the trial, then!” Monokuma says, “Now that we know that it’s Hinata Hajime who stands before us, it’s quite obvious who the culprit is, eh?”

Komaeda speaks up, his eyebrows drawn, “If you want to blame someone for the murders, Hinata-kun isn’t the one.” he says.

Enoshima yawns exaggeratedly and quirks an eyebrow, “Didn’t we _just_ agree that Hinata was the culprit? You’re slower in the head than I realized.”

“You’ve identified that he’s Hinata but that doesn’t mean he’s the one who actually _murdered_ them. Unless you can prove that, we’re not going anywhere are we?”

“Oh? So you’re saying it’s not Hinata. Since you seem to full of yourself why don’t you tell us then…?” Enoshima says and points a finger at Komaeda, “Who do _you_ think is the culprit?”

Komaeda looks pensive, tapping his chin with a finger before he looks up and speaks, “I think Hinata-kun will be able to help me-” he gives you a reassuring smile, “-in figuring it out. It might shed some light on what actually happened too,”

You look at Ikusaba, gauging for a reaction but find her unmoving. You can tell that Komaeda’s trying to pin the blame on her but from her expression it’s as if she’s completely oblivious.

_Or just really good at hiding it…_

“Care to elaborate?” Monokuma says.

Komaeda nods, “Actually the day the massacre took place- the same day Hinata-kun ran away from the castle- I was there to witness it,” the stops to let it sink in before continuing.

“I found out from Monokuma that Hinata-kun planned on running away so I followed him and realized that it was true,” he shrugs, “I called out to him and we had a small…chat, you could say. And then he ran away! You see I was there and I never saw him murder anyone!” he exclaims, his eyes shining brightly.

“But what if he’d already murdered the knights by then?” Monokuma suggests, tilting his head to the side.

“Impossible,” he says with a shake of the head, “I might have forgotten to mention that I heard sounds of a clash occurring at the gates though I was too far away to see what was happening exactly. I’m sure _you_ would know, wouldn’t you?” he says, and points to Ikusaba.

Ikusaba shifts a little where she’s standing and moves her hand to hold arm, eyes looking down. “I don’t think I understand what you mean.”

Komaeda smirks and nods in understanding, “It’s actually really easy to explain…you were there too weren’t you? I’m sure you’re aware that I was talking to Hinata-kun while the clash occurred?”

She shakes her head, “I don’t know about that. Junko and I were at our castle that night.”

“Hmm?” he says crossing his arms, “I could have sworn I saw the figure of a woman running away a few minutes after Hinata-kun escaped…”

She shrugs nonchalantly, “It could be someone else,” her eyes dart towards Enoshima and Komaeda doesn’t miss the detail.

“I doubt there are many women here who can say they’re strong enough to fight…say an entire _council_ of knights. Are you sure it was just my imagination?”

By the way her lips press into a thin line, you can tell that she doesn’t know how to counter that. You feel unexpectedly sorry for her but you catch that thought and push it aside. Your life depended on this and you would _not_ feel sorry for the person who was actually responsible for this disaster.

When Ikusaba doesn’t answer Komaeda turns to look at his sister, who’s looking at the on goings with interest, her grin growing wider, “What are your thoughts on this…?” he asks her.

“I thought you’d never ask…I was almost starting to feel neglected…to think you’d pay attention to my useless sister instead of me-- I’m hurt,” she says gloomily, “But it’s okay! I’ll still talk to you anyway.”

Komaeda ignores her and taps his toe impatiently.

“Ugh, stop being so fucking sassy, Komaeda,” she mumbles, “As for my thoughts on matter…I’ve gotta say, you make a good point! I agree with you _one hundred percent!_ ” her voice changes into a chipper tone again and she smiles sweetly at her sister.

_….Huh?!_

The crowd stands up in confusion, people mutter amongst themselves and others yell obscenities and praises. It’s a jumbled up mess of reactions and you find yourself sympathizing with them.

“Did…did you just agree that Ikusaba was there?” the words tumble out of your mouth and everyone looks at Enoshima in the same confusion.

Komaeda doesn’t look particularly happy with her words and you wonder what he’s thinking.

_Isn’t this what he was trying to do?_

Enoshima sniffs and gives you a cursory glance before looking at the crowd and making a zipping motion with her fingers. The crowd quiets down a little but most of them continue to whisper and mumble amongst themselves.

“Did I say something wrong?” Enoshima asks; her eyes wide in a showcase of innocence, “Isn’t this what you wanted me to say, Komaeda-kun?”

“I should have expected this of you but it still comes as a shock somehow,” Komaeda shakes his head, “That you’d be willing to sell out your own sister just like that…I’m sure it’s all part of your scheme, isn’t it?”

You spare a glance in Ikusaba’s direction and see the short haired girl clenching and unclenching her fists- her eyes drift from her sister to Komaeda, her face devoid of any expression.

“Everything’s fair in a war, you know. You should be happy I’m letting your precious Hinata-kun go with just this right?” she says, flipping her hair to the side.

Komaeda doesn’t argue back but keeps his eyes locked onto her, his nose wrinkled and his eyes narrowed.

“Um,” Naegi speaks up, “The fact that you’re pinning the blame on Ikusaba-san now, without any justification is the same as when you tried to say Hinata-kun was the culprit. There’s no way you can prove it just like that!”

“Eh?” she asks, confused, “But doesn’t the fact that I’m testifying in agreement with Komaeda mean that she doesn’t have an alibi for that day? Doesn’t it mean that she really is the culprit as I’ve said? There’s no other way to prove it so this is all you’ll get, you know.”

“But…that’s unfair. There’s no way this trial is fair if there’s no proo-” he replies but Komaeda cuts him off by interjecting.

“If this is how it’s going to be, don’t you think there’s no point to the trial at all?” Komaeda smirks, “But I’m sure you’re aware of that already.”

Naegi leans forward, putting his hands on the stand; “If there’s no point at all then why would Enoshima-san blame her own sister?” he says slowly as if thinking, “There must a reason to this other than to just execute the culprit for the sake of ending the war…”

“If it was to end the war she would have handed over Hinata-kun the moment the King demanded it,” Komaeda explains.

The brown haired boy shakes his head in frustration, “What does she want then?”

“She’s just using all of us to spread despair,” Nanami speaks up, and points an accusatory finger at her, “…I think.”

Enoshima stands up from her seat and looks at Nanami with disdain, her lips quivering, “What does _that_ mean?” she asks.

You look at Nanami in surprise and Komaeda seems amused and almost relieved at the same time, a sigh escaping his lips. He smiles at the pink haired girl fondly.

“Would you care to do the honors, Nanami-san?” he says, urging her to talk and she nods shortly.

“Enoshima-san is using all of this as a means to spread despair,” she begins, “The truth is that she’s the real mastermind behind the massacre and the fact that Hinata-kun ran away from the kingdom in the first place.”

It takes a few seconds for you and everyone else in the courtroom to grasp the implications of Nanami’s words and in those few seconds the courtroom is deathly quiet.

The silence is broken by a single exclamation of disbelief from the crowd after which everyone begins to shriek and yell. It takes you a moment to realize that something about the noise coming from the crowd is really off and when it hits you, you feel yourself sway a little where you’re standing.

 _They’re….they’re all_ happy _about this?!_

Enoshima leans her head back and laughs, her body quivering and her arms going around her stomach. Everyone laughs with her and you see your friends exchange looks of confusion and dread.

“Oh pinky, you’re really cute! What’s your name, again?” she says when she’s calmed down enough to speak.

“Nanami,” she answers.

“Ah, Nanami…alright,” she nods, “I’m reeeally amused by what you’ve said so I’ll let you speak more! Go on, tell me why you think little old me is the mastermind?” she finishes with a wink and you find the sight so utterly repulsive that you look away.

_How can she act innocent when she knows that Nanami’s right?_

“You came to the Kingdom after the ball because Monokuma invited you,” Nanami says thoughtfully, “During the time you stayed at the castle you talked to both Hinata-kun and Komaeda-kun and made them despair.”

Komaeda makes a choking sound at the words but doesn’t say anything. You notice his hands shake a little before he holds onto the stand to stop it.

“You convinced Hinata-kun to run away from the Kingdom and you sent Ikusaba-san to take him to your castle,” she continues, “The day Hinata-kun had to escape, Monokuma posted the council of knights around the castle so that Ikusaba-san would have to kill them to get away and you used that incident to spread despair within the Kingdom and pin the blame on Hinata-kun.”

You’re surprised by how much she knows and it strikes you as odd that the castle’s maid would be so well informed about it.

 _Just…who is she?_ You think, bewildered.

“Huh? Huh huh huh huh huh?” Enoshima’s face is a mask devoid of expression and her eyes are dull, as if they’ve lost the life in them, “HUH?”

Her reaction makes you shiver and you turn to Nanami, who looks just as appalled.

“How the fuck do you know that?” she asks her voice still monotonous, “Could it be that you’re not _just_ the castle maid? Is that why you know so much?”

Nanami doesn’t answer and everyone turns to look at her in surprise. She’s puffed up her cheeks again and looks discontent. You wish she would answer.

“Nanami,” you address her, “How _do_ you know all this?”

Nanami looks like she doesn’t want to speak but when you look at her, worry and confusion visible on your face, she sighs.

“It’s because I’m the His Majesty’s informant,” she says in such a low voice that it’s almost a whisper.

“Informant…?” You repeat the word because you can’t understand what she means by it.

 Enoshima laughs dryly, “Informant? Don’t you mean _mole_?”

Nanami scrunches her nose at the word, “A mole and an informant are different things…”

“Same difference!” she waves dismissively with her hand, “But hey! If you’re the king’s mole…doesn’t that mean that you already knew what was going to happen _before_ it happened?”

The crowd yells in agreement and you recoil in shock because when you think about it, Enoshima had a point.

_If she already knew about her plan…couldn’t she have done something about it? Why didn’t the king take any action against this?_

Nanami pouts and fiddles with her dress, “I knew about your plan to make them despair…but I only found out about Monokuma’s involvement with you when it was too late.”

“Too late?” Monokuma asks feigning surprise, “Whatever do you mean, Nanami-chan?”

She huffs, “Whenever I sent letters to His Highness to tell him about what was going on at the castle, they wouldn’t reach him until weeks later. And sometimes he didn’t get them at all…I think you had been intercepting them.”

“So you knew Monokuma was working for her, Nanami-san?” Komaeda asks curiously.

“I only found out after he got rid of Souda-kun,” she says with a nod, “…I asked the King about Monokuma and I never got a reply,” she says and looks at the one-eyed man.

You see his lips quiver upwards in a sneer, his single eye sparkling in a perverse delight, “My my! That’s really perceptive of you! Who would have thought that the maid, of all people would be the smartest of the lot huh?”

 Enoshima snickers, “Was it really that obvious?” she asks, “I thought no one would figure out we were in cahoots…aaah I just hate it when people figure stuff out. Not that it makes an iota of a difference now!”

_She’s right…what difference does any of it make now? She’s already done with her plan…_

“It does make a difference actually,” Komaeda objects.

“Ah do tell,” she says waving her hand in his direction.

“Considering the fact that you’re the one who spun this entire plan in the first place…motivating Hinata-kun to escape, making Monokuma set up the council of knights, sending Ikusaba-san to guide him back to Jabberwock and using her to cause the massacre…it was all your doing so it’s safe to say that _you’re_ the true culprit here,” he says casting her a withering look.

Enoshima claps her hands, the sound echoing throughout the courtroom, “I can’t disagree with you.”

“A…aren’t you accepting all this a little too easily?” Naegi asks, confused.

“Eh? I wasn’t supposed to?” she asks.

“Uh…wouldn’t that make you the one who’s supposed to be executed?” he says, scratching his head in confusion.

“It’s completely irrelevant at this point,” Komaeda mutters to himself and Enoshima points at him.

“I concur!” she exclaims, “It’s all useless now! What’s the point of blaming little old me? All you’re good at it blaming others, Naegi! You’re no better than I am in that case. So what if I did push them lightly from the back? So what if I opened up their hearts to the despair that was already taking root within them? Does that make me the bad person?” She looks at the brown-haired boy, her face a perfect display of dejection.

“But your actions led to the kingdoms falling into despair so that ultimately means you should be tried for this now that we know you did it,” Naegi argues, voice rising in panic.

Enoshima looks at him disapprovingly, her face reflecting disappointment, “I would have thought you’d have gotten it by now. It’s not going to change anything even if you do blame me! Nobody cares about that because they’re all in despair! They’ve accepted it and that’s just the way things are. Everyone’s despairing-- the entire world is despair!” she raises her hands upwards, “Don’t you agree, my people?”

The crowd cheers in agreement and it sends chills down your spin, looking at those people accepting it so fully and feeling _joy_ in it. What had she done to make them like this?

“Is that answer good enough for you?” she asks, looking keenly in Komaeda’s direction.

You find him biting his lips; his shoulders are slumped as if he’s suddenly tired. You’ve never seen him look like that and it makes your stomach knot in terror.

He doesn’t answer.

“See? Even the Prince, who was always going on about that disgusting hope of his, can’t disagree!” she says with a laugh, “You never really believed what you said, did you?”

His face pales at her words and Enoshima’s grin widens looking at his expression. You can tell Komaeda regrets it by the way he clamps his mouth shut and glares at her.

“The truth is you’ve just been using the idea of hope to keep yourself from despairing all this time. It’s just a mockery of your own desire to be loved isn’t it? After all, no one’s _ever_ loved you, right?” she says, her voice light. Komaeda recoils and tries to speak but just clams up instead.

“Komaeda,” you call out to him, “Don’t let her get to you… _please_ ,”

Enoshima raises an eyebrow, “Ah? Look at you trying to make him feel better!” she comments, “You’re no better than the rest of us, Hinata. After all, even _you_ ran away from him when all he needed was someone’s support…someone’s _love_ ,” she winks and you feel every word fall like a stack of bricks on your stomach.

“Y-you…!” you exclaim in anger, “How could you-”

You stop when you hear the sound of footsteps, someone running in a hurry. You turn around, whipping your head so fast you almost pull a muscle.

“Pardon us for being late,” you hear a woman’s voice say, “I hope the trial hasn’t reached its conclusion already?”

You find yourself staring at the entrance to the courtyard where a familiar figure stands near the stairs alongside a person clad in pitch black clothes. You feel like the muscle you pulled might have been connected to your brain because you’re sure you’re seeing things.

“Hmph,” the person clothed in a familiar black cloak says, “It would be truly mundane for these mortals to finish such an important matter in such a short while. The Four Dark Gods of Destruction informed me that they did not have the adequate spiritual energy to have a finale without our assistance.” 

Hearing that speech you realize you probably _aren’t_ seeing things though. Even your mind wouldn’t be able to think up anything like this.

“Tanaka? Sonia?” you say out loud.

A depressed whine follows behind them, “Oi! Don’t you dare forget about me! I’m here too you know,” Souda speaks up as he climbs up the stairs to join them, “Did you think the party could start with me, eh?”


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !!!! i'm very, very thankful to everyone who's been reading my fic up till now! it still comes as a surprise that it's gotten 400+ kudos and i'm very happy about it! bless you all ah : >  
> and for all those people who accidentally find me on tumblr...[here's](http://penpeas.tumblr.com/) the link to my blog if you're curious! :o  
> In other news: writing this chapter was hell and i'm sure you'll see why soon enough...

If you had ever thought you’d seen enough surprising things in your life you were definitely wrong. Seeing Sonia heading towards the dais with Tanaka and Souda looks so ridiculous and yet completely believable that you feel your lips twitch, threatening to break into a smile. You keep your face impassive though, unsure if you can really be happy about their arrival.

_What’re they doing here…? It couldn’t be to help us._

You focus on Sonia, her face set in determination, her eyes fierce as she walks with a confident stride towards you and the rest.

_After all…she’s on Enoshima’s side, isn’t she?_

“Oh you’re finally on time!” Enoshima chirps, “I was starting to get bored, you know.”

“It came to my knowledge that you were having a trial,” she says, “I can’t let you execute Hinata-san for something he did not do.”

Your heart leaps in your throat at the sound of your name but you breathe easily again when you realize they’re speaking in your defense.

Enoshima tilts her head to the side, confused, “Eh? Who says we’re going to execute Hinata?”

“Hmph, isn’t that what the trial is for?” Tanaka asks as they join you at the dais, standing to your side.

“You’re a little late for that,” she laughs, “The blame isn’t even on Hinata anymore!”

“Pardon?” Sonia says, confusion clear on her face.

“Upupupu! We’ve come to the conclusion that Mukuro Ikusaba is the actual culprit!” Monokuma says in glee.

“Woah hold on…isn’t Mukuro Ikusaba Enoshima’s sister?” Souda asks, scratching his head.

“She is.” Komaeda says grimly.

“How could you pin the blame on your own sister?” Sonia says in horrification, “This is not right!”

“Oh? But I’m sure you know that she’s the one who did it...you should just be glad that I’m letting Hinata off the hook,” Enoshima says in a bored voice.

“It does not change the fact that you were the one who was truly responsible for it all!” the princess points out.

“Ugh here we go again,” Enoshima rolls her eyes, “We’ve already discussed this to hell and back again. I’m tired of it!” she slams her hand on the arm of her seat.

“I’m just surprised you’re turning against me,” she continues, sounding despondent all of a sudden, “And here I was, thinking that of all people _you’d_ stay by my side at least.”

Sonia stands stiffly and looks at Enoshima with disapproval in her eyes, “You have used me and I cannot tolerate it any longer! It is true that I fell into your influence but I have realized that it was a mistake that I need to amend.”

Tanaka nods in agreement, looking almost proud and Souda’s eyes sparkle at her words. You feel a little envious of how supportive they are of her despite her mistakes.

“ _Mistake_?” Enoshima echoes the word, her voice empty, “The fact that you opened up your heart to the despair that was taking root was not a mistake. It was the right choice after all…no one can escape it, just give it some time. You’ll see what I mean…”

Sonia blanches and you feel a shiver crawl up your spine. The way she says it with so much certainty scares you. It scares you that she might be right and that you’ll end up back in that pitch black emptiness- that _despair_ \- all over again.

You turn to look at Nanami and give her a worried look. She smiles at you reassuringly and you feel a little better about it.

You shake your head. _No…I won’t let that happen._

“You’ve got that wrong!” you exclaim, pointing a finger at Enoshima.

“Ah?” she says in response, “What’s that supposed to mean?”

You gulp. “You’re wrong about that. People might have believed you when you first started spreading despair…even I fell for it but now it’s different,” you take a deep breath and continue, “I know that there are still people who are fighting against it. It’s exactly why you’re having this trial in the first place, isn’t it? To try and crush that hope once and for all.”

Enoshima looks at Monokuma and both of them start cackling in unison, the ominous sound echoing in the courtroom.

“What makes you think there are actually people like that? People with _hope_. Isn’t that what you’re trying to say?” she asks tauntingly.

“I am,” you say confidently, even though you’re still uncertain.

“It’s a little funny coming from your mouth. How do you even know that when you haven’t set foot out of this palace in so long? Do you even know what’s happening out there?” she asks you, a condescending smile ever present on her lips.

You shrug, “It’s true that I’ve never left but I have people with me that are proof that hope still exists…Sonia, Tanaka and Souda. Even Nanami, Komaeda and Naegi- they’re all proof of that,” you say, looking at all your friends standing next to you.

“Ha? Do you really think they can overcome despair just like that? There’s no way you can do anything to change things…I’m sure Sonia can agree to that,” she says, casting her a sidelong glance.

Sonia frowns, “It is true that your influence has spread far too wide for us to simply erase it all in one go,” she agrees, “But, as the Princess of Novoselic I’ve decided that I will do whatever it takes to make things right again.”

Enoshima scoffs and folds her arms across her chest. “Princess of Novoselic? Do you still call yourself that when you gave up the throne so easily?” she gestures to the crowd, addressing them, “Hey! Do _you_ guys still take her as your princess?”

The crowd roils and yells and you can hear booing sounds from the corners. Only a few voices speak in favor of her and Sonia recoils, her entire body shaking. Tanaka puts a hand on her shoulder and glares at Enoshima.

“Pay no heed to her words, Maiden of Darkness. This _demoness_ is only trying to get a rise out of you. You are far too noble to fall for her tricks,” he says in a soothing voice and turns to Enoshima, “There will come a day when you shall fear the name of Princess Sonia. Even I, the Lord of Darkness, have been informed by the gods that your petty despair has not managed to make everyone succumb. Even now there are mortals who are willing to rise against you and no matter what you bring, we shall not falter.”

Enoshima looks at Tanaka in confusion and puts fingers in both her ears, “Ugh what did you just say? Can’t you speak normally?”

Tanaka huffs and folds his arms across his chest, “You are far too weak at pretending that my words do not reach you.”

“Ahahaha! You’re actually kinda smart,” she smirks, “But what you said was incredibly stupid. Stupid, stupid…so despair-inducingly _stupid_!”

“How is it _stupid_?” Souda asks, getting offended on Tanaka’s behalf.

She sighs and shakes her head, “How the _fuck_ can you call those pathetic people hopeful? I can’t believe you have the nerve to think for even one measly second that those idiots out there have enough hope to defeat me!” she yells, her voice rising in anger.

Nanami narrows her eyes, “That’s not true…even now, His Highness is working on gathering groups of people who have hope so that they can work together. It’s working,” she says, a hint of pride in her voice.

“Ah?” Komaeda asks, disbelieving “I find that hard to believe since he wasn’t doing anything particularly helpful the last time I talked to him.”

“But that makes sense doesn’t it?” Enoshima points out, “Of course your father wouldn’t talk about his plans to a useless son like you! Did you think he’d tell you about how he was gathering together people with hope when his own son was trying _so hard_ to spread despair?” she ends with a cackle and Komaeda flinches.

“Don’t listen to her words, Komaeda-kun,” Nanami says soothingly, “She’s only trying to upset you. The truth is much different from what you believe.”

He puts a hand to his forehead and sighs, “I doubt it, Nanami-san but it’s kind of you to support me. My father didn’t want to involve me with his matters, that’s true.”

“He didn’t want you involved with him because it was dangerous for you! He was only trying to protect you!”

“….What?” he echoes in confusion.

“Oh, do go on, I’m really interested in this!” Enoshima adds, a smile playing on her lips.

_She’s so confident…it’s like she already knows about this._

“You’re the prince Komaeda-kun, and the King just wanted to protect you from falling into despair and putting your life in danger. After all, you’re the last hope he has for the kingdom.” Nanami says.

“The last… _hope_?” he seems to sway at the words, his expression dazed, “What…what are you talking about Nanami-san-”

“She’s right about that you know,” Enoshima says, twirling a lock of hair with her finger, “But it’s too bad the King didn’t realize that his own son became prey to despair too! And you even helped me out quite a lot at the start, hehe. Instead of becoming the hope your father wanted so much, you actually caused your own kingdom to despair!” Enoshima laughs and the crowd follows her lead, the noise chills you to the bone and when you look at Komaeda you feel your blood turn cold.

His face is sickeningly white and he’s holding his arm with the other hand in an unsuccessful attempt to keep it from shaking. You reach out to him and he flinches when you touch his hand. He shakes his head and manages a weak smile.

You turn to Enoshima, giving her a cold glare but she only looks at Komaeda, her expression almost blissful.

“Aaah~ It probably sucks to hear this coming from my mouth huh,” she says, her voice full of laughter, “Want to know something even _more_ despair-inducing?”

“Enoshima that’s enough,” you manage through clenched teeth and she narrows her eyes.

“Hey, Komaeda,” she says, thoroughly ignoring you, “Did you know the King actually sent rescue parties to get you and Hinata a few days ago? That Nanami girl probably told him about it but it all worked in my favor you know! It helped me eliminate them before they became a threat to me!”

“What…do you mean by that?” he asks slowly and judging by his expression you guess he’s already aware of the truth.

“Because of your thoughtless actions I was able to crush those tiny sparks of hope before they even had a chance!” she laughs in glee, “It was all thanks to you. You brought those who had so much hope remaining they were willing to strike back straight to my doorway...And I gave them the gift of that final Despair… _death_.”

_Death?! She couldn’t possibly mean-_

Naegi shakes his head, his face paling, “You’ve been using us all this time…? You used us to cause despair?”

Enoshima nods vigorously, “Yup! I just did it so that all your hopes would be crushed…so that all _their_ hopes would be crushed too!” she says, gesturing towards the crowd, “Not that I had anything to worry about- it’s just that I got so _bored_!”

“Bored…?” Naegi repeats, and looks at Ikusaba in confusion. She’s been standing expressionless beside him and shrugs at Naegi’s questioning glances.

“Ugh, you have no idea how despair-inducingly boring the last few months have been!” she groans, “Sure, I got the despair I wanted and it was all going according to plan…but there was just something missing…right Mukuro?”

Mukuro nods, “Y-yes, Junko.” she says, not looking at her.

“Well I thought about it quite a bit and I realized that I was bored because the despair just wasn’t enough!” she claps her hands together as if she’s figured out the answer to a great mystery, “I needed _more_ …I needed something worse, something so _horrible_ that it would crush every teeny tiny hope anyone had! I needed true despair…and now I know how to gain it!”

She breaks into a laugh then, and it reverberates throughout the courtyard, carrying her voice through the air and cutting at your ears like sharp knives. It’s worse than anything you’ve ever heard before and you clench your teeth at the noise.

She stops and heaves a sigh before speaking again, “The truth is, my little gardener boy, that I decided to have this trial for one single purpose only!” she exclaims, “Would you care to guess what that one purpose is? Oi, Hinata, you tell me…why did I have this trial, hm?”

You do a double take when she addresses you all of a sudden and your mind goes blank for a few seconds before you notice everyone’s’ eyes on you.

_Right…they want to know why she’s having the trial…!_

You think about it, tapping your chin with a finger.

_To execute us?_

_To make a fool out of Komaeda?_

_To send everyone into even more despair…?_

You weigh the options out and it comes to you. You jump at the realization and point a finger at Enoshima.

“You did it so that everyone could fall into even more despair!” you exclaim, “You were afraid that the remaining hope we had would grow stronger one day and that it would mean the end for you.”

Enoshima quirks an eyebrow silently urging you to go on.

“You’re just trying to make it so that all of us-” you gesture towards Komaeda, Nanami, and everyone else, “-can serve as examples of people who’ve fallen to despair. You wanted to make sure that everyone knew that there’s no one free from your grasp…that we’re all pawns in your scheme.”

“Bingo!” she grins, “You’re all just stepping stones for even greater despair! I’m sure you all know that there’s no escape from that, right?” she asks the crowd and they cheer in a perverse joy.

You feel a headache coming on and you press your fingers to your forehead to ease the pain.

_How are we going to get out of this if everyone’s so glad about this?!_

You were hoping that if you made it clear to the people watching that Enoshima was only using you guys it clear you of the blame she was pinning on you- wouldn’t everyone turn against her once they knew what kind of scheme she had planned?

 _But that doesn’t seem to be the case at all,_ you sigh in defeat. _There really is no winning against her, not when she has everyone wrapped around her fingers._

“You’ve got that wrong!” Naegi speaks up, his expression a mix of hope and determination, “There is despair but even so we’ll be able to rise from it! We still have hope and we’ll make it through. We have the prince on our side and I’m sure that he’ll make the future better…for all of us,”

“That’s right!” Sonia adds, casting Komaeda a pleading look, “I’m sure Komaeda-san will be able to overcome this. Enoshima-san has only ever tried to do things so that you would lose your hope. It is not because you didn’t have hope that she targeted _you_ of all people, but rather, she’s afraid that you might be able to do something against her! Please pay no heed to her words- none of this is your fault!”

Listening to Sonia’s words, you can’t help but feel a spark of positivity inside you- it starts with a spark and you can feel the warmth spread within you. You want to believe her words; you want to believe in Naegi, the boy you don’t know anything about and you want to agree with them because they have hope and that’s all you need at the moment. You turn to look at Komaeda because you’re sure he feels the same.

You expect him to look determined, to have that hopeful glimmer in his eyes but when you look at him all you see if the shadow of the boy you knew- he shakes his head as if he can’t believe what he’s hearing and then starts laughing, wheezy and hysterical. The faint spark of optimism that had just alit is washed away with a pail of cold water and you stand at dais feeling completely drained.

“Komaeda…what’s wrong?” you ask him, letting the concern seep into your voice, “This isn’t like you.”

“Isn’t it?” he says with a helpless smile, “Everything is going just as _she_ wanted. There isn’t any room for me in this, you know. I’ve been used just like everyone else so what makes me any better than the rest of them?”

“What you’re doing is just making Enoshima stronger than she is, Komaeda,” you tell him urgently, “You’re wrong about it all. You do have hope- it’s always been a part of you. You’ve been looking for it but you…you never realized that you’ve possessed it all this time. I mean, you wouldn’t be feeling like this if it weren’t for that right? If you were already in despair, none of this would have affected you at all!”

Komaeda looks like he has something to say but closes his mouth instead, listening to your words with rapt attention, silently nodding his head as if he wants to believe you.

“Hinata-san is right!” Sonia concurs, “I truly believe that you do have what we all need. I believed we would be able to make a wonderful alliance between our Kingdoms, you see. And I still believe it will be so when we take back our positions, Komaeda-san!”

Komaeda lifts his shoulders just the slightest and sighs, “Taking back our positions seems like a hard thing to do give the circumstances but I appreciate you support Sonia-san.”

Enoshima cackles and paces across the dais, hands resting on her hips, “Well even if I did let you guys go somehow, it’s not really going to be that simple to get back on track with everything. No one’s going to let you all live out there so easily, you know.” she sighs dramatically and looks at Komaeda with an exaggeratedly sad face.

Sonia stands straight and looks at Enoshima disdainfully, “I believed so too but after talking to Tanaka-san and Souda-san I have decided that it will not be that way!” she exclaims, “I am the rightful heir to the throne and I shall take back my position as the Princess…and Queen,”

“You think that’s going to work?” Enoshima challenges.

“I am willing to try,” she meets her look head on, eyes narrowed and posture dignified.

“Bold. But incredibly foolish,” she notes apathetically, “You can’t just become Queen again after handing over the throne to me. But even if we do disregard that, I doubt the kingdom’s going to accept you when they find out that you’re in _love_ with Tanaka- a person from the enemy Kingdom!”

The crowd gasps in unison and all eyes turn to the two of them. Tanaka seems to shrink under the stares for a few seconds before regaining his posture, trying to look unaffected. You notice that his cheeks have flushed red and he mumbles silently to his hamsters, looking for comfort. Sonia only stands taller and you’re impressed by how well she’s handling things. You’re reminded that this is the woman who had been raised since birth to be the Queen and, looking at her now, you realize that she truly deserves to be the true ruler of these people.

“Tanaka-san’s and my relationship has nothing to do with this,” she says curtly.

“Oh really?” she raises an eyebrow, “It’s thoroughly shameful that a Lady of your position would even think of such a gross act as marrying someone out of _love_. I’m a little disappointed Sonia…but impressed too…”

Sonia tries hard not to flush but her cheeks color a light shade of pink and her face turns into a scowl, “It would help make the relationship between our Kingdoms better,” she says.

“You could have married the Prince over there, in that case,” she points to Komaeda, “Why this man?”

"It is a personal matter and I do not think there is anything wrong with it if no one objects to it.”

“Ah? Does _no one_ object to this?” she says out loud and the crowd boos in unison, “Oh would you listen to that- _they_ clearly do! Do you really plan on marrying like this when it’s against our tradition?”

The princess pales but takes in a deep breath and speaks in a firm voice, “Things can change. To live by the old ways forever is foolish and I think that we should only do what we think is right. It has no bearing on what lies in the future.”

Nanami perks up from where she’s standing and smiles a little, “Exactly,” she says with a vigorous nod, “That is exactly what the King and I believe in as well! We can make the future to liking by our own effort. After all, where there’s a will there’s a way. Don’t ever forget that, you guys,” she says gently and you find yourself thinking about her words.

_Where there’s a will…there’s a way…_

Enoshima inclines her head and looks dubiously at Nanami, “Neither hope nor despair…just the future, huh? _As if such a thing is even possible!_ ” she screeches and slams a fist on the back of the throne, her expression livid.

“We’ll never despair,” Nanami argues, “We’ve all learnt from the past and none of us is going to repeat what happened. The future is a blank sheet right now and it’s uncertain but we’ll make it. Let us go, Enoshima-san you can’t do anything to us,”

Her words come like a challenge and the two women stare at each other steadily, a silent battle of wills. You find yourself holding in your breath and the seconds pass by achingly slow as everyone stands motionless, waiting for Enoshima’s reply.

You hear a sigh first and then Enoshima dramatically raises a hand to her forehead in resignation.

“Aaah! You really don’t know when to quit, do you?” she groans, slumping back onto the throne, “Alright, whatever. Go. If that’s what you _really_ want,”

Monokuma squeaks in confusion, and scampers towards her, his face a mixture of confusion and disappointment. “My lady! Are you sure this is the ri-” he begins but she cuts him off with a wave of the hand.

“ _Quiet_. I’m not dumb, you know,” she hisses, “I’ll leave the choice up to them! You guys want to leave? _Fine_. But let me tell you some things before that,”

“Go on,” you say hesitantly and Komaeda hums in agreement, having regained his composure.

“I might have omitted a few things when we were talking earlier but ah, I can’t put it off for much longer,” she sighs and turns to you.

“What does that mean?” Komaeda asks.

“You might want to sit down for this bit of news,” she waves at him, “It’s not going to be pretty.”

“I’m listening.”

“I mentioned how the king sent a rescues party to get you back, right?” she starts off.

“Yes,” he says, narrowing his eyes.

“Well the king was leading it.” she says shortly, “He was there with them at the time the group came to the palace!”

Komaeda says nothing, waiting for her to go on but when she doesn’t he says, “ _And_?”

“Put two and two together, already!” she sigh, kneading her forehead as if she had a headache, “Do I have to spell it out for you?”

He doesn’t speak but looks at her face, gauging for a reaction and your heart falls to your stomach at the look of pure joy on her face. She means what she just said and Komaeda’s face falls the instant you come to the same realization as him.

_The king’s dead?!_

“You’re lying!” Nanami exclaims, “That can’t be true…”

Enoshima shrugs, “Better believe it.”

“But… _how_?” Komaeda mumbles, shaking his head.

“Seems like your daddy wanted to come get you himself. I didn’t think my men would try and kill him right along with the rest of those soldiers.” she says nonchalantly, looking at her nails with interest.

“That….that cannot be true!” Sonia objects, “There was no such news while we were there.”

“It only happened a few hours ago, you know. It’s no surprise the news hasn’t spread very far. Or it might be the fact he’s not dead just yet.”

“So he isn’t dead?” you ask faintly aware that she might just be doing this to raise your hopes only to dash them again.

“Yeah he’s alive for now but I’d give him a day- two at the most. Those were poisoned spears by the way. Got him right in the gut too!” she says with delight, “It’s only matter of time before _he’s_ crowned King.”

“King?” Komaeda echoes, sounding incredulous, “He’s still alive. He’ll recover…”

From the way he says it, you can tell even he doesn’t believe it but you wish that it’s true. It would be too much for the kingdom if the King passed away at this moment.

“I doubt it but of course you still have that hope huh? You’d better get used to it though because even your best healers won’t be able to make him any better. Ah, but it might be hard to take the throne with the guilt of your daddy’s death looming over you.”

“It’s not Komaeda-kun’s fault!” Naegi speaks up and points a finger at Enoshima, “You were the one who ordered the attack on them!”

“I see. You're very good at shifting responsibility. Is that your definition of hope, Naegi-kun?” she says in disappointment.

“More than that, I’d like to know where you’re going with this, actually.” Komaeda says, reasonably calm.

“What do you mean?” Enoshima asks innocently.

“Telling me about the King being close to dying and saying that I have to accede to the throne, I’m sure you have a reason for only saying this right now,” he says, “You could have told me earlier but you didn’t.”

“Well if you think about it that way…you have a point,” she agrees, “I only told you this right now because you guys plan on leaving and I figured you should know what you’re up against, at least. The least you could do is appreciate my thoughtfulness!” 

“It wouldn’t change anything though. We would still leave Jabberwock.” Komaeda argues.

“And go back to your kingdom to rule over them as a worthless King? I didn’t imagine you to be so bent on ruling them that you’d be willing to drag your people down with you. Wasn’t your horrible luck the reason you never wanted to be King in the first place?” she says and Komaeda frowns.

“I never said I wasn’t willing to rule over them.” he deadpans.

“Ah. I do remember hearing somewhere that you always declined acceding to the throne when your daddy asked you. Did I hear wrong?”

_Decline…? Why would he do that?_

“The king was healthy and ruling the kingdom perfectly well. I saw no reason to take his place when the kingdom was so full of hope!” he replies, shaking his head.

“But alas, even that hope died out after a while. You should have taken the opportunity when you had the chance.” she comments and Komaeda smirks.

“It only got worse after your interference. Truly, you know how to ruin things so _well_.”

“That does come hand in hand with the fact that bringing despair is my talent,” she agrees, “I think you understand then, that you can’t really do so much good in ruling as King as long as I’m still around and your bad luck is still at work, then?”

“What do _you_ have in mind?” Komaeda asks, distrust visible on his face.

“Why don’t you just live here for the rest of your life?” she suggests, “You’re not much good as the King and there’s just no way the people are going to accept you even if you do leave. It’s a mess out there, the people are fighting for no reason but to cause despair, the air is so bad you can hardly breathe in it, your castle is empty and ruined- there isn’t anywhere for you to go back is there? Stay here and I’ll be generous with you just this once.”

“Stay here?” Komaeda scoffs, “And let you take over my kingdom? That’s what you’re really after, isn’t it?” He folds his arms over his chest and looks at her with contempt.

“Aaaah…No one appreciates what I do,” she says, her voice brimming with melancholy, “I was just offering you a nice alternative to going back out _there_ , you know. I was even going to let your precious _friend_ live here with you. I mean there’s no place for him out there- not with both the kingdoms out for his blood.” She says and casts a sidelong glance in your direction.

Komaeda shakes his head, “It’s true that I’m a worthless prince but I’m sure I’d make a better ruler than you,” his voice is taut with disgust, “You’re sickening. To stoop as low as to plan all of this just for the sake of despair, I really should have killed you when I had the chance.” 

“Killed me? I see. I never knew you had such strong feelings for me, Komaeda,” Enoshima says, unsurprised, “But I guess I should have figured that out…I mean you did come here just for that reason and you even _prepared_ for it, huh?”

“Prepared…?” you repeat the words in confusion.

Enoshima nods and raises her arm in front of her, putting a hand into her sleeve to pull out something small and brown. A bean?

“The guards found this when they were searching your body for anything dangerous. They say it was placed in a pocket of your cloak,” she says matter-of-factly, brandishing the bean in front of you.

“Is that a bean?” Souda asks, incredulously, “Why are you showing us a bean?”

“It’s not just any other bean, you see. Komaeda probably knows that best though,” she smiles and throws the bean in his direction. He stumbles forward and grabs it, surprised.

“I found it in the poison gardens while I was hiding there. I thought I was edible so I kept it,” he shrugs, “But I never did get the chance to eat it.”

“You wouldn’t be gullible enough to eat a bean from my poison garden would you? Of course I expect nothing less from you considering you _are_ kinda smart,” she says begrudgingly.

“It might be a little ignorant of me but what exactly are you trying to say?” he asks, eyes narrowed.

“Do I have to spell everything out for you?” she heaves a tired sigh, “I would have thought the culprit would be honest enough to actually fess up when they’re cornered but I guess there are people like you who just don’t know when to give up, huh.”

“Stop going round in circles!” you grind your teeth in frustration, “Just spit it out already.”

“Hmmm,” she hums thoughtfully, tapping a finger on her chin, “You see, this bean is used to _poison_ people during ordeals! It’s not really a coincidence that I found it on his person considering he came here for the sole purpose of trying to kill me. It’s simple enough when you put two and two together. Isn’t that right, Komaeda-kun?”

Komaeda doesn’t argue but he holds her gaze without wavering.

“See? He doesn’t even have a retort to that,” she says as if she was expecting it, “Truly boring- but horribly devious nonetheless.”

“ _Devious_?” Komaeda laughs, “I don’t really think it’s possible for someone like me to kill you just like that. How do you think I’d even get it inside your wretched mouth? After all it’s hardly likely I could do that while I was hiding.”

“The means don’t matter as long as you got the job done somehow. You’re not denying that you came here to kill me and I think that counts as enough reason to accuse you of attempted regicide, don’t you agree?” the crowd howls in agreement and Komaeda sighs.

“You’re grasping at straws,” he says, shaking his head, “Is it too much for you to admit defeat and just let us go? You agreed to it and now you’re spinning lies to keep us here again…”

“I was _going_ to let it slide! I was going to let you out but you’re too sickening and it’s getting on my nerves!” she yells, “I won’t forgive anyone who even tries to think of killing me. You and Hinata both- you’re going to be executed for what you’ve done,”

“You can’t be serious…” you mutter, finding your voice coming out in a strained gasp, “Why me…what did I do to get involved in this…?”

“Think about it. Why did I imprison you in the first place? Never mind, don’t answer that because I bet you’re going to waste another ten minutes thinking of the answer. It’s because you’re his accomplice. Anyone who attempts to kill royalty will be held accountable of treason,” she says with an air of finality and you find yourself clenching your fists, blood pounding painfully in your ears.

_This is insane…it’s got nothing to do with me!_

You turn to look at Komaeda, his face is unreadable but you can feel something boiling underneath the calm exterior. He puts his hands on the stand and leans forward, thinking of something.

“You’re waiting for me to say something,” he observes, “What do you want me to do?”

The statement comes out sounding almost helpless but you can tell he’s trying to keep his calm.

“That’s pretty straight-laced of you, for once,” Enoshima giggles, “You look almost pitiful, Komaeda-kun!”

“I’m hardly in a position to do much when you’re so bent on having me executed one way or the other. Knowing you, you’re not going to get it done in a simple way. It would so despairingly _boring_ after all.”

Enoshima looks surprise at his words, her eyes growing wide for a few seconds before she breaks into a laugh, her entire body shaking.

“Oh boy! You get me so well. So so _sooooo_ well!” she wipes a tear from her eye, “You’ve got it right! It would be too boring to just have you killed just like that! I want everyone to see just how pitifully your hope is going to die right in front of us!”

“What is it that you’re planning?” Tanaka asks, “The spirits tell me that something is wrong in the air. The air is thick with a miasma…and it is vile. _Truly vile._ White haired one, you would do well to steer clear of her connivances.”

“I’m aware of that already, Tanaka-kun,” he answers grimly, “But I’ll have to take that risk.”

“Now we’re talking!” Enoshima jumps up on her feet and walks over to him, “Let’s get to it!”

She motions for Monokuma to come over and whispers something into his ear. He looks at her with confusion, his face paling slightly before he regains his composure and nods.

“My lady, are you sure this is what you want?” he asks hesitantly, “This wasn’t part of the plan…”

“You know? I haven't followed a plan to the letter since the day I was born...” she says with a smile plastered on her face, “I get bored of plans as soon as I'm done making them. So I’ve decided to go off script and make a wager with the prince!”

“A wager…?” Komaeda asks, inclining his head to the right.

“Uhuh,” she nods, “Think of it as the final test of your hope. A wager between Hope and Despair…life and death. And we’re both going to participate on equal terms.”

“Equal you say. What do you have in mind?” he asks, folding his arms over his chest.

“An ordeal,” she says, “You eat the poisonous bean. If you live, everyone’s free to go but if you end up poisoned, you’ll die…and so will all your friends.”

You hear Souda let out a terrified shriek while Sonia utters a gasp. Nanami mumbles something indistinct but you can sense her unease at Enoshima’s words.

“We all die?!” you yell, “What the hell is this? Who the fuck would agree to that?”

“I accept the wager,” Komaeda says at the same time and you turn to him in confusion, feeling utterly betrayed.

“ _What_?” you choke.

“Wow that was fast,” Enoshima comments, almost amused, “Do you really have that much faith in your so-called hope? Or could it be that you just want to die?”

“She’s right, Komaeda,” you say begrudgingly, “It’s almost as if you _want_ this to happen.”

“It’s the only way out, Hinata-kun,” he says with a light shrug.

“Wait… _no_! There’s got to be some other way…we’ll figure it out,” you struggle to think of something, _anything_ , to get out of here without risking everyone’s lives in the process.

“He’s right!” Naegi exclaims, “We’ll find a way. You don’t have to risk your life for this. There’s no way anyone can survive this…knowing her, this bean is extremely poisonous. There’s no other reason for her to make this bet with you!”

“Eh? Do you really think I’m that unfair?” she asks, offended, “I’m serious about this you know! If Komaeda lives, you’re all free. Surely you have enough faith in your good luck, don’t you?”

“If I survive then you’ll confess that you were the one behind the massacre and the mass suicide of my people later on as well,” he says, twisting the bean between his fingers and looking at it pensively, “You’ll be executed in our place.”

Monokuma opens his mouth to object but Enoshima cuts him off, “That’s really demanding of you but I don’t see why not!” she puts a hand on her hips, “Oooh! Things are getting so exciting it’s almost too much!”

“I hope you’ll follow through on your words,” Komaeda huffs.

Enoshima puffs her cheeks, “That hurts you know! Komaeda-kun, I wish you’d have some faith in me!”

“This is insane…you can’t be serious,” you say, shaking your head, “Komaeda don’t do this. What if-”

“What if I die?” Komaeda smirks.

You don’t say anything and he takes that as an affirmative, shrugging helplessly, “Then I guess it would mean that my hope wasn’t as strong as I had thought,” he says.

“Hope…despair…does any of that even exist? It’s all a mess…I can’t even tell what’s _what_ anymore,” you mutter through clenched teeth.

Komaeda frowns, “Really, Hinata-kun. I think it’s all best for you to decide…I’m sure you know as well as I do that no matter what _this_ is the only way for us to make it out of here. I wish you’d believe in me…just this once?”

“Komaeda-kun’s right…I think,” Nanami says, pointing a finger at you, “Have a little faith in him!”

You sigh and put your head in your hands, “Faith? How can I have faith when you’re blindly risking your life for something that’s not even certain?”

“It’s the only chance I have of saving your life. If someone as worthless as I can protect you this time…that would all I could hope for,” he says and grins, “Well even if you don’t think about hope or despair there’s one thing you can always count on, you know.”

“What’s that…?” you ask weakly.

“My good luck of course!” he laughs and pops the bean into his mouth before you can say anything.

Your words die in your throat and you can feel the weight of every eye in the courtroom shift towards Komaeda as he swallows the bean in a single bite and sighs.

“I wonder how long it takes for the poison to start working?” he asks, tapping his chin with a finger.

“About five minutes, or so the books say,” Enoshima answers, “Say, Sonia didn’t they use these in ordeals when your daddy was still King?”

“Indeed…I have only seen it once but the poison takes effect within a few minutes. The symptoms are too terrible to bear,” she answers, her voice firm but fraught with tension.

“Looks like you only have a few minutes then,” Enoshima says, “Might as well say your farewells,”

“There’s no need for that,” Komaeda says and leans against the stand, almost casually, “This isn’t even as exciting as I thought it would be…I’m slightly disappointed,”

“Give it a minute,” she says with a knowing smirk and he lapses into silence at the words.

You can feel the heat of the sun on the back of your head and it makes you nauseous just thinking about what could happen in a few minutes. You keep your eyes locked onto his face, gauging for any change, anything to hint if the poison’s starting to kick in and as much as you’ve discounted the existence of miracles in your life, you’re praying for one right now.

_To think that it all boils down to this…Komaeda’s good luck. What does Enoshima want to prove?_

The seconds pass by slowly and you’re almost hoping something happens faster- the wait is almost too much to bear. From the looks on everyone else’s faces, you’re guessing they feel the same way.

“Ugh this is taking too long,” Enoshima whines, “Where’s the action? The mind numbing screams? The gasping for air? The deliciously scary twitching and convulsing of your limbs?”

“Didn’t you say it would take a while?” Komaeda rolls his eyes, “But I doubt anything’s going to happen either way.”

“This is too much. This is too boring!” she yells.

“Oh? Did you say somethi-” he begins but the words catch in his throat and he coughs, his chest wracking with the strain.

Your body tenses immediately and you rush to his side, Nanami right behind you.

Komaeda waves at you dismissively and forces a smile, “I’m fine I’m fine! It was just a cough.”

“You don’t look too fine to me,” Enoshima muses, her eyes glinting in excitement.

You look closely and note that his skin is whiter than it normally is and his hands are trembling ever so slightly.

“Komaeda…” you choke, “It’s…it’s working isn’t it?”

You don’t need to hear a reply because his hands start shaking even more and he grabs onto the stand for support, his breath coming in short gasps. Panic courses through every vein of your body but you can’t move. You stand rooted to the spot as you watch the prince cough raggedly, his entire body heaving before he falls to his knees, trying to take in air in huge gulps. It doesn’t seem to be working and his lips turn blue. You finally snap out of your trance and leap to hold him upright.

“Komaeda…! Komaeda hold on I’ve- oh god,” your mind’s a mess as you struggle to hold him. You turn to Nanami for help and she crouches next to you, trying to pat his back in an effort to get him to breathe.

It has little effect on the boy- you can feel his body sweating as if he’s in a fever and it’s uncomfortable but your attention is only focused on the fact that his heartbeat seems to be dwindling with every second.

Enoshima leaps from her throne and walks over to your side; her shadow falls over the three of you. She begins to cackle and her hideous laughter echoes in your mind as you try to make Komaeda regain his breathing- you’re trying but it’s not working. You bite back an angry sob as Komaeda coughs violently before his body slackens and his head falls onto your shoulder.

You don’t feel him breathe.

“ _Finally!_ ” Enoshima breathes, her voice still ringing with laughter, “Ladies and Gentlemen, the Prince is dead!”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Oh? Oh oh oh? Is that a change in the tags i see?_
> 
>  
> 
> i'm sorry


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the despair inducing finale is upon us! upupu~

Enoshima’s her lips curve in a devious smile as she looks down at Komaeda, his body lifeless, “I guess his hope really wasn’t that strong after all!” she exclaims, reveling in the crowd’s enthusiastic cheering, “He was all talk right from the start. Always saying this and that but not really meaning any of it! Oh well…even his sacrifice was in vain!”

Your mind struggles to make sense of her words but it all turns to meaningless babble, like static in your ears and you can only look at Komaeda’s face, pale and lifeless. Your hands are trembling as you hold him close to your chest, your eyes surprisingly dry and you wish you could cry but it feels wrong. Nanami has a frown on her face that deepens with every word Enoshima says.

Tanaka and Gundam have been rendered speechless but the Princess, although paling herself looks accusingly at Enoshima.

“Even if Komaeda-san has died…we shall never accept you as our ruler!” she shouts, angry tears running down her cheeks, “Even if the _entire world_ accepts your despair, we won’t.”

“Tough words to say for someone who’s going to be executed,” she answers with a melodramatic sigh.

“Upupu!” Monokuma laughs, hands on his mouth to hide his sickeningly large grin, “The executioners are here, my Lady! Shall we begin?”

Enoshima turns to look behind her, her eyes sparkling with joy, “Oh they’re here!” she points to the hooded figures walking over towards the dais, “Come on let’s do this!”

“Not so fast!” Nanami yells her voice loud enough to make the crowd hush in surprise. You find yourself turning to look at her too, praying she doesn’t say something that’ll only raise your hopes for something futile.

Komaeda’s body is limp in your hands and you can’t bring yourself to let go.

 “Eh? Is something wrong?” Enoshima asks dryly.

“The Prince…he’s not dead,” Nanami says, “I can feel a pulse although it’s weak.”

“Huh?” the word leaves your mouth in surprise and you slowly look at Komaeda’s face and notice Nanami’s fingers resting gently on his throat. You hadn’t paid attention to her being this close.

“Huh?” is all Enoshima manages too, her face disturbingly blank, “Huh huh huh huh huh huh HUH?!”

She walks over towards you, her footsteps slow and confused, almost stumbling. She keeps muttering under her breath until something snaps and her face turns into a hideous mess of confusion and anger.

“How the fuck can he be alive?!” she screams, stomping over to you, stopping only a step away from where you’re crouched on the floor, “He’s dead! He’s fucking dead!”

You can’t bring yourself to hope for anything but you reach out a tentative hand towards his heart, looking for a pulse. You don’t feel anything at first but you will your own pulse to stop hammering and wait.

“H-he’s….he’s…” you take a deep breath, trying to calm yourself, “I can feel it too.”

“That can’t be possible. He was _poisoned_! And no one ever survives it…you’d need to have the luck of the devil to survive this,” Enoshima answers numbly, hands limp at her sides.

“That’s Komaeda-kun for you,” Naegi speaks up, his eyes lighting up.

“Ah but he’s still not moving is he?” she says, perking up again at the thought.

The crowd seems uncomfortable at her reaction and the courtroom is surprisingly silent. She seems to pay no attention to that and steps forward, kicking Komaeda’s body hard. You flinch back instinctively, pulling him away from her.

“He’s not moving! See?” she gives him another kick before laughing hysterically, “He’s not moving so he’s dead! The prince is dead!”

Your face heats up from a sudden hatred that wells within your body, and you make to stand up, wanting to strangle her when you feel something shift under you. Your look down quickly and see Komaeda’s eyelids fluttering, his mouth opening slightly. You hear a sharp intake of breath before he turns over to his side and starts coughing, his body shaking with the effort. He seems to be choking on something and you rush to pat him on the back, your heart stuttering hopefully in your chest.

Enoshima seems too dumbstruck to react and watches as Komaeda retches and heaves, the bean coming out of his mouth before he collapses to the ground, breathing heavily. You look at him worriedly before realizing that he looks fine, the color returning to his cheeks. Nanami smiles at you and you try to blink away the relieved tears that threaten to fall any second.

“What the hell…?” Enoshima mutters, looking disgusted more than anything, “Puking in my courtroom? You really do hate me, huh.”

The sudden shift in her personality is so disconcerting that you frown, your stomach churning. You had become used to seeing her mood change every other minute but somehow, the look of pure resignation and denial on her face seems to catch you off guard.

“I swear, if you hadn’t been dying I would have killed you here and now,” she continues with a sigh and walks back to her throne, slumping as she sits down.

Komaeda shifts a little and you help him sit up. He looks at you, a thankful smile on his face before turning his attention to Enoshima.

“Don’t forget…your end of the promise,” he heaves sounding ready to pass out again, “Confess to your crimes…you’re the one who’ll be executed today…” he looks at her steadily, challenging her to argue back.

Enoshima stands up and smiles, a look of pure bliss on her face and her eyes shining oddly, “Aaah! Is it finally happening?” she cheers, “Upupupu! This is…this is the best!”

She walks across the dais, her footsteps light as she twirls and squeals, dancing in some perverse kind of joy.

“What…what are you so happy about?” Sonia asks, mirroring your own confusion.

Enoshima winks before walking over to her, setting an elbow over her stand, “Oh my dear Princess surely you know by now how much I love this turn of events? Ah…but looking at your expression it doesn’t seem like you understand…very well let me share it with you, my greatest source of joy!”

 “What do you mean?” you ask, feeling dreadfully scared.

“The plan that I worked so hard for, spent so many nights toiling over…it failed!” she says, hugging her body in excitement, “I even put my sister’s life on the line for it and look at what happened! It all failed so catastrophically and it’s all so despairingly upsetting…this is truly the Super Despair I was hoping for!”

She cackles and wipes a tear from her eye before continuing, “You know…ever since the moment I first took a breath in this horribly ugly world I was crying! And those tears weren’t of joy at being born, they were tears of despair! The only thing I’ve ever _desired_ is despair,” she sighs wistfully, “You don’t know how horrible it was, trying to spread that same despair that I needed, but no one understood me…it’s hard and no one understands. Well maybe Mukuro did but she’s a pathetic weakling too.”

Ikusaba flinches, but her lips are turned into a smile, her expression relaxed and satisfied, “I’m so happy for you, Junko,” she says and by the tone of her voice you know she means it.

Enoshima nods, “You’re an idiotic sister but ah, I do love you,” she says, “It’s the first time I’ve said it, huh?”

“Y-yeah,” she answers, her smile gone and replaced by a look of pure dread.

“As I was saying!” she goes on walking leisurely, “This whole set up, this plan to get you guys executed-you could say it was my final wager. I was wagering my own despair against all of your hopes! It was the last plan I had of bringing the despair that I so desperately yearned for,” she turns to look at you and Komaeda.

“And you!” she points a finger in Komaeda’s direction, “ _You_ finally gave me that! Thanks to you risking your life to show me your hope…thanks to your good luck…I’ve finally been defeated.”

“You’re sickening…” Komaeda says his voice hoarse.

“Isn’t that just your way of showing how upset you are?” she muses, “Isn’t it true that you’re angry at the fact that I’ll die happy even though you’ve won?”

“You wretch…!” he mutters through clenched teeth.

Enoshima ignores him and twirls once more, “Ahahahaha! I’m just so despair-inducingly happy!”

_She…she actually looks happy…?_

“Then that means you’ve accepted your loss?” Tanaka asks, “Will you relinquish the throne and offer your life as sacrifice to appease the gods…?”

“I don’t mind! I don’t mind at all!” Enoshima exclaims, “I never cared about winning or losing at all, you know. It’s all the same in the end. The kingdoms are still in despair, the people are in despair, and now I’m going to die in despair too!”

“You’re wrong…” Komaeda says, barely managing to keep his eyes open.

“Huh?” she asks.

“He’s right,” you answer in his place, standing up to face her, “You’re wrong about that. The Kingdoms are in despair at this moment but we have hope now! We’re going to make the future a better one, we’ll change it to our liking because that’s the hope we have…it’s neither hope nor despair because what lies ahead of us is uncertain but I’m willing to go on like this if it means I have a chance to make things right. I think that goes…for all of us.”

You look at your friends for support and they all nod in agreement, their eyes burning with renewed optimism.

Enoshima looks thunderstruck at your words and inches back, her expression horrified, “What the hell is this? How can you still say that when all that’s in wait for you in more pain and suffering?” she yells, “Even if I confess right now that I was the mastermind it doesn’t change anything! The people will still hunt you down for what you did- betraying the kingdom! No matter how old you get, you’ll always have to live with that regret.”

You shake your head, in awe that Enoshima was willing to fight for despair even till the end, “I know that. I know that…but I’m willing to go on like this. If it means a future where I can redeem myself, I’ll take that risk.”

She turns to look at the others, regarding your words almost acceptingly, “Do you guys think so too?” she asks.

“Yes!” Sonia agrees, Tanaka and Souda voicing their affirmation seconds after her.

Nanami grins while holding onto Komaeda in your place, “Nothing you say will make us change our minds now,” she says.

Enoshima sighs tiredly, “No matter. You can go on with that weird philosophy you have. It doesn’t matter to me anymore…but I’ll say just one last thing: from now on, you’ll have to be prepared for even more trying times. No matter where you go, there will always be the despair that I caused and it’ll always be a reminder of how you all failed to stop that,” she smiles sweetly, “Just remember…that even when I’m dead, I’ll always be here. After all, isn’t my very existence despair itself?”

She motions for the executioners to come to her, “Alright! It’s punishment time!” she exclaims in delight, “Upupupu! So this is the despair they feel when they die…ah I’m shivering in delight just thinking about it! I wanted everyone in the world to experience something like this! I wanted to paint the world with such stunning Despair!”

No one says a word as the execution steps towards her, his footsteps slow and measured as he draws out a sword, its blame glimmering in the sunlight. Enoshima’s grin widens at the sight, her eyes darkening into a swirling mass of something alien and dreadful.

She kneels down on the floor, getting to her knees as the executioner positions his blade above her head. Enoshima starts laughing, her voice echoing in the silence and it’s as if the temperature of the room has dropped- no one says a word as they wait for the inevitable, holding their breaths for the laughter to cease.

It echoes long after the blade drops to her head and the sound of the metal rings in your ears as you look away, bile threatening to rise up your throat if you dared look at moment longer. No one says a word, too shocked after seeing the wretched queen’s life coming to an end with the single swipe of a blade. Everyone sits in silence, looking at the bloodied mess in front of them.

 _So this is how it ends…It’s over now…_ you think, resting your head on Komaeda’s shoulder, shielding your eyes from the dreadful sight. The Prince seemed to have passed out when the executioner came, his breathing slow and peaceful.

You’re almost envious of him for not having witnessed her final moments. You’re sure her laughter will continue to ring in your ears long after you’ve gone back home and long after you learn to move on from the despair that she’s left. You’re sure that even if you grow old, you’ll never be able to forget that horrible woman, her pitch black empty eyes and that hateful, _hateful_ smile of hers.

\---

It seemed like an eternity but the stupor cast by Enoshima’s execution broke at last and, as if the strings of a puppet had been cut, the entire crowd set loose, wailing, shrieking and running in discord. It’s hellish and you step up fast, trying to support Komaeda as well.  Tanaka and Souda rush to your side and help him up, dragging him to the side, away from the mad crowd. Somewhere among the crowd you see Monokuma running out of the courtyard, his potbelly heaving. You don’t give him much thought though, he could die for all you care but there are more urgent things to worry about.

The crowd rushes in your direction and you fear for your life- even though Enoshima was gone it was true that the people wanted you dead. Was it possible that after all this, you still wouldn’t make it out of here alive?

Just as you’re about to turn and flee, Sonia steps forth, walking towards Enoshima’s crown which had fallen to the floor a little ways away from her body. Although the executioners had taken the body away, the blood still pooled around the crown and when Sonia takes it into her hands, you have to hold back a shudder.

The crowd seems to notice what she’s doing and stops, the room falling into a hush. Sonia puts the crown on her head, and looks up, waiting for the crowd to acknowledge her.

“As the rightful heir to the throne, I am taking back rule of the kingdom,” she says, her voice commanding and firm, “We are no longer Jabberwock- that is a thing of the past. From here on and forever more, we shall be the Kingdom of Novoselic. I hope that I can lead you all to the best of my abilities, so help me in my endeavor.”

 No one answers, but you can feel their hesitation as they look at the blood in front of them- the remnants of their former queen- and the woman standing in front of them wearing the bloodied crown that meant she was royalty. The crowd shifts and you notice a few people lowering their heads and bowing down. The rest follow suit, and within a few seconds people from both kingdoms are kneeling in front of her- silently accepting her as their new ruler.

“All hail, Queen Sonia!” Tanaka yells loudly, standing next to her. Souda falls in step next to him. He repeats Tanaka’s words and the Queen looks at both of them with adoration.

“All hail Queen Sonia!” the crowd cheers, some of the voices being less than enthusiastic about the matter but she doesn’t seem to mind as she stands looking at the crowd with her head held high, tears streaking her cheeks. She holds onto to Tanaka’s hand as if it gives her strength and you suppose it does, casting a glance in Komaeda and Nanami’s direction.

Having someone you loved did give you strength.

\---

 After Sonia’s unofficial coronation, the crowd was ushered out of the palace and you were finally able to heave a sigh of relief. Ikusaba and Naegi, although still shaken up, decided to leave the palace for the while and although you wanted to know what they would do here on, you knew you couldn’t rush them just yet. Ikusaba’s sister had just been executed and no matter how horrible their relationship may have been, they had still loved each other. You hope Naegi will be there to help her become acquainted with her new found freedom and, even though you don’t know him well, you find yourself believing in him.

After you bade them farewell, you reluctantly headed back inside the palace, helping Nanami carry Komaeda. You took Komaeda to another room to let him rest and you had agreed that he needed it. As much as you wanted to be there for him, you couldn’t bring yourself to talk to him just yet so you headed back to your room.

As soon as you walk back to your room, your legs start shaking from the respite and you collapse on your bed with a sigh. It seems like ages since you’ve been to your room and suddenly the darkness seems so overwhelming that you keep your door open, hoping some of the light comes in. It’s not much but it keeps you from thinking about the old days. Your excessively long hair suddenly seems like a burden and you’re aching to have them cut.

_Right…I don’t need to hide my face anymore…_

You’re lost in the feeling of the soft back against your back when you hear a knock on the door. Since it’s already open, you’re surprised you didn’t notice anyone come. You get up in surprise and find two people standing just at the edge of the door.

“Mom? Dad?” you ask in confusion, “What’re you doing here?”

“Hinata darling…we just came to talk,” your mother speaks; her voice frail and you get up to walk towards them.

“Ah…come in,” you say, your voice shaking just the slightest, “It’s not very bright in here…she blacked out the windows.”

“That’s alright son, we’re good here,” your father answers, uncharacteristically formal and it hurts you to hear him like that.

“I see…” you mumble not knowing what else you could say to them.

The silence that follows is more awkward than you would like to admit and you shuffle your feet, avoiding their gaze. It felt odd that they were here now, wanting to talk to you after they left the kingdom without deigning to tell you. Didn’t they miss you back then? Didn’t they even care about wanting you back with them, at home?

“Hinata…” your father is the first one to break the silence, “We’re sorry about…what happened back there.”

“What do you mean?” you ask on purpose, gauging their reaction.

You realize that you’re mad at them- and you had a right to be. You’d spent too much time blaming yourself for everything; you weren’t going to make the same mistake again. You were going to stand up for yourself if no one else was.

“It was a dangerous situation, we couldn’t just stay silent while you were on trial!” he replies, flustered, “If we hadn’t said anything…even our lives would have been in danger,”

“That’s not much of an excuse…aren’t parents supposed to look after their children no matter the consequences?” you say accusingly and fold your arms across your chest.

They look stricken by the words and lower their heads, too ashamed to reply. You would have thought it would give you some satisfaction but it only makes you feel bitter and empty.

“She forced us to come…” your father says after a while, “She said that if we didn’t, she would have you executed.”

“She was going to have me executed either way. I thought you would know that much about her,” you retort.

“We had no choice! We couldn’t just risk your life by not coming even if the alternative was to watch your trial!” your mother speaks up, walking towards you but you step back.

The look of pure hurt on her face breaks your anger and you feel deflated. You sigh and avert your gaze.

“We never wanted to abandon you…believe us, Hajime,” your father speaks in a tired voice.

“Ah? But you _did_ abandon me back at the castle,” you narrow your eyes, “You left the Kingdom without even bothering to tell me…Because you thought your lives were in danger?” you ask.

Your mother starts sobbing, her body shaking silently but you look away. Her tears always made you waver.

“W-we didn’t leave just like that, darling,” she says, her voice nasally, “We sent you a letter, we asked you to come along with us but you never replied…you never even bothered to say no.”

“Huh?” you ask, your anger dying out in an instant, “What letter?”

“We sent you a letter weeks before we decided to leave…it was too horrible just staying there when everything was so difficult. We thought we could afresh, with you there with us,” your father says, heaving a sigh.

You can’t seem to register the words and you try to settle your mind around the fact, “I never got any letter…” you whisper.

“…I see,” your father says, tapping his chin grimly.

“Monokuma…! He must have hidden it,” you realize, “That bastard.”

Your mother starts crying again and as much as you want to ignore it, you can’t. You cast a helpless glance at your father and he smiles weakly, the lines so much more prominent on his face than you’d ever seen them.

“Uh…how’s Jabb- I mean Novoselic?” you ask quickly, addressing your mother, “Do you like it here?”

She doesn’t reply for a while until she notices you’re talking to her and she straightens, startled at the attention, “It’s…it’s not the same as home,” she says, her voice tired, “It was never the same.”

You can’t help but help smile at that, remembering your own time here and how you’d never truly felt like you belonged, “Gets a little lonely, huh?”

They nod, understanding dawning in their eyes. “Forgive us Hajime…we never wanted to leave you. You just felt so… _at home_ at the castle. It felt like there was no room for us anymore,” your father says.

“At _home_?” you laugh, bitterly, “I never truly felt at home even then…I wished I could go back to you guys but that would have been running away…”

They stay silent, their expressions turning into ones of pity.

“All I wanted was to be with you two,” you say, and you wish you could hide the way your voice cracks but you don’t regret saying it.

It was time you said something- you’d spent too much time being silent and it had never made anything better for you. You doubt it ever would.

“Hinata…” your mother says, reaching forward to touch your cheek, “We’ve decided to go back home. Come with us.”

Somehow the words seem to catch you off guard and you step back, laughing shakily. The words you’d wanted to hear so badly all those years are now being said to you and it just feels wrong somehow.

“We’re proud of you, son,” your father adds, “You don’t need to do this anymore…we’re sorry,”

“I’ve…I’ve always wanted to hear these words so _much_ ,” you confess, trying to blink back tears, “I used to dream about it when I was sad and it made me feel hopeful that maybe one day I’d finally be able to leave the castle- that life of pain…that I’d go back to the two of you waiting for me like I’d never left.”

“Then you’ll come back with us?” your mother asks, her eyes so hopefully bright, “We’ll start over…buy a small hut maybe? We’ll live somewhere quiet and warm, just like we used to when you were young.”

You struggle to speak and you want to smile but your lips feel like rubber and you can’t do it. Your chest is tight with an all too familiar feeling but you can’t understand why.

_Why do I feel so…guilty?_

Your lips curve into a rueful smile and you shake your head.

_Haha…But I already know the answer to that, don’t I?_

Even as your parents look at you expectantly, you think of the white haired boy who had become your friend and lived with you, trying to make you less lonely. The boy who had made your life so miserable and yet now, when you had the chance to leave him, you didn’t want to. It felt wrong to and the thought doesn’t even cross your mind.

“…I’m sorry,” you say and look down, not wanting to look at their disappointed faces, “I can’t come back yet.”

You expect your mother to start crying again and your father to plead but they don’t. They’re silent as they look at you, eyes welling with tears but content smiles gracing their lips.

“It’s because of the Prince, isn’t it?” your father asks softly.

You can only nod.

“I’m a little sad you won’t be coming with us,” your mother says, grinning for once, “But I don’t blame you for choosing him over us.”

Your cheeks burn at her words, “I-it’s not like that!” you stammer.

“Of course it isn’t,” your dad winks and comes forward to ruffle your hair.

“S-stop it!” you yell, wanting to drown yourself all of a sudden. So much for being open about your feelings.

“We’re joking, of course,” she says, still smiling, “You’ve found what’s important to you, haven’t you?”

“I want to stay by the Prince’s side,” you tell them with a quick nod, feeling a burden lift off your chest as you say it, “I want to be there for him when he becomes the King. I want to help him make our Kingdom a better place…both for his sake and mine. I’ve done a lot of things I’m not happy about and I can’t come home until I redeem myself. I promise; I’ll make both of you proud.”

“You’ve already made us proud, Hinata. We’re lucky to be your parents.” they say and step forward to hug you.

You can’t help it; you cry. Like a newborn taking its first breath and it feels _good_ , so much better than you’ve felt in years. And maybe it’s true that you’ve been reborn and you hug your parents tight, crying both out of sadness and joy and _freedom_.

Maybe this truly would be the beginning of your future.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay i honestly ended the last chapter that way because i was like 'yeah lol it's going to be fun making a few people despair' tbh? i really didn't expect a shit ton of people crying over komaeda 'dying' and honestly i had so much fun looking at everyone's reactions but then suddenly i felt very Guilty so yeah faster update this time because i was getting upset...  
> forgive me  
> but wow i never realized so many of you read tww? i'm very very thankful for all of this and just wow...i'm a little overwhelmed honestly  
> look forward to the next updates because i'll definitely make it up to you all!!! i love you, friends  
> Only a few more chapters to go!


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> writing this chapter was one hell of a ride tbh
> 
> warning for slight gore better be careful just in case....

Talking with your parents comes as a relief and you spend the rest of the day with them, catching up on everything. You talk well into the night, smiling so much that it makes your cheeks hurt, and end up falling asleep in your room, a mess of tangled limbs and hair.

The next morning you awaken to the two of them already dressed up to leave and although you wish you could have spent more time with them, you don’t stop them. Once you got back home as well, you’d be able to meet them again.

Komaeda wakes up too and you’re relieved to see him perfectly normal. Apparently the poison hadn’t damaged his body at all and he’s fine to do as he pleases. He smiles at you when you visit him but he still looks tired so you decide not to cause him any annoyance by being overly talkative. When you ask him what his plans are now that everything’s back to normal, he says he wants to go back to the Kingdom. You agree and tell him that you would be going back with him which he reacts to with surprise. He doesn’t say anything though and nods. You leave him when he says he needs to sleep because his head still hurts.

The next day, the two of you, along with Nanami, head back to the kingdom. It’s the first time you’ve set foot outside the palace in more than a year and what you see comes as a shock even though Tanaka and Souda had briefed you about it before you’d set off for home. You’re glad you’re sitting inside a carriage because the moment you take a whiff of the air outside, you find your breath hitching, feeling something burning your throat and insides. It doesn’t last long since Nanami is quick to shut the windows and lock them up tight.

The journey back home is mostly silent and when you try you make small talk, you only receive single word answers and halfhearted shrugs. You suppose it’s normal since you’re going back to the palace and the King is there, injured and suffering.

You refuse to believe he could have been wounded to the point where he wouldn’t be able to survive but by the time you get back to the castle, you’re a nervous wreck. Komaeda doesn’t seem to be doing any better and his face is pale, arms going almost subconsciously around his body as if hugging himself. He doesn’t say a word as you walk inside, a sense of urgency making your footsteps fast and deliberate. You brush your hand against his, in consolation but he only smiles at you, silently thanking you for the effort. Nanami’s lips are set in a thin line but she’s the one who walks at the front, leading you to the room where the King stayed in when he was at the castle.

The first thing that hits you is the sour odor of vinegar and a trace of mint leaves. You know by that smell that someone wounded is inside and your gut clenches at the thought. You’re not sure what you should do but Komaeda turns to you, his expression torn.

“Hinata-kun, Nanami-san…could you please wait outside?” he asks, almost pleading, “I know it’s too much to ask but-”

“That’s alright,” both you and Nanami say at once. Komaeda’s shoulders relax a little in relief and he nods, walking towards the bed while you leave the room.

You wait right outside the door, leaning against the wall while Nanami sits down on the floor, looking pensively at her hands. Neither of you say a word to each other as you wait for the inevitable.

From the look on Nanami’s face, you can tell the King won’t live long. You don’t have to see it to know that the shadow of death looms over the castle. No one is around except for a few guards who walk to and fro across the halls, casting sidelong glances in your direction.

 The minutes pass by achingly slow and you’re almost wishing for something to change, anything to distract you from the nervousness that’s clawing at your sides, when you hear footsteps hurrying towards the door. A nurse runs out of the room, her hair scattered and her expression frenzied.

“Call the healers! We need the healers!” she yells and the guards, alerted, rush to get help.

“What happened?” you ask, worried.

The nurse shakes her head, her eyes tearful, “The King…his condition is worsening,”

You don’t need to hear more. Both you and Nanami run inside, the nurse following behind you. You find Komaeda standing near the bed, his hand holding the king’s lifeless one.

“Komaeda! Is His Majesty…” you begin but when he turns to look at you the words die in your throat.

He shakes his head, a single tear falling down his cheek, “The King is dead….Long live the king.”

\---

Everything after that came as a rush of devastated people running into and out of the king’s room, the nurses standing in front of the bed, looking at the king’s body as it would somehow start moving again. Komaeda stood there with them, a hand on his arm, staring lifelessly ahead and it almost felt as if the King wasn’t the only who died today. You wished you could do something for him but your own inexperience at these kinds of things held you back. You didn’t want to hurt him by giving him unneeded pity.

You didn’t walk over to him, but you didn’t leave him either- you stood by the edge of the door where you had first entered the room wanting to be there if he needed you. You realized that you still hadn’t seen the King’s face but you figured it didn’t matter anymore.

A guard came soon enough and ushered you out of the room because they had to make arrangements for the funeral. You nodded in a daze and walked out of the room, unsure of where to go. Nanami took you by the hand and led you into a room further to the back. You remembered it being the place where you had first met Usami, the day you had come to work at the castle and you found the woman seated there now, her head in her hands, weeping softly. You felt a rush of something like affection come over you- you were relieved to see her, feeling infinitely thankful that she hadn’t killed herself in the mass suicide.

She looked at you and smiled slightly before putting her head back in her hands and sighing. You didn’t say anything either, leaving the woman to mourn in peace while you waited.

It might have been hours or a few minutes but a woman comes to usher you out into the royal gardens where the funeral is to take place. You have never been to that part of the castle before since it was reserved only for these occasions. You can’t bring yourself to admire the beauty of the gardens because you can almost feel the silence bore into you, a silence so profound and sacred that it almost feels like you’re trespassing.

The guards and the castle attendants are already there, standing in front of a hole being dug just big enough for the crudely built wooden coffin to fit in. It’s still open from the top and you can see the King’s peaceful face resting inside, a diadem on his head and the royal scepter in his hands. You had thought the scepter was inherited by the heir but looking at the King’s serene face and the scepter in his hands, you can tell that no one truly wants to believe that the King has died.

You find Komaeda standing on his own a little away from the rest, looking at the King with an unreadable expression. You wish he would show some emotion but he just stands there, emotionless and stiff. You pass it off for shock but you know that it’s more than that. Komaeda knew this was inevitable, he was well aware the King was going to die from the way he had looked before entering the castle. He knew that his father, a man he had both admired and loved, was going to die- and still there was nothing he could have done to stop it.

When they lower his body into the grave, and a man who poses as a priest starts reciting prayers loudly, barely able to contain his own grief, everyone starts crying. You can’t fathom the grief everyone has, but it hurts you to see them lowering the King into the earth so you look away. Komaeda walks closer towards the hole and looks down with concern, a frown on his face. You wonder if he’s going to cry, judging by the brief emotion that flits across his face but it vanishes before you know it and then he’s staring impassively at his hand, still unable to cry.

You feel an unmistakable sadness looking at the boy like that and feel your vision blurring at the thought. If there’s nothing else you could do for him, you could at least ease the pain by being there for him when he needed it.

Your resolve strengthens when the funeral ends and everyone shuffles back towards the castle. Komaeda strides out of the garden before anyone else and you look at Nanami for help. She shakes her head helplessly.

“There’s only so much we can do for him right now…give him some time, Hinata-kun.” she says, as you walk back inside, heading towards the rooms above.

You sigh, “I know that but…it hurts me to look at him like that Nanami. I don’t want him to suffer any more. He’s already lost everyone he loves.”

She nods slowly, her eyes sad, “I know…that’s why I can count on you,” she says, “I’m sure he’ll be able to recover if he has someone by his side.”

You look at her in confusion, wondering if she knew more about Komaeda than she let on and when your eyes meet hers, you sigh.

“Are you sure…? I don’t know what to say to him Nanami. What if I come out sounding like I don’t mean what I say? What if I _hurt_ him, Nanami?” you can help voicing out your worries when you’re with her. The calming presence around her somehow always makes you blurt out your thoughts but you don’t mind this time.

She simply shakes her head, a serious look on her face, “I’m sure you’ll know what to do…after all, aren’t you the one who spent most of your life with him? You can do it…I believe in you!” she exclaims as you reach the corridor where Komaeda’s room used to be.

You pause in front of the door, thinking of the words you were going to say to him but nothing comes to mind. Nanami puffs her cheeks and pushes you with her hands, shoving you towards the door.

“Go in!” she orders you and you can’t help but grin.

“Alright…here goes,” you breathe in and open the door. Nanami doesn’t follow.

The door isn’t locked and you sigh internally in relief. The room is the same as it always has been although it looks a lot duller than the last time you saw it. Somehow the white sheets and the tables all look like they’re matted with dust- as if no one’s been living here for months.

Komaeda’s sitting at the table with his back to you and you find it odd, because you’ve never seen him use that table before. Didn’t he prefer to do his work on the bed?

He turns to look at you, his head snapping in your direction so fast it startles you. His face goes from surprised to disappointed in a split second before he breaks into a grin.

“Ah! Hinata-kun, did you come to see me?” he asks, turning his attention back to the table, not looking at you, “Did you need something?”

You walk towards him, feeling on edge somehow, “I…I just wanted to check up on you, Komaeda,” you tell him.

“I’m doing perfectly fine though; there really wasn’t any need to go through all that trouble you know. I bet you’re tired,” he says, speaking so fast you barely catch his words.

“I’m not tired. Besides, you need much more-” you begin to say but pause when he still doesn’t turn to look at you. You see something glint on the table and your stomach does a somersault when you realize what it is.

“Komaeda…is that a _knife_?” you ask, wishing he’d deny it. You walk to the table and he looks up at you with the expression of a child who had been caught doing something naughty.

You don’t need to hear the answer from his mouth though because your suspicions are confirmed when you look at the table and see a large butcher’s knife lying alongside a rag cloth. You feel your head spin when you look further and see something bloodied and mangled a few inches away covered partly by a cloth. You can’t look at it for more than a second but you’re sure you see the hint of hideous red nails. You can feel the remnants of your breakfast come back up your mouth and you take a stumbling step back.

“What…what the hell?” you’re surprised you can still form coherent sentences, “Is that her hand? It’s her hand isn’t it…her _hand_.”

You can’t believe it and you wish someone would say it was just a piece of cloth, nothing else but Komaeda doesn’t deny it. His lips curl into a faint smile as he regards the _hand_ with a look of both disgust and reverence.

“It’s so hideous, isn’t it?” he asks casually, “The hand of that wretched woman.”

“What the hell are you doing with it?” you ask, coming back to your senses before your gaze flits back to the knife, “Don’t tell me you’re…where the hell did it even come from?”

“I got it before we left,” he shrugs, “Seeing her dead... it didn’t make me happy at all, Hinata-kun! I felt so empty it was as if _I_ was the one who had lost- not her.”

“What’s that got to do with anything?! Komaeda she’s dead, you don’t have to worry about her anymore,” you say, walking towards him, hoping you can get that knife out of his sight. You don’t know what he plans to do with it but it makes you squirm with unease.

Komaeda laughs and it’s an empty, dry laugh, “She succeeded in killing my father…in spreading despair even _after_ she died. Perhaps if I took something of hers as my own, it would make me stronger than her…perhaps then I would actually be worthy of wearing _this_ ,” he says and extends his left hand towards yours.

He’s wearing a gold signet ring on his pinky finger and you remember it being the one that the King always wore, “See this? My father gave it to me, Hinata-kun. Isn’t it funny?” he chuckles, “He said I would make a great King one day…and then he gave it to me before dying. He believed I was worthy of this…that someone like me could actually make a decent enough King to rule over the Kingdom! Even as he died, he truly was foolish wasn’t he?”

You open your mouth to speak but he silences you with a wave of the hand. You look in confusion at him as he takes hold of the knife and puts his left hand back on the table.

“K-Komaeda..! Don-”

“I’m sorry you have to see this…I really should have locked the door,” he sighs and raises the hand with which he holds the knife. He clenches his teeth and takes in a large breath.

You stand dazed for a second more before you realize he’s actually going through with it and you lunge towards him, grabbing his arm before the knife can get anywhere near his hand. His grip is tight on it and you have to shake him by the shoulders for him to snap out of it. He looks at you with stormy eyes, trembling all of a sudden before his grip loosens and the knife clatters to the floor.

You sink to the floor and sigh, turning to look at Komaeda. He’s shaking and when he looks at you his eyes are glazed over as if he’s suddenly lost the will to do anything. He slumps forward and you catch him, settling his body into a more comfortable position on the floor.

“Why…why did he have to die..?” he asks in such a low voice that you wonder if he’s speaking at all, “Why couldn’t he just live and run the Kingdom like he used to? Why couldn’t _I_ have died in his place?”

Your chest feels tight at the way he’s dropped any pretense at staying strong. You can almost feel how deeply the Ling’s death has affected him and it hurts you to look at him like that.

“Do you really mean that?” you struggle to keep your voice from trembling, “Did you want to die…back there?”

“If a person can’t even hold onto enough hope to keep going, isn’t it better to die instead?” he smiles weakly, “That woman was right…I didn’t eat that bean for the sake of defeating her…I might have just wanted to stop living.K

“Why…why would you want to die when the entire kingdom’s waiting for you to rule them? When there are people who would have been hurt if you had died?” you remember his lifeless body as you held it and your hands start shaking at the thought, “Do you know how _scared_ I was…I was so afraid I’d never get to see you again!”

He looks stricken for a while, his eyes widening before he laughs, “It’s funny, Hinata-kun, when I was so close to dying, I didn’t feel any relief at all! I thought that I’d be freed from it all…from this guilt that’s been eating at me- for destroying both my Kingdom and causing my father’s death- but all I felt was emptiness…”

You wait for him to continue and he sighs, closing his eyes, “It’s selfish of me but at that moment I was so filled with regret,” his voice is low as if he doesn’t anyone to hear him, “I regretted that I spent my entire life without having felt someone’s love.”

“Komaeda…you know that’s not true,” you say, reaching out your hand to touch his, “You know I l-” you stop yourself, your heart stuttering in your chest.

_I can’t say it yet…it wouldn’t be fair to him…_

“Nanami and I care about you…you know it would have broken us if you had died,” you say instead. _It’ll have to do for now._

He doesn’t look like he believes you and his eyes settle at a point just behind your head, “Do you know what happened when I went to visit my father in his room?” he asks, his voice empty.

“Tell me,” you urge him, a little hurt that he ignored your previous statement.

“He smiled at me,” he says, a hint of laughter in his voice, “After all I’d done, he _smiled_ at me. His eyes were so warm it felt like I was looking at someone else, not my own father. How could he look at me like that? As if I had made him the proudest man in the world?” he looks at you desperately as if he’s searching for something, hoping for an answer that would keep him from breaking.

“Isn’t that because he loves you?” you tell him tenderly, “He was proud of you for being the son he always wanted you to be,” you think of your own parents and how warmly they had smiled at you.

He doesn’t say anything and bites his lip, “He said I’d make a great King…he said that he had hope in me,” his voice is still devoid of emotion and you wish he’d show a hint of something, _anything_ , to show that he wasn’t completely broken.

You smile at him even though it hurts you to do it, “Isn’t that what you’d always wanted to hear, Komaeda?”

He shakes his head vigorously, looking displeased, “Instead of feeling happy it felt like he’d just cursed me to a horrible death instead! Having my father forgive me for everything so easily was almost worse than seeing him die without saying anything to me…how could _anyone_ forgive someone like me?”

You understand what he means and it hurts you to see him like this- not wanting to be forgiven for the past, clinging onto that guilt so fiercely that it blinded everything else. Looking at him right now, arms folded around his legs, eyes empty as they gaze at nothing, you remember your own self. You remember sitting in that dark, awful, room wishing you could die just to escape that feeling of guilt and hopelessness that clung to you like a dead man’s weight. You knew there was no way to move on from that feeling without accepting it as a part of the past.

“You know, Komaeda, I was the same way for the longest time,” you say with a shrug, “I couldn’t stop hating myself for what I did…for running away and helping Enoshima in her plan- I wished I could die. But I _didn’t_. Even at the trial, when they pinned the blame on me I was ready to accept it, I deserved it after all.”

He looks at you in confusion, leaning forward almost subconsciously, “But it wasn’t-” he begins to say but you smile at him knowingly and he stops.

“It wasn’t my fault?” you complete the words for him, “As much as I’d like to believe that…I can’t. I _couldn’t_ believe it, you know. Not until _you_ said that it wasn’t.”

“I…I don’t understand,” he looks almost frustrated as he says it.

“I was waiting for someone to forgive me,” you tell him, twining your fingers in his and feel a strange satisfaction when he reciprocates, “And when you said it wasn’t my fault, back at the trial, I felt like I’d been freed from that guilt…that was when I finally realized something, Komaeda.”

“What was it?” he asks, an eager hint to his voice.

“I only needed to be forgiven by someone else and once I understood that, I realized that the future ahead of me was something that I could use to redeem myself of that horrible past. I could learn to _forgive_ myself,” you feel better saying the words and you hope Komaeda understands what you want to tell him.

“Forgiving yourself…?” you can tell he’s trying to grasp his mind around the idea, “How is that possible when I’ve…when I’ve-” he seems at a loss so you speak for him.

“Komaeda…I forgive you for everything you’ve done in the past. And so did your father…I think he knew all along that this would hold you back. You can’t keep going like this, you’re only hurting yourself,” you tell him, letting vulnerability creep into your voice. You want him to know you’re worried about him, that you truly care about him.

“You forgive me?” he asks, his voice shaking, “ _How_?”

It’s surprising when you think about it now but you had never imagined yourself sitting with Komaeda, telling him that you forgave him for everything. You didn’t think it would ever get to this point but seeing him right now, you can’t feel any resentment for the prince at all. He was just another pawn in Enoshima’s scheme, just a hopeless boy caught in the insane cycle of his own bad luck. It wasn’t his fault that _you_ got involved in it as well.

Looking at him now, so close to falling apart, you can only feel pity for him and a deep sense of kinship. The two of you were so alike that it almost scared you.

You sigh and scoot closer to him, “It’s because you and I are similar,” you put a hand on his cheek and he leans into the touch, a sigh escaping his lips, “Weren’t you the one who said that?”

He looks at you for the longest time, his eyes are torn and you can tell he’s desperately trying to keep himself from crying.

When he speaks, his voice is hoarse, “Do you really think that’s possible for someone like me?” he asks, “Can I really forgive myself?”

“We’ll learn to do it together Komaeda,” you say, feeling your eyes moisten, “We’ll learn to move on and learn from our mistakes…we’ll learn to forgive ourselves and make a new future.”

_Together,_ you add in your head but don’t say. You’re afraid it’ll only make him draw into his shell even more.

The prince doesn’t say anything, looking dazed. His eyebrows knit together as if he’s thinking.

“Komaeda?” you say, feeling a rush of emotions for the boy.

“Hinata-kun…?” he mumbles, not meeting your eyes.

“Thank you,” you tell him, your lips parting into a smile, “Thank you for making it this far…thank you for surviving all that…for living on even when you didn’t want to. I’m glad you’re alive,” your voice shakes as you speak as you come to the realization that you truly mean what you’ve said and it makes you feel so _vulnerable_ to put it into words- to tell him that you care for him so deeply.

Komaeda freezes, looking at you in disbelief and surprise before his expressionless mask finally comes off and his face falls into one of pure and utter sadness, his eyes glistening with unshed tears. He shakes his head and laughs, weak and hollow- broken. His shoulders slump and he leans forward, hiding his face.

“How…” his voice is muffled and you hear his breath hitch as he speaks, “How can you say something like that so easily?”

You don’t need to say anything, because you realize he’s not waiting for an answer. You put your arms around him and pull him close.

Komaeda makes a noise of surprise but doesn’t move away from you. He takes a shuddering breath and bumps his head onto your chest in defeat.

“I’m alright, Hinata-kun…you don’t need to be here. I’m fine.” he says feebly, trying to squirm out of your hold. You press him closer to you and stroke the back of his head, letting him know you won’t leave.

“It’s okay to cry, Komaeda,” you whisper, putting your head on his shoulder, “It’s okay to grieve…don’t hold it in anymore. _Please_.”

His eyebrows slant downwards and his chin trembles when he looks at you. It’s as if he’d been hoping for you to say these words for so long and he grabs onto the front of your tunic, his body shaking before he starts crying, silently at first and then louder, his entire body wracking with the sobs. You feel your own heart break at the sound of his grief, at the sound of the loss he feels. You hold onto him for dear life as if it will help ease the pain somehow but he still weeps silently into your shirt, and you feel your own cheeks getting wet. You let him cry, expressing his sorrow in the only way he knew, and you cry with him, just so he knows that he’s not alone. If things went your way, you’d never let him be alone from now on.

You stay with him until his breathing slows and he quiets down, slumping a little as if he’s suddenly tired. You walk him over to the bed and he smiles at you graciously and the sight endears you so much that you pull him into a hug again; squeezing him so hard he makes a choking sound. You let him lie down because god knows he needed the rest.

 He finally falls asleep, clutching onto your hand like a little child, his face peaceful but tired. Reluctantly, you get up, walking back to the table.  The sight of the mangled hand still makes you dizzy but the thought of Komaeda doing something with it makes you feel even worse so you push the urge to shudder deep down and take it into your hands, trying not to touch any part besides the cloth. You grab the knife too and leave the room on your tiptoes, hoping Komaeda doesn’t wake up. He only stirs a little but you don’t look back as you dash down the spiral staircase at the far end of the hall, the one you used to sneak out of the castle whenever it was late.

You walk towards the kitchen window and peer inside, your eyes looking for the furnace they kept at the right hand corner. It’s not burning but you don’t see anyone inside so you open the door and walk in. It feels as if you’re about to do something horrible but one look at the cloth is enough to strengthen your resolve. You light up a torch with the oil and ignite the furnace- the flames come to life like a dragon just rising from its slumber.

Once you’re sure it’s not going to burn out, you take the cloth and throw it in, not casting it another look. The flames lick at it hungrily and within a few minutes the last remnant of Enoshima Junko is eaten away, turning to ash forever.

\---

Time passed by much quicker than you would have liked after the King passed away. Komaeda was urged to take the throne immediately but somehow, he just couldn’t bring himself to say anything to them. You knew it would take him a while to get accustomed to the idea that he was the King now and when the officials and the nobles who were still sane enough to know the gravity of the situation came to the castle for the umpteenth time, you stood up for him in his place.

You told them that he would accede to the throne soon but that he still needed time to think about it. You agreed that the work that needed to be done should be given to you in his place since you had grown up with the prince and, against their better judgment, you knew almost as much about ruling a Kingdom as the heir himself. They couldn’t bring themselves to argue against you when you sounded so determined so they relented and handed you all the work in his place- it was only a temporary thing anyway. You were surprised they actually agreed though- seeing the look of distrust on their faces when they realized who you were, you’d felt a sick feeling of dread that they’d reject you but somehow they didn’t. Maybe they believed you were worth redemption- they were the King’s men after all, they would know about his ideals wouldn’t they?

You wished it was temporary thing but with every passing day it felt like you’d be forced to sit on the cumbersome throne, listening to the people complain about the Kingdom’s state, having to fill out paper works for every minute ongoing within the castle and outside it, and putting up with the constant grumblings of the lords for your entire life.

Komaeda had somehow taken to holing himself up in his room for extended periods of time and when he did leave to take a walk he had such a vacant look on his face that you couldn’t bring yourself to talk to him about the Kingdom’s situation. You had been so busy with work that you hardly got to spend any time with him even if you wanted to, and increasingly you found yourself visiting small towns and cities further away from the capital to check up on matters there.

Things were far from getting better and the shock of witnessing the destruction and chaos firsthand made you want to draw back into your own room and never go out again. It was the worst the first time they took you on one of your rounds- the rubble and the smoke, the burning heaps of bodies and bone, the pungent smell of something poisonous in the air had made you so sick that you’d almost passed out until Miss Usami had put a comforting arm around you to keep you from falling. She tried to soothe you by saying that it would get better the next time and that you’d get used to it.

She was right, to an extent, but the urge to run away from it all never truly vanished.

Almost a month after you decided to fill in for Komaeda, you’re tired and exhausted beyond belief and you can’t stand the heat anymore. The summer just refuses to end and you’re wondering if you’ll have to go through the entirety of it with your disastrously long hair that curl around your neck like vines, ready to strangle you. Even though you’d been meaning to get them cut, somehow you never got the time.

When an old lady shows up in the throne room, complaining about how, for the love of god, no one was fixing the water works, something snaps. You hand over all your papers to the assistant advisor and tell him you need to take a break. He nods as he takes the papers from you, his expression almost relieved. You suppose he would be since you’d been working yourself to the bone for Komaeda’s sake and had refused to rest when the Kingdom was still in such a pitiful state.

You march impatiently towards your own room but stop in your tracks and think of something else. You run in direction of the quarters where Nanami lives and knock at her door urgently.

She opens the door surprisingly fast, a worried look on her face, “…Hinata-kun…is something wrong?” she asks.

“I need a haircut Nanami,” you wheeze, sweat dripping down your forehead.

She frowns at the sudden request but nods, pushing her door open for you to come in, “Come in.”

You follow her inside the small, nondescript room with grey walls and a single bed in the corner. She motions for you to sit on the floor and you nod, settling into position while she fumbles in her drawer for a scissor. She finds one and takes it out with a flourish, eyeing it suspiciously.

“I really hope you know how to cut hair,” you comment, looking at her doubtful expression.

“I’ll be able to cut them short…I think,” she answers, not bothering to conceal her uncertainty.

You shrug, “As long as you can get this dreadful mop out of the way, I’ll be glad,” you tell her and she hums in response.

She sits behind you, on the bed, and grabs a lock of your hair between her fingers, “What made you come here today?” she asks as she snips the first lock, cutting it close to your ear.

“It’s fucking hot today, Nanami. I realized I forgot I had to get my hair cut,” you mutter, looking down at the hair that falls to the floor.

“How’s it going with work?” she asks her voice soothing as it always was. You lean back and close your eyes, feeling a headache coming on.

“Horrible.”

“Is it the work or something else?” she prompts.

You sigh in defeat, “Everything all at once, really. I’ve gotten used to work and everything but it’s draining me. I never thought being a King would be so hard…”

“You’re doing a wonderful job, Hinata-kun,” Nanami says, snipping your hair meticulously, “You’re a very responsible person.”

You huff, “It’s not even my job…why the hell am I still working while everyone else gets to rest?” you say ‘everyone else’ but you’re sure Nanami knows you’re referring to Komaeda.

“You know that’s not true…right?” another snip and a lock of hair falls on your shoulder. Gross.

“I know that but it’s still bugging me Nanami,” you turn to look at her, “It’s been a month and Komaeda isn’t getting any better. He just keeps hiding in his room like he’s scared to come out.”

She holds your head by the sides and turns your face so that you’re not looking at her anymore, “Have you tried talking to him?”

“I did…twice. I’ve been so busy I can’t even find him in his room when I _do_ get time off,” you grumble, “I get the feeling he’s avoiding me. Ever since _that_ happened he won’t even look me in the eye!”

You understand that he’s probably still upset about his father’s death and he’d been desperate to make sense of what was happening when you had gone to his room the night the King had died. You’re sure he feels guilty about even thinking of doing itbut you doubt he’d ever broach the subject even if you tried. You don’t really want to think about it either, for that matter.

“Komaeda-kun wants to talk to you…I think,” she muses, “You should go visit him when you’re free…it might be good for both of you.”

“How can you be so sure though?” you ask, turning to look at her again and she forces your head to the side again, huffing a little.

“Komaeda-kun’s been hanging around near the halls recently,” she says, her voice amused, “I talked to him yesterday.”

“Ah?” you ask surprised, “What did he say?”

“Nothing much,” she answers, and you can feel her shrug, “He said he was waiting for you to show up.”

You frown. You hadn’t gotten back to your room till the break of dawn since you’d been busy setting orders for more plants to be grown to make the air less poisonous. It hadn’t gone particularly well since the advisors said it would take another month just to get the seedlings ready and you’re still worried about that.

“I came back late,” you sigh, “I must have missed him.”

“That’s probably it- turn your head to the side I’m almost done.”

You comply and shift a little. Your head feels lighter and you feel your lips quirk up at the feeling.

“So…” you say, wanting to ask her further, “Do I just go and… _talk_ to him?”

She nods, “Don’t worry about the details, just talk.”

“Easy for you to say,” You mutter, “It’s not that easy talking to the prince, you know.”

“But that’s never stopped you before, has it?” you can almost hear the smile in her voice, “Just think of how it used to be before…just be yourself Hinata-kun. I think that’s all he wants,”

“Just be myself?” you repeat with a laugh, “I’m not even sure what that means anymore.”

She hums at your answer and doesn’t respond. Maybe she knows you’re just being childish and that makes you smile. Nanami really understood you well despite everything that happened.

“Nanami?”

“Hm?” she asks as she cuts the last bit of hair that’s left.

“Thank you…for everything you know,” you say, “You’ve really helped me out- and Komaeda too, I bet.”

“Isn’t that what friends are for?” she says gently, a smile on her face and you grin.

“You’re right about that,” you agree and get up, wiping your tunic for any trace of hair.

The floor’s a mess and you feel a little bad about that but you’re too glad about the fact that you can finally feel the back of your neck to care.

“I’ll clean that up,” you say, pointing to the pile of hair, but she shakes her head.

“Don’t worry about that,” she says, still smiling, “You should go and get dressed.”

“Huh?” you ask at the change of topic, “Why? Do I look bad?”

She giggles and puts the scissors back in the drawer. “No…it’s because Tanaka-kun is coming to visit today. He sent a message but I received it in your place.”

“Tanaka’s coming?” you ask, brightening up, “Thanks for telling me, Nanami.”

She nods, “He should be there in a few hours…he’s coming straight from the palace.”

“Oh! Then I should go…get changed yeah,” you say, feeling a little conscious about your appearance. You bet you’re a sweaty mess.

She smiles and waves at you as you leave. “Thanks again, Nanami!” you tell her, “You’re a blessing.”

\---

The bath has already been set up for you and you laugh when you look at the wooden bathtub already filled. Nanami sure was thorough sometimes. You eagerly strip off your clothes, throwing them in a pile on the floor and step into the tub, sighing as the cold water touches your bare skin and leeches away the aches within your body. The smell of chamomile and fennel calms you and you feel the tiny knots in your shoulder loosen up.

You sink in lower and the feeling of the water on your neck is so different that you’re almost shocked. Frankly, you don’t miss your old hair at all and you’re just glad to be rid of them. You close your eyes and let your mind wander for a few minutes, thinking about work and how tired you were- so, so exhausted…

You don’t realize you’ve fallen asleep until you almost end up breathing in the water because you’ve sunk too low in the tub. You wake up coughing and sputtering, not knowing what you were even doing here in the first place and get up quickly, washing your hair thoroughly and rinsing your skin as best you can.

You walk out fresh, if a bit disconcerted from almost choking on water, and enjoy the feeling of the soft silken tunic you’re wearing. You head towards the Grand Hall, sure that you’re already late and when you see Tanaka, sitting on a couch in the corner and fidgeting with his scarf, you groan inwardly.

“Oi! Tanaka!” you call out and run over to him, “I hope you weren’t waiting long?”

He rises from his seat and shakes his head, “Not at all. I have only just arrived…ah it seems you have changed your appearance since the last time I have seen you,” he gestures towards your hair and you run a hand through them subconsciously.

“Oh yeah I just got them cut a while ago,” you shrug, “It was hot.”

“Indeed. It is foolish to stay in the hellish heat and make yourself suffer…no matter,” he nods approvingly and sits back down. You join him on the seat besides his and grin.

“It’s been a while since we’ve talked, hasn’t it?” you muse.

“A little over a year, I suppose,” he frowns, “Those times were truly hard.”

“So…how’ve you been? How are things at the palace?” you ask, wanting to know.

He jerks a little at the question and strokes one of his hamsters, Sun-D was it? “Thing have been going well. Pink haired one and I have been assisting the _Queen_ with matters relating to the Kingdom. It has been a hard time but the fruit of our endeavors shall be worth it.”

You sigh, “I know what you mean. I’ve been so busy handling things here that I just don’t get time to think. How does Sonia do it?”

“It may be of help that she was raised exactly for these things,” he says, a hint of admiration in his voice, “She is truly a remarkable Queen.”

You grin, remembering the awe with which her people had regarded her after she had taken back the throne. “You’re right about that. She’s really amazing.”

“That, she is.” He nods, a smirk playing on his lips and you realize this is the first time you’ve seen him talk so fondly about anyone.

“Hey,” you nudge him on the side with your elbow, “So…what brings you here today? I doubt it was just because you missed me, huh?”

He coughs a little and looks away but you notice a faint blush rise to his cheeks, “It is nothing of import…just…”

“Ah?” you ask, leaning forward, “Something you want to tell me, Tanaka?”

His face turns even redder at your prodding and you bite back a grin at the sight, “It is about matrimony,” he says, his voice coming out with a rasp.

“Matrimony?” you incline your head, “Who’s getting married?”

“Really,” Tanaka shakes his head, “Are all mortals so foolishly _daft_ that they do not even realize who the subject of the matter is and what it entails?”  His voice comes out fast and haughty and it takes you a second.

“Holy- _what_?” you breathe, feeling the grin you’d been holding back come on with full force, “Tanaka you’re getting married?”

He huffs but his own smile mirrors yours, “That seems to be the case.”

Listening to him affirm it with his own mouth makes you laugh and you stand up to clap him on the back, “Wow…Tanaka I’m so happy for you!” you tell him, your ears turning red, “I can’t believe you’re marrying the Queen, of all people…but congratulations.”

Tanaka nods proudly, “It would be a good way to assist my Lady. I would be lucky to stay by her side till the bitter end,” he tells you.

“She’s lucky to have you,” you tell him, meaning every word, “There’s no one more as noble as you to be by her side.”

Tanaka surprises you then by raising his hand towards yours, “And I am glad to have the companionship of a mortal as honest and benevolent as you, Spiky Haired One.”

\---

You talk to Tanaka for a while longer before he gets up urgently, saying he needed matters to attend to. You didn’t doubt him and bade him farewell but not before he invited you to his wedding which would take place two weeks from now, at the Novoselic palace.

You walk out of the hall looking, for the entire world, like you had just gotten the good news of your child’s safe birth- you suppose that was the kind of joy you felt right now. Every step closer to your room, your smile grows bigger and, judging by the way the castle workers look at you, you must look ridiculous. But you don’t care a single bit about that right now- you’ve long since learnt that it doesn’t matter what anyone else thought of you. Your own happiness is enough to keep any discomfort at bay.

You find Nanami on the stairway back to your room, a tray of food in her hands. She looks at you at smiles meaningfully.

“Hinata-kun!” she says, “You’re right on time.”

“Eh? What’s this about?” you ask, standing next to her.

“I’ve brought dinner for Komaeda-kun but I think you should take it to him instead,” she says and shoves the tray onto your hands before you can even comprehend the meaning of her words.

You sigh and look at the tray, “Well I guess it does make sense for me to go…I really should talk to him,” you muse.

She nods excitedly and pats your arm, “You can do it, Hinata-kun!” she says in her airy voice, “I’m sure Komaeda-kun must be waiting.”

You grin and balance the tray on your hands, getting used to the weight, “Alright! I’ll go then,” you tell her and walk towards his room, feeling more than a little nervous.

Nanami waves you off and heads down the stairs, leaving you alone in the hall.

_Here goes nothing…_

You walk to the door and set the tray on your knee for support before knocking on the door. You would have gone inside without knocking but you don’t think Komaeda would appreciate that so you stand outside and wait, hoping he opens up fast because god knows the tray is _heavy_. You doubt Komaeda would eat half the stuff that was piled onto it, considering his appetite, but you’ve decided you’re going to feed him yourself if he cuts corners this time.

You knock again, “Oi, Komaeda!” you call out, “Open the door! I brought dinner.”

You hear footsteps on the other side and perk up, moving away from the door and putting a smile on your face. You wait for a while before you realize he isn’t opening.

“Komaeda?” you put your face close to the door like it will help you find out why he isn’t opening it, “I know you’re in there…let me in?”

You think you hear something shuffle inside the room but when he still doesn’t reply you feel your initial happiness dying out little by little. Why wasn’t he opening the door? Did he not want to talk to you? Or was he scared to meet you after last time?

You think about knocking again but pause, unsure of what to do.

“Komaeda…I want to see you,” you say instead, “Can’t we just talk?”

You’re faintly sure you hear something right behind the door, perhaps a sharp intake of breath, and you frown. If he was right there why in the world wouldn’t he let you in? For all your newfound optimism, you can’t think of a single reason why he would do it unless he didn’t want to talk to you. Somehow the thought makes you feel more than a little upset and you thump your head against the door, biting your lip.

“You seriously don’t want to talk to me, huh?” you can’t help but sound bitter as you put the tray near the foot of the door.

“I’m leaving the tray outside,” you say and leave but not before a sudden urge to kick something floats into your head.

You don’t know why you feel so hurt but you shrug inwardly and kick the door anyway and end up stubbing your foot. Not bothering to stifle the pained scream that leaves your mouth, you march back into your room, feeling like an idiot.

You pace the room, feeling a sense of dissatisfaction at your failed attempts to talk to Komaeda and despite the irritation you feel, you’re not sure _who_ you should blame. You’re not entirely mad at the boy but it does hurt you to see him shutting you out. You’re not a particularly special person to him, you suppose, so you shouldn’t be feeling so betrayed.

_Why did I even think he was going to open up just like that_? You shake your head and walk over to the table.

You grab a hand mirror that had been lying and gathering dust. You pick it up and wipe the surface with your hand to take a look at your face. The short hair look slightly spikier than they used to be but you suppose they’ll settle down in a while. Your face looks tired and there are circles underneath your eyes that you’re sure weren’t there until a month ago, but somehow it makes you smile looking at your own face because you look different. You _feel_ different too, as if you’ve finally grown into your body and maybe you have. You used to wonder who you were, about what your purpose was besides being the prince’s whipping boy but now you know that despite everything, you’ve found something you can do out of your own freewill.

You put the mirror back, feeling a sense of pride and walk over to the window to open it, leaning out to get a look at the sky outside- it had been a while since you’d gotten the time to do anything in your room besides sleeping. It’s dark and the stars are so bright that you’re struck off guard. The last you had taken the time to actually look outside, the night sky had been blotted out with grey smoke, the stars barely visible and the moon shining like a mere specter of the original.

You glance to the right and think about Komaeda. His window was right next to yours and despite how close it was, you’ve never felt much further away from him than you do right now. It doesn’t feel right and you frown, leaning out to get a look inside his room. You can’t see anything though, since the curtains are drawn, and you huff in frustration.

_Even getting to see his face would be a miracle at this point…_

You think about waiting for him to come to you on his own but it doesn’t seem like things would be going that way with your schedule hardly allowing you to see him, not to mention his own reluctance. You figure that at this point you’re the only one who can actually do something about it and you know you need to get him to talk, to take the throne and start his life again. You think he’s coming around to the idea but he still needed a push.

You look back in the window’s direction and feel a sudden rush of recklessness take hold of you. You’re probably crazy for thinking about it but you shrug and open the window further, propping your knee on the ledge to climb on. You’d always thought about the window being close enough to get into by climbing on the ledge but somehow the thought had never appealed to you.

But now, looking at the window as a means of getting to Komaeda’s room and seeing him after so long, you don’t think you could get the thought out of your head even if you tried. You push your body onto the ledge and climb onto the other side, barely managing to put your feet on them.

“I’m not going to run away this time, Komaeda,” you say mostly to yourself but you wish he could hear you too.

“Oi! I hope you kept the window open!”

                                                   

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you look forward to the next chapter!


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> does someone hear wedding bells?
> 
> this chapter was hellishly long so i decided to break it into two parts. uploading them together though since it would be cruel to make you all wait :>

Walking on the ledge, you thought, would be easy. You thought you’d simply shimmy across it, holding onto the walk for support and that you’d be at the other side in no time at all. But of course, your estimates hardly ever turn out right and the number one problem you face is the fact that the ledge is just too tiny to keep your feet supported. You try not to look down as you skirt along the sides, knees shaking and face taut in concentration.

_Dammit…this was a dumb idea. Komaeda’s going to freak out…oh fuck oh fuck I looked down…_

You cringe at the fact that you’re far too high up to survive unscathed in case you fall down and you pray to all the forces out there that you manage to get to the window in one piece.

 _Just two more steps…_ you recite as you take a furtive step to the side, holding onto the railing with all your strength.

You get to the other side after what seems like hours, finally breathing in peace as you haul yourself over the side, moving your face to peer in through the glass window. You still can’t see much and you give the window a curious push. It gives in and opens with a creak and you exclaim inwardly at the sight. You wouldn’t have to risk Komaeda closing the window on you, at least.

You jump inside and feel a grin creep on your lips when you land perfectly on your feet. You’ve never been particularly athletic but managing to survive that stunt fills you with joy and you put your hands on your hips, scanning the room.

You find Komaeda sitting on the bed, his mouth open in surprise and you find yourself snickering at his expression. He stands up as if someone’s prodded him on the back and walks over to you, confusion clear on his face.

“Hinata-kun?” he asks in a daze, “What are you doing here…I- _how?_ ”

You gesture towards the window with your thumb, “Climbed in through the window,” you say, barely concealing your sense of pride at the stunt.

Komaeda’s face is still a mixture of confusion and surprise but it softens when he looks at you and you feel your face heat up at the intensity of his gaze. You’re almost tempted to look away but you’ve made it so far and you aren’t going to chicken out now that you were finally talking to him. He’s still looking at you, his own cheeks dusting pink and you wonder if there’s something on your face.

“Hinata-kun…” he says, almost disbelieving and comes closer.

You wonder what he’s thinking as he looks at you and he surprises you by burying his head in your shoulder, his arms going around your waist. You barely have time to register the movement before your own arms go around his neck and you pull him into a hug, feeling an overwhelming sense of relief and joy at being so close to him. No matter how hard you try to hold back your grin, your lips end up going against your will and you hug the boy with a huge smile on your face.

Your mind feels like a mess by the time he moves away from you, face glowing. You don’t think you’ve ever seen him look more beautiful. It’s as if he realizes what you’re thinking and he inches back, his smile turning awkward but he doesn’t look away.

_He’s looking at me again…_

 “Uh…” you start, looking at your feet, “Do I look funny or something…? Did Nanami cut my hair wrong?”

He shakes his head with a start, looking almost horrified, “No no not at all!” he says quickly, waving his hands frantically, “You look….refreshing.”

“Eh? Really?” you ask, feeling self-conscious but happy nonetheless, “Th-the hair were getting too long…and itchy,” you say uselessly.

He smiles, “They look good…Nanami-san did a good job.”

 You shrug in reply and lapse into silence once more. It’s not entirely awkward but you do feel a little uneasy standing in his room after so long. You cast sidelong glances in the boy’s direction and you notice him doing the same.

“It was dangerous for you to come through the window,” he says after a while, almost sounding cross and you’re tempted to raise an eyebrow at the accusation.

“Well I don’t think I could have come in through _there_ , you know,” you point towards the door.

He looks to where you’re pointing and blushes at the sight of the closed door. He looks away and sighs.

 “I’m sorry about that…I didn’t know how to face you, after what I tried to do last time,” he sounds sincere as he apologizes and it eases a bit of your wounded pride but you frown anyway.

“I was worried about you,” you tell him, walking over to his bed to sit down, “You shut yourself in your room and I was so busy that I couldn’t meet you when I actually had time.”

He waves you off and comes to sit with you, “It was selfish of me to let you take care of all the work. It only made it harder for me to talk to you knowing you were doing so much for me,” he says, his head lowered.

You nudge him on the shoulder and smile reassuringly, “Don’t worry about that. It’s not all that bad working in the King’s place…but I really hope you’ll take the throne soon enough. The people are getting worried.”

He heaves a dejected sigh and meets your eyes, a pained look on his face, “That’s what I intend to do,” he says, “I thought about it a lot over the past few days.”

“And?” you prompt.

He smiles, “I realized that even if I run away, I’m only putting other people in jeopardy,” he says, a hint of determination in his voice, “The kingdom _can’t_ run without a ruler and even though I’m not entirely worthy of the throne just yet, the least I can do is try.”

You stare at him as he speaks and your heart swells with a sense of pride. It’s the first time Komaeda’s talked about taking the throne again and you can’t help but feel as if he’s growing past his own flaws too.

“You’ve changed,” you say, barely containing the awe in your voice, “I’m so glad…You’ll make a great King one day,”

Komaeda laughs lightly, “I hope so,” he says, “That’s what father would have wanted, right?”

“Of course,” you affirm and pat him on the back. He winces and rubs the spot where your hand landed, looking at you through narrowed eyes. You figure you may have done it a little too _enthusiastically_.

“That was painful, Hinata-kun,” he says in mock anger, “Your hands have always been rather firm.”

“S-sorry,” you stammer, “I got a bit too excited.”

 “You seemed quite excited when you came in too,” he points out, a smirk playing on his lips, “Did something good happen recently?”

You cock your head to the side, “I did?”

He nods, “You were grinning when you jumped in…and you were smiling while we were talking too.”

“Well yeah I’ve been pretty happy these days,” you muse, tapping your chin, “And I got really great news just a while ago.”

He leans forward, curiosity plain on his face, “Ah. What was the good news if you don’t mind my asking?” you figure he’d want to know even if you didn’t tell him.

“Tanaka came today and we talked a bit,” you tell him, smiling at the thought of his marriage, “And he told me he’s getting married!”

You look at the boy, trying to gauge his reaction and giggle when his mouth drops open, his face a perfect display of surprise.

“He’s getting _married_?” he asks incredulously, “I never expected Tanaka-kun to marry so early…though I suppose it’s normal to do it at this age.”

You nod, laughing despite yourself, “Guess who the bride is.”

Komaeda thinks about it, tapping his chin and judging by the way his face grows even more confused by the second, you can tell he doesn’t believe it either, “No way… _Sonia-san_?” he breathes.

“Yup,” you say, “Can’t believe it, huh?”

He shakes his head, “It did seem like the two of them had a certain chemistry between them but I never thought it would come to this point so fast,” he says.

“Well it has been two years since they met each other,” you point out.

“That’s true,” he agrees, “…So when will the wedding take place?”

“Two weeks from now.”

“At Novoselic?”

“Yeah. He invited all of us,” you say, smiling at the thought of seeing Tanaka in a wedding suit, “It’ll be so great!”

Komaeda grins in agreement, “I’m happy for Tanaka-kun and Sonia-san. They’ll make each other happy,” he says, his voice full of warmth and your heart stammers just a bit when he speaks.

You nudge him on the shoulder, grinning slyly, “That means you’re coming too, right?”

He tilts his head in confusion, “Am I invited?” he asks and you huff.

“Didn’t I just say he invited everyone?” you ask dryly.

“I assumed you meant everyone at the castle,” he shrugs.

“That includes you too, obviously,” you say, folding your arms across your chest.

He looks a little uncomfortable when you say it and his smile dwindles into a mere upturn of the lips, “It would be a little awkward for me to be there wouldn’t it?” he asks ruefully.

“They wanted you to come so why would it be awkward?” you ask.

“Still…I don’t think it’s necessary for me to go. I’ll only be a bother,” he tells you, looking at the ground.

“You’re not a bother, Komaeda,” you grimace, “Besides…I don’t want to go to the wedding alone,”

He turns to look at you, his mouth open. He doesn’t say anything and you suddenly feel self-conscious, your cheeks flushing.

“I-I mean it would be boring to sit there with people I don’t know!” you say quickly, trying to hide your embarrassment, “I don’t really know anyone in Novoselic that well!”

Komaeda laughs, “I suppose that’s true,” he says, sounding amused.

“Then that means you’ll come right?” you lean forward eagerly.

He raises his hand and pats your arm, “For your sake, Hinata-kun, I might go,” he says, “After all you wouldn’t want to be _bored_ , right?”

You can tell he’s joking but it still makes you blush, and you’re sure he can see it by the way his smile grows wider.

“Y-yeah…bored,” you say, not meeting his eyes.

\---

The days pass by faster after that. Komaeda came to the throne room the next day and asked, almost shyly, for you to show him the work that needed to be done. You couldn’t hold back the burst of pride that you felt at seeing him finally willing to take over his duties again.

It was an odd process; guiding Komaeda through it all- briefing him about matters of the kingdom and the most recent projects and he was eager to learn about it all as fast as he could. Within a few days, he was going through all of it on his own, giving orders and making suggestions as if he was truly born to lead. You suppose he was and that he just hadn’t realized it- and neither had you until that moment.

You spent most of your time with him, helping him out and end up becoming an unofficial assistant of his, staying by his side and supporting him in any way possible. You get the feeling Komaeda protests to your being so eager to help since he often voiced out the fact that you weren’t obligated to work for him anymore but you never listened to him either way. You’re sure that deep down he appreciated your being there for him.

You don’t really notice the fact that two weeks have already passed until Nanami shows up to your room, carrying a pair of brand new tunics- embellished with the royal crest and gold threadwork- and leggings. When you ask her why she had brought them, she gives you a patient smile and tells you you’re supposed to be wearing them at the wedding. You feel like slapping yourself for forgetting but just the reminder of the day being so close makes you heart beat in excitement. You quickly rush to you get your stuff packed and go to Komaeda’s room.

You find him sitting on his bed, poring over a scroll, and he raises his head too see you grinning.

“Komaeda, you’re coming along then, right?” you ask him already sitting on the bed.

He gives the text another cursory look before nodding, “I’ll just get this work done and then we’ll depart. I suppose I’ll have to pack clothes for a few days?”

You shrug, “Maybe a day or two?” you suggest, “It’s pretty far away so it’d be a hassle to go back just after the wedding,”

“You’re right,” he nods and looks at you curiously, “Say, Hinata-kun…did you like the clothes I got tailored for you?”

“Eh?” you ask, surprised, “ _You_ got them made?”

“Is it that surprising?” he asks sheepishly, looking at his hands.

You shake your head, “No, no! I just thought Nanami was the one…”

Komaeda smiles and rolls up the scroll, placing a seal on the top with his signet ring, “I did take her help, that’s true,” he agrees, laughing.

You flush a little thinking about Komaeda picking out clothes for you, “Th-thanks…they’re really great,” you tell him.

Komaeda looks up then, and smiles in visible relief, “I’m glad,” he says, “I thought they would suit you…”

You look at him as he speaks- his face expectant- and you push down the urge to hold him. Instead you reach out your hand to squeeze his, “Thanks, Komaeda…I really appreciate it.”

He looks like he’s about to say more, his face pensive, but the door opens and you jump back, surprised. Your heart hammers at the sudden interruption and you inwardly utter a sigh when you see it’s only Nanami.

“Komaeda-kun and Hinata-kun…Queen Sonia sent the royal carriage for us,” she says, giving you a knowing smile and you feel your face heat up, “It’s waiting by the gates. We should get going since the wedding is tomorrow,”

Komaeda nods vigorously, getting up from the bed and gathering all his work with him, “Right! You two should get ready, I’ll be there in a few minutes,” he says and motions you out of the room.

You leave with Nanami, your stomach full of butterflies at the prospect of meeting your friends in Novoselic again and seeing Tanaka getting married too! You think of Souda and frown. How would he be taking this? The last you had seen him, he’d been infatuated with Sonia and you wonder if that ever changed. You just hope he’s happy because it wouldn’t mean anything to celebrate if one of your friends was depressed.

Before you know it, you’re packed into the carriage with Komaeda, Nanami and Miss Usami, ready to go to Novoselic. The ride there is a forgettable one and you doze off twice, waking up to see Miss Usami smiling at you warmly and you smile back, glad to see her so much like she used to in the past.

You arrive at the castle around midnight and the moon is hidden behind the clouds but some of the light permeates through the haze and you find yourself feeling glad to be able to see some of it again- it meant things were getting better.

The palace looks the same as it did the last time you had seen it, stone walls a shade of light brown and high arching towers with clear glass windows. You had thought looking at it now would fill you with resentment but you don’t feel any of that; instead you feel relief in seeing it again and knowing that it was now being run by someone who deserved it. Enoshima is no longer here to make anything worse so you can feel a glimmer of hope that the future would be much better.

You walk in with your friends and a fanfare greets you with blaring trumpets and drums, reminding you of all the times you used to go be treated like royalty just like Komaeda, and you surprise yourself by smiling at the men as you walk in. Komaeda and Nanami smile too and you feel so much more like you truly belong with them, walking side by side.

You walk in the brightly lit corridors and find them bursting with life. People rush up and down the stairs, gathering cloth and decorations, setting up lanterns and cleaning up the halls. The maids bow shortly to you before continuing with their work and while you’re still registering the fact that the palace is so crowded, you see Sonia rushing down the stairs towards the four of you, her blond hair flying in disarray.

“Ah I am so glad you have all arrived on time!” she exclaims, giving you a brief hug before moving on to Nanami, “I take it the ride was comfortable enough?”

“It was more than comfortable, Sonia-san,” Komaeda says gently, “Thank you for sending the carriage for us.”

She shakes her head, “Oh no it was the least I could do! I am truly glad you are all here for my wedding,” she says with a grin.

“Congratulations, Sonia,” you tell her with a smile of your own while Komaeda and Nanami nod in agreement, “When Tanaka gave me the news I was so happy.”

The Queen’s cheeks turn a little pink at the mention of Tanaka but she doesn’t look flustered, “It is truly a blessing that I can have a wedding and be able to celebrate it with my dear friends.”

You feel heartened at the fact that the Queen thinks of you as a friend and that your old friend is fortunate enough to marry her.

“It’s a pleasure for us to be here too, you know,” you tell her, “All of us are happy for you.”

She nods as a maid comes behind her and taps her elbow, “My lady!” she says and bows down, “The workers need your help. They do not know which way to set up the tents…and I heard someone burnt the meat…”

Sonia listens to her words attentively and groans at the mention of burnt meat, “That meat was hard enough to get as it was!” she exclaims indignantly, “I will have to see to it myself that they don’t mess up anything else.”

She looks at you apologetically and bows, “I’m sorry I cannot spend more time with you right now,” she says with a sigh, “I will ask the maids to show you all to your rooms so you can rest,”

“That would be nice,” Komaeda agrees, “We should get some sleep for the big day huh?”

She gives him a hurried nod and waves to all of you, “I shall see you all tomorrow then! I hope you have a good night.”

“See you later!” you call out in reply and she laughs.

The maid looks at the four of you hesitantly and you look at her expectantly, “Will you be showing us our rooms, then?”

She’s a little startled when you address her but bows hurriedly and motions for you to follow her. You’re given the room next to Nanami and Usami’s while Komaeda’s is the one in front of yours in the hall. The four of you part without saying much, suddenly feeling very tired, and you find yourself falling into a peaceful sleep, thinking about wedding bells and cheering crowds.

You wake up at the crack of dawn with a start, feeling surprisingly well rested and it takes you a few seconds to remember that it’s finally The Day. You jump off the bed and rush to clean up, a smile creeping up on your face at the thought of going to the wedding. You hope everyone else is awake too and when you leave the room, you find Nanami and Komaeda coming out as well.

The three of you head for the Great Hall where the wedding would probably take place and judging by the hoards of people that are walking in, dressed in their fanciest clothes, you can tell it’s about to begin. You head inside and the loud music enters your ears, so joyful and lively that you feel yourself growing lighter- as if the rush of happiness would make you float towards the sky if someone didn’t stop you.

The entire hall is filled with masses of people talking and laughing as if nothing had ever happened and you find yourself in awe at how fast things were getting better. Troubadours sing romantic love songs while the musicians provide the tune to accentuate the words- everyone listens with rapt attention and some women even shed a few tears. It brings a smile to your face seeing the sight.

As you walk inside you take note of the colorful silk cloths hanging from the ceilings, entwining hollies so they hang in a cascade above the people. Many of them are already seated on the multitude of benches that line the hall behind the podium which is adorned with candles and bouquets.

You look around the place, trying to catch sight of any familiar faces when Komaeda grabs your elbow lightly and points towards a group further ahead. You utter an excited yelp when you realize who it is.

“Souda!” you call out and run towards him, Komaeda and Nanami following you, “How are you?”

The pink-haired boy looks at you and grins, revealing his sharp teeth, “Yo guys! How ya been?” he asks in glee.

“We’re good, we’re good,” you say with a vigorous nod and motion towards the hall, “It sure is lively around here already.”

Souda snickers, “Well I did go banging at every single house just to invite these guys so yeah. It’s lively.”

“ _You_ invited them all?” you ask, surprised.

He looks offended at your words and pouts, “It’s the least I could do for my buddy don’t you think?”

Buddy. The word makes you smile as you realize that Souda’s grown up too. For him to call Tanaka a friend meant that he had changed just as much as the rest of you.

“So where’s Tanaka-kun right now?” Komaeda asks, looking around the groups of people that had gathered in the Hall, talking and laughing in such a lively manner.

Souda shrugs, “He’ll show up later…It’s almost time anyway,” he says, “You guys go talk to the others I’ll go call hamster-chan and Sonia-san.”

“The others?” you ask, confused.

“Naegi and Ikusaba I meant,” Souda says, gesturing towards a couple standing a few feet away from you, “They came for the wedding too ya know,”

You perk up at their mention and wonder if you should go talk to them.

“Naegi said he wanted to talk to you guys…get to know you more or something,” Souda says, noticing your questioning look.

“Oh!” you exclaim, “Uh…I guess we’ll go talk to them in that case…”

You feel a little nervous going to them but since your friends are with you, you don’t feel _too_ awkward. Besides, you wanted to talk to him too- after all that happened you feel as if a silent bond had been forged between the two of you.

“Naegi,” you say as you’re within earshot of him, “It’s been a while.”

The brown haired boy looks at you and smiles brightly, his eyes crinkling a little as he does, “Hinata-kun! Komaeda-kun and Nanami-san too! I was just looking for you guys.”

Komaeda and Nanami smile gently as they look at him and Ikusaba tries to produce a smile of her own, her lips quivering a little from the effort. You think she looks cute doing that.

“I’m so glad you came as well,” Komaeda says, “It’s nice to have people you know at events like these, huh?”

Naegi nods in agreement, “It was a little weird since most of the people here are nobles or people I’ve never talked to. At least Ikusaba-san was with me!” he says, still grinning.

Ikusaba’s cheeks turn a little pink but she doesn’t look away. You laugh and point towards the podium.

“When do you think they’ll be here?” you ask, “…I’m so excited for the wedding.”

“So am I” Naegi answers, “I talked to Tanaka-kun yesterday and I think it’s time- it’s around noon already isn’t it?”

“Yes,” Nanami answers lazily, rubbing her eyes, “I met with Sonia-san while she was getting dressed up and she said…the same thing.”

Just as you’re about to comment on how you’re getting just a little impatient with the wait, you hear a single horn blare. The sound makes you turn around on your heels and Naegi claps his hands together in glee.

“They’re here…!” Komaeda voices your thoughts. The two of you exchange excited glances before turning your attention towards the entrance where the crowd is parting to allow space for movement.

A guard walks towards the door and motions for everyone to move aside. Taking a deep breath he speaks in a loud voice that resounds throughout the hall.

“Lords and Ladies please take your seats!” he says, “The Queen and Lord Tanaka shall soon arrive.”

The crowd shifts at the announcement and everyone makes their way to the benches, sitting down so obediently that it dawns on you that everyone else is probably just as excited as you are. Royal weddings didn’t happen every day after all.

You look at the benches questioningly, wondering what to do. “Uh…where do we sit? I want to get a good view,” you pout a little as you speak.

Naegi and Komaeda laugh and the shorter boy points towards the front row, “Sonia-san had those seats reserved for us so you don’t have to worry, Hinata-kun.”

You feel a little embarrassed for not thinking about it and, when Ikusaba chuckles just the slightest, your face goes red. You don’t think too much about it though, because you’re distracted with eagerness and anticipation for the wedding. You hope everything goes perfectly.

The five of you walk towards the front row and that’s when you notice that everyone’s eyes are on you guys. It feels odd to have them looking at you like this, as if they’re judging you but you shake your head. They wouldn’t think of you like that anymore. And even if they did, you don’t want to care about it.

Taking the seat in the middle, Komaeda sits to your right with Nanami while Naegi and Ikusaba sit to your left. You stare at the podium and imagine what it would be like when a few minutes from now, your friends will be exchanging vows to spend their entire lives together. You cast Komaeda a sidelong glance and, when your eyes meet his, your heart stammers in your chest. You don’t think you’ll ever get used to the fluttering lightheadedness you get when you look at him but you don’t think you mind at all.

The horn blares again, sharper and longer this time and you crane your head back as far as possible to look at the door.

“The Queen and the Lord have arrived!” the guard exclaims and you whoop in excitement as the crowd cheers.

“It’s happening…” you say in disbelief as Sonia walks in, arms linked with Tanaka’s.

Normally, it would be considered indecent for a couple to be touching like this before even getting married but you’re sure they meant to do this on purpose. When Sonia- dressed in a delicate pink dress, a crown adorning her tied up golden hair- walks with Tanaka, you feel like you’re witnessing something natural and so _beautiful_ that you don’t think anyone would have had it in them to disapprove.

“They look wonderful!” Komaeda notes, smiling when he looks at you, “Doesn’t it seems as if they truly _fit_ together?”

You nod, looking at the two as they stand side by side at the podium and look at the crowd. Souda walks in a few seconds later and sits next to Nanami, his face serious.

“They do,” you agree and wave at Souda who doesn’t seem to notice you as he looks dejectedly at the couple.

 _…He seems upset,_ you note _._

You want to say something to him but you don’t know _what_ to say and it doesn’t help that he’s sitting three seats away from you. You silently pray he feels better and turn your attention back to the Queen, who is about to address the audience.

“Thank you for gathering here, my people!” she says, dignified as always, “I am truly thankful that each and every one of you is here.”

The people clap solemnly and she nods before continuing, “It is not common in our time and age to marry out of freewill and it is sad that some people do not seem to agree to the idea. Although it is something new for our people, I would like you all to know that no matter what actions anyone takes, I, as your Queen, would never judge you…and I hope you would do the same,” she finishes and looks at the audience expectantly.

You hear a low whimper and turn to see Souda tearing up, his eyes glistening with unshed tears and your heart goes out to your friend and his unrequited love. Tanaka stands next to Sonia, looking ahead but you can tell he’s proud to be standing on the podium with her.

Souda surprises you then, by standing up and addressing the couple, “You know no one objects Sonia-san!” he yells loud enough to be heard, “We all came here because we want to see you-” his breath hitches a little and he wipes his eyes roughly before speaking again, “Because we _want_ to see you marrying Tanaka!”

Sonia looks at him in surprise, her mouth slightly agape before she composes herself and looks at him warmly and with so much affection that you feel yourself wanting to cry too. From the way Souda smiles back, you can tell that he isn’t _upset_ for her to be marrying Tanaka.

 _No…it’s not like that at all…_ you think as you look at Tanaka and Sonia regard the bright haired boy with admiration.

_He’s just happy for them…the same way we all are._

A hush has fallen over the entire hall but when Souda sits down again, a little smile on his face, the crowd hums in agreement. Sonia regards them all with a thankful smile and grabs Tanaka’s hand. You silently praise Tanaka for still keeping his cool standing in front of such a large crowd and while holding Sonia’s hand to boot.

A priest walks in and Sonia motions for him to come up to the podium where he positions himself and clears his throat.

“Shall we proceed with the vows then, My Lady?” he asks with all the seriousness that was needed at this moment.

Your stomach does a little flip in anticipation and when Sonia nods in affirmation you have to keep yourself from fidgeting in your seat. Komaeda seems to notice and inches a little closer to you in what you can only assume is a comforting gesture. It only makes you more skittish but you don’t tell him that.

 It is deathly quiet until the priest begins to speak, “It is clear that we are gathered here for the avowal of the holy matrimony between two Kingdoms- the matrimony of two souls who are inevitably destined to be together,” he says, regarding the two with a fatherly gaze, “With this we shall proceed with the taking of the vows.”

He motions towards Tanaka, who flinches slightly when he’s addressed. Trying his best to cover it up, he clears his throat and nods, looking at the priest.

“The wedding vows then, Lord?” the priest prompts when he doesn’t speak.

The Lord of Darkness seems to be suffering through an internal dilemma as he looks at the crowd and then towards the priest in pure confusion. Sonia squeezes his hand and whispers something to him after which he finally seems to regain his composure and settles his face into a gentler, almost serene expression.

“Very well then!” he exclaims, his voice booming, “Although it is of no import to say such things in front of so many spectators, for the Lady of Darkness’s sake I shall oblige!”

Sonia holds back a grin and tries to put on a more impassive face but she can’t contain the pure joy that buds from within every pore of her body. It almost feels intrusive to see it.

“I, Tanaka Gundam, the Prince of Darkness, take Queen Sonia Nevermind to be my wife, my partner in life,” he begins to say as the two of them look at each other tenderly, “And my one true l-love.”

 You feel warm listening to him say his vows and although they were the same words you had heard so many times before in other weddings, hearing your friend say them makes you feel so happy that you can’t contain it. Your cheeks hurt from smiling so much.

“I will cherish our union and love you more each day than I did the day before,” he says after a pause, his voice becoming softer with each word, “I will trust you and respect you, laugh with you and cry with you, loving you faithfully through good times and bad, regardless of the obstacles we may face together. I give you my hand, my heart…and my love, from this day forward for as long as we both shall reside in this mortal realm.” He finishes with a sigh, his entire face red and you try not to simultaneously laugh and cry at the sight.

Souda, on the other hand seems to have weaker self restraint than you and bursts into tears, wailing into his hands before wiping his nose and turning to look back towards them, tears streaking his cheeks. Despite the fact that he’s crying, he doesn’t seem sad at all.

The priest then addresses Sonia who begins her own vows, regarding Tanaka with all the love she held for him, “And I, Sonia Nevermind, take _you_ , Tanaka Gundam, as my husband, my partner and the only love I will ever have,” she says, her eyes sparkling, “For the entirety of this earthly life that I have been given, I vow to stay by your side, to cherish you and to assist you in any way I possibly can. In all your times of happiness and sorrow, I promise to be with you because although we are bound by this mortal flesh, our souls are equally connected. For all eternity, I vow to be a loving partner to you.”

By this point you don’t even have any excuse for the tears that threaten to spill over and you look at the ceiling as the priest announces their marriage, trying hard not to cry. You never were good with marriage vows and somehow, watching your friends grow up and starting their new lives together, you can’t help but feel a little lonely.

“Is this what mothers feel like when their kids get married?” you say, almost to yourself as you watch the priest tie a golden sash around their interlinked hands in traditional marriage custom.

Komaeda laughs lightly and turns so that he’s facing you, “I suppose it would be. Even I feel a little sentimental looking at them like this- they’re so happy it’s contagious!” he exclaims, gesturing towards the blissful couple.

“…It feels a little lonely.” you sigh.

“Maybe it’s because you wish for something like that as well, Hinata-kun?” Komaeda suggests and when you stare at him to gauge whether he’s serious, you realize he is.

 _Does he even know what he just said?_ You think as you feel his questioning eyes bore into you. _He has no clue does he? Really….that Komaeda…_

 You quickly shake your head and look away.

“I-it’s not that…”you say defensively, feeling the urge to vanish before you said something embarrassing, “I’m just happy for them but it’s like they’re all grown up now and it just hits home, you know?”

You have no idea what you’re saying, but Komaeda actually nods in understanding, smiling ruefully, “It’s true though. We’ve become the adults in this world, haven’t we? It’s not something we could have controlled but it seems like the…recent events have made it clearer that _we’re_ the ones who’ll have to take care of everything from now on.”

The way he says _we_ to include you as well makes your chest feel tight for a second and you breathe in sharply, trying to calm yourself. It was a simple word but feeling like you’re going to be a part of his life from now on as well makes you irrationally happy.

You look back at the married couple and then to Komaeda, and feel a little hopeful for your own future as well. It wasn’t a question of wanting to marry or not, but the desire to be with the one you cared for the most was something that you could share with Tanaka and Sonia.

“I’ll be counting on you to be a good King in that case, Komaeda,” you say with a laugh, “And I’ll be your aide until then…since we’re adults after all.”

Komaeda smiles warmly and begins to say something but a sharp whine cuts him off and you turn to look at Souda who’s glaring at you, “Would ya cut it out with the flirting already? They’re getting married so let me enjoy it in peace!”

Your face burns at his words and you look away, wanting to disappear. Naegi chuckles lightheartedly and pats you on the back as if it would help you regain your breathing. Komaeda doesn’t look at you and goes back to looking at the couple as they hold hands and smile at the cheering crowd.

“And with this, the two of you are pronounced man and wife,” the priest says, “May God’s blessings be with you.”

Both of them incline their heads solemnly and you pray that they’ll always be this happy because looking at the two of them fills you with an insurmountable joy. You never want their smiles to fade even in the hardest of times- they had made it this far and you are sure they can deal with anything that comes their way, even in the future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> onward to the next chapter! some gays and some hets (but mostly gays) for everyone!


	32. Chapter 32

Sonia turns to address the spectators, smiling radiantly, “Again, I thank you all for coming…It is truly a blessing that you are my people,” she says, “I’d say it is time for the festivities to begin isn’t that right?”

The people rejoice and voice their agreement and the Queen smirks, “Very well then! Let the feast begin!” she exclaims and signals something to the guards who form a single file across the hall, ushering the people out of the Hall.

You wonder what’s going on and look questioningly at Naegi, “Any idea what they’re doing?” you ask, pointing towards them with your thumb.

He shrugs, “I think the feast will take place in the courtyard. The Hall isn’t exactly the best place for festivities,” he says.

You nod; looking around at the hall which was spacious enough but since it was inside a building, there was the feeling of restriction. From what you’d learnt about the people of Novoselic, they liked parties in open spaces and you can understand why. There was just something about open spaces that made things seem livelier.

Nanami and Komaeda stand up and following their lead, you do too, straightening your clothes.  Nanami gestures towards the door and you nod, heading out into the hallways where the crowd meanders along the way, staring at the spotless white floors and the pristine wall paintings.

Walking past them, all of you head to outside and walk up the steps into the courtyard. Your stomach jumps a little at the sight of the place where you had been forced to stand as a suspect during the trial. No matter how hard you try to shake off the sickening sensation of those wretched fingers crawling across your spine, touching your neck and her poisonous laughter echoing throughout the halls as it mocks you, you can’t shake it off. Something touches the small of your back and you yelp, jerking forward at the sensation.

You turn to see Komaeda looking at you with obvious concern and you feel yourself snap out of it slowly. Taking a shuddering breath, you shake your head to tell him you’re okay but he obviously doesn’t believe you. He folds his arms across his chest and purses his lips, looking around the place in discomfort. You can tell he doesn’t feel too great about coming here either and it reassures you somewhat.

_I’m not the only one who has bad memories of this place…_

You curse Enoshima for ruining so many things for you but you’re determined not to let it get to you so you put on a smile even though your cheeks hurt already, and thump Komaeda’s back twice.

“Ah! I’m starving, Komaeda!” you say, a little too enthusiastically and he looks at you questioningly, “I didn’t even have anything in the morning. Let’s go eat something right now. _Right_ now!”

You grab him by the crook of his elbow and lead him to the tables to your right where the food is already being served, barrels of wine standing right next to them. You’re going to be in the company of a lot of drunkards before the night is out, at this rate.

Komaeda doesn’t say anything and laughs, relenting to your whims as you drag him over to the table where the roasted meats sit in wait for you. Truth be told, you were hungry even though it was more of spur of the moment thing when you had said it to Komaeda. The juicy smell of the meat and gravy makes your mouth water and you grab and bit too much and put it on your plate. You place the more tender parts in Komaeda’s plate and shove it into his hands.

“Eat,” you order him as you begin to make small work of the food in your hands and the white-haired boy nods, obediently almost.

With the food in your mouth and your brain melting at the taste of the sweet meat, you make your way to the benches and sigh in contentment. Komaeda sits next to you and you look around, wondering where everyone else is.

You spot Naegi and Ikusaba by the tables further away, talking animatedly and Nanami passes by them, staring ahead listlessly. You’re sure she’ll find her way to you guys soon enough so you’re not too worried about what she’s up to.

“The meat is delicious,” Komaeda notes in surprise and you grin at him through your full mouth.

“Sure is!” you say once you’re finally able to speak.       

Komaeda hums in response, suddenly distracted and you follow his gaze, wondering what happened. You find Souda pacing the courtyard, scratching his head and fidgeting every now and then as he looks at the people. You wonder what’s up with him.

“Souda-kun looks nervous about something,” Komaeda muses when he notices you looking at him as well, “I wonder if there’s something he’s worried about?”

“He looks like he wants to say something…maybe we should ask him just in case?” you suggest and Komaeda agrees.

You wave over to him as he walks a little closer to the two of you, “Oi Souda!” you yell and more than a few people turn to look at you, “Come over here!”

He frowns when he notices you but doesn’t argue and comes to sit next to you, pouting dejectedly.

“W-what’s up?” he asks jumpily.

“You look like you’re about to puke your breakfast…is something wrong?” you ask him and he sighs.

“I-uh I wanted to make an announcement?” he says, biting his thumb, “But I don’t know how to,”

“Announcement?” Komaeda asks curiously, leaning forward so that his shoulder touches yours.

The bright-haired boy huffs and points towards the mass of people eating and chatting, “I wanted to ask them all if they wanted to dance…you know…it’s fun and uh Sonia-san love dances,” he says, his speech fading away by the end.

You chuckle at this embarrassment and he looks at you, a look of utter betrayal on his face. “Oi don’t laugh at me!” he whines and you wave your hands to tell him you’re not.

“I’m not laughing at you!” you object, “It’s just…kinda cool that you wanted to do this for Sonia.”

Souda flushes a little and grins, “It would be fun wouldn’t it?” he asks, regaining his confidence.

“It’s a good idea,” Komaeda agrees, “You should make the announcement, Souda-kun.”

Souda sighs and puts his head on the table, “That’s the thing…my fucking knees are _shaking_. I can’t do it!”

_Ah so that’s what the problem is…he’s nervous._

“Maybe we could help you out with that?” you suggest and Souda perks up, looking at you with bright eyes.

“Oh! Would you do that for me, Hinata?” he asks so eagerly that you wonder if he was already expecting you guys to do it.

“Nah not me,” you say and Souda utters a disappointed wail, “This guy will.” you point to Komaeda.

Komaeda looks just as surprised as Souda and puts a finger to his own chest in confusion, “Me?”

“Yes, you,” you nod, “You’re the perfect person to make an announcement… _Your Highness_.”

Komaeda frowns at the honorifics, “Please don’t call me that, Hinata-kun,” he objects, “It feels odd when you say it.”

“So are you doing it or not, Your Royal Highness?” Souda asks impatiently, folding his arms across his chest as he does.

Komaeda sighs, “Please don’t say that,” he says weakly, “Alright I’ll do it…but you’re coming with me Souda-kun.”

“Why?” he shrieks and you slap his forearm gently in reassurance.

“Because you’re the one who came up with the idea, of course!” Komaeda grins, “Besides, wouldn’t it be lovely when Sonia-san joins us and sees everyone dancing? She would be so grateful to you!”

Souda’s eyes light up at that and he nods hurriedly, “Oh sure! Let’s do it, then!” he exclaims and gets up from the table.

_Wow…he sure is eager all of a sudden._

Komaeda gets up too and you wave them off and they walk towards the centre of the courtyard. Naturally, the people turn to look at the King and the boy with the odd hair walk over to them. Komaeda clears his throat and they look at him expectantly.

“I hope you are all enjoying the food?” Komaeda begins and they yell in agreement, “Is this entertainment enough for you all?”

Some of the people nod hurriedly while others huff in disagreement. Komaeda smiles knowingly.

“I thought so,” he says with a laugh, “That is exactly why we have other things planned as well!”

Souda jumps a little when Komaeda lands a hand on his shoulder, “You see…Souda-kun here had a wonderful idea! Why don’t we all dance to enjoy this wonderful day and engrave it in our memories forever? Wouldn’t that be truly wonderful?”

Everyone cheers and waves their drinks at the idea and Komaeda takes that as a yes.

“Then let the festivities begin!” he exclaims at motions towards the minstrels who were stuffing their faces with pastries to begin playing music again.

It takes only a few seconds and the musicians get to work on their instruments with greasy fingers, playing a lively tune that makes you tap your feet in time to the rhythm and everyone begins swaying and dancing lightly in response.

You clap in excitement and fold your hand in thumbs up when Komaeda and Souda rejoin you at the table, “Good work!” you call out and Komaeda dips his head modestly.

“I think I should go call those two then,” Souda wonders getting up again and yelps when he looks back.

You turn to see what he’s so surprised about and laugh when you realize that the people in question have just arrived, holding hands.

“Perfect timing,” Souda exclaims and walks over to the two of them.

Sonia’s mouth hangs open for a second before she begins to laugh out of sheer joy clapping her hands together, “This is absolutely wonderful!” she says, “The people are truly enjoying themselves as they should be!”

Tanaka hums in agreement; “Looking at these souls cavorting as if this is their last day on earth is truly a sight to behold!” he booms and begins to laugh as well.

 “Wouldn’t you like to dance as well, Tanaka-san?” Sonia asks, already pulling his arm to take him to the centre.

Tanaka flushes and tries to squirm out of her hold but can’t seem to. He relents with a repressed sigh, “If that if My Lady’s wish…”

“Indeed it is!” Sonia exclaims and drags him away.

You watch them go but she turns around once again and motions with her hands for you all to follow as well. With a questioning look, you do as she says and she grins once you’re in close vicinity of so many dancing people.

“What is it?” you ask her.

“Everyone should dance!” she huffs, “And that includes the three of you as well!”

“Ah, but is it really necessary for everyone to dance?” Komaeda asks with a frown.

“It most certainly is!” Sonia says indignantly, “It would be such a shame not to!”

“Yeah, Your Highness!” Souda speaks up, “Loosen up a little!”

“Don’t mind me!” Komaeda waves them away, inching away from them, “You guys should enjoy yourselves!”

“If you are hesitant about finding a partner, you shouldn’t be!” Sonia objects, “There are so many people willing to dance with you and Hinata-kun!”

“Really?” you ask, wanting to laugh.

Sonia nods enthusiastically, and grabs Tanaka’s hands again, leading them down to her waist and starts swaying slowly in time with the music. Your cheeks flush at the sight and you move back, Komaeda following suit.

“I will be watching you two!” Sonia points an accusing finger at you, “I would be very disappointed if you did not dance.”

You smile weakly, trying to reassure her and she nods in satisfaction, focusing on dancing with Tanaka, who’s blushing furiously. You feel a little sorry for the guy but not really.

“I’m not too worried about Sonia-san scolding us later on for not dancing,” Komaeda chuckles, “She’s already occupied dancing with Tanaka-kun!”

You laugh too and Souda whimpers, walking away towards the wine barrels. Looking at the others dance, you feel your feet tapping the floor and even though you normally don’t think about dancing, you feel happy enough to want to. Sonia had a point. Shouldn’t you enjoy yourself if you were here?

_And besides_ , you think as you look at the crowd that seems to be intoxicated already, _it wouldn’t be too embarrassing if anyone saw, right?_

“Could it be that you wanted to dance too?” Komaeda asks, looking at you with interest.

“Was it that obvious?” you ask, feeling a little self-conscious.

“You have a really huge smile on your face, Hinata-kun,” he says, smirking, “And it’s very endearing.”

“Sh-shut up,” you mutter, “I just felt like it would be nice to dance, is all.”

Komaeda nods, “You should find a partner in that case, Hinata-kun!” he exclaims, “It would be a waste not to!”

You shake your head and sigh, “You can be really slow sometimes, Komaeda,” you mumble.

Komaeda inclines his head, “Is something wrong?” he asks, concerned.

You frown and grab his arm, “Yes, something is very wrong Komaeda,” you say, not even feeling embarrassed at this point, “I want to dance but not with any random person!”

Komaeda looks at you in confusion, his eyebrows knotting and he begins to say something but you glare at him, your face turning warm from looking at him from so close. He seems to notice too and realization dawns on his face- his own cheeks flushing a light shade of pink. You find your irritation ebbing away at the sight and grin.

“So how about it?” you ask, feeling like you’re taking a huge risk- one that you can’t seem to care about, “Wanna dance?”

It’s as if your saying it makes it realer somehow and both of you look away, but you cast him a tentative glance and see him holding back a grin, biting his lips.

“Um,” he begins, his voice low, “Wouldn’t it be a little…inappropriate?”

“How is it inappropriate?” you ask, pulling him towards you and when he doesn’t object, you lay a hand behind his back, just the way he’d taught you so long ago.

Komaeda’s smiling but he still casts a hurried glance at the people around you, “It’s a little weird for two guys to be dancing, isn’t it?” he asks, “I wouldn’t want to embarrass you, Hinata-kun.”

You shrug, “It’s not like anyone’s watching…they’re all pretty drunk, honestly.” you tell him and it soothes him somewhat.

Taking the opportunity, you lead him by the waist and begin moving, not really sure about what you’re doing until Komaeda laughs.

“What?” you ask “Am I doing it wrong?”

He shakes his head, “I’m just laughing because you actually remembered some of the steps I taught you back then…”

You flush a little at the compliment and it makes you recall the last time you had danced with him.

“Oh…that was a disaster, wasn’t it?” you say as you barely avoid stepping on his feet.

“I didn’t think so,” he answers, smiling as he holds your hand and squeezes it gently, “It was fun.”

You pout, “But what happened after that was a little…” you let the words fade away because he knows what you’re talking about by the way his eyes widen slightly.

“It’s a good thing I’m not wearing my cape then,” he says in such a serious voice that you can’t help but laugh.

You lapse into silence at that and focus on moving right to avoid making a fool out of yourself in front of Komaeda but with him being in such close proximity of you, it’s a little hard not to. Your legs move awkwardly and Komaeda guides you, so that you find yourself moving in a slow rhythm, swaying more than dancing.

You look at Komaeda and find him smiling at you, and it’s such a gentle and content look that you almost end up tripping without meaning to. He steadies you by holding you around the waist and you can feel his warm fingers touch you, making your face go red.

“Ah…is your foot aright?” he asks in concern and you nod vigorously.

“I-I’m okay!” you tell him hurriedly and focus on regaining your movements again. No way were you going to ask him to stop just because he was worried about you.

His hand lingers on the small of your back for a few seconds longer before he moves it away, putting it on your shoulder again. You can still the warmth where it touched you and it makes you feel giddy. You take his hand and begin to move again, resting your head on his shoulder.

Somewhere along the way, you hadn’t noticed the music turn into a softer melody and it’s so sweet and heart wrenchingly beautiful that you can’t help but feel your heartbeat pick up. Komaeda’s so close to you that you can feel his warmth and hear him breathe. You meet his eyes again and this time he holds your gaze and it makes your stomach twist as your heartbeat skyrockets. You wish everyone would look away because you’re overwhelmed by the desire to kiss him and you know he feels the same.

“I wonder where Souda-kun went,” Komaeda muses, and you wonder where the sudden thought came from.

“I don’t know,” you say, with a half hearted glance to the side, “Maybe he went off to dance too.”

“I see…” he trails off and you would have laughed at his poor attempts at starting a conversation if you didn’t think your tongue would have slipped and said something else entirely.

As you’re moving, you bump into another couple- they don’t seem to even notice the two of you as they gaze so tenderly into each other’s eyes that the two of you have to look away and laugh awkwardly. Somehow, as you maneuver away from them so that the couple can enjoy their privacy, you end up pressed close to his chest and you don’t miss the way Komaeda looks at you then.

Casting a quick glance to the sides so that you’re sure no one’s going to look you see Komaeda smiles sheepishly and you feel your chest ache with longing. It’s entirely silent as you dance, the music forgotten and your ears buzzing with a lightheaded joy that reaches the very core of your being.

“Komaeda…” you say, your voice coming out in a rasp.

He lowers the hand resting on your shoulder so it touches your back and it sends tingles down your spine. You wonder if he knows what he’s doing but when he leans towards you almost instinctively, you know he does. You feel your own body gravitate towards his and your faces are only a few centimeters away, your noses almost touching. Just one more step-

A horrified scream shakes you out of your trance and you snap your head away so fast that Komaeda lets out a startled yelp. You groan at the interruption but cast a concerned glance at the source of the noise nevertheless.

“My dress!” a woman screeches and points towards her clothes, which seem to have been stained by dark red wine, “You ruined it!”

“Hell no! It wasn’t my fault!” an all too familiar voice screams.

_Souda…what the hell is he doing…he sounds drunk._

You sigh and turn your attention back to Komaeda, “Looks like we found him,” you say dryly.

Komaeda smirks in amusement, a laugh escaping his lips, “We really did! I think we should go help him out…he looks inebriated.”

You agree reluctantly, taking this as a chance to cool your head. “Let’s just get him away from the drinks first.”

The crowd resumes dancing and chatting in loud voices soon enough and the two of you drag a weeping Souda back to the tables where he begins ranting about anything and everything as if it would give him some control over his mind. Komaeda listens to him attentively, nodding in sympathy every now and then and you get up to have a look around while they sit there. It didn’t do you much good to sit and stare at Komaeda when all you wanted to do was kiss the life out of him but you have to hold back-it wouldn’t do you much good to try something like that in public.

You spot Naegi and Ikusaba dancing and it takes you a moment to grasp how odd it looks to see them like that, a short brown haired boy dancing with a girl much taller than him. It doesn’t feel out of place for them to be like that though, and it doesn’t escape you that Ikusaba is talking to him to animatedly, her features lighting up whenever Naegi laughed and her lips curving into a small but genuine smile. You can tell they’re happy together and you’re glad for Ikusaba trying to move on with her life.

Naegi notices you looking at waves in your direction, calling you over. He steps away from Ikusaba slowly, his hands lingering on her back for a while.

“Hinata-kun!” he exclaims, “Aren’t you dancing?”

You shrug, “I was but I’m not in the mood anymore,” you say simply.

The boy looks at you and frowns, “We didn’t have a group dance did we?” he asks, looking at Ikusaba for confirmation.

“We didn’t,” she agrees with a brief shake of the head, “I think it would be nice…”

“I agree,” you say despite yourself, “It sounds like fun.”

Somehow with you agreeing to it, Naegi starts grinning and rushes off to call the others. Before long, everyone is gathered in a circle and the musicians assemble around the eight of you, playing a light tune bursting with energy.

Nanami and Souda are paired up at the start while Komaeda dances with Ikusaba. You’re holding hands with Tanaka and it’s a little weird but no one seems to notice. It’s simple enough just dancing with him but your eyes keep wandering as you do, and you notice Tanaka constantly looking at Sonia, a tender smile on his face.

With a single clap of the hands, Sonia urges you all to switch and you do so, pairing up with Naegi now and it’s almost uncomfortable dancing with him because you have to bend down a little and you hope Naegi doesn’t mind. He doesn’t of course, being the soft hearted person he is, and he chatters away to make you feel more comfortable. You don’t know how, but he seemed to catch on that you weren’t particularly great at group dances and you smile to tell him that he doesn’t have to try so hard. You can’t really focus on what he’s saying though when you turn around and find Komaeda dancing with Sonia, talking with her lightheartedly.

They match their pace reasonably well and you’re in awe at how light-footed Komaeda was when he was actually dancing with someone skilled enough and it reminds of you of the royal ball at the castle. His hair, tousled and wavy as always, bounce when he skips on his feet, holding Sonia’s hands and you wish you could be there in her place.

You don’t look where you’re moving and end up stepping on Naegi’s foot.

“Hinata-kun…” Naegi speaks up and you snap your attention back to him.

“Ah! Uh sorry about that,” you say quickly, “I wasn’t paying attention.”

He chuckles and cocks his head in Sonia and Komaeda’s direction, “You want to dance with Komaeda-kun, don’t you?” he asks, and you would have been horrified at him noticing that if you didn’t realize that he wasn’t mocking you for it at all.

You slump your shoulders and look at him, “It’s weird that I want to dance with him even though I already did a while ago,” you tell him, feeling lighter when you do.

“I feel that way too, sometimes,” Naegi says with a knowing smile, “Ikusaba-san is dancing with Souda-kun too, so…” he doesn’t finish but the furious blush that paints his cheeks is enough to tell you he feels the same.

“I hope you’re taking care of her,” you say with a brief glance in her direction, “I didn’t like Enoshima but Ikusaba was different from her.”

“It was a little hard to understand her at first,” he says, sighing lightly, “But I’ve gotten to know her better and she did love her sister as she was. She’s happy for her.”

You shrug, “I guess that’s the way things are for Ikusaba,” you say, “Growing up with _her_ couldn’t have been good.”

“There’s always hope for things to get better for her…and all of us, in the future though,” he says, enthusiastic as always.

You nod, looking when you look at Komaeda and his eyes meet yours. He casts you a helpless smile and shrugs, taking Sonia by the hand and twirling her. You grin when you notice him casting sidelong glances in your direction every time you turn to look.

“You’re right,” you say, “There’s hope for all of us…”

In life; in the things you wanted to achieve; in setting things right again and perhaps, if you tried hard enough, there would hope even in love.

\---

You’re all exhausted by the time the dance ends, and much to your chagrin, you never get the chance to dance with Komaeda after that. You don’t really care at the moment though since your feet are aching and it would only be embarrassing if you ended up tripping or stepping on his feet.

It’s already dark outside and the stars shine as you look at them, feeling tired but blissful sitting with all your friends and listening to them talking. It’s a simple kind of joy but it feels so magical at this moment-taking in the fresh air, the soft music calming you and you feel content with just this. Komaeda sits to your right and although he doesn’t say anything, just having his hand brush against yours every now and then is enough to make you smile.

When you’re all ready to go back to the palace, the celebrations having been finished and the people leaving in lazy groups, you stay behind just long enough to pull Komaeda by the shoulder, bringing your mouth close to his ear.

“Next time, I’ll make sure we’re not interrupted,” you say just loud enough for him to hear and grin when Komaeda turns to look at you, his cheeks turning pink.

“N-next time?” he splutters, making you grin wider, “What’s that supposed to mean?”

You smirk and step away from him, walking back to your room with a spring to your step, a laugh escaping your lips as the white haired boy calls out to you in confusion.

You don’t look back because you’re sure that if you did, you wouldn’t want to leave.

 ***

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> look at this lovely fanart [zen](http://chokokokyunokoun.tumblr.com/) made! i think i'm crying a little....she couldn't upload it on tumblr because image quality and all so please praise my lovely cous'n-san she's perfect...
> 
> i hope you liked the updates as much as i enjoyed writing them :> thank you for the support until now only two more chapters to go!


	33. Chapter 33

“Hinata-sama, the documents?” an official urges and you turn to him with a sigh.

“Hold on, just a few minutes,” you tell him, not looking up from the pile of scrolls lying on the table in front of you, “There are a few more things I need to go through.”

“As you wish. I shall be waiting outside.”

You wave a hand dismissively, “Just sit down I don’t care.”

“Hinata-kun’s right, have a seat.” Komaeda speaks up from the other ends of the room where he’s just as busy writing letters and signing documents.

“If that is your wish, Your Highness,” he answers and you can’t help but notice the way his voice is slightly curter than when he normally speaks.

You sigh and get back to work, reading what you think is the fiftieth document this day and you’re sure you’re going to forget what it says as soon as you hand it to the officials. Ever since you’ve come back from Novoselic the work just keeps piling up and you hardly get the time to breathe.

“We really could use a hand right now, Ko- I mean Your Highness,” you say, addressing Komaeda. It felt weird having to address him so formally but it wouldn’t do to call your King by his name in front of his subordinates. It would only lower their respect for him.

“You’re right about that,” he sighs, “That’s why I’ve been writing these letters all day, you know.”

“It doesn’t seem to be working if I might say so, Your Highness,” the official says, his tone mocking, “The castle is already short of hands and there are only a handful of people willing to work for the, ah, current monarch.”

Your hands tighten around the parchment you’re holding and Komaeda’s smile falters for just a second before he regains his composure and laughs lightly, “It’s true that we need all the help we can get at this moment and that I can’t seem to convince my own people to help me but you would do well to remember that you’re talking to your King,” he says, his voice containing the slightest hint of a threat and you cough to hold back your laugh.

“Indeed. His Highness is working his hardest and I don’t see _you_ doing much besides barging into the King’s room every darn minute just to pressure us into working faster,” you say, not bothering to look at him, “It would do us a lot more good if you sat down and worked with us as well.”

The silence in the room is marred only by Komaeda’s breathless giggles and you wonder if you were a bit too harsh on the man when he speaks again.

“Pardon my rudeness,” he says his voice lower and more genuine, “It was out of line to say that…How may I assist you?”

You regard him once with a single glance and hand him a handful of scrolls, “Read these and brief My Lord about the contents.”

“As you wish, sir.”

\---

“That was a bit harsh wasn’t it, Hinata-kun?” Komaeda says later that day when everyone’s left. You’re sitting on the bed with him, legs pulled to your chest and Komaeda mirrors your pose, staring at the window with an amused smile on his face.

You shrug, “You mean with that official, right?” you ask and he nods, “Well he deserved it you know. Any other king would have gotten him expelled for being impudent.”

“I don’t think it’s his fault though,” he says, “I would be dissatisfied if I were under the rule of such an inexperienced King too...”

“You’re learning though…it was kinda cool how you told him off. You seemed so grown-up.” you grin as you recall the way his voice had turned almost cold.

_It’s nice hearing his voice like that when it’s not directed at you, at least_ , you muse as Komaeda pouts.

“I don’t _feel_ like it was a very grown-up thing to do,” he mutters, “…I don’t want to abuse my title.”

You roll your eyes and smack him on the back of the head, “That’s nonsense and you know it, Komaeda…you’ve got to stop being so reluctant about your position.”

“It doesn’t really reassure me when you hit me on the back of the head, Hinata-kun,” he huffs.

You smirk and pat his thigh “Isn’t that because I’m special?”

Komaeda flushes but doesn’t avert your gaze, “What’s that supposed to mean?” he asks.

“You know perfectly well what I mean, Komaeda,” you say in a low voice and your heart skips a beat when he bites his lip, trying to slowly inch away from you.

“I really don’t think this is a good time to be, uh, talking about such things,” Komaeda says breathlessly and looks at the ceiling, “We should get back to work.”

You sigh irritably and lean closer to him, holding his hand lightly, “Komaedaaaaa stop doing that!” you whine, not caring if you sounded like a child, “We’ve been working all morning! I want to relax.”

“That’s rather childish of you,” Komaeda says anyway and you groan, “What would the officials think if they saw you like this?”

You lie down on the bed and fold your arms, “I don’t care what they think. I doubt they’d be very concerned either way.”

“They admire you quite a lot actually!” he says, “I think that working with you has motivated them more than I ever could have.”

“You’re just saying that to make me feel better…besides, they’ve been much happier since _you_ finally decided to take your position as King.”

Komaeda looks genuinely surprised, “Are you sure about that?” he asks, his eyes sparkling and you’re reminded of a child when someone says he did a good job.

“I’m pretty sure, Komaeda,” you say, pulling his hand and drawing circles on his palm. He doesn’t move it away and you take the moment to stare at his long, slender fingers, the skin pale enough that you can see light blue veins forming an intricate web underneath.

“That tickles!” he says, using it as an excuse to pull back but you ignore him.

“Your fingers are pretty,” you say almost absentmindedly as you turn his hand over in yours, “They’re so long and your nails are so shiny…don’t they say people with slender hands have good art skills?”

You can feel Komaeda shrug from the way his muscles tense slightly, “I’ve never been particularly good at art. My teacher used to tell me it was most definitely _not_ my talent.”

“I doubt it could be worse than mine.”

“I’ve never seen you draw, Hinata-kun.” Komaeda wonders, tapping his chin, “Even when we had art lessons, you somehow managed to skip all of them.”

You feel a little embarrassed at the memory and smile uncomfortably, “Ah…it’s kinda like dancing. Not really my style.”

“You’re a reasonably good dancer though. If only you practiced more…” he laughs and you feel warm looking at him like that, eyes crinkled at the edges, his soft voice lilting like a soft melody that you would never get bored of.

“We could always practice together…like we did back then.” you say hesitantly, your heart hammering in your chest.

The white-haired boy presses his lips together and holds his breath, staring at you but you can’t really be sure what he’s thinking.

“Hinata-kun...I really don’t thi-” he begins to say and your stomach knots into a tiny little ball because you’re sure you’re going to be horribly rejected when you hear a knock on the door and jump off the bed.

Komaeda sighs in obvious relief and gets up, straightening his clothes.

“I’ll get it,” you say and he nods in thanks, looking away.

 Walking towards the door, you open it to see a squire standing at the entrance, his lips curled in a snarl when he looks at you.

“Letter for His Highness,” he says, not even looking at you and you raise an eyebrow in question.

“What is it?” Komaeda asks addressing the boy, “Come in.”

He does, walking straight in without even bothering to bow and you would have said something if you hadn’t been too busy staring- in awe at his callousness. He rummages through his bag to pull out a letter and shoves it in Komaeda’s hands before walking back, not saying another word as he leaves.

“Wow,” Komaeda says in wonder, staring at the open door and then at the letter in his hand.

“This has got to stop, Komaeda,” you say, passing a hand through your hair, “They don’t even acknowledge you as the King…this is just too much.”

“I don’t really mind,” he says, and it hurts when you look at him smile simply as he says it. He truly _doesn’t_ mind and it’s not the first time you’re struck with the reality of how little he thought he was worth.

_He doesn’t even believe he deserves to be acknowledged…_

“Uh, Hinata-kun?” Komaeda asks in concern and you quickly pull your face into something less intense, “It’s alright, it really is!”

You shake your head, “It’s not. We’ve got to something about it.”

Komaeda acknowledges your suggestion with a simple incline of the head, “I’m open to suggestions.”

You grin and point towards the window, “Guess what time it is, Komaeda.”

“Time…? Around noon?” he says, looking at you questioningly and you shake your head.

“I meant the time of the year!” you exclaim, pointing again towards the scenery outside, the sun is out in all its intensity and the trees shine painfully almost in the light, “It’s midsummer, Komaeda.”

He’s about to ask you something again but then he puts a finger to his lips, thinking.

“Oh,” he says simply, a smile forming on his lips and you grin, “…That might just be a good idea, Hinata-kun.”

“Isn’t it?”

\---

When the two of you discuss the idea with the other officials and advisors, they agree that it would be a great way to show you were working to make things better. It would also be a good means of having a sort of debut for the new King, even though he hadn’t officially been crowned yet. That would have to wait until after you were done with this project.

And so everyone set off to work, gathering people and making arrangements, trying their best so that the Midsummer festival would be a success.

 Most of your time goes by just making suggestions for the entertainment stalls and convincing people to join you in the celebrations but it’s a hard thing to do when the people are still reluctant to leave the safety of their homes. The outside environment is much better and most of the rioting has died down but it doesn’t change the fact that people were still scared. You go out of your way to convince them that everything will be alright and even though they looked at you with eyes full of distrust, they reluctantly agree to show up at the festival.

You wonder if they will though, as you sit in the carriage with Komaeda, the day of the actual festival, your stomach in knots for some reason. You sigh despondently as you stare out of the window, watching the scenery go far faster than you would have liked, bringing you closer to the grounds every second. You heave another dejected sigh and Komaeda clicks his tongue and crosses his arms across his chest.

“What?” you ask.

“Your sighing is only making things worse, Hinata-kun,” he says, playing with the hem of his cloak and frowning, “You’re not the only one who’s nervous.”

“But what if no one shows up?” you say despite yourself. You were supposed to be doing this for Komaeda’s sake but you can’t help feeling a little worried.

 “A few people might come, at least,” he suggests hopefully, “We did invite practically everyone in the Kingdom.”

“We’ve worked so hard on this…I just don’t want it all to go to waste.” You stare out of the window again and gulp when you see the colorful red tents and pavilions just ahead.

“We’re here…!” Komaeda exclaims, his face lighting up and you just hope it stays that way.

He hops off as soon as the carriage stops in a muddy field, the earth firm but wet. You walk on tiptoe, trying not to get yourself dirty while Komaeda bounds off without even looking back.

“Oi! Your Highness!” you call out, “That’s not very kingly of you.”

He turns back and laughs, a little embarrassed, “Thanks for pointing that out,” he says as you fall into step with him, “I might have gotten a bit too excited.”

“It’s good that you’re excited,” you say, staring ahead to see any signs of people, “Much better than being nervous.”

“It’s a funny feeling, really.”

You hum in agreement and head inside. It’s still bright outside and you’re here a little earlier than usual to have a look around and make sure everything’s working fine. It’s a little surprising then, that you see people already milling about, buying food from the stalls and playing games.

“Huh?” both of you say at the same time and grin when you look at each other incredulously.

“That’s a lot more than I was expecting,” Komaeda says with a relieved sigh and you feel your stomach unclenching slowly.

“Your Majesty!” a guard says, rushing to Komaeda’s side, “Please don’t walk out on your own.”

Komaeda looks at him questioningly before nodding slowly, “Right…I forgot your carriage was a little behind ours.”

The man presses his hands to his sides and stands straight, “Yes sir! Please allow us to escort you!”

Komaeda looks like he’s going to object by the way his frown deepens but he relents with a shrug. “Alright then.” He says and begins walking again, with the rest of the guards flanking his sides.

You walk awkwardly to the side, feeling left out with Komaeda being encircled by guards. You look around, trying not to feel dejected but Komaeda calls out to you, waving his hand above his head so you can see it despite the tall, burly men around him.

“Let Hinata-kun join the circle as well,” Komaeda orders one of the men and they part to the side to make way for you, “He is an important person after all.”

You’re a little happy when he calls you and you walk with him, a dozen men at your sides. You can’t very well talk normally like this and it’s odd but you look around, trying not to think too much about it.

“The arrangements look spectacular given the problems we had setting it up,” Komaeda says out loud and the guards grunt in affirmative.

_At least they seem to agree as well…_ you think as you look at the stalls, the owners already doing business as people flock around them. A few stalls in particular are doing exceptionally well and huge crowds of people flock around them, pushing and trying to buy stuff.

“I wonder what they’re selling over there?” Komaeda asks as he points in direction of the same stall you’re looking at.

“It’s the candied apples stall,” a guard informs him and you’re a little surprised- candied apples weren’t that popular from what you’d learnt over the years, “They’ve carved the face of a bear on it…it’s a little ugly but people love the design for some reason.”

“I’d like to have one too.” The King says wistfully and you nudge him on the arm.

“Want me to get you one?” you ask, “You liked eating those didn’t you?”

“You remembered?” he asks, his eyes wide and a smile creeping on his lips.

“Yup!” you say and leave the circle to join the line.

It takes a few minutes of painfully getting jabbed in the chest and receiving a few elbows to your face but by the time you emerge from the line, your hair a mess and your tunic crumpled, you’re grinning. The apples were the ugliest things you had laid eyes on, the bear- or whatever that monstrosity was- had a cute little smile on one half and a hideous sneer on the other.

“That’s pretty ugly,” Komaeda notes, looking at it skeptically as you bite yours, “Are you sure that’s even supposed to be a bear?”

You shrug, “Kinda reminds me of someone we knew,” you say and Komaeda laughs in that breathy way of his that makes the apple in your mouth seem much sweeter than it actually is.

“It does,” he says, unable to keep a straight face, “It’s a shame that such a delicious thing looks so _lordly_ and more than a little ugly.”

“Don’t make fun of it, you bastard!” you say in a high pitched voice, trying to imitate Monokuma’s tone as well as you could, “You wouldn’t want me to punish you for that, hm?”

Komaeda almost chokes on the small piece he’s eating and you take that as encouragement, launching into a string of upupupu’s, putting a hand on your imaginary potbelly. The guards stare at you in confusion and you would have felt embarrassed for doing it if you hadn’t seen the sweetest smile grace Komaeda’s lips at that exact moment. It was such a childish smile, sheepish and amused and so _happy_ that you have to cough and look away before the guards notice you staring.

It’s been a while since you last saw him smile like that- years, in fact- and the thought causes a slight pang to your heart that you try to push away.

_He’s not the same person he used to be_ , you remind yourself when he looks at you, pointing towards the lights that hung from the trees, telling you how beautiful they looked. _But he’s much happier than he was…and that’s all that matters._

The fire-eaters and troubadours are positioned the same place they were each year you used to visit- right in the heart of the field where everyone could see them. You notice Komaeda tense up a little as you pass by and your own face turns into a frown as you stare at the twirling sticks- blazing with red hot fire- remembering the last time you’d been here.

Both of you stop in your tracks and stare, unable to look away, even though your chest feels tight as if all the air has left you. You just stand there and watch them play, spinning and moving so lithely on their feet, the fire dancing to their will in a show of complete obedience. Your stomach aches at the sight.

One of the fire-eaters notices the two of you looking and whoops, pointing at you and the entire crowd turns its attention to you, some of them hoot and others stare.

“Your Highness!” one of the fire-eaters exclaims, “I’m so glad you could join us!”

Komaeda inclines his head politely but you notice his face paling.

“If you would like we could have a show for you,” the man says humbly, “It would be an honor.”

“That is very kind of you but I would have to decline,” Komaeda answers with a smile, “We have many things to look at and I wouldn’t want to waste your time. Please, entertain the crowd instead.”

“It’s not a bother at all!” he says and his fellows chime in, “We just wanted to uh…thank you.”

_Thank him?_ You don’t know whether they’re serious or just trying to mock him and judging by the look of pure confusion on Komaeda’s face, you can tell he’s just as torn.

“There is no need to thank me for anything,” Komaeda says neutrally, “I am your King and it is my duty to be of help to you all.”

The people listen to him with rapt attention and you feel some of your nerves dissipate, they seemed honest enough, and when they all bow to him you feel your spirits lift.

The guards mimic them and Komaeda is taken aback, looking at you for reassurance and you smirk, following the peoples’ lead and kneeling as well.

“Thank you for doing all of this for us, Your Majesty,” a woman speaks up from the crowd, “We truly appreciate your efforts. It is nothing much, but we would offer you our lives if there is ever a time when it is necessary.”

Other people chime in and you do your best not to look up at him and come off as rude. You expect Komaeda to interrupt them by now, saying he isn’t worthy of their allegiance and the painful urge to stop him before he speaks is almost overwhelming.

“We were there when you were being tried,” the fire-eater says again, “And truth be told…we were a little happy when you passed out. We thought you had died.”

“What?!” you exclaim before you can stop yourself, “That’s horrible!”

“That is true,” the man agrees, “We were so caught in her influence that we thought wishing destruction upon the Kingdom would be a good thing…but after all that, when His Highness survived and put an end to all of that, we had nowhere to go.”

“We thought we had lost everything!” the woman speaks again and you turn to look at her, “We lost everything, our homes, our families, even the will to live but when we came back here we knew there was still something to look on to…and it was you, your Highness…To think that you were still willing to rule over all of us despite what we did- it gave us hope.”

Your chest feels tight at the woman’s words and you feel so immensely proud of the boy standing in front of you that it’s all you can do to not start clapping in joy.

Komaeda’s eyes shine a little brighter when he looks at them, his face content, “Thank you for your kind words my people,” he says calmly but loud enough for everyone to hear, “I hope we can work together to make the future a happier one for all of us.”

His words come so naturally when he addresses them and despite knowing him for so long, you feel as if you really are in the company of a King. Your chest swells with pride knowing that this was the boy you had spent your childhood with, the boy who you had sworn to protect as a child, and now when he’s finally taking his rightful role, you’re only filled with the desire to serve him for as long as you live.

\---

Things get a little crowded after that and everywhere you go there are people following Komaeda. It’s ridiculous how many people come to thank him, tears in their eyes and you’re so infinitely happy for the first few hours but by the time the sun is about to go down, your head is ready to burst.

Komaeda finally manages to convince the people to go and enjoy since he had ‘work’ to do and they leave you be, though you’re still flanked by a handful of guards. You want to relax but you can’t exactly do that with so many people around you. Komaeda seems to notice and whispers something in a guard’s ear and he salutes him, bowing down and asking the others to disperse.

They leave after saluting him and Komaeda sighs in relief, wiping his brow, “That’s better, isn’t it?” he asks.

“What did you tell them? They just… _left_ ,” you ask in awe because you didn’t think getting rid of them would be so easy.

“I told them to go have some fun too and they were more than happy to oblige,” Komaeda shrugs, a smug little smile playing on his lips.

 “That’s pretty clever, _Your Highness_ ,” you say, leaning against a wooden pole.

“I told you to stop calling me that when no one’s around,” he frowns.

“There are still people around, you know,” you point out, “We’re not really alone, after all.”

He takes that in stride and jerks a thumb to the line of stalls ahead of you, “Want to take a walk?” he suggests, “We could eat something…play a few games?”

You nod eagerly and pull him by the arm, “Let’s go!” you exclaim, “I’m getting hungry.”

 

You walk around, hoods up as if it made you less conspicuous, and stop by every stall to buy things to eat. You’re holding jellies and fried fish and you make Komaeda hold the other stuff, trying to eat as you walk. Komaeda smiles at you in amusement and you just tell him to stop that and eat. He obliges and tries some of the fish, making delighted sounds when he finds out he likes it. You hand him the rest of the fish too because you enjoy looking at him being so happy.

You pass by a stall where a small crowd has gathered, looking at someone play and the two of you peer among the group to see what’s happening. You laugh when you find Nanami playing a game of darts. The crowd cheers when she hits the target perfectly and follows by throwing two more right at the centre again. Your mouth drops open and you’re surprised that you can still be surprised when you know how good Nanami is at games. Komaeda stops chewing and stares too, his grab gripping your elbow tightly.

“She’s amazing…” he says as the vendor hands her a vial of some liquid- probably the prize she’d won.

“Another game?” the man asks her in exasperation and she nods without looking away from the board. The man sighs and takes off the darts from the board and hands them back to her. You notice him cast a regretful glance just next to her feet and you snort when you see a dozen more vials at next to her.

“Oi Nanami!” you call out and she lazily turns her head in your direction, “You might want to slow down…he’s nearly out of prizes to give!”

She smiles when she sees you and nods, “This is the last game…I think,” she says and turns her attention back to the game.

She wins that one too and the shopkeeper groans in despair and you almost feel sorry for the guy. You walk over to Nanami and give her some of the jellies you’re holding.

“Take some,” you say gently, “I hope you don’t forget to eat because you’re too wrapped up in playing games.”

She grins and takes them from you, “I’ll try not to forget…thank you, Hinata-kun.”

You pat her head and smile, “We’ll be going now. Have fun, you.”

She waves at the two of you while the crowd watches in amusement as you walk away from the stall.

Komaeda bumps into you lazily and you push him back, bumping your hips to his and he laughs, pushing you back.

“Let’s take a break,” Komaeda suggests, a slow smile spreading across his lips, “I’m tired.”

You look at him questioningly- that look meant he was up to something and you can’t be sure what it means, “Sure. Lead the way,” you say and play follow the leader with Komaeda as he heads out of the mess of stalls and tents and walks further back, crossing the grassy field until you’re walking towards a familiar place.

Your heartbeat quickens at the realization that it was the same place you had been to before, when you had been so young and innocent. Komaeda looks at you and his hood falls back, his face determined as he beckons you to follow. You do, and climb the hill that seems all too small now and your breath catches in your throat when you reach the top.

The scenery seems oddly empty and you’re acutely aware that something doesn’t look right.

“Where is it..?” you say, voice rising in panic, “Where’s the tree?”

Komaeda shakes his head, his expression wistful, and points further ahead where you finally see it. Whatever you had been thinking vanishes when you notice the charred grass and the broken stump of a single tree, burnt so beyond recognition that you wouldn’t have thought it was the same tree you had sat underneath.

 You feel an odd sense of loss as you look at the remains of the wisteria, its branches no longer looming above you and you take a stumbling step towards it, unable to say anything.

You look at Komaeda as he follows you. He sighs, knowing what you want to ask, “They burnt it during the rioting. The fields were just as bad, burnt to ash.”

You would have expected just as much but it still hurts to look at the sight- it’s as if a part of your past has been burnt to cinders along with the tree. You sit down on the charred grass, particles of dust flying as you do. Komaeda sits beside you, looking ahead and not saying anything.

“The last time we came here together, the tree looked so beautiful,” Komaeda says when you don’t speak, “The way its branches curved and the lights hung from it made it all look so magical.”

You find yourself smiling a little at the thought, “And we talked here didn’t we?”

He nods, turning to look at you- the setting sun casts a pale pink color to his skin, “It was the first time I told anyone about my wish to be the King,” he says, laughing a little.

You tilt your head back, looking at the stump and running a hand across the coarse wood, your fingers turning black, “You finally got your wish, Komaeda. You’re the King.”

“Well I’m not _officially_ the King yet,” Komaeda objects, “There’s still the coronation left.”

“That comes right after this,” you tell him, “I’m not telling you get out of it that easily.”

Komaeda hums thoughtfully and agrees, “It’s high time I acceded officially. Father would have thrown a fit if he saw how much I’ve already delayed it.”

You laugh at the idea of the calm and ever smiling King throwing a fit and Komaeda laughs with you, meeting your eyes for a split second before he looks away bashfully.

Sitting here with Komaeda, you’re struck with a wave of nostalgia and it almost feels like a dream, all the years that had passed between the last time you had come here with him and talked about the future with so much ease, as if there was nothing to be scared of. Before you had known anything about your relationship with the prince, before the cruel awakening that nothing in life was ever perfect.

 You look ahead at the tents and stalls, the people milling about as if it was the most natural thing in the world and you’re in awe and how much it seemed as if nothing had really changed. Komaeda looks at you, something so calm and content in his expression that you can’t help but shake your head.

No, a lot of things had changed and despite all of that, it was still the same life you had lived. You were so much surer of what you wanted and it was right in front of you. The Prince- the boy who was now a King- sits next to you and you’ve never felt happier than you do right now.

“Back then, when you told me about wanting to be the King,” you start speaking without really thinking about it, “I had been so jealous. It seemed like such an incredible thing to me…that you already knew what you wanted to achieve, what you wanted to protect. I was in awe at how amazing you were, Komaeda.”

“ _Amazing_?” Komaeda chuckles, “That’s hardly a word you can associate with me, Hinata-kun.”

You take his hand and squeeze his fingers, “But to me, you _are_ amazing. I think it was at that time that I realized what I wanted to do too.”

_What did you want to do, Hinata-kun?_ Komaeda silently asks, eyes brimming with curiosity.

You hold his gaze when he looks at you. “I wanted to stay by your side until you could achieve your dream…it was a simple wish but I felt like it gave me a sense of purpose too.”

You smile when Komaeda flushes lightly. It might have been the way the light hit his face just right but he looked beautiful and you wish you could tell him that.

The white haired boy looks torn and he opens and closes his mouth twice before deciding on something and taking a deep breath.

“Hinata-kun…can I ask you something?” he asks and you’ve never seen him look more determined, his jaw firm and his eyes boring into you.

“Go ahead,” you tell him, feeling squeamish under the intensity of his gaze.

He leans forward, hesitantly, and your heartbeat quickens, “Why did you stay back…why didn’t you just leave when your parents came to get you?”

“How do you know about that?” you ask, surprised at the sudden change in subject.

“Your parents visited me that night,” he says, his eyes full of wonder, “I thought they’d ask me to let you leave and I was ready to tell them that they could. But they just told me that you had decided to go back to the castle… _why_?”

 You wince a little thinking of the conversation you had with your parents. It was embarrassing that they’d gone to Komaeda after that. What had they said to him?

“Ah well, I didn’t think it was the right thing to leave just like that…” you tell him, your voice growing softer, “Well at least not for a second time.”

Komaeda listens to you, nodding as you speak. When you don’t say anything he raises an eyebrow, urging you to go on.

“I wanted to make things better, I already told you that, didn’t I?” you say, a flush rising to your cheeks, “Do I need to go into the details?”

“You don’t have to, of course!” Komaeda chimes in, “There’s no reason for you to tell me, you know.”

Here it was again, such a simple statement, and said so lightly that you would have passed it off as nothing but you still can’t believe Komaeda would actually relent so quickly.

“You give up too easily,” you huff, “I would have told you if you asked me again.”

“But you just told me you didn’t want to go into the details!”

“I only said that because it’s embarrassing!” you say, pulling his arm so his face is in front of yours.

Komaeda doesn’t move, his eyes scan your face, and he’s so close that you could have pulled him towards you with a single move but you stay where you are, waiting for him to speak.

“Alright,” he gives in with a sigh, “Why _did_ you stay behind, Hinata-kun?” he asks again and you grin.

“It’s because I wanted to be with you!” you tell him simply, waiting for his response and he doesn’t disappoint you.

His entire face goes red and he tries to inch back but you put your arms around his neck, holding him there. Taking in a deep breath and trying to look anywhere but at your face, he speaks.

“I don’t understand you,” he says, almost in frustration, “What have I ever done to make you want to stay with me? I’m not worth it.”

“Komaeda...” You call out his name in a warning and he meets your eyes, confusion written all over his face.

“Yes?” he asks almost obediently, “…What is it?”

“Stop doing that.” you order him and he sighs.

“I can’t help it,” he says, “It just doesn’t make sense…”

You laugh and kiss his cheek, “Liking someone hardly ever makes sense, does it?”

Komaeda breaks into a fit of coughs, the tips if his ears red and you feel your own face warm up at the sight. When he finally calms down enough to breathe, he has a defiant look on his face.

“I’ll have you know liking a person _does_ make sense!” he exclaims, puffing up his cheeks a little.

“Eh? How so?” you ask, teasing him, “It all sounds pretty illogical to me.”

He squirms as you hold him, “It makes sense to me at least. I have a perfectly good reason to- to like...” he can’t seem to finish the sentence and you lean forward, close enough to touch him but still not close enough.

“To _like_ …? To like what?”

Komaeda pouts, folding his arms, “You know what I meant.”

You shake your head, “I really don’t, My Lord.”

Maybe it’s the way you say My Lord but his expression turns softer and he touches your forehead with his, giving you a gentle push, “I have a perfectly good reason for liking you, Hinata-kun…many reasons, in fact.”

You had expected him to say something like this, but it still catches you off guard and your pulse increases tenfold. You’re sure having a stroke might not be far off by the way your entire face heats up and you feel short of breath.

You want to cry.

“You finally said it…” you whisper and Komaeda hums in contentment.

“Did I keep you waiting?” he asks, and you would have laughed at his attempts at teasing you if you hadn’t been acutely aware of how close he is to you, “Should I tell you my reasons now?”

You shake your head quickly, but Komaeda doesn’t listen.

“I’ve always admired how hardworking you are…and how you smile so brightly when you talk,” he says in a singsong voice, “It’s like looking at the sun but only much brighter…”

“Komaeda stop,” you say in warning, your heart ready to burst and your stomach full of butterflies.

“I like how you never give up and how you’re so persistent once you’ve set your mind to something!” he continues and you’re going to die of embarrassment if he doesn’t stop right now, “I’m so happy you stayed behind. And I’m glad you were there for me _that_ day too.”

Despite how embarrassing it is to hear him say it, you can’t stop smiling at his words, at his voice, so soft and breathy when he speaks and how happy he is, his face glowing.

“Komaeda,” you say, barely able to contain the joy that stems from every cell in your body, “Look at me.”

He does, finally quieting down and you hold his face, gently brushing your thumb across his cheeks and his neck. He shivers and leans into your touch.

“What is it…Hinata-kun?” he asks, his voice barely audible.

You take a deep breath, willing your heart to stop stuttering in your ribcage, “Can I…can I kiss you?”

It’s the first time you’ve asked him and you’re so afraid he’ll find a way to bail out of it yet again but he just laughs and puts his arms around your waist, pulling you so close that your chest touches his.

“You don’t have to be so polite,” he says as if it’s never even crossed his mind that you’ve been living in constant fear of rejection the past few weeks.

“You’re really something, aren’t you?” you ask, exasperated and impressed at the same time.

“Huh? What do you mean, Hina-” he begins to ask but you don’t let him finish.

It’s a simple thing to kiss him- you pull him towards you and he stumbles, almost falls into your arms, his mouth touching yours so naturally, as if it fit there just right. His lips are warm and soft and taste so much of the candied apples you had, and he presses them against yours hesitantly at first and you put a hand to his cheek, feeling his skin. You hold him as he runs a hand down your spine, fingers tracing circles absentmindedly and it sends a shiver through your entire body.

You can see sparks behind your eyes, and all you’re aware of is Komaeda’s presence, his lips against yours and his warmth against your body. It’s so much different from all the other times you had touched him like this and it feels so _right_ having him with you, content and happy, so comfortable in his skin. He still smells of lavender as he always has, the light scent making you dizzy as you run a hand through his soft white hair and press light kisses to his forehead, his cheeks and then his neck.

Komaeda laughs in between short gasps as you touch his neck, his cheeks flushed, and you can feel his grin when your lips meet his again. He presses his mouth against yours, insistently and your head spins as you kiss him back, mind going blank.

 You only break apart when it becomes almost impossible to breathe, and you have to take a deep breath, trying to regain your composure while Komaeda titters nervously, his own condition not much better than yours. He’s still got his arms around your waist and you hold them, putting your head on his shoulder, happier than you ever remember being.

Everything around you _shines_ and you pass it off for the heady feeling stemming from having just kissed the boy you liked but it’s almost dizzying, the setting sun, the lights glowing in the distance and the boy sitting with you, smiling radiantly.

“Komaeda?” you ask after a while.

“Hm?” he pulls back a little to look at you.

“Will you…uh…” you suddenly feel very shy and Komaeda pats your arm teasingly.

“Did you suddenly get shy after all that, Hinata-kun?”

“No!” you say indignantly, “Okay…maybe a _little_?”

“I think we’ve gone beyond that point by now,” he says with a simple shrug and you’re in awe at how calm he is, confident almost.

“Alright fine then,” you say, mostly to yourself, “I’ll say it. Komaeda, I want to spend my future together with you…is that alright?”

Your heart stammers unnecessarily in your chest when Komaeda’s eyes widen and his mouth opens into a wide O before he throws himself into your arms, his body shaking when you steady him.

“I should have been the one asking you, Hinata-kun,” he says, his voice muffled when he speaks, his face buried in your clothes.

You laugh, “So that’s a yes?”

“Of course it’s a yes!” he says, and presses a kiss to your shoulder and you feel yourself soaring, sure that you’re dreaming.

You cast a look at the stump, the last remains of the wisteria tree that had been a witness to so many important events in your life and you find yourself thinking of the small boy who sat with the prince right here, unaware of everything he would have to face. You think of all the nights he would spend crying, wishing for everything to change, praying for it all to end. You wish you could go back in time and tell him everything would be aright one day, more than alright in fact, and that the people he thought would be his falling would actually set him right again- that despite all the pain he would have to face, it would be worth the happiness that he would find in the end.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> rip weeping wisteria tree. you shall be missed


	34. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here you go everyone: the last chapter!

You’re running down the stairs, your heart hammering in your chest from the exertion and the nagging anxiety that everything might be spoiled if you don’t find him soon. It’s almost time for the coronation and Komaeda is nowhere to be found.

The entire castle was in frenzy, trying to find the soon to be crowned King and when no one else could locate his whereabouts, they had turned to you.

You don’t know why they seem to think that you would be any better than them at finding a missing person but you accepted the responsibility nonetheless. It would have been much worse to sit in the Grand Hall waiting for him to show up, stomach churning with anticipation and worry.

 _Dammit, where could he have gone_ , you think to yourself as you slam open what you think is the fiftieth door _, I’ve checked every roo-_

You come to a stop and slap your forehead for not thinking of it sooner. It was a wager but since you’ve got nothing to lose you bolt for the burial gardens, hoping to find him there. Every step down the staircase makes your chest tighter in anxiety and you’re not sure what you’re so worried about but it hurts to think about going back there. It still felt wrong somehow.

It’s quiet and for a few seconds you think of going back, but you shake your head and will yourself to go on, passing by a bunch of vines that hang from the arching gate leading into the gardens. You brush them aside and step in, the beautiful greenery and the scent of roses almost as welcoming as it is lonely.

You find Komaeda standing just where you had imagined him and he slowly turns his head in your direction, a ghost of a smile creeping up his lips as if he had expected your arrival.

“Hinata-kun,” he says simply, acknowledging your presence before turning his attention back to the grave he’s standing in front of- the King’s final resting place.

You walk over to him in silence, bowing your head as you step close to the grave out of respect for the deceased monarch. Komaeda closes his eyes as if thinking, a smile ever present on his face but it’s different from all the other times he’s smiled- sad but content.

“Komaeda…we need to get back to the Halls,” you say after a while, voice low as if speaking any louder would be disrespectful, and perhaps it would be.

“I know,” he says simply, an incline to the head, “I just wanted to visit my family first.”

You nod in understanding, putting a hand on his arm in reassurance, “Take your time, then.”

“You know father,” Komaeda says suddenly, voice louder, “I always dreamed of this moment…how I would be standing in front of the entire Kingdom, a scepter in my hand and you would be there to place a crown on my head and tell me I was now King. I imagined you smiling at me when you would do it and I’d be the happiest person alive!” he laughs a little, and it’s a sad, ironic laugh.

The white-haired boy turns to look at you apologetically and you smile because that’s all you can do.

“I truly miss you and I feel that even more today,” he places a hand over his heart as if he’s in pain and sighs, “I hoped I could be a good son to you, and that’s all I have ever regretted- not being the son you deserved.”

“Komaeda, you know that’s not true,” you can’t help yourself when he says things like that; “You wouldn’t have been standing here if you believed it.”

Komaeda smiles ruefully in defeat and kneels down in front of the grave marker, “See father? Hinata-kun always has the right words to say to me!” he exclaims in delight and you frown, “I’m so thankful for his presence and I owe that to you as well. He wouldn’t have been by my side if you hadn’t made him my…whipping boy.”

He says the last words in a whisper as if it hurts him to say them and you suppose it did. You might have scars on your body because of what you had suffered through but there were unseen scars that ran through Komaeda’s body as well- scars that were visible to no one, not even himself. You used to think that being born royalty meant you were protected from everything but that wasn’t true at all. You feel a nagging sense of guilt for realizing that so, so late.

“Hinata-kun,” he says, standing up once again and looking at you, his grey-blue eyes bright and full of determination, “I’m sorry for all the grief you had to endure because of me…because of my bad luck and my own foolishness.”

You think of shrugging it off lightly but you know that look in his eyes- you know he wants a proper answer this time and you can’t deny him that. You wouldn’t deny him anything if it meant the peace of his mind.

“Komaeda… _Nagito_ ,” the king’s cheeks turn pink when you call him that and it brings a smile to your face, “I don’t care about that anymore. I’ve made my decision and no matter what kind of bad luck I might be subjected to in the future, it wouldn’t be enough to make me want to leave your side. You know that, don’t you?”

He meets your gaze and holds it, gauging for a reaction and a multitude of expressions flit through his face in those few seconds; worry, guilt, frustration and then finally, _acceptance_.

“You know I might hurt you in the future,” he says lightly but you know he’s still serious.

“I know.”

“It might bring you pain…you might want to leave me.”

“I won’t! Geez Komaeda…” you throw your hands in the air out of frustration.

“You called me Nagito the last time you said my name…” he says, a sheepish smile on his lips.

“Eh? Did you like that?” you ask teasingly, nudging his arm and he laughs, “Want me call you that from now on?”

He laughs and it’s the sound of thousand bells ringing at once, happy and hopeful, “I would like that.”

Your mouth drops open and you’re still taking in the fact that he accepted it so easily, your grin threatening to split your face in half, when Komaeda turns his attention to the grave once again.

“I never would have thought that a prince of the Kingdom could find so much happiness…” he says in a quieter voice and you wonder if he’s speaking to his father again or to you- maybe to both of you, you decide.

“I always thought everyone born in the royal family had to meet a sad fate- that we would all die alone. Isn’t that kind of isolation something that we grow accustomed to since it’s a part of our lineage?”

 _What brought this on all of sudden?_ You wonder but you listen to him attentively. You know he’s only saying this because he _wants_ you to listen.

“I’ll join you here too, one day,” he says and kneels to touch the ground, his fingers caressing the earth, “I had resigned myself to the fact that I’d be alone even then…and I-I was fine with that.”

“Komaeda-” you begin to speak but Komaeda cuts you off with a simple shake of the head.

“I don’t believe so anymore though. I have people I want to rule over…people I want to cherish and care for…and people I would like to spend my life with.” He says and gets up to hold your hands, “I don’t think I can go back to being the sheltered little prince I used to be even if I wanted to.”

You hold his hands and squeeze them hard, feeling yourself floating as Komaeda leans his head into your shoulder, his breath warm against your neck.

“Stay with me, Hinata-kun?” he asks, a tentative, hopeful question and you grin, holding his shoulders and pushing aside the bangs that covered his forehead.

You press your lips to the white skin there and say the words that spill from your heart, “For as long as I live, My Lord.”

\---

When you walk back with Komaeda towards his room so that he can get changed into royal attire, all the officials sigh in relief and some of them actually bow to you in thanks. You laugh at how relieved they are but- during the time Komaeda leaves for his room- you begin to understand some of their sentiments as well.

It was one of the most important days in the Kingdom’s history, the coronation ceremony, and the King had magically vanished at the last moment, leaving everyone waiting. You suppose that wouldn’t make a very nice statement in the history books and chuckle at the thought of people having to study about that in the future, talking about how cowardly it was for the King to do something like that. 

 _But that’s not how it’ll happen_ , you remind yourself as Komaeda steps out of his room and your breath catches in your throat.

You had seen him dressed for formal occasions many times now but this was different from all those days when he would still look like the prince that he was, careless and young, wild hair and sheepish smile. The boy that stands in front of you now looks nothing like that, his hair tied back in a ponytail- the bangs swept back to show his perfectly shaped face- and he wears an emerald green tunic emblazoned with golden threadwork and motifs. He’s abandoned his usual frayed cloak for a more regal one, made of red velvet and studded with jewels, the hem around his neck lined with white fur that accentuates his pale hair. Your mouth dries up a little and Komaeda grins childishly, ruining the image of nobility that had surrounded him just a few seconds ago.

“What the hell Komaeda, don’t grin like that…” you say, trying to cover up the fact that you had been staring a bit too intently, “It looks too childish.”

“It doesn’t suit me?” he asks almost worriedly and you notice, for the first time, that his voice is a little shaky, “Ah such fancy clothes really don’t go well with my imag-”

“You look great,” you say quickly, “My Lord.”

Komaeda quirks an eyebrow and straightness himself, putting on a more refined posture again, “Are you sure about that?”

“I am,” you say and hook your arm in his, “We should get going though…the people must be waiting.”

He nods, a shaky jerk of the head really, “We should,” he says and begins to walk, the guards standing by his door following the two of you closely.

The walk to the Hall seems much shorter than normal and you wonder if it’s because Komaeda’s with you but your heart beats unsteadily in anticipation. You feel nervous enough even though you don’t have to do anything besides swearing your allegiance to Komaeda- and really that was something you had done once already. You can only fathom what the boy himself must be going through right now.

When you near the hall, the doors ajar for the King’s arrival, Komaeda puts a hand on your shoulder and stops you. The guards stop as well and Komaeda just motions for them to go on- they do, bowing to the King once before leaving.

“Ready?” you ask when he doesn’t say anything.

“My hands are shaking,” he says and raises them in front of you so you can see too. His fingers are quivering and you take hold them, trying to soothe his nerves.

“It’ll be alright,” you tell him, “They’re all here for you, and you’re going to be fine.”

“What if I mess up something?” he asks in a small voice.

“You won’t,” you tell him, “I’ll make sure of that.”

You don’t know what you mean by that but it eases him somewhat and he sighs.

“Ready now, My Lord?” you ask, tugging him lightly by the arm and he sighs.

“I guess,” he says and you walk inside, the sound of horns and trumpets marking your arrival to the crowd. He turns around just once, and smiles, “Thanks for being here with me…Hinata-kun.”

A guard steps forth and makes an announcement as Komaeda walks in, his head lowered. You follow a few steps behind him, watching him step to the platform on his own while the crowd of people who have gathered stand up in respect.

You join the officials and nobles where they sit at the front, watching the proceedings. A bishop begins speaking, talking about the Kingdom, the people, the trials everyone had faced and then a long winded speech about the previous King’s deeds and how he had been one of the greatest Kings in history. Komaeda stands stiff, listening to his words attentively and nods enthusiastically when the man is talking about his father.

 You don’t pay much attention to the words as you look at Komaeda standing on the dais, dignified and proud and your heart swells with joy, more joy than you’ve ever felt before. You smile when the bishop addresses Komaeda and takes his vows and the boy raises his hand in front of everyone, speaking without a single stutter, every word uttered with complete and absolute conviction as he pledges himself to his people, promising to protect them and never letting any harm come to them from now on.

You find yourself believing those words and when he kneels to his feet in front of the bishop, his head lowered, your eyes prickle. You take a deep breath and the men sitting beside you cast you a worried glance before reverting their attention back to the centre.

The bishop steps forth with the royal crown, a golden ornament with small stones studded along the glimmering metal sides and a single red jewel in the middle. He lowers it on Komaeda’s head and speaks, his voice bellowing and you feel butterflies in your stomach at the notion that Komaeda was going to be crowned King now.

“We crown you with a crown of glory and righteousness, that having a right faith and manifold fruit of good works, you may obtain the crown of an everlasting kingdom and a hope that shines bright even in the darkest of days.” The bishop’s voice rings in the halls and everyone watches in silence.

Finally, Komaeda raises his head and stands, horns blare as he does and the crowd cheers for the newly crowned King. You can only stand and watch as he raises a hand to them and they all bow in front of him, pledging allegiance to their new King.

The bishop kneels too and takes the King’s hand, pressing a chaste kiss to his signet ring.

“I, the Archbishop, will be faithful and true to you, to serve under you as best I can, My Lord. So help me god,” he says and all the nobles fall to their knees, swearing fealty to him in the same manner.

When they are finished with the collective oath taking, each nobleman and lord steps up to the stage and kneels in front of the newly crowned King, pledging allegiance once more, all of them passing in a blur of crouching men and words uttered while Komaeda stands up there, proud and smiling.

You don’t notice it’s your turn to go until a lord comes and nudges you on the arm, “It’s your turn, my liege,” he says and your stomach roils in anticipation.

Every step you take seems to drain each ounce of your energy and your hands feel clammy just thinking about stepping on that stage and speaking out loud. You don’t notice that you’ve lowered your head until you almost bump into a pillar after which you do raise your head to meet the King’s. He smiles just for a fraction of a second, a smile that you’re sure is only meant for you and it lessens the burden on your shoulders immediately. Your footsteps feel lighter and you realize you _want_ to do this.

Everyone is silent as you step on the stage, and bring yourself to one knee. You only have to raise your head once to meet his eyes and know how happy he is to be standing here, proud, confident and determined. Your cheeks flush when he holds your gaze far longer than needed; only looking away when you cough to hide your embarrassment.

With the King’s eyes on you, you begin to speak and the words come out low, as if you only intend for him to hear, as if there is no one is the hall but the two of you, “I, Hinata Hajime, do become your liege and man of life and limb. Faith and truth I will bear unto you, to live and die, for your sake until the end of this fleeting life…So help me god.”

 Against every rational thought, you reach for his fingers and grasp them lightly in yours, engraving the sight in your mind forever, the long, slender fingers and the gold signet ring on his smallest one, the boy looking down at you with such warmth and gentleness that it takes your breath away.

Holding them gently, you raise them to your lips and press a kiss on his skin, and it brings you an odd sense of achievement to know you can touch the King like this while no one else can. And when the white-haired boy flushes just light enough for you to see, you’re overwhelmed with happiness and pride, sure that nothing could mar this memory.

You’re sure that this would be a day that would be written about and spoken of for years to come and that even after you’ve left this world, there will be people who will talk about the white-haired King and his right hand man. And when, in the history books, they will write about this moment, you’re sure that there will be nothing but fond words for the King, Komaeda Nagito, who had- despite all odds- become a King worth following, a King that one would gladly give their life for.

A King who would be yours until the day you died.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy oh boy there's so much i want to say and i'm just so relieved and glad i managed to finish all of it but god, i'm so thankful to each and everyone of you for reading my fic until now because it wouldn't have been possible without the support and the lovely comments i received throughout.  
> i'll be honest i never really expected this to go anywhere and it kinda started with this tiny burst of inspiration and well it kinda spiraled out of control after that and i've been working on it, for what, ten months maybe? and honestly they have been one of the best ten months of my life because i've learned so much and received so much support and love that was i wasn't expecting at all and i'm just so so sooo blessed to have such kind readers like you all!  
> i'd be lying if i said i didn't cry a little because this is, more or less, a goodbye. i may or may not come back and write some short stories for this series but for now, this is it.  
> thank you for reading this fic and liking it, thank you for sticking with me till now and i'm sure it wasn't easy but i'm glad you did.  
> if you want to talk or just cry about hikomas you're more than welcome to [do so ](http://penpeas.tumblr.com/).  
> i'll be working on a new project hopefully so look out for that after a few weeks or months hehe  
> Till then it's adios, my friends. I love you all!


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